


You're My Everything

by MiyaWritesThings



Series: New Planet, New Life [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: 1940s, Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Culture, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Earth, Backstory, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Depression, Drama, Drug Use, Drugs, Dysfunctional Family, Eating Disorders, Engagement, F/F, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Five nights at freddy's references, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Human Culture, Human/Troll Hybrids, Human/Troll Relationship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Las Vegas Wedding, Lesbian pregnancy, Miscarriage, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Parenthood, Postpartum Depression, Pregnancy, Revolution, Stillbirth, Unplanned Pregnancy, Weddings, Xenobiology, parenting, twin pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-03-04 21:39:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 75,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3091205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiyaWritesThings/pseuds/MiyaWritesThings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a month since Rose and Kanaya got married, and things have gone well.  That is, until Rose and Kanaya find themselves in an unlikely scenario for people of...well, their sexual orientation. On top of that, Ms. Lalonde and Mr. Egbert are engaged, and the Vantases and Egberts have been proud parents for a while. What could go wrong? PART 4 IN THE New Planet, New Life SERIES.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Sad Start

**-Friday, August 31, 5:34 pm/Rose & Kanaya's car-**

**Casey: 23 months, 1 week, 5 days old**

**Katrina: 15 months, 3 weeks, 1 day old**

**Rose: 4 weeks, 5 days along**

"Kanaya," Rose quietly said as she looked out the window, "I don't want to tell my mom."

"Why not?" Kanaya turned onto Fir Drive and began to slow down, preparing to turn into Mr. Egbert's driveway. "Rose, I'm positively sure your mother will be  _ecstatic._ You're going to give her a  _grandchild_ , and it's not the same situation as John and Vriska. We're married and have stable jobs, and a place to live."

"I know, it's just…" The blonde let out a long sigh. "I'm still not sure about this. I mean, we weren't planning to have children, and now it's actually happening…"

"It will work out." Kanaya pulled the SUV into Mr. Egbert's driveway and killed the engine. "Your mother told me John's dad has made a casserole for dinner."

"Just what I wanted," replied Rose in a sarcastic tone. She got out of the car with an irritated sigh and went up to the front door of Mr. Egbert's house with her wife.

The two knocked and waited at the front door for a few moments before John's dad answered. "Come on in," said the middle-aged man, stepping aside for the two girls to enter. "Rose, your mom's helping set up in the kitchen."

"Alright." Rose sighed and continued to walk into the kitchen to greet her mother.

When her daughter entered the kitchen, Roxy immediately set down whatever she was doing and went to go hug her. "Rosie!" she exclaimed, much to Rose's dismay. "I'm so happy the two of you could come!"

"Yeah, well, I felt like we had to." Rose rolled her eyes and pushed herself out of the hug. "What time are John and Vriska getting here?"

"Should be any minute!"

Rose glanced at Kanaya, already exhausted. She was about to make another comment, but then the doorbell rang.

"I've got it!" called Kanaya as she went to answer the door.

She opened the door and let John, Vriska, and Casey inside. "I hope it's alright we brought Casey," said Vriska as she walked past Kanaya and into the kitchen. "We couldn't find anyone to watch her."

"It's perfectly fine," Mr. Egbert told his daughter-in-law, taking the toddler from her arms. "I just  _love_  getting to see my favorite granddaughter!"

Casey giggled when her grandpa kissed her on the cheek. "Gapa!" she exclaimed before throwing her arms around the older man's neck.

"Okay, let's eat!" Roxy set down the final bowl of food on the table and sat down, waiting for everyone else to join her.

Mr. Egbert put Casey in her booster seat next to Vriska before sitting down next to his girlfriend. "This looks delicious," he told the older blonde woman before putting a spoonful of cole slaw on his plate.

John finished putting food on his plate and sat back. "So...how's the bakery coming?" he awkwardly asked his dad, trying to avoid eye contact for really no reason.

"Oh, it's coming along great," he replied, setting down his fork to explain. "I  _have_ decided to buy the empty shop I mentioned a few weeks ago, and I actually put in an offer for it earlier today."

"That's...great." John cracked a smile. As much as he resented his father sometimes, he couldn't help but feel proud he was doing something he loved.

"Rose, you're not eating," commented Roxy. She herself set down her eating utensils and sighed. "Is something wrong?"

Rose stopped. Would now be a good time to tell her mom? She still hadn't gotten used to the idea of having a baby, but then again, they were all sitting down and having a nice dinner…

"Mom," she nervously began, "there's something Kanaya and I would like to tell you."

Kanaya quickly looked at Rose, a shocked expression on her face. "Rose?!"

"Yes?" Ms. Lalonde asked, cocking her head.

"Um, Mom…" Rose nervously looked down at the floor. "Kanaya, and I, we're—"

Vriska's phone rang, interrupting Rose's announcement. "Sorry!" she apologized, embarrassed. "I really have to take this, though. Hello?"

Everyone awkwardly watched her talk, not making a sound. "What?...Oh my god...Yeah, sure, I'll be there as soon as I can." She hung up and immediately stood up.

"What is it?" asked Kanaya, beginning to stand up after her friend.

"It's Isaac." Vriska gathered up her things and kissed John on the cheek. "I'll be right back, I promise. It's an emergency."

"What happened?" asked Mr. Egbert curiously. "Who's Isaac?"

"Karkat and Terezi's son. He hasn't been doing well." Vriska began to walk out of the dining area, but stopped. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Just pretend like I haven't even left."

"I'll join you." Kanaya followed the cerulean-blood out the door and the two got in the car, preparing themselves for whatever drama was to come.

* * *

**-6:17 pm/Karkat & Terezi's house-**

The two were met with sounds of hysterical sobbing coming from upstairs.

"Karkat?" Vriska called, stepping further inside before getting her arm grabbed by Kanaya.

"Vriska, hush. Obviously something's not right; it'd be best not to disturb them."

A familiar yellow-blood ran down the stairs to greet the trolls. "Karkat and Terezi are upstairs, obviously," she told them, "and it's not good."

"What happened?" asked Kanaya as she and Vriska followed Augeth up the stairs.

"Isaac, he...he started to hatch, but...didn't fully make it."

Augeth knocked on the door of Karkat and Terezi's bedroom and waited for an okay before opening the door. There lay Terezi on the bed, sobbing and cradling Isaac while Karkat comforted her. He was the only one who looked up when the three trolls entered, and quietly whispered something to his wife before leaving her side to talk to Vriska and Kanaya.

"What happened?" Vriska asked him before being pushed out into the hallway.

Karkat sighed and looked up at Vriska and Kanaya. "Isaac...didn't make it," he sadly announced. "He started to hatch, and was a little too eager, and…" His voice trailed off, unable to think of the right words to say.

"That's awful." Kanaya gave her friend a hug. "I'm so sorry."

"Well, there's nothing you can do about it." The mutant-blood sighed in frustration and looked back up at the other trolls. "We're still trying to figure out what we're going to do, but in the meantime, I think I need to go back to Terezi. She's really upset over all this."

"I would be, too." Vriska sighed and looked away, remembering Larissa. "Well, I guess we won't bother you anymore. We just wanted to make sure everything is okay."

"Thanks, I guess." Karkat sighed again. "Sorry you came all the way over here just to stay for five minutes, but there's not really anything else for you to do."

Kanaya nodded. "I hope everything will be okay."

"Yeah, me too. Thanks for stopping by."

* * *

**-8:21 pm/John and Vriska's car-**

"So what was that all about?" John asked as he turned the car onto the main road. "What about Isaac?"

Vriska sighed and looked up at her husband. "Isaac died while trying to hatch, John. Terezi and Karkat are really upset over it."

"Wow, oh my god." John stared out into the distance and continued to drive.

The car was silent for a few minutes, aside from Casey's breathing in the back seat (she was asleep). Finally Vriska said something.

"John, I feel awful."

"About what."

"About...Larissa," she confessed. "I wish I had never tried to get rid of her. If I hadn't tried to do that, maybe she wouldn't have been born early and we would have had two daughters!"

"Vriska…" John sighed. "It was meant to happen. I...miss her too, I guess, and it would have been great if she had made it. But we can't afford another baby, and it was for the best."

"But John!" Vriska sniffed. "Do...do you think she hates me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, if the afterlife or 'heaven' or whatever exists, do you think she's there and despising my existence?!"

"Vriska, calm down." The brunet placed his hand on Vriska's knee. "If she  _is_  in heaven, I'm sure she  _doesn't_  hate you. She's probably watching over us, and...heck, maybe my mom's taking care of her!"

Vriska softly laughed. "I'd like to think that."

"Well, c'mon." John smiled and turned the car into their driveway. "We need to put Casey to bed."

"Yeah, I'm getting tired too." Vriska grabbed her purse and got out of the car. "What about a glass of wine?"

"Sounds perfect."


	2. News Revealed

**-Saturday, September 8, 5:12 pm / Rose & Kanaya’s condo-**

**Katrina: 16 months, 2 days old**   
**Casey: 23 months, 3 weeks old**

**Rose: 6 weeks along**

Rose continued to wipe down the kitchen table with a sigh as Kanaya came into the kitchen to check on the grilled salmon.  “Rose,” said the troll as she turned over one of the filets, “are you alright?”

The blonde sighed and stopped cleaning.  “I’m...not sure,” she admitted, setting down the Clorox wipe.  “I can’t believe we’re actually telling them today.  I still don’t think we’re ready.”

“Rose, everything will be all right,” she jade-blood assured, setting down the tongs to embrace her wife.  “I just know your mother will be enthusiastic about this, and John’s father, too!  After all, he will be your stepfather soon…”

“Don’t remind me.”  She rolled her eyes and resumed cleaning, this time the countertops.  “I’m not ready for all this, Kanaya.  If we took this one step at a time, it might be better, but it’s literally just one thing after another.”

“Rose,”  Kanaya half-whined, half-sighed.  “I keep telling you, it will be okay.  I promise.”

“Alright,” the human finally agreed.  “But be prepared to be asked lots of questions”

The two continued to prepare for the dinner, Kanaya keeping an eye on the food and Rose continuing to clean their condo.  After just a few more minutes of preparing the meal, the two set the food, in nice china dishes, on the table: the aforementioned grilled salmon, steamed brown rice, lentils, and a classic Italian-style salad with raspberry vinaigrette.  Rose had just finished setting the silverware on the table when the doorbell rang.

Kanaya let out a long sigh and apologetically looked at her wife.  “Here goes nothing,” she sighed before going to answer the door.

The jade-blooded troll was met with the faces of her soon-to-be-in-laws, plus her mother-in-law, Vriska, and Casey.  “Do come in,” she said with a smile, stepping out of the way to let the Egberts and Lalonde in.

“It smells delicious,” Mr. Egbert told his future daughter-in-law with a smile, setting his hat down by the counter, next to Roxy’s purse.  “What did you make, exactly?”

“Grilled salmon, lentils, rice, and salad.”  Kanaya continued to lead the others to the table.  “What would you like to drink?  We have iced tea, champagne, water…”

“I’ll just have water,” said Mr. Egbert as he pulled out a chair for his fiancee.

Rose, who had attempted to escape by running to the bathroom, sighed and collected herself before walking back out to join her family.  “Hi,” she nervously announced, remembering she was a hostess.  “Anything to drink…?”

Once the couple had fixed everyone a drink, they sat down to actually eat dinner.  “How is the wedding coming along?” Rose nervously asked her mother, trying to avoid the subject of babies for as long as possible.

“Oh, it’s fantastic,” exclaimed Ms. Lalonde before taking a sip from her champagne glass.  “We sent out the invitations today.  It’ll be in October, at a bed and breakfast not too far from here.”

“That sounds nice,” Kanaya said to her mother-in-law.  She cut another piece off of her salmon and ate it.  “Any special plans?”

“Not really,” the older woman admitted.  “My wedding dress isn’t even a traditional dress—I ordered it online, for God’s sake!—and I’m not really sure if we’ll go on a honeymoon.  If we do, though, I’d like to go to Savannah.”

They continued to talk about Mr. Egbert and Ms. Lalonde’s wedding before shifting the conversation over to what John and Vriska had been doing.  “Well, we were going to register Casey for nursery school this upcoming school year,” the blue-blood told her family, glancing at the toddler, “but the age cutoff date is September first.  I guess we’ll just have to wait another year.”

“Well, at least this way, she’ll be able to be with Katrina, since Katrina isn’t old enough either,” responded Kanaya.

Rose had continued to stay silent through all of this, but still paid attention to the conversation to avoid being asked questions.

“...How’s Terezi?” Kanaya asked the younger Egberts.  “I haven’t talked to her lately; is she alright?”

“Oh, um…”  Vriska set down her drink and wiped her hands on a napkin before continuing.  “...she’s still upset.  She went back to school on Monday, which I guess is good to get her mind off of things.  She really doesn’t want to talk about it, obviously.”

Kanaya nodded understandingly.  “Was there a funeral, or some type of memorial service, or…?”

Vriska shook her head.  “Karkat told me they did a private burial on Monday.  It was just the three of them.”

Mr. Egbert sighed, as he was remembering his first wife’s death and burial almost twenty years earlier.  “That’s so sad.  It’s an awful feeling.”

“What is?” Roxy asked.  “Losing a child?”

The older man nodded and coughed, trying to think of something less depressing to talk about.  “So, uh, Rose and Kanaya...do you ever think the two of you will have kids?”

Rose froze.  The one question she had been trying to avoid all night had suddenly been forced upon her.  She hesitated and her face began to get hot as she struggled to answer the question.

“Rose?”  Roxy was concerned.  “Are you feeling all right?  You don’t look very well."

Finally Rose couldn’t take it any longer.  “I’m pregnant,” she blurted out, sighing a sigh of relief now that it was all over.

Everyone was silent for what seemed like forever.  Kanaya was staring at her wife, a little shocked that she had actually done that.  John, Vriska, Mr. Egbert, and Ms. Lalonde stared at Rose with half-confused, half-shocked about what she had just told them.

“...Really?!” Roxy exclaimed, jumping out of her chair to hug her daughter.  “That’s fantastic; oh my god!  I’m going to be a grandma!”

Vriska smirked and punched Kanaya on the shoulder.  “Nice job, Fussyfangs,” she said suggestively.

John and Mr. Egbert glanced at each other, both thinking the exact same thing: How could Rose be pregnant if she and Kanaya were both girls?

“Does this mean you’ll be the one giving me the grandchild this next time?” Mr. Egbert quietly whispered to his son.

John nervously laughed.  “God, I hope not.”

Everyone continued to excitedly (and confusedly) talk about the new baby.  Rose was feeling extremely uncomfortable about the whole situation, and was thankful they were eating dinner so she could stuff her mouth full of food to avoid having to talk.

Eventually the family finished dinner and started to clean up.  Rose washed some of the dishes, but soon began to feel overwhelmed and decided to escape to the master bedroom for a bit.

“Rose?”  Roxy followed her daughter into the bedroom.  “Can we talk?”

“Why?” Rose replied with a sigh.  “What do you want?”

Roxy sighed as well and coaxed Rose to sit down next to her on the bed.  “Rosie, hon,” she began, “I’m worried about you.”

Rose rolled her eyes.  “I’m fine, Mom!  I’m just...pregnant and hormonal, that’s all.”

“That’s...exactly what I want to talk to you about.”  Ms. Lalonde sighed again.  “I can tell you don’t seem too happy about this, Rose.  Be honest with me about this: Are you excited about the baby?”

Rose gulped.  Should she lie and pretend everything was fine, or should she tell the truth and  avoid being nagged about it by her mother?”

“I want an abortion.”

Roxy’s heart nearly stopped.  Those were the exact words she was hoping not to hear.  Surely Rose wouldn’t consider one after breaking the news to her family!  It just didn’t make sense!  And what would Kanaya think?

“Does...Kanaya know about your intentions?” Roxy quietly asked, trying her best not to cry.

  
Rose shook her head.  “I...was going to talk to her about it tonight.  I just can’t do it, Mom.  I can’t.  I’m not made to be a mom.”

“That’s exactly what I said when I found out I was having you, Rosie.”

Rose looked up at her mother and cocked her head.  “Really?”

Roxy slowly nodded.  “I was a stupid college student who thought I could do anything.  It was spring break of ‘95, and your...grandfather took a business trip to Texas.  Something science-related, I can’t remember all the details.  Anyway, he decided to take me and my mom along with him since he rarely spent any time with us…”

* * *

 

_“Roxanne!” screamed Rosalynn Lalonde, motioning for her 21-year-old daughter.  “Hurry up!  Your father and I are ready to sleep!”_

_“I’m coming, Mom!”  Roxy rolled her eyes and ran after her parents into an elevator._  Why did Mom and Pappa force me to come on this stupid trip? _she thought as several suitcases pushed her against the glass wall of the elevator._ Stupid business trip, stupid five-star hotel, stupid Houston, Texas…

_The bell hop let the Lalondes out of the elevator before taking the luggage down to their suite.  “Your room,” he politely said, setting down the bags for a second to unlock the door._

_“_ Merci _,” said Mr. Lalonde in his pronounced French accent.  Slightly irritated by the bell hop taking so long, he decided to pick up a few bags and take them into the room himself.  He tipped the bell hop with a $20 before shutting the door and turning to his daughter._

_“Business is very important tonight, Roxanne,” he told his daughter.  “Tonight you may go out and explore the city, but tomorrow the three of us are spending time together, do you understand?”_

_“_ Oui _, Pappa…”  Roxy sighed before being squeezed in a hug by her father.  He reached into his wallet and pulled out several dollar bills, and handed them to her._

 _“Five hundred.  Have fun tonight,_ mon petit chou _.”_

 _“Thank you, Pappa!”  Roxy threw her arms around her dad and kissed him on the cheek.  “_ Merci, merci, merci, merci beaucoup _!”_

* * *

 

Of all places, I find myself at a nightclub,  _Roxy sighed before pushing the door open and coming face-to-face with a security guard.  After being carded and waived inside, the blonde settled down at the bar, where she ordered a martini._

_After receiving the drink, she turned around and nearly dropped her martini.  “Hey,” a blond man about her age said.  He was wearing ridiculous-looking triangular shades and his hair appeared to have been spiked up with hair gel.  “I’m the DJ here, and I noticed you over here, and I, uh...wanted to play a song for you.”_

* * *

 “So you met my dad at a nightclub?!” exclaimed Rose, facepalming before falling back onto the bed.  “And you had sex in a broom closet?!”

Roxy sadly nodded.  “Not the best of places, I know.  But I still have yet to make my point.”

* * *

  _“Roxanne Cosette Lalonde!” screamed her father, his hands flying to his head as he began to walk around the room in frustration.  “I cannot believe you!  You are unmarried, twenty-one years old and have not even completed college!”_

 _“But Pappa!” whined Roxy.  “I’m so, so, so sorry!_ Je suis desolée _!”_

 _“_ J’en ai plus rien à foutre! _”  Mr. Lalonde shouted._

_Mrs. Lalonde ran up to her husband and attempted to calm him down.  “Richard, please...she just made a simple mistake…”_

_“_ Connerie _!”_

_“I-I’ll get an abortion,” Roxy blurted, beginning to sob.  “Anything, please, just don’t make me leave!”_

* * *

 “But Mom…”  Rose was confused.  “...if you said you’d get an abortion, then why am I still here…?”

“Well, long story short,” Roxy sighed, “I changed my mind.  Your grandparents agreed to let me keep the baby—you—as long as I named you after one of them.  And I did—Roseline, instead of Rosalynn.”

“Wow…”  Rose didn’t know what to say.  She couldn’t say that her mother had fully convinced her to keep the baby, but she felt kind of bad about it.

“So Rose,” concluded Roxy, “I’m just trying to tell you—no matter how hard this may seem, it will all be worth it in the end.”  She wrapped her daughter in a hug.  “I love you, Rosie.  Please think about this.”

“I...love you too, Mom.”

 

 


	3. Interesting Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of miscarriage and abortion.

**-Sunday, September 9, 10:47 am/Rose & Kanaya’s condo-**

**Katrina: 16 months, 3 days old**   
**Casey: 23 months, 3 weeks old**

**Rose: 6 weeks along**

_That’s right, Kanaya has to work today,_ thought Rose as she stared at the empty spot in bed next to herself.  She stretched for a bit before finally deciding to get out of bed.

After using the bathroom, Rose started to go to the kitchen and make breakfast.  But before she could even exit the bedroom, a nauseating feeling came over her, accompanied by a burning sensation in the back of her throat.

“Oh god…”  She had barely made it back to the bathroom before throwing up into the toilet.  Suddenly it all seemed real.  Before now, being pregnant had just been an idea, something a little plastic stick had told her.  But now that she had actually told someone other than her wife, and that she had begun to experience morning sickness…it was actually happening.

“I hate my life.”  Rose flushed the toilet and rinsed out her mouth before finally going to make her long-awaited breakfast.

She couldn’t stop thinking for the entire ten minutes it took for her to make breakfast.   _Maybe Mom was right,_ she thought, flipping a blueberry pancake.   _Kanaya would be angry at me if I did anything to hurt the baby.  But, then again...I shouldn’t be forced to do something I don’t want to do…_

Rose had literally just sat down at the table when someone knocked on the door.  She actually debated on whether or not to go answer it, but eventually decided she might as well.

“Oh, Vri—”

“Rose.”  Terezi pushed past Vriska and entered the condominium without any given consent.  “Don’t do it, please!  Just don’t!”

“What?”  Rose was taken aback and held her arms out, afraid that the teal-blooded troll would attempt to do something.  “What are you talking about?”

Terezi made an effort to calm herself down before continuing.  “Vriska told me everything,” she admitted.  “Please, please don’t do it.”

“Do...what?”  Rose was confused.  How did Vriska even know what she had been considering?

“Getting a...the...oh, god, I can’t even say it.”  Terezi looked down at the floor, her face beginning to turn teal.

“Let’s...sit down if we’re going to have a full-out conversation.”  Vriska dragged the human and the other troll to the couch, where they all sat down.  “Rose...I think you’re making a mistake, too.  Trust me.  I tried to do it, and…”  The blue-blood couldn’t even finish her sentence; it was too much.  “I...thought John hated me.  For a long time.  And it didn’t even work.”

Rose cocked her head, confused.  “What do you mean?” she asked her wife’s friend.  “I thought...you just lost the baby.”

“No, Rose.  I lost her because I tried to get rid of her.”  Vriska sadly glanced at Terezi, who looked choked up from the subject matter.  “Before I was in the hospital...I tried to get rid of her.  Didn’t Kanaya tell you that?”

Rose shook her head, her eyes widening.

“Well, it obviously didn’t work.  And it hurt.”

“But…”  The blonde hesitated.  “...a medically authorized...it shouldn’t hurt…”

“Sure, it wouldn’t hurt, but I have an image of a dead baby—my dead baby—permanently burned onto my think—brain!”

Rose tensed up.  She hadn’t thought of it that way before.

Terezi sighed.  “Me too,” she quietly added.  “Katrina’s the only one out of seven who has lived.  And even she died at one point.”

“Wait— _seven_?!” exclaimed Rose.

The teal-blood sadly nodded, a bit hesitant to explain.  “There were two eggs first—after Karkat and I got married.  Then came Katrina nearly a sweep—two years—later, and then...Isaac and the three others.”  She paused, then quickly added, “Katrina’s special.”

“I...can tell.”

“Rose,” concluded Terezi, “you should consider yourself very lucky.  I haven’t figured out why Katrina’s the only one who lived.  I’m sure you and Kanaya have  better genes than me and Karkat.”

Vriska nodded in agreement.  “Please don’t get an abortion, Rose.  Kanaya would be extremely upset if you did.  She’d never forgive you.  You’re both going to be great moms, okay?  Please think about this, Rose.  Please.”

Rose hesitated for a moment before looking back up at the two trolls sitting in the living room.

“...Okay.  I will.”

* * *

 

**-11:41 pm/Elisabetta’s Elegant Everyday Wear-**

Kanaya irritatedly glanced at the clock.  “Thirteen minutes until my lunch break,” she mumbled to herself before returning to straightening some shirts on their hangers.  “I should probably call Rose and ask her how she’s doing then...does she have to work today?”

The boutique door opened and a bell rang, making Kanaya look up from her work.  “Hello,” she pleasantly said to the customers walking in: a college-aged girl and what appeared to be her boyfriend.  “Welcome to Elisabetta’s.”

Of course, as most humans did, the two said nothing.  The girl—her long, straight brown hair with a slightly reddish tint—flew from rack to rack, messing up all the shirts and other articles of clothing Kanaya had worked hard to straighten.  Her assumed boyfriend looked bored out of his mind, leaning up against a shelf with purses, jewelry, and other accessories on it, and staring at his phone.  He looked up at the jade-blooded troll and made awkward eye contact with her before looking back down.

“Hey, do you have any sweaters?”  Wow, this girl was even ruder than Kanaya thought.

Kanaya straightened her back and took a deep breath.  Depending on how irritating this customer would be, she might need it.

“...Yes, we do,” she calmly told the brunette, leaving her spot to lead the girl to the back of the shop.  “They’re all on these two racks, except for the ones over here—”  She went over to a rack by one of the shelves.  “—which are on sale for forty percent off.”

“I can read.”  The rude customer carelessly tugged at least five sweaters from the racks before ruining the very few neatly presented racks left.  “Where’s the dressing rooms?”

Kanaya sighed and grabbed a ring of keys from behind the check-out counter.  “Right this way,” she said, leading the customer to an area in the back.

Once the rude girl had gotten settled in a dressing room, Kanaya went back into the shop to fix what the girl had messed up.  As soon as she exited the back hallway, however, she bumped into someone.

“Oh, goodness,” she exclaimed, jumping back a little.  “I didn’t see you; you scared me!”

The girl’s assumed boyfriend laughed.  “I didn’t mean to startle you,” he told Kanaya in a slightly seductive tone.

“Oh, well…”  Kanaya nervously laughed.  “...your girlfriend is in a dressing room.”

“Oh,” laughed the guy, leaning against the wall, “she’s not my girlfriend anymore.”

Again, the jade-blood let out a nervous laugh.  She knew what this guy meant.  “Actually,” she nervously began, the human term still a bit unfamiliar to her, “I’m a...lesbian.”

Her statement initially took the guy by surprise, but he shook it off like he had done to everything else.  “You’re too pretty to be a lesbian,” he remarked, being even more creepy by invading Kanaya’s personal space and brushing some dark hair out of her face.

Kanaya swat his hand away and jumped back.  “Beauty does not define one’s sexual orientation,” she scolded, glancing at the dressing rooms to see if the girl was done yet.  “And I’ll have you know—”

“I _knew_ it!”

The two in the shop turned their heads to face the girl standing in the doorway to the dressing rooms.  “I _knew_ you were a cheater!”

“Wh-what?!”  The guy stepped even further away from Kanaya, thinking of an excuse to use.  “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Oh, shut up.”  Grabbing his arm, the girl dragged him over to the door.  “I heard the entire conversation.”

Kanaya couldn’t help but giggle a bit.

After shoving her now-ex-boyfriend out of the shop, the girl returned to pay for her items.  “He’s a piece of shit,” she whispered to Kanaya as she swiped her credit card.  “Sorry you had to see all that.”

“Oh, I’ve...I’ve witnessed many fights before.”  She was really surprised at how polite the customer had become since first walking in.

“I was gonna break up with him soon anyway,” said the girl.  “He yelled at me the entire way over here.  I feel sorry for whoever has to deal with him in the future.”

Kanaya cracked a smile and handed the girl her receipt.  “Well, I’m happy you don’t have to deal with him anymore.  Have a nice day.”

“Oh, I think I’ll have a nice rest of my life now!”

* * *

 

**-5:13 pm/Rose & Kanaya’s condo-**

“Welcome back.”  Rose gave Kanaya a quick kiss and walked into the kitchen.  “How was your day?”

Kanaya laughed.  “It was...interesting,” she told her wife.  “I’ll have to tell you about it over dinner.”

“Oh, I almost forgot.”  Rose opened the fridge and took out a bowl with some saran wrap over it.  “I made some fruit salad for dessert, and a quiche for dinner.”

“That sounds delicious.”  Kanaya smiled and brought the quiche over to the table in the breakfast nook for Rose.

Once the couple had settled down for dinner, Kanaya began to tell of her adventure at work.  “...and then she literally shoved him out the door before calling him a piece of shit,” she laughed before taking a sip of her iced tea.  “At least she had a reasonable explanation for why she was acting so rudely earlier.”

“And what was that?” asked Rose, intrigued.

“Apparently, her boy—well, _ex_ -boyfriend now—had been yelling at her.  I didn’t get any other details besides that, but I assume that’s why she was in such a bad mood.”

Rose smiled, but something had been bugging her that she just had to say.  “Kanaya,” she began, “if I...do decide to have this baby...what will we do?”

The jade-blooded troll sighed and set down her drink.  “We will love it and take care of it, that’s what we’ll do.  But please, Rose...keep the baby.  Please.  I know this isn’t what we had in mind when discussing having children, but...I feel like this was meant to happen.  It’s not wise to intervene with fate.”

“I...know, Kanaya.”  Rose sighed and resumed eating.

The two sat in near silence for the rest of dinner before Rose coughed.  “I’m going to shower,” she told her wife.  “It’s your turn to do the dishes tonight.”

Kanaya nodded and watched Rose leave the table and go down the hallway.  She was scared, to be honest.  She really wanted this baby.  Ever since Vriska had had Casey, she felt like being a mother was something she was born to do.  When Katrina came, this feeling was only amplified.  She wasn’t sure if she could ever forgive Rose if she did decide to terminate the pregnancy.

But this was Rose’s decision.  If the dreaded situation did happen, she would have to deal with it somehow.

* * *

 

**-10:48 pm-**

Rose had to get up early for work the next day, so she crashed onto the bed next to her wife.

“Rose, you’ll hurt the baby if you throw yourself around so carelessly like that,” scolded Kanaya as she turned a page of some gothic romance novel she was reading.

The blonde sighed and wiggled underneath the covers.  “I’m going to sleep,” she said.  “I have to be up early for work tomorrow.  Good night.”

“Good night.”

* * *

 

_Rose’s body felt as if it were on fire._

_The area around her was full of commotion.  A loud noise beeped into her left ear, and someone was squeezing her hand.  She slowly opened her eyes and saw...John?_

_“I’m so sorry” he whispered to her, stroking her hand with his.  “I’m sorry, Vris.  Sorry we had to lose our daughter.”_

_“I...what?”  Rose attempted to sit up but was forced to lay back down by the doctor._

_“Mrs. Egbert, since this is a late-term miscarriage, it’s very important you try to keep calm,” she told her._

_Rose looked back up at John, still confused.  Tears were streaming down his cheeks._

_“We didn’t even get to find out if it was a boy or a girl yet,” he choked before Rose slowly faded back into unconsciousness._

* * *

 

_“Everything will be okay.”_

_Rose opened her eyes again, expecting to see John, but this time seeing Karkat.  She felt tears streaming down her cheeks for an unknown reason, but looked down and saw what they were for._

_She was Terezi._

_And she was holding a dead grub._

_Startled, Rose began shaking and nearly dropped it.  “Shh,” Karkat coaxed.  “It’ll all be okay, Terezi.”_

_“...Isaac?” asked Rose, confused.  She looked back down at the grub in her hands._

_“I...I know, Terezi.”_

_Before Rose could question the situation any further, she found herself drifting back into oblivion._

* * *

 

_This time, when she woke up, her eyes were open._

_She was in a bland grey room, laying on a cold, hard surface.  Metal tools surrounded her and a bright light burned the top of her head.  Suddenly, a dark figure entered the room, but as it approached the light Rose could see its features._

_He was wearing a white suit—not just the jacket, the pants and shoes, too.  Both his shirt and his bowtie were a blinding neon green, and...did he have a cue ball for a head?_

_“She’ll never forgive you for this,” he told Rose, grabbing a long metal tool and shoving it inside her, making her cry out in pain.  Very slowly, he pulled the tool out, revealing a small, pinkish thing skewered on it._

_“She’s over there, watching us,”  the unknown guy said.  Wait.  He looked like a character from that stupid  game she used to play in middle school...SBURB, was it?_

_Rose was snapped back into focus when she saw Kanaya.  The troll had appeared in a window Rose had never noticed before.  Her grey cheeks had greenish tears streaming down them, and her arms were crossed in a hateful stance.  She turned away to wipe her eyes, then walked away._

_“I would expect to be filing for divorce soon.”  The man turned away from Rose to dispose of the fetus._

_“No…”  Rose quickly sat up.  “No!”_

* * *

 

“Rose!” screamed Kanaya, shaking her wife to wake her up.  “My god, are you alright?!  You were screaming!”

“Kanaya.”  Rose turned towards her wife and began to cry.  “I’m not doing it.  I’m not getting an abortion.”

 


	4. Are You Ready?

**-Wednesday, September 12 / 5:57 pm / John’s car-**

**Katrina: 16 months, 3 days old**

**Casey: 23 months, 3 weeks old**

**Rose: 6 weeks along**

“John, Casey’s birthday is soon,” Vriska reminded her husband as she glanced at her daughter in the back seat.  “We haven’t even decided what we’re going to do yet.”

“Shoot,” mumbled John.  “How can I forget my own daughter’s birthday?!  I’m an awful parent!”

“John, you’re really busy!”  Vriska laughed.  “I understand it not being the first thing on your mind.  But, what are we going to do for her birthday?  Just the same thing that we did last year?”

John turned a corner and shrugged.  “That sounds good.  Are we inviting the same people we did last year?”

“Yeah, we haven’t seen Jennifer and Mitch in forever! And Karkat and Terezi, obviously and...Rose and Kanaya?”

The brunet was about to say something, but something else caught his eye.

“Holy shit,” he laughed, “is that Timmy Teddy’s?!”

Vriska was confused.  “What the…?  What is that?”

John laughed again.  “I used to love that place as a kid!  It got closed down, though…  Something about health code violations…  I can’t believe they’re reopening it!”

Vriska rolled her eyes.  “Sure, you used to love that place when you were younger, but what the hell is it?”

“Oh!”  John laughed nervously.  “It’s like...an independent Chuck E. Cheese’s, I guess.  Same concept and all.”

The cerulean-blood crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.  “John, I don’t know what that is.”

“Okay,” the human sighed, starting to talk with his hands a little, “it’s this pizza place for kids.  There’s games and ball pits and playgrounds and...kind of creepy singing robots.  But I liked those kind of places as a kid, and I’m sure Casey would too.”

“Are you suggesting we have her birthday party there?” asked Vriska.  “But John, she’s only two.  The only thing she’d be able to do it play in the ballpit.  Katrina, too.  And Blake, if Dave and Jade can come.”

“I almost forgot!” he laughed.  “If I remember correctly, there should be a place called ‘Pirate’s Cove’ that has stuff for smaller kids.”

Vriska perked up.  “Did you say...pirates?”

John laughed and nodded.

“Well, I’m glad that’s settled!”  Vriska smiled.  “We’re going to have Casey’s party there.”

* * *

 

**-Thursday, September 13 / 4:38 pm / Seattle-Tacoma International Airport-**

“Look, Bro, you can go to your stupid puppet convention or whatever, but don’t bother me or Jade or Blake, okay?” Dave sighed, lugging both his and Jade’s suitcases across the airport terminal.  “We’ll swing by the hotel and drop you off, so...have fun jerking off to the Muppets or something.”

“Dave!”  Jade elbowed her fiancé with the arm that wasn’t holding Blake.  “We’re in public!”

“Oh, hush, you only think it sounds bad ‘cause you never went to public school.”  The blond continued to march onward, finally exiting the airport and coming up on the carpool.  “John said there ain’t enough room in his car, so Spiderbitch should be here, too.”

Dave stopped to check his phone for messages before continuing on.  “Alright,” he mumbled, picking up the suitcases again, “he said he’s over here somewhere…”

“Dave!” a familiar voice called.  Said human immediately looked over at a brunet leaning his head out of a silver car, waving his arms and being all showy.  

Jade forced a smile, but was a bit embarrassed at all the attention being called to them (it was bad enough with Bro’s ridiculous anime shades).  Just to get things over with, she decided to join her friend and his wife at their cars.

“Hey, Jade!” John exclaimed, getting out of the car.  “Long time no see, huh?”

“Yeah, right,” scoffed Jade before hugging John with her free arm.  “Anyway, what’s going on?”

“Oh!”  He looked over at Dave and Bro, who were bringing the suitcases over to the cars.  “Well, Dave and his...Bro will just come with me, since I know where the hotel is and stuff.  And you’ll go with Vriska and Casey back to our house, okay?”

The dark-haired girl cocked her head.  “Casey?” she asked.  “I didn’t know Casey would be coming!  Is there enough room for Blake’s car seat?”

John led her over to Vriska’s dark blue car parked directly behind his.  “There’s four—well, five, technically—seats here, Jade.  He’ll be fine.  I’ll go get your suitcase, but it would probably be a good thing for you to go ahead and go because of work traffic.”

Jade patiently waited for Dave to bring over Blake’s car seat and strap it into the back seat next to Casey’s.  Casey stared at Blake through the window, confused as to who he was, even though they had seen each other only a couple of months earlier at Rose and Kanaya’s wedding.  Once Blake had been placed in his car seat, the two toddlers began to interact in whatever way babies did.

Vriska and John and Jade and Dave said their goodbyes, assuring one another they’d see each other again in less than a few hours, before Jade climbed in the passenger’s seat next to Vriska.  “Don’t go over 75,” she stressed to the troll, though unintentionally coming off as it being a joke.

“I won’t make promises!” laughed the cerulean-blood as she shifted the gear before pulling out of the carpool line.

The car was awkwardly silent for the first ten minutes they were in there together.  Vriska had already driven onto the interstate before anyone said anything.

 

“Mommy?” cooed Casey from the back seat.  “We go home?”

“Yes, Peanut,” responded Vriska.  “We’re going home right now.”

Jade cracked a smile.  “Blake’s just started using bigger words,” she told her.

“Oh really?”  Vriska continued to keep her eyes on the  road.  “How is...everything?”

The brunette shrugged and glanced at her son in the back seat.  “It’s...alright,” she confessed.  “Blake’s fine, but...I worry sometimes.  About Dave.”

“And why is that?” Vriska asked.  She looked over her shoulder before changing lanes.

“Well, let’s just put it this way: You live with your husband and daughter.  I live with three kids.”

Both Vriska and Jade giggled.  “Why is that?” wondered Vriska as she looked in the rearview mirror to see Casey.

Jade sighed.  “Well...the way Dave and his brother act, it’s just...not mature.  Not that I’m criticizing Dave—no, I love him, and that’s just the way he was raised—but he’s an adult, and a dad!  He shouldn’t be acting like he’s still a teenager!”

“Well, in his defense, he was raised to act like a teenager.”  The blue-blood coughed before continuing.  “Anyway, have you talked to him about it?”

“Not really,” replied Jade.  “I’m...afraid I’ll offend him or something.  But I want Blake to be raised maturely, not...showing up to his first day of kindergarten with a katana or something.”

“Dave seems like a very flexible person, Jade.  Just talk to him about it.” Vriska paused before remembering something.  “Oh!  I almost forgot!”

“What?”

“Casey’s birthday party is this Friday night,” Vriska told her.  “John and I were wondering if you guys would like to go.”

“Yeah, yeah!” said Jade.  “Where is it?”

Vriska rolled her eyes.  “Some place called ‘Timmy Teddy’s’.  I know nothing about it other than John used to go there as a kid.”

Jade thought for a moment.  “Do you know what it is?”

“Like I said, I know nothing about it other than John used to go there,” Vriska shrugged.  “I think he said there’s an area for little kids to play in, but I’ll have to ask him again.  We wouldn’t be having her party there if it weren’t toddler-friendly.”

“Sounds good to me.”

* * *

 

**-Friday, September 14, 3:54 pm / Timmy Teddy’s Pizzeria & Arcade-**

“John,” Karkat whispered to his human friend, “what the fuck is this place?!”

There were screaming children everywhere.  The guy standing near the entrance stamping people’s hands for admission looked like he was stoned out of his mind, and the guy working the prize counter didn’t look any better.  Speaking of drugs, the place reeked of marijuana, cigarette smoke, and vomit.  Just the smell made Terezi throw up in her mouth a little.

It was definitely a good thing John had called ahead of time and reserved a table for Casey’s “party”.  Since the grand re-opening of the place had been just a week earlier, the restaurant was packed.  Once the group got admitted into the establishment, a party coordinator—this time a woman, who thankfully smelled perfectly normal—led them to a table right at the very front of the restaurant.

Karkat was ultimately confused by this place.  What kind of fun was watching little brats running around and beating each other up over tickets that could only claim worthless items such as costume jewelry and Matchbox cars?  To add to the uncomfortableness of the place, Casey’s reserved table just so happened to be right in front of the creepy animatronic band onstage.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” a very bored-sounding waitress told the group as she handed them the menus with food not included in the birthday package.  

“Okay, it says here that the birthday package includes ‘one pitcher of cola, one pitcher of lemon-lime soda, unlimited water, and two large pizzas of your choice’,” he read from the menu.  “Is there anything else you want to get?”

Terezi scanned the menu for a few more seconds before voicing her opinion.  “Cherry soda,” she said with a smile.

“Terezi, no,” Karkat rolled his eyes.

“Hey, it’s alright,” John told the mutant-blood.  “Also, is two pepperoni pizzas fine?  You can just pick them off if you don’t want them.”

After little discussion, everyone agreed.

“Well, I guess this is it, then.”  When the waitress returned with the three pitchers of provided drink, John placed the orders for a fourth and the two pizzas.  The waitress informed the party that the pizzas would be made as soon as possible, and then returned to whatever “work” she had been doing before.

Literally no one there could say a word—they were too creeped out by the place.  “John,” Vriska finally said, “how did you ever think this place was fun?!”

“Look, when you’re four years old, everything is fun.”

Casey managed to slide out of her booster seat and began to run around the table.  "Casey—" Vriska began to scold, before realizing her daughter just wanted to see her friend.  
  
"Mommy?" the toddler asked.  "Me, Katwina pway?"  
  
Vriska smiled and stood up to retrieve her daughter.  "No," she firmly said.  "You can play after you eat."  After returning to their seats, the blue-blood looked at everyone.  "Is that okay?" she asked, just to make sure.  
  
Everyone nodded.  "Yeah, I want Blake to eat before he plays," Jade agreed, "just because of germs and stuff…"  
  
About ten minutes later the same waitress reappeared with two trays of pizza.  "I'll be right back with the soda," she boredly told the party before leaving yet again.  
  
"Well."  John looked around at everyone  sitting at the table before picking up a pizza cutter.  "Let's eat…!"  
  


* * *

  
  
**-Saturday, September 15, 10:07 am / Karkat & Terezi's house-**

“That was fucking Faygo, you dumbass!” Karkat screamed into the phone, listening to Terezi retch in the bathroom.  “Terezi’s been throwing up ever since we got home last night!”

“Well, that’s her fault she drank it,” John sighed, not really concerned about the situation.  “Vris is sick, too.  But,” he continued under his breath, “that’s kind of something to expect from a restaurant that got closed down because four kids were murdered…”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Karkat sighed and walked into the bathroom just as Terezi flushed her vomit down the toilet.  “I’m going to go now,” he told the human. “Terezi has a lot of homework to do, and I promised her I’d take Katrina to the park.”

“Alright.  Talk to you later.”

John hung up and got off the couch just as Vriska walked downstairs.  He couldn’t help but notice her depressing aura as she walked past him—she avoided eye contact and seemed to sigh without actually doing so.

He followed his wife into the kitchen.  “What’s wrong?” he asked, leaning up against the counter.

Vriska quietly laughed and looked up at her husband.  “It’s kind of...embarrassing,” she confessed.

“Hey,” John said, walking over to the troll.  “Nothing’s too embarrassing for me to hear about.”

The blue-blood scoffed.  “When I was throwing up,” she began, “I actually hoped—just for a second—that I was pregnant.  I even checked to see.  But it came out negative, and…”  She let her words trail off with a tinge of sadness.

John sighed and went to embrace his wife.  “Is this about Larissa?” he gently asked, hoping to not upset her.

“I...don’t know.”  She tried her best to hold tears back, but eventually gave up the attempt and buried her face in John’s shoulder.

“Look, Vriska…”  The brunet pushed his wife off of him and carefully wiped the tears from her cheeks.  “...I know some bad things have happened since we got married, and we’ve gotten through them just fine.  And even though the Larissa thing hurts...I think we’ll get through it.  We can have a new baby when you feel like you’re ready.  But, in the meantime, we have Casey to take care of.  But just remember…”  He cracked a smile.  “I’m always by your side, no matter what.”  

* * *

 

**-Saturday, September 29, 3:18 pm / Roxy’s apartment-**

**Katrina: 16 months, 3 weeks old**   
**Casey: 1 year & 1 week old**   
**Rose: 9 weeks along**

“So will we have a place to get dressed there, or will we have to come ready, or…?” Vriska asked, beginning to take off her bridesmaid’s dress.

“Of course!”  Roxy laughed and unzipped the dress for her soon-to-be-daughter-in-law.  “I would say get there about ten or so, since the ceremony starts at noon…”

Rose came out of the bathroom and grabbed a hanger.  “It fits,” she sighed, pulling the pastel pink dress up onto the hanger and placing it in the closet.

Her mother sighed and glanced at Kanaya, who was hanging up hers as well.  “Rose, you don’t have to be embarrassed about  your body,” she reassured.  “I was pregnant with you, you know; I know exactly what it’s like.”

“Mom!” whined Rose. “I’m not talking about that!  I just want to make sure your ‘perfect day’ is absolutely perfect.”  She was a bit annoyed with her mom, as Roxy had been all hyped up about the wedding—almost too hyped up.

Ms. Lalonde softly laughed and began to hang Rose’s dress up.  “I don’t think it’ll be absolutely perfect,” she told her daugher with a hint of a smile.  “There’s lots of things I wish could happen.  I wish I had more friends who could come, I wish Joseph had more friends who could come, I wish...I wish Mom and Papa could be here.”  She sniffed a bit before wiping her eyes.

As soon as she said this, the women heard a loud knock from the front door.  “I’ll get it,” Roxy told everyone  before getting herself together.

She walked over to the front door and opened it, expecting it to be a salesman or a package.  But as soon as she saw who was standing there, her jaw dropped.

“Mom?!  Papa?!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timmy Teddy's sounds awfully familiar...creds to Scot Cawthon ;)


	5. The Wedding

**-Saturday, October 6, 10:46 am / The Evergreen Inn Bed & Breakfast-**

**Katrina: 17 months old  
Casey: 1 year  & 2 weeks old**

**Rose: 10 weeks along**

Rosalynn Lalonde watched as her daughter continued to get ready in front of the boudoir. "I never thought I would see this happen," she quietly said to herself.

Roxy gently smiled and nodded in agreement. "I didn't, either." She put in her earrings before turning around, then looked up at her mother with a sigh.

"Twenty years, Mom," she firmly said. " _Twenty years._  How could you go  _twenty years_  without telling me that you and Papa were alive?"

The older woman sighed and got up from the chair she was sitting in to embrace her daughter. "Roxy, I'm terribly sorry—"

"But  _twenty years_ , Mom!" Roxy cried. "I thought my life was over when I got the call that you and Papa had died in that stupid fake car crash! I named my only child after you, and you decided to fake your own death without at  _least_  telling me?!"

Rosalynn sighed again, afraid of how Roxy would react. "It was extremely painful for your father and I to do that, Roxy. We didn't want to just leave you and Rose, but we had to. We waited the longest we could before disappearing, and I'm truly,  _extremely_  sorry you've had to suffer all these years."

"You haven't even told me why you and Papa even left in the first fucking—"

" _Roxanne_ , calm down." Rosalynn took a pause to stop and collect herself before continuing. "Papa and I were being...targeted. It was something related to Skaianet, but I can't tell you all the details."

"Mom, I  _work_  for Skaia—"

"I  _know_  that, honey, just listen to me!  _Anyway,_  a mob called the Midnight Crew were targeting us because we know some...confidential information. Papa and I knew they were after  _us_ , and not you and Rose, because we never told you the information. They weren't going to stop until we were dead. So, we faked our own deaths just so you would be safe. We spent twenty years travelling the world, waiting until it was safe, until we finally got word that the Midnight Crew was in jail. And as soon as we heard about that, we began searching for you and Rose, and finally found out you were living here because we found your engagement announcement in the newspaper…"

Roxy didn't know what to say. It sounded like something out of a Nancy Drew book. "I had to raise Rose all by myself," she quietly said, her voice hinting at both shock and frustration.

"But you did an  _exceptional_  job, Roxy. When you first told us you were pregnant, I'll be honest, I was more upset with the fact that you were still immature when it happened than that you were actually pregnant. But now I see that you've  _completely_  turned your life around, and that both you  _and_  Rose have grown up to be very sophisticated ladies." Rosalynn paused. "Speaking of Rose, where is she?"

"Oh, Rose?" Roxy finally decided to turn back around and resume getting ready. "She has her first ultrasound this morning. She's going to head over here as soon as she can." She plugged in the curling iron and began to brush her hair. "I can't believe I have to miss it, though!"

"I...see." Rosalynn was clearly uncomfortable, but tried her best to keep calm. "How exactly did you react when you discovered Rose was a...lesbian?"

Roxy scoffed. "It didn't bother me at all," she told her mother with a laugh. "I mean, we're not exactly a 'model family', and besides, Kanaya is the sweetest thing!"

"Kanaya…" Rosalynn paused to think for a minute. "Is Kanaya a...man?" she cautiously asked, reminding herself that two females cannot make a baby.

"Of course not!" laughed Roxy, slightly irritated by the question. "Both she and Rose wanted a baby, so they looked for a sperm donor with genes as close to Kanaya's as possible. And—surprise!—it happened on the first try."

"Sorry we're late!" Rose exclaimed as she opened the door to the bride's room. She and Kanaya stepped inside and closed the door behind them.

"How was the ultrasound?" asked the middle-aged Lalonde, who picked up the curling iron and began to curl her hair.

"It was fine," Kanaya replied.

Rose nodded. "Everything was great; the baby's fine. I go back in a month." She paused. "We brought back some pictures for you to see."

"Oh!" exclaimed Roxy, perking up. "You'll have to show me soon—not right now, though. I'm running late. Speaking of late…" She turned back around. "...where are John and Vriska?"

"They had to make a pit stop for Casey," Kanaya told her mother-in-law. "Last I checked, they were twenty minutes away."

"Alright. I'm sure they'll be here soon."

* * *

**-11:37 am-**

"John, I want you to listen to me," Mr. Egbert sternly told his son as he put a black tie around his own neck.

The brunet looked up from his phone and at his dad. "Yeah?"

"Well…" The older man sighed before continuing. "I just want to apologize. I know I've spent a lot of time with Roxy this past year...almost  _too_  much time. And…I'm really sorry I let this hurt our relationship. I know that I've ignored you and Vriska and Casey…sweet, sweet Casey. But please, John, I ask that you accept Roxy as part of our family. I know she's not your mother, and no one can replace your mother, but I do love her. So please…can you do that?"

John rolled his eyes with a smile. "Of course, Dad! I don't mind Roxy at all; besides, Rose is my friend!"

Mr. Egbert smiled. "And she'll be your stepsister within an hour."

"Oh, don't remind me," John nervously laughed. He quickly checked his phone before looking back up at his dad. "Well, I think  _you're_  getting married in twenty minutes, so you should probably finish getting ready!"

* * *

**-11:59 am-**

Mr. Lalonde looked down at his daughter with a smile, getting a bit teary-eyed. "You are beautiful, Roxy," he told his daughter as the two linked arms, preparing themselves for the trip down the aisle.

Roxy blushed and let her eyes wander over to her bouquet of pink flowers. "I'm forty-five years old," she said with a laugh, "it's about time I get this over with."

"It's not a matter of getting things over with, Roxanne; it's a matter of you being happy."

"I  _am_  happy, Papa!" Roxy told her father. "Joseph's a wonderful man; he works very hard, he owns a nice house, and he's opening a  _bakery_  this February, just in time for Valentine's Day! I don't know anyone I'd rather be with."

"He does seem like a wonderful man, even though I've known him for only a week," Mr. Lalonde laughed.

Roxy smiled and glanced at the clock in the hallway, which now read 12:00. "It's time," she quietly said to herself.

Mr. Lalonde brushed some hair out of his daughter's face. "Are you ready?" he asked her.

The blonde slowly looked up at her dad before tears began to erupt from her eyes. "I'm getting married, Papa," she choked out.

The older man pulled her into a hug and began running his fingers through her hair. "I know, Roxy, I know," he soothed, savoring a moment he'd spent twenty years looking forward to.

Roxy sniffed again and pulled out of the hug. "Je t'aime," Mr. Lalonde whispered to his daughter as he took her arm again. "You will do great."

Roxy smiled and tried her best to keep the happy tears inside. "Je t'aime aussi, Papa."

"I, Roxanne Cosette, take you, Joseph Matthew, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, to love and to cherish, and to be faithful to you alone as long as we both shall live." Roxy smiled at her soon-to-be husband, tearing up as she did so.

Joseph smiled in return and the two looked back up at the minister.

"May I have the rings, please?" asked the minister, looking over at John. John quickly handed the rings to the minister before stepping back into his place, not trying to call attention to himself.

"Joseph, place the ring on Roxanne's finger and repeat after me: 'With this ring, I thee wed'."

"With this ring, I thee wed." Mr. Egbert placed the ring on his almost-wife's finger, who smiled in return.

The minister turned to Roxy. "Roxanne, place the ring on Joseph's finger and repeat after me: 'With this ring, I thee wed'."

"With this ring, I thee wed…!" Roxy slid the ring onto Joseph's finger and smiled ecstatically, waiting for the minister to say the sacred words.

The minister could obviously sense Roxy's excitement, because he smiled at her before smiling at the wedding attendees. "It is with my pleasure that I now pronounce you husband and wife," he announced. "You may now kiss the bride!"

* * *

**-12:52 pm-**

"Why did he invite us to the wedding?" John's Aunt Joanna grumbled to her husband Daniel. "He very well knows he's not a part of the family anymore!"

"Joanna,  _hush_ ," Daniel scolded. "He was a part of the family for nearly ten years, and he was single for over fifteen; you should at least be happy for him."

The guests quieted down and looked up at the front of the backyard, where it was obvious Mr. Egbert and Roxy had finished taking photos. Nearly everyone began clapping or respectfully cheering, happy for the newly wedded couple.

Mr. Egbert announced to the guests that they could all begin to help themselves to the lunch buffet, if they hadn't already. He also made it clear that he and Roxy were going to go around and talk to everyone, so it wasn't necessary to congratulate them right then.

After about twenty minutes or so of eating, Joseph and Roxy got up to cut the cake. Mr. Egbert had made it himself, of course, and it was probably his favorite project yet, since it was up to him and his new wife to decide exactly what it would look like.

Both John and Rose began to film the moment with their phones, as each parent had requested it be done. Joseph and Roxy shared the knife and made the first cut into the cake, then plopped the slice of white cake on a plate. Roxy was the first to grab a fork, and then Joseph; the two fed each other a bite of the cake rather cleanly (unlike Karkat and Terezi, that's for sure).

Casey escaped her mother's grip and ran towards Joseph at nearly full-speed. "Gapa!" she squealed as she ran up to the man. "Me cake!"

Joseph chuckled and bent down to pick his granddaughter up. "Sure, you can have cake," he told her with a smile, booping her on the nose before setting her back down.

After Vriska came over to apologize for not keeping Casey in check and Mr. Egbert and Roxy telling her "it's fine!" over and over, they finally began to cut the slices for all the guests.

"Joanna, do you want me to get you a slice?" Daniel asked his wife, beginning to get up from the table the two were seated at.

Joanna shook her head with disgust. "No. It reminds me too much of Maggie."

Daniel rolled his eyes and left the table. "Suit yourself."

Meanwhile, Rose and Kanaya were having a decently serious conversation over at the table they were sitting at. "No, Kanaya, I mean it, I feel like I'm about to throw up!"

"Rose, keep your voice down," advised Kanaya, "you don't want to draw attention to yourself!"

"But Kanaya, I'm serious!"

Joanna watched the couple with an expression of loathing on her face. "I hate lesbians," she mumbled. "They always act like attention whores."

Daniel coughed from behind his wife. "You do realize those lesbians you were talking about are Joseph's stepdaughter and her wife," he said matter-of-factly.

"Do you think I care?" Joanna spat. "I'm only here because you dragged me over here! Besides, do you think I  _want_ to be a part of this twisted family?!"

Daniel let out a huge sigh of frustration and grabbed the roll of silverware off the table. "That's it," he told Joanna. "I hope you have money, because  _you're_  taking a cab. And the first thing when I get home, I'm calling a lawyer."

"What?" Joanna looked up at Daniel confusedly, trying her best to play innocent. "What are you talking about?"

"Joanna, don't play stupid with me. We're getting a divorce."

"But—"

Daniel dragged the woman out to the side of the house for a bit more privacy. "I'm sick and tired of your judgemental bullshit. Why on  _earth_  are you like this?! Your parents and your brothers act nothing like you; Maggie didn't, either!"

"Daniel, just listen to me—"

"No, Joanna, I won't!" Daniel sighed again. "It's a good thing Sam and Ryan are in college. We only have to deal with the custody of one child now." He paused, before taking off his wedding ring and giving it to Joanna. "Maybe science is right. "Maybe nothing can be created or destroyed. Maybe our love just went to Joseph and Roxy."

* * *

"Thanks so much for coming!" Roxy gave one of her coworkers a hug before moving on to the next table.

"I'm surprised at how many people came," Joseph said to his wife. "I thought I saw Joanna earlier—you know, Maggie's sister? The one who hates everyone and everything?"

Roxy giggled. "She doesn't seem very pleasant, from what I've met of her."

The couple began to move on to the next table, but Roxy stopped.

"Roxy?" asked Mr. Egbert, tugging on her arm. "What is it?"

Roxy continued to stare. "Is that…?" she wondered aloud, then began to take her husband with her to where she had been staring.

"Excuse me," she cautiously said, tapping a certain someone on the shoulder, "are you—" He turned around. "—oh my god."

Dave's Bro was just as surprised as Roxy was. "Well this is...awkward…"

"Roxy, who's this?" Joseph asked her, more confused than concerned.

Roxy nervously laughed. "This," she began, "is Rose's...father."

"What?!" Rose screeched from across the yard. She shoved her plate into Kanaya's hands and ran over to her mother the best she could (a) in heels and (b) being pregnant. "My dad?!"

"Yes…" Roxy coughed. "Um...this is awkward…"

"You think  _this_  is awkward? One of my best friends is my  _niece._ " Dave scoffed and looked over at Jade, who was clearly disturbed by the whole thing.

After a few extremely awkward minutes of casual chatting and catching up with each other, Roxy and Bro said their goodbyes, and Roxy and Joseph resumed going around from table to table. "I'm sorry this had to be so...awkward," she apologized, blushing and avoiding eye contact. "I had no idea that Rose and John's friend...I'm sorry…"

"Roxy, you obviously had no idea; there's no need to be sorry! It was just a mere coincidence, that's all." He pulled her in for a hug before looking her in the eye. "Just brush it aside; everything will be fine. Just remember: we have a flight to Savannah that leaves at six…!"


	6. A Few Surprises

**-Monday, October 8, 9:21 pm / The Plantation Inn, Savannah, Georgia-**

**Katrina: 17 months old**   
**Casey: 1 year, 2 months old**

**Rose: 10 weeks along**

“I didn’t know I could still do that,” Mr. Egbert softly chuckled, giving his new wife a gentle kiss on the cheek as the two snuggled underneath the covers.

“And you did a _great_ job.”  Roxy returned the kiss and poked her head out from underneath the sheets.

Joseph followed her example and sighed.  “You know,” he said, “I’ve never really thought about this before, but...won’t it be rather lonely at home?  I’ll be managing the bakery, and you’ll be home alone for at least six hours a day…”

“Then I’ll help you at the bakery.  I could be the...secretary of sorts.  Or…”  She paused.  “...if you’d like, we could get a cat.”

Mr. Egbert sat up.  “A...cat?”

Roxy nodded.  “They don’t do much, but they do just enough to keep you company.  Rose and I used to have a cat, but he...passed on…”

The man got out of the bed and began to put some clothes on.  “I don’t know,” he admitted.  “John had a pet salamander when he was in middle school, but he took care of it and I didn’t have to do anything.”

“Aw, come on,” coaxed the blonde.  “It’s nearly the same thing as raising a child, which we’ve both done.  Well...a furry child who meows instead of talks, but...I think we can do it.  It’ll be like our baby.”

Joseph laughed.  “Alright, if you say so.  We can do it.”

* * *

 

**-Tuesday, October 9, 3:08 pm / Dave & Bro’s Apartment-**

The Strider-Harleys had returned home by now, after nearly a month spent in Washington.  Bro had gone to his weird puppet convention-thing and had, sadly, returned with lots of souvenirs (Dave told him he had better keep them away from Blake, or else).

Dave had to play a gig that night—some local middle school’s fall dance—so he promised Jade he would watch Blake while she went out to get a massage so she could at least get some “alone time”.

Currently, Dave was trying to make sure the playlist for the dance was complete and full of “clean” songs, and was also watching Blake.  The toddler was playing with some toys his father had set out, and seemed rather unconcerned with anything else that was going on.

“Dada!” exclaimed Blake, picking up a toy and bringing it over to Dave.

“Hey, lil’ man,” Dave said to the boy, glancing at Bro, who was entering the room.  “Whatcha got there?”

Since Blake still had only a basic grasp on words, he just gave the toy to Dave with nothing more than an “Mm!”.

“This is a nice car, Blake,” Dave said to his son, putting emphasis on the word as Jade would have liked for him to.  “Can you say car?  Car?”

Blake only laughed and snatched the car from Dave, then continued on playing as if nothing had happened.

Bro chuckled from the doorway.  “He’s just like you were when you were a baby,” he commented.

Dave scoffed.  “Well, I would hope so,” he sarcastically replied, “he’s my kid, Jesus Christ!”

Bro rolled his eyes, seemingly wrapped up in thought.  “Dave,” he finally said after a few seconds, “do...you remember anything from when you were little?”

“Shit no, man,”  Dave laughed.  “I was running around in diapers.”

“I don’t mean that, I mean when you could walk and repeated whatever shit was said on TV.”

The younger blond actually paused to think.  “No, not really,” he  admitted.  “Why?”

“Eh, just wondering.  I hate you never got to meet Momma.  She was great.”

Dave shrugged.  “I...guess.  You never really talk about her.”

“Well, I’m gonna talk about her now.”  Bro sat himself down on the couch and kicked his shoes off to rest his legs on the coffee table.  “I think you know your dad was a piece of shit.  Total asshole.  I hated him, Momma hated him ‘cause she couldn’t get out of the relationship.  That asshole was the most abusive piece of shit I ever saw.  Basically, the only think holding ‘em together was sex.”

“Bro, I don’t wanna hear about the abusive relationship I was spawned from,” sighed Dave, turning back around to resume work on his laptop.

Bro sat for a moment, thinking of something he could tell Dave that would keep his interest.  “I...have a twin brother, ya know,” Bro finally said, a bit awkwardly.

Dave scoffed.  “Yeah, right.”

“I’m not shitting on you, man!” exclaimed Bro.  “His name’s Hal.  Don’t know where he is now.  Used to DJ together—he took the name ‘DJ Scratch’ ‘cause of all the record-scratchy noises he used to make.  Anyway, he bailed after Momma said she was pregnant with you.  Went to college, got a med degree...last I heard of him, he got his license revoked ‘cause he sexually harassed some patients or some shit like that.  He’s insane.  Doesn’t even want to go by Hal anymore.  Wants to go by ‘Doc Scratch” ‘cause he still sees himself as a doctor—whatever fucking creepy definition of ‘doctor’ he goes by.”

“...Okay,” Dave commented, a bit confused.

A key could be heard unlocking the door to the penthouse, which opened soon afterwards.  Jade sighed before throwing her purse down on the ground.  “Hey,” she told Dave, walking over to where he was.  “How was Blake while I was gone?”

“He was...Blake.”  Dave laughed a bit.  “How was the massage?”

“Oh, I needed that!” Jade exclaimed with a sigh before walking over to Blake.  She picked him up off from the floor and kissed him on the cheek.  “Hi Blakey,” she cooed, “did you have fun with Daddy while I was gone?”

* * *

 

**-Sunday, October 28, 5:49 pm / Joseph & Roxy’s house-**

**Katrina: 17 months, 2 weeks old**   
**Casey: 1 year, 3 months old**

**Rose: 13 weeks along**

_Mrow!_  Joseph and Roxy’s newly adopted cat jumped up onto the kitchen table and rubbed up against Mr. Egbert’s glass of milk.

“Frigglish,” sighed Joseph, picking up the black cat with one hand and setting him down on the floor.  “How many times have Roxy and I told you, don’t climb up onto the table!”

Roxy giggled and came into the kitchen.  “Silly Frigglish,” she laughed, petting the cat on the head.  He rubbed up against her legs.

“Where did you come up with ‘Frigglish’?” asked Joseph, standing up and grabbing his empty glass to take it to the sink.  “It’s not really a...common cat name.”

“I just thought it was cute!”  Roxy smiled and picked Frigglish up.  “Who’s a cute kitty?  You are!  You’re a pretty kitty, uh-huh…”

The blonde sighed and let the cat jump from her arms.  “Joseph,” she began, “I think we need to talk about something.”

“Yes?”  Mr. Egbert began to load the dishwasher, listening to what his wife had to say as he did so.

Roxy sighed again before continuing.  “Well...remember when we were on our honeymoon?  And we were talking about being lonely with you at the bakery all day?”

“Yes, and we got Frigglish so you wouldn’t be lonely,” Joseph reminded her as he put a bowl on the top rack.

“Well...we didn’t use any...protection, because I’m too old to have kids...right?”

“Roxy, what are you trying to tell me?”  Mr. Egbert closed the dishwasher and leaned on the counter, a bit irritated.

Roxy gave her husband a nervous smile before holding up something in her hand.

“Joseph,” she announced with an exhilarated smile, “I’m pregnant.”

 

 


	7. Sharing Secrets

**-Wednesday, November 7, 2:18 pm / Maple Valley Medical Center-**

**Katrina: 17 months, 3 weeks old**

**Casey: 2 years, 3 months old**

**Rose: 14 weeks along**   
**Roxy: 4 weeks along**

* * *

 

Rose nervously followed Kanaya up the steps to the medical building.  She had another ultrasound today, and they had the possibility of finding out what the baby was.  It wasn’t really that she was nervous about, though; she was more nervous about the ultrasound itself.  An ultrasound would make the whole “baby” idea seem more real than it already did, and that scared her a bit.

“Rose, come on,” persuaded Kanaya, grabbing her wife’s hand and leading her inside.  “You’re going to have to check yourself in to make things less...awkward.  Even though we live in the most LGBT-friendly state in the United States…”

“Fine…”  The blonde motioned for Kanaya to go ahead and sit down in the waiting area while she went up to the front desk to confirm her presence.

A woman at the front desk looked up from the computer.  “Good afternoon,” she said with a smile, “how may I help you?”

“I have an appointment with Dr. Johnson,” Rose told the secretary, trying to avoid eye contact.

The secretary looked back at the computer.  “Are you...Roseline?” she carefully asked.

Rose nodded.  “Roseline Lalonde, yes.”

“Alright, I’ll just need you to fill out some paperwork...hold on while I get that printed for you.”

The woman began to print out the paperwork and began to make small talk when she realized it might take a while.  “How far along are you?” she asked Rose after double-checking to make sure it was the obstetrician she was seeing.

The blonde nervously smiled and glanced down at her stomach.  “Almost four months,” she told the secretary as the last sheet of paperwork printed.

The secretary looked really surprised, but didn’t say anything as she knew that would be rude.  “Well, I’ll just need you to fill this out,” she told Rose, handing her a pen and a clipboard with the freshly printed papers.  “Good luck.”

“Thank you.”

Rose sat down next to Kanaya and began to fill out the paperwork as they waited.  After about five minutes of waiting, a nurse entered the waiting area.  “Roseline?” he asked, scanning the chairs for the patient he was to retrieve.

Kanaya grabbed both her and Rose’s purses and followed her wife back into the hallway.  The wives and the nurse exchanged a normal “how are you” conversation before being led into an exam room.

The nurse left the couple in the room to talk for several minutes before Dr. Johnson came to give the monthly checkup and ultrasound.  “Kanaya,” Rose quietly asked, “do you have a preference on what the...baby is?”

Kanaya rolled her eyes.  “Of course not, Rose!  I just want it to be happy and healthy once it’s born.  I could care less what the sex is.”

After a few more minutes of awkward waiting in silence, the doctor finally came in.  “Hello, Ms. Lalonde,” she said to Rose, then turned to Kanaya.  “Ms. Maryam.”  
  
“Hi,” the couple said to her in response.

Dr. Johnson pulled out a stool and sat on it before clicking her pen, preparing to take notes.  “Now, tell me: how have you been feeling lately?”

After going through the normal routine of asking questions, making recommendations, and feeling the baby, Dr. Johnson told Rose it was time for the ultrasound.  She told the Lalonde-Maryams that she would grab a nurse to give the ultrasound, and that she would see her next time.

“I’m happy Dr. Johnson said everything was okay,” Kanaya told her wife.

Rose scoffed.  “She said I’m bigger than normal, Kanaya.  Do you know how that makes me feel?”

“Don’t go Vriska on me, alright?” the jade-blood sighed.  “I know you are self-conscious about your appearance, but please don’t do anything to hurt our baby, Rose.  Please.”

“Alright,” Rose nodded just as a nurse came in.

“Hi,” the nurse smiled, closing the door behind her.  “Dr. Johnson has to get to another patient, so I’ll be doing the ultrasound today, alright?”  She put a spearmint-colored vinyl glove on each hand before preparing the machine to do its job.

Rose flinched as the cold gel was squirted onto her stomach and spread around with the wand.  The nurse hit a button on the monitor that made the sonogram appear on the screen, and then continued to move the wand around until she found what she was looking for.

“Okay, here we have the head…”  The nurse pointed to the monitor and waited for the couple to get a good look before continuing.  “...and this is a foot…”  She paused and furrowed her brow before moving the wand a bit and pressing down a little harder.  “It looks like I can tell the sex,” she said with a smile.  “Since you’re still so early it might not be accurate, but would you still like to know what it looks like right now?”

Rose and Kanaya looked at each other.

“Sure.”

“It looks like...this is a little boy!” the nurse smiled before pointing at what kind of looked like a penis.  She then moved the wand up a little higher before stopping.

“I’ve already told you the baby is a boy,” she started, but would you like to know something else?”

Rose looked confused.  “Of course…?”

The nurse nervously laughed.  “I hope the two of you like surprises, because Ms. Lalonde, you’re having twins.”

* * *

 

“I can’t believe we’re having twins,” Rose groaned, slumping down in the front seat of the car.  “Now we have to tell my mom!”

“You’re overlooking the fact that we’re having two babies, Rose,” sighed Kanaya.  “I understand you don’t want to tell your mother, but she’s going to find out about it at some point or another.”

The blonde sighed and sat up.  “Kanaya, you don’t understand.  Mom is going to find some way to draw attention to herself and take it away from me like she always does.”

Before Kanaya could say anything, Rose’s cell phone rang.  She sighed before answering it through the car’s bluetooth system.

“Hello?”

“Rosie!” sang Roxy on the other side of the line, her voice filling up the car.  “You’d never guess what surprise I have for you!”

Rose rolled her eyes but answered anyway.  “What, Mom?”

Ms. Lalonde (well, know Mrs. Egbert) laughed.  “You’re going to have to meet Joseph and I for dinner this Friday to find out!”

“Mom, can’t you just tell me?”  
  
“No, that wouldn’t be fair,” Roxy told her daughter.  “John’s already agreed to come.”

Rose looked at Kanaya, who quickly answered before her wife could object.  “We’d love to,” she said to her mother-in-law with a smile.  “In fact, we have a surprise for you as well.”

“Kanaya!” scolded Rose through gritted teeth.

The jade-blood did nothing but laugh.  “I guess Rose and I will see you this Friday.”  
  
Roxy and Kanaya exchanged their goodbyes before hanging up.

* * *

 

**-Friday, November 9, 5:58 pm / Jameson Tavern-**

Joseph craned his neck, looking for his son, stepdaughter, and her wife.  “Are you sure you gave them the right time?” he asked his wife, double-checking the time on his wristwatch.

“It’s just now six,” Roxy sighed.  She brushed a few strands of hair out of her face and looked up just as John sat down.

“Hi,” the brunet said with a sigh, pulling out a chair and sitting down in it.  “I saw Rose and Kanaya a couple of lights back, but I guess they got held up or something.  They should be here soon.”

“Oh, we’re in no rush,” Roxy reassured before a waiter came to get John’s drink order.

About five minutes later and after John had received his drink, Rose and Kanaya finally walked in.  “Where’s Vriska?” Kanaya asked John as she sat down next to Rose.

“Well, we were going to go out for her fake birthday tonight,” he told the jade-blood, “but the children’s museum downtown is having 50% admission prices today and she wanted to take Casey there.  She decided she’d rather go out next week, anyway.”

“Oh, how is she?” Mr. Egbert asked.  “Vriska, I mean.  Has she been any better lately?”

John shook his head.  “Still the same.  She’s been really mopey over The Larissa Thing, but both of us know we can’t have another kid anytime soon.”

Roxy poked in.  “Well, what about a pet?”

"A...pet?"  
  
"Yes, a pet," Roxy smiled.  "Like...a cat.  They don't do much and they can pretty much take care of themselves, but they do keep you company."  
  
John thought for a moment.  "I don't think Vriska would really like a cat, since cats are quiet and she's...not.  But yeah, I'll think about it.  Maybe it can be a late fake birthday gift or something."  
  
The waiter came back to take Rose and Kanaya's drink orders.  Meanwhile, everyone resumed chatting about what had been going on lately.

“So Dad,” John asked the older man, “how are things coming along at the bakery?”

Joseph sat down his drink and coughed.  “It’s going well.  Did I tell you I finally came up with a name for the bakery?”  John shook his head.  “It’s going to be called—“  He used hand gestures for added effects.  “—‘Bread, Ganache, and Beyond’.”

“Can’t...you get sued for copyright infringement?” the son asked with a confused expression.

“Well, I was able to obtain the business license, so I guess not.”

The same waiter came back with Rose and Kanaya’s drinks and pulled out his notepad.  “Alright, does everyone know what they want?”

* * *

 

**-6:14 pm / Maple Valley Children’s Museum-**

Surprisingly, the overall museum wasn’t as crowded as Vriska had expected, but the amount of kids around Casey’s age was far bigger than the amount of those older.  This was especially a problem for the toddler area, as it was very congested.

“Okay, Casey,” Vriska told her daughter, “you need to put the block right here.”

“Okay Mommy!” the small brunette laughed, placing the oversized cardboard block exactly where her mother had told her to.

“Ahem.”  Someone coughed and Vriska poked her head out of the arrangement of blocks to see what was going on.

There was a line of about four or five moms and their kids waiting outside of the fort Vriska and Casey were making.  “Um, excuse me,” a mom said, her voice full of sass, “you’re hogging all the blocks.”

The troll raised an eyebrow.  “We are building a fort,” she simply told the lady.

“Well, we want to build forts, too.”

“We’re having mother-daughter bonding time.”  Vriska looked over at her daughter, who had just poked her head out of the fort as well to see what was going on.

"Well--"  The lady looked behind her before continuing.  "--some of us want to have mother-daughter bonding, too."

"Is everything alright?"  A museum employee came up to the group to check out the situation.  "Do I need to help anyone?"

Several of the moms crossed their arms.  "We've been waiting to share the blocks for several minutes."

"Oh, well..."  The employee looked down at Vriska and Casey.  "I'm really sorry, but in order to minimize complaints, I'm going to have to ask you to share."

Casey jumped up and toddled over to the group of women who had complained and their children.  "You assholes!" she shouted, pointing at them.

"Cassia Jane!" scolded Vriska, grabbing her daughter's hand and yanking her away.  The two left without another word.

* * *

 

**-6:22 pm / Jameson Tavern-**

"So, uh, Mom."  Rose nervously laughed and took a sip of her drink in attempt to try to make things less awkward.  "Kanaya and I have something to tell you."

"Yes, Rosie?"  Roxy attentively leaned on the table.

"Well..."  The younger blonde paused and glanced at Kanaya.  "...we found out what the baby might be.  The technician said since it's so early it might not be right, but she tried the best she could."

"Well?  What is it?"

Rose smiled, knowing that everyone was waiting for her.  "It's a boy," she proudly announced, soaking in everyone's reactions.

"But," she added, "we still don't know what the other one is."

Everyone stared at her.  "...What?!" Roxy exclaimed, tears forming in her eyes.

"Yes, Mom," Rose laughed, actually smiling.  "Kanaya and I are having twins."

Roxy sniffed and laughed.  "Rosie, I'm having a baby too," she simply said, but doing so at a rather inappropriate time.

Rose's face instantly fell, while Kanaya's and John's were shocked.  "What?" the younger Lalonde squeaked, staring at her mother.

Roxy nodded again and smiled.  "You and John are going to have a younger sibling," she restated.

Rose let out a puff of breath before getting up from the table and walking off.

Her mother bit her lip and nervously looked at those who remained at the table.  "Too soon?"

Everyone nodded.

"Well, I'm going to go talk to her."  Roxy got up from the table and went to see where Rose went.

After looking around for a couple of minutes, Roxy finally found her daughter sobbing in the bathroom.  "Rose?" the woman gently asked as she knocked on the door.

Rose sniffed from inside the single-stall bathroom.  "Go away, Mom," she cried.

"Rose."  Roxy patiently waited for her daughter to open the door, which didn't happen.  "Roseline Danielle, open the door."

Inside, Rose finally unlocked the door and opened it.  "What do you want, Mom?" she sniffed, avoiding eye contact.

"I want to talk to you."  Roxy squeezed inside the bathroom and locked the door behind her.  "Look, I do not want you to be upset over having a little brother or sister who is so much younger than you are--"

"That's not what I'm upset about, Mom!"  Rose wiped her eyes before continuing.  "It seems every time I have some good news or I'm proud of something or something, you always manage to find some way to upstage me!  I'm sick and tired of it, Mom!"

With a sympathetic look in her eyes, Roxy threw her arms around her daughter.  "Oh, Rosie, I'm sorry!  You should have told me how you felt!  I'll try to do something about it, I really will!"  She let go of Rose and looked her in the eye.  "Joseph and I really didn't think this would happen, Rosie.  We're both so old, it didn't seem like it could actually happen..."

"I...guess I understand..."  Rose wiped her eyes again.  "Look, Mom, we can talk about this later.  I'm hungry."

Roxy laughed before hugging and kissing her daughter one last time for the night.  "All right, Rosie.  Let's go eat."

 


	8. An Unexpected Visitor

**-Saturday, November 17, 9:14 am / Karkat & Terezi's house-**

**Katrina: 16 ¼ months old  
Casey: 2 years, 2 months old**

**Rose: 15 ½ weeks along  
Roxy: 5 ½ weeks along**

"Terezi?" Karkat asked, poking his head out the front door. "Do you need any help with setting up?"

In the Vantases' garage/shed, Terezi sighed before responding. "No," she called back, trying to center a basket on a foldable table. The teal-blood walked out of the garage and made her way to the front door. "I think I'm going to take a break, though," she told Karkat as she came inside. "It's kind of making me depressed."

The mutant-blood sighed and gave his wife a hug. "I'll finish setting up," he told her, "so you can play with Katrina and get your mind off of things. The garage sale's supposed to start at ten, anyway..."

"Okay." Terezi let out a sigh and went into the living room to do what her husband had suggested.

"Mama!" Katrina ran up to Terezi with a piece of paper. "Look!"

Terezi took the paper from Katrina and smiled at the family portrait her daughter had drawn. "Katrina, this is so pretty!"

"It's me, you, Daddy, Miss Augeff, and Miss Obwina!"

Terezi laughed and held up the picture. "Well, I'm going to hang this up on the fridge so  _everyone_  can see just what a great artist you are!"

Katrina clapped her hands. "Yay!"

"Oh, so Katrina came to show you her picture?" Obrina asked as she came downstairs.

"Yeah," Terezi smiled. "I am going to go put it on the fridge." She walked to the kitchen with both the purple-blood and Katrina following her. "Is Augeth still not up yet?"

Obrina shook her head. "Remember, she's still not used to this weird human sleeping schedule. She'll be up soon, though."

Terezi pinned Katrina's artwork up onto the fridge with a magnet and got out a Cherry Coke to drink. "Karkat's setting up in the garage if you want to help him," she told her friend as she popped the tab.

"Alright, but I can only help out for a couple of hours, because I have to be at work at twelve." Obrina sighed and followed Terezi's example of retrieving a Coke. "I would have never guessed my thinkpan could retain such an extensive knowledge of writing utensils—wait, why am I drinking this? I hate carbonated beverages!"

The teal-blood laughed. "I'll drink it if you won't!"

As this exchange was happening, Katrina began to wonder where her father was. "Mama?" she asked, tugging on the teal-blood's pant leg. "Where's Daddy?"

Terezi chuckled and took her daughter's tiny hand. "He's outside. C'mon, let's go out there with him, and you can ride your tricycle."

"Why do humans have such strange names for wheel devices?" Obrina took a sip of her cup which she had filled with water this time. "It's so much easier to say 'three wheel device' than it is to say 'tricycle'."

"Not...really." Terezi led Katrina outside and let her roam free in the space that was their front yard and driveway. "Karkat, Katrina's out here playing. I'm going to go back inside and clean or something."

"Alright!" Karkat called back. He stuck a price sticker on an unopened pack of onesies and sighed. He felt awful that Terezi was feeling awful, but he knew that she just had to accept the fact that Isaac was gone and there was nothing they could do about it. It wasn't anyone's fault; it just happened. But he wasn't sure if he should bring it up just yet.

The mutant continued to set up for the sale for a bit, then looked up and saw Vriska coming out of her front door. In her arms was a squirmy golden puppy—John's late fake birthday present to her. She acknowledged Karkat's presence with a wave, then placed the puppy on the ground and walked across the street.

"How's everything coming?" she casually inquired, glancing down at the dog. "Is anyone else helping you, or…?"

Karkat shrugged. "Terezi's still overwhelmed with everything, Obrina has to work in a couple of hours, and Augeth is still asleep. At least Katrina's keeping me company."

Katrina heard her name and quickly pedalled her tricycle over to her father and "aunt". "Doggy!"

Vriska softly laughed and bent down, guiding the puppy towards the young troll. "This is Sammy, Katrina. Can you say hi?"

The youngest Vantas sat on the driveway and let Sammy crawl into her lap. She laughed as he licked her face and wagged his tail.

"Well, I'm going to take Sammy for a walk," she told Karkat, zipping up her jacket. "I can stop by on our way back if Katrina wants to play with him some more."

"Well, it'll have to depend on the garage sale, but that sounds fine. Have fun."

Karkat resumed setting up what little items he had by now. He wondered if the garage sale would even have a turnout—it was November, after all, and relatively cool outside. But since many of the items were unopened baby things, surely at least  _one_  person would show up.

By now ten o'clock was rolling around, and so far not a single car had driven down the street. Did they give the sale enough publicity? Should they have put out an ad in the newspaper? He knew he shouldn't overreact, but he was getting a bit worried.

Finally Karkat saw a car. It was a relatively junky car; the paint was peeling off of the hood and a couple of the tires didn't have hubcaps. He tried his hardest not to judge—after all, he and Terezi were in the same place just a few years earlier. And it wasn't like their cars looked much better, either.

The car pulled up to the curb and parked. Its windows were darkly tinted; Karkat tried his hardest to see who was inside but failed to see. Both of the front doors opened and a couple bottles of soda fell out. Squinting a bit, he could actually read the label.  _Faygo_.

That could only mean one person…

"Shit."

"Karbro!" exclaimed the dreaded purple-blood, climbing out of the too-small car with someone else.

Karkat honestly didn't know what to do. His eyes wandered over to his daughter, who was weaving in and out of the Vantases' two cars on the driveway. Thankfully she paid no attention to her dad's ex-moirail, but he didn't know how long that would last.

"What is up, invertebrother?" Gamzee opened his arms like he was about to hug Karkat and walked towards the other troll. "Surprise, surprise! Any motherfucking miracles happened recently?"

The mutant-blood let out an exasperated sigh and avoided eye contact. "The only miracle right now is that I didn't shoot myself in the head after seeing you get out of that car."

Gamzee did nothing but laugh. "C'mon, brother. Bring it in."

Karkat rolled his eyes and refused the hug. "Why are you here?" He looked at the person behind his ex-moirail with confusion. "Why is  _she_  here? With  _you_?!"

The purple-blood laughed again. "This down ninjette right here is my matespr—  _girlfriend_ , Heather. Babe, this motherfucker is my friend from my wriggler days."

Gamzee's so-called "girlfriend" laughed just about the same laugh her "boyfriend" did. "Hey, my man has told me a shitload about you. He said you were his...muira...moyar...some gay best friend shit."

"Great, you told her I was gay." Karkat sighed and put his hand to his face. "Oh my god. I don't know where this is going."

The front door opened and Terezi walked out, carrying a stack of clothes Karkat assumed she meant to throw in the "to sell" pile. "Karkat," she called, beginning to walk off of the porch, I forgot these— "

She stopped and dropped everything she was carrying when she smelled Gamzee.

Her joints and muscles locked up— she literally couldn't move anything to get away. Even worse, she knew Katrina was still out here, and she didn't want that abusive loser to get anywhere near her daughter.

Karkat sensed his wife's fear and sent a nearly unnoticeable signal to her as he carefully walked over to the other side of his car. "C'mon," he whispered to Katrina, picking her up off of her tricycle, "you can go play inside with Mama."

"Hey, Gamz, look!" Heather laughed, grabbing her boyfriend's arm. "It's a baby!"

Karkat ignored the blonde's words and handed Katrina off to his wife. "I'll take these for you," he quietly whispered. "Please, just take Katrina inside."

"What is  _he_  doing here?" growled the teal- blooded troll. "I don't want that asshole anywhere on our property!"

"Terezi, calm down," coaxed Karkat. "I don't know why he's here either, but I'm going to find out. You just go inside."

Once his matesprit was safe inside the house, Karkat turned back around to find his ex-moirail and his girlfriend lighting up blunts while leaning on Terezi's car.

" _Why_  are you  _here_?" demanded Karkat, snatching the blunts from both of their hands and throwing them into the grass. "You don't even know that I live here; I don't understand why it's  _you_  that had to show up!"

Gamzee laughed and put a hand on Karkat's shoulder, which was immediately pushed off. "We're here to buy some shit, bro. There's all those motherfucking signs posted everywhere!"

"But… none of this is beneficial to either of you. It's just a bunch of baby stuff we can't use anymore. Unless…" Karkat stopped for a moment and groaned. "...shit!"

Heather smiled and wrapped her arms around Gamzee. "Now where's the cheap baby shit?"

Karkat tried his best to keep calm about the whole situation, but needed a clear explanation of what was going on. "So, wait, wait, wait. Back up. How did you two meet in the first place?"

"She was just helping a ninja out, Karbro," Gamzee told him.  _Yeah, he's stoned out of his mind_. "She and her kickass bros and sis helped me get to the Gathering."

"Great, so you met because she took you to some weed festival?"

"It's not a weed festival," Heather defended, "it's a place of peace and harmony for all the juggalos of the world to congregate and be a family."

Karkat crossed his arms and shot Gamzee a look. "I thought you weren't into that shit anymore. Didn't you say you were going to kill them?"

The purple blood smiled. "I did. For a long time I just wanted to  _motherfucking murder those blasphemers—"_ He calmed himself down before continuing. "—then I actually listened to what they had to say. Then it finally came to me: we are all a family, and there's no need for violence, my bro."

"Wait, wait, wait," paused Karkat, remembering something. "I thought you and Tavros were still...?"

Gamzee laughed yet again. "Nah, bro. I left that whiny little fucker after he started actin' weird and throwin' up all over the place. Haven't talked to him in a while."

The purple-blood turned to his ex-moirail. "Now let's see what shit you got here, bro."

He scanned the tables set up in the car port and grabbed more than just a few things. "How much?" he ended up asking Karkat, shoving a few items into Heather's arms and taking a wad of cash out of his pocket.

"Um...can't you read?" Karkat asked, annoyed. He glanced at the price tags and quickly did some mental math. "$37.50."

Gamzee flipped through the bills in his stack before taking one out. "Hey Karbro, do you have the equivalent of $100 in smaller sizes?"

Karkat immediately snatched the bill from Gamzee and held it up to the light to check for counterfeit. "Why do you have so much money?" he cautiously asked, pocketing the hundred and walking over to the money box to make some change.

"Just the works, bro," smiled Gamzee. He told Heather to take some stuff to their junky car and began to walk to the front door. "You got any more shit inside?"

"Gamzee, no—"

The purple-blood intruded into the Vantases' house, where Obrina and Augeth were helping Terezi calm down from her initial Gamzee shock. Once she noticed her pitiful excuse for a kismesis had entered her house, she tried her best to be defensive.

"Leave," she muttered, voice cracking a bit. Terezi began to reach for her cane, but Obrina silently calmed her and made her stop.

Karkat rushed inside and grabbed Gamzee's arm and dragged him out where he came in. "I'm  _not_  giving you permission to stay," he stressed to the other troll, letting go of his arm once the two were outside.

"Hey, Karbro, no need to get low," laughed Gamzee as he began to walk to his car. Just then, Vriska came walking down the sidewalk with Sammy at her side. The cerulean-blooded trolls squinted her eyes to see what was going on, then quietly let go of the leash and let the puppy loose.

The small golden retriever darted across the road and into the Vantases' yard. Once he saw Gamzee and Heather, he stopped and began to growl, yapping every so often.

Vriska simply smirked and watched from across the street as the dog jumped on Gamzee and snapped at the troll (he didn't actually bite him, though). Finally seeing this as a signal to leave, Gamzee and Heather quickly climbed into their junky car with their new things and sped away.

Once the two hecklers had left, Vriska ran across the street, laughing. "Good boy, Sammy," she cooed to the dog, bending down to scratch the pup behind the ears. "Sorry about that," she apologized, clipping the leash back onto Sammy's collar and standing up. "I knew it needed to be done."

"No, it's fine," Karkat laughed.

"Um...where's Terezi?" The mutant could tell Vriska was uneasy as she asked this. "Is she okay? With Gamzee and all…"

"Uh, yeah, she's fine. Just caught her a bit off guard, that's all." Karkat nervously laughed. "She's inside if you want to talk to her."

"I...think I'll run Sammy home and then come back over. I can tell she needs someone to talk to."

With that, Vriska bade Karkat farewell until a few minutes later.

 


	9. Thanksgiving

- **Sunday, November 20, 1921 / Minneapolis, Minnesota-**

 

A bright young woman walked down the street, admiring the buildings and taking in the scenery.  This was a huge change for her—she had just arrived there, of course!

 

She noticed a newspaper floating down the street and bent down to pick it up.  “Germany Plans Delegation to Arms Conclave,” she read from the headline, then flipping through the first few pages.  After scanning a few sentences, she closed the paper and folded it in half before sticking it under her arm.

 

Taking in the sights and smells, she walked down the street.  As she came across a cafe, she noticed two prestigious-looking women having a very heated conversation.

 

“—And when I took the cake out of the oven, the entire center was still liquid!”

 

“No!” exclaimed the second woman.  “Are you sure you followed the recipe?”

 

“Entirely sure.”  The first woman, a blonde with a close-cut bob, set her martini down on the table.  “It might be that darn oven.  All these newfangled inventions...I just can’t seem to figure out how they work!  I should telephone the company to file a complaint!”

 

“Did you rotate the dish halfway through cooking?”

 

The two ladies stared at the stranger, both shocked and confused.  “I beg your pardon?” asked the blonde, cautiously eyeing the strange young woman up and down.

 

“Yes,” continued the stranger.  “If you rotate the baking dish halfway through cooking, that ensures that each side of the pan is evenly cooked.  Or, did you over mix the cake?  Sometimes if the batter is over mixed, it causes the cake to collapse.”

 

“You seem very knowledgeable in baking,” the blonde woman told her.  “In fact, a good friend of mine runs a paper downtown; she might be interested in having a cooking advice column…”  She paused for a moment.  “What’s your name?”

 

The stranger quickly tried to think of something—then she remembered a name she saw in the newspaper under her arm.  “Elizabeth…”  A last name!  She needed a last name!  Quickly glancing over her shoulder, she noticed a large shop sign: Johnson Appliances and Crockery.  “...Crocker—I’m Elizabeth Crocker.”

 

* * *

 

 

- **Thursday, November 22 / 12:19 pm / Rose & Kanaya’s condo-**

 

**Rose: 16 weeks along**

  
**Roxy: 6 weeks along**

 

“So we are going to Mr.—Joseph’s house tonight?”

 

“Mm-hm,”

 

“And we have to be there at 5:30?”

 

“Mm-hm,” Rose answered, relatively nonchalantly.  “And my—” She gulped.  “—grandparents will be there.  God, that’s weird to say.”

 

“I would imagine,” Kanaya replied.  “They’ve been absent for the majority of your life.”

 

Rose was silent.

 

“Speaking of your grandparents,” continued Kanaya, “I know they’ll be at dinner tonight; do you know who else will be there?  Besides John and Vriska, of course.”

 

Rose sighed, halfheartedly trying to remember what Roxy had told her.  “I think...Karkat and Terezi.  Probably, I don’t know.”

 

“Sounds simple enough.”  Kanaya stood up and went to check on the corn casserole she was making.  “Alright, this looks just about done...I hope it tastes alright.”

 

* * *

 

 

**-5:27 pm / Joseph & Roxy’s house-**

 

Augeth and Obrina glanced at each other as Karkat pulled into the Egberts’ driveway.  They had been here a few times before, but it was still awkward.  Also, to save gas, the entire household rode in the same car—a sedan—and Katrina’s car seat took up a great deal of space in the back seat.

 

“So let me get this straight…”  Augeth turned her glance from Obrina to the other cars in the driveway.  “The entire point of this human holiday is to...eat food?”

 

“That’s what it comes down to, yeah.”  Karkat was rather uninterested in having to explain these “weird human traditions”.  It wasn’t like he’d been doing them his entire life, anyway.

 

“But there has to be some explanation for it,” insisted Obrina. “I mean, certainly humans wouldn’t just decide to create a holiday based around food?”

Karkat scoffed and killed the engine.  “Its origins do go back to food,” he told Obrina.  “Basically, some of the first people to move to the country almost starved, so to thank the natives for showing them how to farm and stuff, they had a big dinner.  The end.”

 

Obrina just shrugged as she followed Augeth out of the back seat.  Once Karkat had gotten Katrina out of her car seat, the Vantases and others went to knock on the door.

 

Mr. Egbert answered the door with a smile.  “Come on in!” he said to his daughter-in-law’s “family” and friends.  “The turkey’s just about done, but everything else is ready.”

 

“It smells great,” Augeth commented as she stepped into the kitchen.  Rose and Kanaya were already seated at the table, while Roxy was tending to the turkey and Casey was playing with Frigglish.  John and Vriska came to join the others as soon as they heard footsteps, and waved once they saw the Vantases.

 

“Kitty!” exclaimed Katrina, begging Karkat to put her down so she could pet the black cat.  She toddled over to Frigglish and Casey, then gave Casey a baby hug before sitting down to bother the cat.

 

“So what’s been happening?” asked Mr. Egbert in a typical “dad voice”.  He walked over to Karkat and gave him a hug that honestly freaked out Karkat a bit.

 

“Um…”  Neither Karkat nor Terezi knew what to do, so the couple just sat down at the table and waited for dinner.  Augeth and Obrina soon followed.

 

Roxy turned around, carrying the turkey on a large platter.  “The turkey’s done, so let’s eat!” she happily exclaimed as she set the fowl down on the table.  

 

Vriska grabbed the toddlers, one in each arm, and carried them over to the table.  Katrina crawled into a chair next to Terezi, patiently waiting for dinner to start.  Casey, on the other hand, wanted to eat immediately, and whined constantly for some food.

 

Mr. Egbert joined everyone else at the table, leaving everyone staring at him.  "Well, let's eat!" he exclaimed.

 

Everyone dug into the food.  Besides the turkey and Kanaya's corn casserole, there were mashed potatoes, peas and carrots, cranberry sauce, green beans, rolls, red velvet cake, and, of course, pumpkin pie.  There was plenty of food to go around.

 

"Well, it's good Aunt Joanna isn't here this time," John quietly said in an attempt to break the silence.  Vriska giggled at his comment, the memories of the past two Thanksgivings coming back.

 

Mr. Egbert laughed.  "John, she's your mother's sister; don't be rude," he told his son.  "But...it is good she isn't here."

 

"Who is Aunt Joanna again?" asked Roxy.  "Was she at the wedding?"

 

Mr. Egbert made an "eh" sound before continuing.  "She was there, but...I think she had a breakdown before we could talk to her."

 

"By 'breakdown' you mean throwing a hissy fit," Vriska piped in.

 

John chuckled.  "Anyway, Dad, how is the bakery coming along?"

 

Joseph smiled, taking a bite of the corn casserole.  "Well, the new floors are being installed now," he said, "and we'll start painting in December.  It looks like we'll be open just in time for Valentine's day..."  He turned to Vriska.  "And, I'm looking for people to hire..."

 

Vriska laughed.  "Of course."

 

The family and friends talked and laughed and ate, commenting on Katrina and Casey, the new babies, and life in general.  Joseph was about to cut the pumpkin pie when his phone buzzed.

 

"Sorry," he said, embarrassed, as he took it out of his pocket to look at it.

 

You'll never guess who I just met, it said.

 

It was from Joanna.

 


	10. To Be Discussed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so like. this chapter deals with eating disorders and stuff. tw for that

**-Saturday, December 1, 3:39 pm/Rose & Kanaya's condo-**

**Rose: 17 weeks along**

**Roxy: 7 weeks along**

Rose stood on her tiptoes and leaned over a little, reaching up to place the star on the Christmas tree. Kanaya, who had been in the kitchen working on a Christmas gift for Roxy, walked into the living room and immediately ran over to Rose.

"Rose, get down from there!" she scolded. "You don't need to be doing that! You could hurt yourself or the babies!"

"I'm pregnant, not an invalid," Rose sighed, rolling her eyes. "Besides, it's not like I'm going to slip and fall or anything—"

"Watch out!" Kanaya stuck out her arms to catch her wife, but nothing ever landed in them.

"See, Kanaya, I'm fine," Rose insisted, a tinge of humor in her voice. "The star is on the tree, the tree is decorated, and our weird hybrid babies are still in my womb. Everything is fine."

Kanaya sighed, but finally agreed. "If you say so. But with there being twins instead of just one baby, I worry about you, Rose."

Rose stepped down from the chair she had been standing on and followed Kanaya back into the kitchen. "What if they have horns?" she wondered aloud. "Casey doesn't have horns, but she's the only hybrid baby we know of. Oh, god…what will happen to my vagina?!"

"Rose!"

"Why don't you go back to making the present for my mom?" suggested Rose, a bit halfheartedly. "I go back to the doctor next week. Maybe by then Baby B will have flipped around so we can see what's in between its legs."

Kanaya slapped Rose's arm. It wasn't so much that the troll was offended by what she was saying, it was how it was worded that made her uncomfortable.

"Can we  _not_  talk about our children like that?!"

* * *

**-11:32 pm/Mr. Egbert's house-**

"Thanks so much for watching her," Vriska told Joseph.

He looked down at Casey and smiled as he tied her tiny pigtail. "Of course," he told Vriska. "I just  _love_  watching my favorite granddaughter!"

Casey giggled before being kissed by her mother. "Bye, Casey," Vriska sweetly said, "I'll see you in a few hours."

"Okay Mommy!" Casey laughed, waving. "Bye!"

Vriska said goodbye one last time before walking back to her car. Although he could be a little awkward, she was grateful John had a father who was willing to watch Casey almost every time she needed him to. And now that he was married to Roxy, it was even more likely that she was able to be watched. Especially today.

She had finally decided to routinely talk to a counselor to get her shit together. And she had taken it upon herself to actually look for a new counselor rather than go to the shitty one she had been seeing at the hospital.

After driving around town for a bit, Vriska finally found the counseling center she had made the appointment at. "Olive Branch Counseling Center," she quietly said to herself, eyeing the suite in the office complex she would be going to.

Vriska parked her car and double-checked the appointment reminder on her phone before getting out of her car and going up to the office suite. A soothing waterfall effect greeted her ears, which was a huge change from Mary's dull, drab office off of a dark and dingy hallway. The waiting area was filled with fluffy couches, one of which Vriska promptly took a seat on.

Her butt sunk into the couch cushion and she looked around the room. Through a small window on the door she could see a table with a coffee maker and an electric kettle on it. Psychology magazines were strewn across tables and, although the blinds were closed, this place had a much more pleasant feel to it than the hospital did.

A head poked out of the door to the hallway. "Hi!" a lighthearted voice exclaimed, going up to Vriska to shake hands with her. "You must be...Triska?"

"Vriska," the troll corrected with a smile, though slightly annoyed. "And I'm assuming you're Marni?"

"Yes, I am," Marni replied, opening the door to the hallway. "Alright, you can just follow me to my office, and we can get started."

Marni's office had the same vibe as the waiting room. Her "desk" was rather a comfy recliner with a lap desk in it, and Vriska assumed she would be sitting on the couch opposite the recliner. "Just have a seat on the couch," Marni instructed, as she herself sat down in the recliner.

"Okay, so tell me about yourself." Marni grabbed a legal pad and a pen and prepared to take some notes. "Let's see, where to start...okay, let's go back to your childhood."

Vriska thought for a moment, trying to remember her crafted humanized life story. "Well," she uneasily began, "my mom was a single mother. My dad left when she told him she was pregnant."

Marni made a sympathetic hum and scribbled on her legal pad.

"I have an older sister. We're actually fraternal twins—" She didn't feel like getting into it, but she read something on the internet and decided to go with that. "—but she was born more than a month before me."

"How is that possible?" asked Marni.

"Well, our mom did drugs. Meth, heroin—especially meth. So Terezi—that's my sister's name—was born prematurely, thankfully with little drug effects, but the doctors somehow made it possible for me to stay in a little longer, I guess."

"Interesting…"

Vriska coughed before continuing. "She wasn't the best mother. That's an understatement, actually—she was abusive. Not so much physically abusive, but she just yelled at me a lot. I was basically her slave. But she died when Terezi and I were in high school, so we didn't have to deal with her anymore."

Marni smiled a bit. "That's good, at least."

"Okay, well," Vriska continued, "after Mom died, I dropped out of school to work. We lived in a crappy enough apartment that we could actually continue to live there, since I worked three jobs, and Terezi had one of her own." This was an obvious lie to her, but how else would she be able to fill in the gap between Alternia and Earth? "And although Terezi is legally blind— she can see, but not well— she graduated high school and all that stuff. She's always been the successful one. I've just...been here."

Marni wrote down these things on her legal pad and thought for a moment. "Have you...felt overshadowed by your sister at all?" she asked.

Vriska nodded. "Yeah; not recently, though. She always had a boyfriend— they're actually married now— and I was always jealous of her. At least, until John."

"Is John your husband?"

"Yeah. We actually met when we were thirteen, but we never actually dated until he got out of high school. I was actually his first girlfriend."

Smiling, Marni wrote this note down. "Has your relationship always been strong?"

"For the most part, yeah," responded Vriska. "His dad didn't like me very much when we first started dating, but he eventually warmed up to me, especially after we got engaged without consulting him first."

"Really?!" exclaimed Marni. She laughed out loud. "Oh my gosh! Well, I guess he  _had_  to get used to you at that point, right?"

Vriska laughed in response. "Yeah, although he still didn't really like me. We're all cool now, though." She paused. "Yeah, so, anyway...we had been engaged for about half a year when I...kind of got pregnant."

Marni raised an eyebrow with a laugh. "Kind of?"

"Yeah, just a little bit," laughed Vriska. "Anyway, John's dad pretty much had to get used to me after that. It still really stressed me out, though. Since I would obviously be pregnant when we got married, I had to figure out how to make my wedding dress fit. I was just...really worried about gaining weight. I stopped eating and had to be hospitalized."

"Was the baby okay?"

Vriska sighed. "Yeah, but I had to be hospitalized for a bit, and got diagnosed with anorexia. Nothing too bad, I guess, but it definitely wasn't fun. After about a week I was released from the hospital, but, you know, eating disorders aren't something you can just get over."

Marni nodded.

"Well, we got married in April that same year. Then, in September, Casey came. She had a few problems after being born, but she recovered quickly and she's fine now."

"So Casey is…"

"My daugher, yeah," finished Vriska. "She turned two this past September." She paused, trying to find the right words. "Casey's not...my only daughter, though."

Marni sat back, intrigued. "Oh?"

Vriska sadly nodded. "Yeah. Last year the anorexia flared up again—I had been doing so good!—and then I found out I was pregnant again. And then the whole thing started over again, minus the wedding dress part.

"This time, though, I  _really_  didn't want the baby. With Casey I was just...scared, I guess, but...I wasn't working, and John was still in college, so I...decided not to tell him. I did tell one of my closest friends, though, and she's...not exactly overprotective, but she's been more of the mother figure in my life, although she's just a few months older than me."

"So...why did you decide not to tell your husband?" asked Marni.

"I...to be honest, I don't really know," Vriska confessed. "It's not that I don't love Casey—I really do—but after I had her I realized how hard it is to be a parent. Especially when there's only one source of income, and things to pay off. But I knew we couldn't have another baby. Not that soon, at least—I  _might_  want another, but maybe in the future, when we're more financially stable."

"So what exactly happened…?"

"I stopped eating again." By now, Vriska's eyes were watery, and she had to try her hardest to not cry. "And the same thing happened. I had to be hospitalized, John got really mad at me, and…the baby died. Fifteen weeks. I could see her little fingers, and her little eyelids, and…oh, my god, I don't know why I didn't ever want her!"

Marni reached over to the table. "Do you want a tissue?"

"Yes please." Vriska took a couple of tissues from the box Marni was holding and wiped her eyes. "That's…pretty much it. At least, for the sad stuff."

Marni made a few notes, leaving Vriska sitting there in awkward silence. "How have you been dealing with all this?" she cautiously asked.

Vriska thought for a moment. "Well, I've…been really sad lately over The Larissa Thing."

"Larissa being…the second baby?"

"Mm-hm. John got me a puppy for my birthday last month to try to fill the hole a little bit, which  _did_  help, but…a dog and a baby aren't the same thing."

Marni nodded empathetically. "I understand. I can't have kids, so I totally get where you're coming from on that."

Vriska frowned. "I'm…sorry."

"No, no, it's okay," Marni laughed. "I have two adopted kids. They're great." She paused. "Well, is there anything else you'd like to add before we get to discussing?"

"I don't think so. If there is, I'll add it later."

"Great. Okay, where to start…"

* * *

**-Monday, November 28, 1921/Minneapolis Tribune office-**

"Can you type?" a balding man with a very obvious toupée asked.

"Can I type?" The Condesce—well, Elizabeth now—smiled. "Of course I can type! I'm quite adroit when it comes to it."

"Great," responded the balding man. "That means we don't have to employ someone to type up the column for you."

"Well, I'm just a two-in-one deal, aren't I?!"

Condy thought that the human sense of humor was dumb and idiotic, but she knew she had to play along if she was going to get what she wanted.

"I'm Walter, by the way," said the man. "I look forward to working with you, Ms. Crocker." He glanced down at the job application sitting on his desk. "You know what? I'm just going to call you Betty."


	11. White Christmas

**-Saturday, December 15, 2:34 pm / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

“Look at all this stuff.  Look at it!”

Terezi dropped a three-inch binder bulging with papers and Post-It Notes on the kitchen table.  “And this is only one class, Karkat.   _ One class _ .”

Karkat gingerly pushed the papers away from him.  “And what class is this?”

“World Empires and Imperialism.”  Terezi sighed and plopped down in a chair next to her husband.  “How the  _ fuck _ am I supposed to tell the difference between the Roman Empire and the Roman Republic?!  They’re both just weird humans doing weird things in the same weird place, just not in the same weird time period!”

Grabbing the binder and opening it, Karkat began to flip through the notes and scan them.  “Well, I watched some documentary on the Romans a while back,” he recalled.  “One of the main differences between the Roman Empire and the Roman Republic was that the Roman Empire had emperors.”

“No shit.”

“ _ Anyway _ ,” continued Karkat, “the Republic had an elected council for a balance of power.  And all free men could vote.  Yeah, see, you wrote that down here?”  He pointed to a barely legible note written in—what else?—red ink.  “Why are you even taking this class if it’s stressing you out so much?”

“Because I was stupid and chose history as my stupid minor!”  She sighed and laid her head on the desk.  “Whatever, I don’t have to take this class next semester.  Continue.”

“...And the Republic came to a decline because the slaves and poor people were being abused and taken advantage of due to only the free men being able to vote.  So that’s why the Roman Empire happened.”

“Why do you know all this stuff?” asked Terezi.

Karkat looked down and blushed, embarrassed.  “Um...sometimes I watch the History Channel.  And National Geographic.  And Discovery.”

“Don’t be embarrassed about it!”  Terezi playfully slapped him on the arm, which caused him to jump a bit.  “Do you want to major in history?”

“Look, Terezi, right now all I’m focused on is having enough money so I  _ can _ major in history,” Karkat sighed.  “I mean, sure, financial aid will cover some things, but we’d also have to start taking Katrina to daycare or something like that.  I don’t want to think about it.”

“But, we  _ do  _ have childcare,” Terezi chimed in.  “Augeth and Obrina only work part-time.  They can watch Katrina while we go to college and work.”

Karkat sighed again.  “Maybe I can take online classes, but right now it’s out of the question, alright?  I know how anxious you are about us getting ‘actual’ jobs—I am too, no lie—but if we want to get better jobs, then we have to make sacrifices right now.  Okay?”

“Okay, fine,” sighed Terezi, standing up from the table.  “I’m gonna grab a snack.  Then we can get back to studying.”

~~~

  **-Friday, December 21, 4:58 pm / Rose & Kanaya’s condo-** 

**Rose: 19 weeks along**

**Roxy: 9 weeks along**

Rose sifted through the gifts in the back of the utility closet, making sure Kanaya wasn’t around to see them.   _ Okay, I finished wrapping this one, I still have to wrap this one _ … she thought, quickly glancing behind her for any sign of her wife.

The phone rang and Rose groaned before digging into her back pocket to retrieve it.  “Hello?” she said, closing the closet door and going to sit on the couch.

“Rose?”  It was her mother.  “Have you, by any chance...gotten a gift from Joseph and I?”

“Um...I don’t think so?”  Rose went over to the Christmas tree and looked over the already wrapped gifts.  “No?  Why?”

“Would you...mind coming over here to pick it up?”

“Mom, we’re coming over on Christmas anyway.  Why do you want me to come get it from you if we’re going to see each other in four days?!”

“Just take my advice, Rosie,” Roxy coaxed.  “Trust me.”

“This sounds really weird, but okay,” Rose said into the phone.  “I’ll be there soon.”  She hung up the phone and went to grab her purse and keys.  “Kanaya, I’m running over to my mom’s to pick up something.”

“Alright, but be careful,” Kanaya told her from in the kitchen.  “It’s supposed to snow tonight.”

Rose grabbed her keys from off of a hook on the kitchen wall.  “It only snows one or two inches.  I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so.”  Kanaya set the dishrag on the counter and went to kiss her wife.  “See you later.  Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Rose went down to the parking garage and got in her car.  “Let’s see what the radio has to say…” she mumbled to herself, switching on the radio and backing out of the parking space.

Nothing but cheery holiday tunes came from the radio.  Absentmindedly humming along to the familiar carols, Rose continued on with her business as she drove the familiar route.

Twenty minutes had passed before the holiday songs were unfortunately interrupted.

“This is a winter weather message from the National Weather Service for the following counties:...”  

The robotic, staticy voice was unfortunately familiar to Rose.  It reminded her of the days she and her mom lived back in Rainbow Falls.  Anxious to hear the news, she turned down the heater and turned up the radio.

“...Kitsap, Island, Pierce, King…”

So it was relevant.

“The National Weather Service has issued a warning for heavy snow which is in effect from 4 pm today to 8 pm Sunday, December 23.”

“Shit.”  Rose glanced up at the sky, which was covered with heavy grey clouds.   _ And I’m almost to Mom’s house _ , she thought.   _ It would be better to stay there rather than try to go back. _

Snowflakes began to fall.  Rather than speed up to get to Joseph and Roxy’s house quicker, Rose slowed down for safety precautions.   _ Ten more minutes, _ she thought to herself, making the exit into Maple Valley.

The snow had really begun to come down by the time she pulled into the driveway of her mom and stepdad’s.  Pulling her coat around her before stepping out of her car, Rose quickly locked it and jogged up to the front door.

_ Ding dong!   _ Roxy ran to answer the door.  “Rosie, come inside,” she instructed.  “Joseph left about an hour ago to run some errands, and I don’t know where he is!  And it’s starting to snow, so I don’t want him to get stranded!”

“Have you tried calling him?” Rose asked, taking off her coat and putting it on the back of her chair.  “What kind of errands was he supposed to be running?”

“I don’t know!”  Roxy slumped down on the couch with an apprehensive sigh.  “He won’t answer his phone!  I don’t know if it’s because of the snow or what, but it’s really worrying me!”

“Mom, calm down.”  Rose was slightly worried as well, but she had gone over 22 years of her life hiding her feelings and was practically an expert at this point.  “Did he say where he was going?”

“No, he just said he was running some errands!”  

Rose calmly sighed and pulled out her phone.  “I’m going to call Kanaya to see if she might know where he is, by any chance.”

The phone rang a few times before Kanaya picked up.  “Hello?” she asked.

“Hey,” said Rose.  “I’m at my mom’s house.  Do you know where John’s dad is, by any chance…?”

“Believe it or not, he’s with me.”  Kanaya put the phone on speaker so Mr. Egbert could talk as well.  “He came here to give us something.”

“Great.”  Rose put her phone on speaker as well.  “Mom, he’s with Kanaya.”

“Oh, thank goodness!”

There was a shuffling noise on the other side of the line, which the Lalondes took to mean Mr. Egbert was going to speak.  “I  _ did _ run some errands, but I also went to take Rose and Kanaya’s gift to the condo.”

“...Oh.’

“Well.”  Rose stood up.  “I guess I’m stuck here, and he’s stuck there.  At least until the snow lets up.”

~~~

The snow never did let up.

Rose was officially “stranded” at her mom and stepdad’s house, and Joseph at his stepdaughter and stepdaughter-in-law’s.  Aside from both parties obsessively charging their phones, tablets, laptops, etc. to prepare for the storm, Roxy had thrown some vegetables into a pot of broth while Rose was playing with the cat.

“He really seems to like you.”  Roxy turned off the stove and put the lid on the pot of soup.  “Weren’t you and Kanaya considering getting a cat?”

“Yeah, but then we found out about the…”  Rose gestured to her stomach.  “...yeah.”

Roxy sadly nodded.  “Are you...feeling any better?”

“Um...you could say that.”  Rose poked her stomach.  “The little shits are  _ still _ making me sick.”

“Rose…” sighed Roxy.  “Don’t talk about them like that.  They’re your babies!”

“Well, you weren’t much better.  You almost sucked me out of your uterus and had me incinerated.”

“Roseline!”  Roxy sighed yet again.  “I know you’re still not exactly excited about becoming a mom, but believe me, I was in your spot at one point.”

“Yeah, but you’re the daughter of fucking millionaires.”

“Rose, stop with the language.”  Roxy crossed her arms.

“Oh, come on.  I’ve heard you when you’re drunk.”

Roxy shrugged.  “Alright, fine.  I guess we’re both adults here.”  She sat down at the table across from her daughter.  “I know it might sound weird, but I  _ hated _ being pregnant with you.  I didn’t have a boyfriend, I didn’t know who your father was (until recently), and I was pretty much all alone.”

“Except for the financial support from your millionaire parents.”

“Well, it’s not like you’re any worse off.  You have the financial support from Joseph and I, and you live in a nice condominium that I literally  _ gave _ to you.  And you got to pick out the genes your babies will have.”

Rose scoffed.  “Mom, the whole sperm bank thing is a lie.  Kanaya has a dick.”

Roxy stopped.  “What?”

“Yeah, Mom,” Rose said, rolling her eyes.  “Kanaya has a weird alien-penis-thing.  We had unprotected sex on our honeymoon and I got pregnant.  End of story.”

“So  _ that’s _ why you’ve been so unenthusiastic about this!”  Roxy shook her head and sighed.  “I should have asked about it sooner!  I’m sorry!”

“Well, better late than never.”  Rose scoffed and crossed her arms.

“Rose, why do we have to fight all the time?!” asked Roxy.  “I know we haven’t always had the best relationship, but we’re mother and daughter and we’re both adults.  We should have this worked out by now!”

At that moment the lights flickered, then promptly went out.

“Well shit.”  Rose sighed again.  “Look, Mom, I feel bad we don’t really get along too, but I’m not feeling good.”  She grabbed her phone and flipped on the flashlight.  “I think I’m going to be sick…”

“You and me both.”

~~~

**-9:58 pm / Rose & Kanaya’s condo-**

Kanaya and Mr. Egbert huddled around the small fire pit they had brought in from the balcony.  With the electricity shut off and most of the “walls” actually being sliding glass doors, the condo became freezing pretty quickly.  

“This is going to be a long night.”  Mr. Egbert took a puff of his pipe (which Kanaya had reluctantly allowed, but only after cracking open one of the balcony doors) and sighed.  “I wish we could call Roxy and Rose to see if they’re okay, but all the phone juice I have is what’s left in this Mophie case.”

“Those things are terrible for the battery, you know,” Kanaya said with a bit of an eye roll.  Adult humans, especially those past the average midlife point, could be rather clueless when it came to some things, in particular electronics.  “It’s just like if you leave a laptop plugged in all the time.  If it’s always connected to a power source, it weakens the battery.  Kind of like...a child.”

“How so?”

“Well…”  Kanaya had to think for a moment to come up with the analogy.  “...if a child is dependent on their parents for too long, they won’t be able to live on their own.  Like the battery.  If it’s always connected to power, it never learns how to run on its own, so to speak.”

“Interesting analogy.  I like it.”  Mr. Egbert too another puff of his pipe.  “You know, Kanaya, I think you and Rose will be great mothers.”

“You really think so?” asked Kanaya with a sigh.  “I’m not so sure, to be honest.  I never grew up in...in this kind of culture.   It was never intended to be my responsibility to care for anything other than my own lusus.”

“Lusus?”

“She was like my mother,” Kanaya explained.  “Her original job was to produce offspring for Alternia, but she gave up that job to take care of me.”

Mr. Egbert nodded.  “Karkat has told me about that.  Can I ask you a question?  How did you all get your names?  I understand they’re not exactly… ‘normal’, as we would say.”

“Oh, certainly,” Kanaya said with a laugh.  “We’re literally named by our lusii grunting or gurgling or whatever sound they make.  Some of us got lucky; others, not so much.”

“That’s a reasonable explanation, I assume,” Joseph said, though still unsure.  “Do you and Rose know what you’re going to name the babies yet?  Roxy and I are talking, although, we still have a while to decide.”

Kanaya shook her head.  “No idea.”  She paused.  “I’m...worried about Rose, though.  I don’t think she’s taking care of herself like she should be doing.  Not in the unhealthy way, but...not taking things seriously, I guess?”

“Have...I talked about Maggie?”

She curiously looked at her stepfather-in-law.  “Isn’t she...John’s mother?”

“Was,” Mr. Egbert sadly corrected.  “She passed away from breast cancer when John was five.  She was actually pregnant.  But the cancer was so bad the doctors were afraid it would affect the baby, so they had to perform an emergency c-section.  The baby didn’t make it, and she didn’t, either.”

Kanaya just sat there, absorbing his words.  “I’m so sorry, Mr. Egbert.”

“Like I said before, call me Joseph.”  He sighed before continuing.  “I’m almost worried the same thing will happen to Roxy.  Not so much the breast cancer, but because neither of us are exactly in the prime childbearing age, I’m afraid there will be some complications.”

“I’m sure everything will be fine,  _ Joseph. _ ”  Kanaya stood up.  “Would you mind not smoking that?  It’s getting cold in here and I’d like to close the door…”

“Oh, not at all.”  Mr. Egbert tamped down the tobacco to extinguish it, then set it down on the plate he had taken from the cabinet.  “Anyway, I think it’s getting late.  Do you have any extra blankets for tonight?”

~~~

**-Saturday, December 23, 1922 / Minneapolis, Minnesota-**

A spoon clinked against a glass which caused everyone in the room to look up.  “May I have everyone’s attention?”

The room went silent as everyone looked up at the balding man standing at the front of the room.

“I’d like to propose a toast,” he continued, “to Miss Crocker.”

Though the entire thing was an act, the Condesce was actually flattered as everyone turned to look at her.  A human?  Actually proposing a toast to her?  Without her forcing him to?

“Miss Crocker has practically saved this newspaper with her wonderful baking column,” he continued.  “So this is for Miss Crocker, for her marvelous contributions to the  _ Minneapolis Gazette _ .  Cheers!”

The Condesce smiled and accepted the toast from her “colleagues”, followed by thanks and congratulations.  It had only been a year, but she had already had a small portion of Earth wrapped around her finger.

~~~

**-Tuesday, December 25, 9:54 am / Joseph & Roxy’s house-**

_ “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know…” _

Roxy hummed along to the Bing Crosby record as she unwrapped the gift Joseph had just handed her.  “Oh, thanks so much!” she exclaimed, holding up the thick novel.  “ _ The Warlock of Struj Trium _ !  I’ve wanted to read this for forever!”

“You know what?”  Joseph grabbed Roxy’s hands and pulled her up off the floor.  “Come on.”

“What?”  Roxy was confused, but still followed her husband into the study.  “Joseph, we still have presents to open!”

“I know.”  Mr. Egbert took the needle off of the record and sat down at the piano.  “You know the words.  Come on.”

“What?!”  Roxy’s face turned red.  “I’m not going to sing!”

“Aw,” sighed Mr. Egbert.  “I guess I won’t be able to hear your beautiful singing voice…”

“Fine!”  Although her face was bright red, she laughed.

Mr. Egbert hit an opening chord as Roxy hesitantly opened her mouth.

“I’m...dreaming of a white...Christmas…”

“...Just like the ones I used to know!”  Mr. Egbert winked.

“Where the treetops glisten, and children listen...to hear sleighbells in the snow…”

  **!**


	12. New Year, New...Events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to lady_of_space for being a ghost writer of sorts for a huge chunk of this and helping me out when I'm stuck

**August 22, 1932**

Everything changed when the Crash of ‘29 happened.

25% of the American workforce was gone. Banks closed. Lines for soup kitchens stretched down the block. Horror stories of farmers who couldn’t harvest even one crop spread from mouth to mouth.

Elizabeth “Betty” Crocker, however, was baking cake—both literally and figuratively.

Over the past few years, she had gone from writing a simple baking column for the newspaper to hosting a cooking show on the local radio station, and had even written a cookbook. She had become a local celebrity, and people had begun to take her advice on things.

"Here you are, Your Imperial Majesty—“

"What did I fucking tell ya?!" Condy/Elizabeth scolded in a hushed tone. "On Earth, you’re gonna call me 'Ms. Crocker'. Ya got that, _Edith_?!"

"Yes, Ms. Crocker," the young lady quickly said.

Edith—or rather, Zenith on Alternia—was the Condesce’s favorite advisor—if she could even call her a favorite. She was rather the most...useful, you could say, though she could be quite annoying and clueless. To help speed up her "building an empire" thing on Earth, she had decided to bring Zenith with her to Earth and just have her assume the role of assistant—under the name Edith Schuyler, of course.

“Great.” Condy resumed her “Elizabeth” persona and smiled. “So, _Edith_ , what do you have for me today?”

Edith cautiously handed her superior a stack of envelopes. “More mail for you, Ms. Crocker,” she squeaked. “I assume baking questions.”

“Ah, the usual.” Elizabeth took the letters from Edith and flipped through them. “Ah, it does look like they’re all business related. Thank you, Edith. You may take a break.”  
Elizabeth grabbed a letter opener from her desk drawer and proceeded to tear open an envelope.

“Fuckin’ humans, don’t know howta bake some fuckin’ cookies,” she mumbled to herself, tossing the letter on the desk. Elizabeth sighed and leaned back in her chair, thinking to herself about how she would go about this. Humans were so behind technologically—they didn’t even have computers yet! How was she supposed to expand her baking empire this way?

“Eh, I’ll figure it out.”  


* * *

**-Monday, December 31, 6:47 pm / Karkat & Terezi’s house-  
** Rose: 20 weeks along  
Roxy: 10 weeks along 

“No, Karkat, I _don’t_ want to go out for New Year’s,” Terezi groaned, rolling over in bed. “I’ll just stay here with Katrina.”

“It’s right across the street, Terezi. It won’t be bad I, I promise.”

“It’s not that I don’t _want_ to go, I don’t _feel_ like going.” Terezi stuck her head under the pillow and wiggled down under the blankets. “You can go, I’ll stay here. Bring me food.”

Karkat sighed and sat down on the bed. “Are you okay?” he cautiously asked. “”You’ve been really sluggish lately. Are you feeling okay?”

“Do I fucking seem okay?” Terezi bit back, picking up a pillow and throwing it at Karkat. “I feel terrible.”

“Terrible?” 

“Yes, terrible,” she repeated. “Have fun tonight. I’ll be here.”

“Mm, alright.’’ Karkat lifted up the pillow over Terezi’s head and kissed her. “I hope you feel better.”

Terezi did nothing but groan as he left the room.

The truth was, she felt much worse than “terrible”. And it had all started after Isaac. At first she just thought she was still sore from that experience, but weeks passed. Then months. And it never went away. Soon it became much worse than soreness, and went back and forth between a dull pain and sharp stabs. And it never stopped.

Of course, since she wasn’t human, she had wondered if it would even be a good idea to go to the doctor. Since it was obviously internal, the doctor would have to do an ultrasound or something to figure out what the problem was, exposing her troll anatomy. She had quietly mentioned it to Augeth, but she reminded her that she had no equipment to do anything, and it would probably require surgery for her to do something about it.

But lying in bed writhing pain wouldn’t do anything, so Terezi finally sucked it up and got out of bed. It was around dinnertime, anyway, so she might as well get something to eat. As she walked downstairs, she spotted Obrina sitting on the couch, watching TV.

“Karkat just left,” said the other troll, getting up from her spot. “Why didn’t you want to go with him?”

“Not feeling well. Besides, you always watch Katrina. It’s time you had a break.” The two went into the kitchen. “Where is she, by the way?”

“That’s…a good question.”

“Fuck.”  


* * *

**-John & Vriska’s house / 6:59 pm-**

“Where’s Terezi?” Vriska asked Karkat.

“She wasn’t feeling well, so she decided to stay at home,” replied Karkat. “She might come over later, though. Who else is supposed to be coming?”

John looked at his phone for messages, as it was already almost 7:00 and Karkat, Mr. Egbert, and Roxy were the only ones there. “Well, Rose, Kanaya, maybe my grandparents and my uncles. It sounds like nobody really knows what they want to do tonight.”

“Is a New Year’s party really necessary, then?” Karkat asked. “We’ve had one literally every year we’ve been here. It gets kind of boring.”

“I…guess since I’ve just sat at home for New Year’s most of my life, I feel like we have to have a party or something.”

Before Karkat or Vriska could add anything, a tiny patter came closer and closer. “Daddy!” exclaimed a tiny voice, which belonged to a tiny body that ran into Karkat.

Karkat looked down at the tiny troll attached to his leg. “Katrina?” he questioned, peeling her off and picking her up in his arms. “How did you get over here?”

Katrina’s face became serious. “Miss Obwina no pway. No fun.”

Squatting down, Karkat looked his daughter in the eye. “Katrina, how did you get over here?” he calmly asked. “Did Mama or Miss Augeth or Miss Obrina take you?”

“No!” Katrina giggled. “Me!”

Though it was rather out of character for him, Karkat was appalled. He wasn’t going to point fingers, but Katrina shouldn’t have had a way to get out of the house and across the street without an adult. She wasn’t even two years old yet, and was roughly the size of a large dog from paw to shoulder, so it would be highly unlikely that a car would be able to brake in time for her to be unharmed, were she to dart in front of one.

The younger troll beamed proudly at her father, who sighed. “Katrina, _don’t_ do that again,” he calmly stressed. “You could have gotten run over by a car or taken by a bad person. Don’t go across the street without me, Mama, Miss Augeth, or Miss Obrina, okay?”

Katrina’s eyes widened, and Karkat soon realized they appeared bigger because they were welling up with tears. She stuck her bottom lip out as far as it would go and began to snivel.

“Katrina, don’t cry; I’m just telling you this so you don’t get hurt.”

John gave Karkat a subtle wink to indicate he had an idea. “Katrina,” he said to the younger troll, bending down, “do you want to stay and play with Katrina?”

Karkat realized where he was going with this. “I don’t think that would be a good idea,” he replied, “since Katrina likes to run across the street when she’s not supposed to.”

Katrina’s eyes got wide again. “I pwomise!” she exclaimed. “No wun cwoss stweet!”

“Okay, you can stay and play with Casey if you promise to not run across the street without me.”

“I pwomise, Daddy!”

“Okay. Go play with Casey.”

Katrina ran off to go play with her “cousin”, while Karkat stayed with the others. “That was…helpful,” he commented unsurely. Even though he and Terezi had lived on Earth for five years and Katrina would be two years old that May, he was still hesitant to share his softer side.

Vriska began to go on about something food-related when Karkat’s phone vibrated in his pocket. It was Terezi, so he answered it.

“Hello?”

“Have you seen Katrina?” his wife frantically asked. “Obrina was watching her and we can’t find her anywhere!”

Karkat sighed, just now realizing his mistake of letting Katrina off with a simple warning. “She’s over here, actually. She told me everything was boring there so she decided to come over here.”

“Karkat!” Terezi scolded. “She could have been hit by a car! She’s already died once; she doesn’t need to die again! At least, not until she’s old…!”

“Look, I told her that,” he calmly explained. “And she promises she won’t cross the street without an adult.”

“She could have died, and you let her go play?!”

“Well, what else was I supposed to do?” Karkat decided to go into the study for more privacy, and shut the door behind him.

“Um, how about take her back over here so she can be properly disciplined?!”

“Well, John was the one who suggested she stay over here! Besides, it’s New Year’s Eve; let her have a little fun!”

A very loud sigh was heard on the other side of the line. “Karkat, it’s common sense! When she does something bad, we punish her! Not let her play with her friends!”

“Terezi, calm down…” Karkat was only trying his best to reason with her.

“Do _not_ tell me to calm down! Our child almost got run over by a car, and I’m sitting here feeling like there is a knife through my egg sac!”

“…What?” Karkat stopped. “Terezi, you didn’t tell me that…”

There was nothing but a huff through the speaker. “I’m calling a doctor.” Then the line went dead.

“O…kay.” Karkat put his phone back in his pocket, wondering what the heck just happened. Hopefully everything would return to normal after Terezi went to see a doctor. Maybe she’d be less moody.

Terezi went to her messages and texted Vriska. _What’s the name of the doctor you saw when you were pregnant with Casey?_

As she was waiting for a response, she got on her laptop and tried to figure it out for herself. She had only been searching for a couple of minutes when she got a response.

_Dr. Browne, at the hospital. Why?_

_Just wondering_. Terezi hated keeping her answer vague in such a serious situation, but Vriska was helping to host a party. She didn’t want to interrupt.  
After googling the doctor and reading the website, Terezi found she could actually just make an appointment online rather than have to call. As she was filling out the form, she remembered someone she could talk to about all this.

Latula.

She desperately clicked on the now-familiar Pesterchum icon and quickly typed up a message.

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling gamegrlCoolkid [GC] at 20:21--  
GC: L4TUL4 PL34S3  
GC: 1 N33D TO T4LK TO YOU 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG   
GC: wh4t?  
GC: sp1ll th3 b34ns!  
GC: 1D R4TH3R T4LK TO YOU 1N P3RSON TO B3 HON3ST  
GC: oh com3 on :/  
GC: 1TS 4CTU4LLY S3R1OUS TH1S T1M3  
GC: 4lr1ght  
GC: k33p 1n m1nd 1m br1ng1ng m1tun4, though  
GC: WH4T3V3R, JUST G3T OV3R H3R3  
\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling gamegrlCoolkid [GC] at 20:26--  
  


* * *

Back at John and Vriska’s, John’s grandparents had finally arrived, and had (unbeknownst to the others) brought his (former?) uncle Daniel and three of his cousins, Sam, Ryan, and Alexis. John struggled for a few seconds to form a coherent sentence asking where his aunt was, but Peggy enveloped him in a warm, grandmotherly hug and practically squealed terms of endearment before quietly whispering in a low voice to not, for the love of all that is pure and holy, bring up Joanna. 

After greeting his grandfather and the other members of his extended family, he made his way into the living room and tried to find a conversation he could insert himself into amidst all the din. He glanced over at his father, who had his arms around Roxy’s shoulder as he laughed. John smiled, because his dad seemed perfectly content—something he hadn’t seen in a long, long time. 

"It’s weird, isn’t it?” asked a soft voice from behind him. John turned around to find Rose resting in the overstuffed armchair he had recently picked up from Goodwill for a mere twenty dollars, one hand resting uncomfortably on her stomach as the other dug around in a small bag. She looked anxious and almost unsettled, and he remembered when she had first introduced herself to him via Pesterchum. God, that had been forever ago. 

"What?” he asked, not quite sure of what she meant. 

"Like…it’s all just really bizarre,” she said, applying another coat of mauve-tinted lip gloss to her matte lips (long gone were the days of black lipstick hastily applied to her lips before speaking to her friends on webcam). “I mean, come to think of it, it’s really a one in a million chance that we’d even meet in real life. And here we are, step-siblings, married to aliens, and…” 

Rose’s voice trailed off as the doorbell sounded. “I’d better go get that,” John told her cheerfully, a bit worried about how she was doing. A while back, Vriska had told him about her considering abortion, and it pained him to see his friends (or step-sister, for that matter) struggling with anything. 

The smell of cocktail weenies and various party appetizers filled the air. Karkat had escaped into the kitchen and was now staring indifferently at the “traditional dish” he had brought to contribute. “Why do people even like pancakes?” he mumbled to himself, Katrina laughing as she hung onto his leg with Casey playing nearby. “Princess, I’m kind of busy right now.” 

As he peeked in the kitchen, John thought about reminding Karkat about actual party foods, but decided against it as he didn’t want to irritate him any further. He simply plastered another smile across his face and went to answer the door. As he opened it, he froze, and it even took a second for him to actually realize what he was looking at. “Aunt…Joanna?” he asked, blinking and looking to her left. “Um, Karkat,” he called back into the house, “I think you should come see this.” 

Karkat groaned audibly and, after whispering something to Katrina, came to join John. He was rather uninterested at what John had to show him, but as soon as he looked outside his face turned bright red. 

"Kankri?!” 

He hadn’t seen his dancestor for ages, mainly due to the fact that he couldn’t help but feel a combination of guilt and annoyance every time Kankri started ranting about cultural appropriation (after all, he himself was living on an alien planet in an alien hive raising his daughter by alien standards). However, Kankri looked just as surprised to see him, and they stared at each other for a moment in complete silence before Katrina interrupted. 

"Daddy bwuver?!” she squealed, excited at the sight of seeing another troll bearing resemblance to her father. 

"Um,” said Karkat, but Kankri had already begun. 

"Actually, if you are to go off of Alternian standards, young Vantas, it is safe to say that although Karkat and I are descended from the same ancestor and are near genetic clones, we have never conformed to humanity’s standards of familiar units and therefore are not brothers,” said Kankri, holding Joanna’s hand. “Cultural appropriation is a topic very sensitive to me, and I would deeply appreciate it if you refrained from using such triggering language.” 

Katrina blinked, literally not understanding a single word he had said, and ran off to play with Casey. 

Joanna laughed nervously and patted Kankri’s hand with the passive-aggressive tendencies only known to present themselves in very irritating people such as herself. “Well,” she said, “it’s very nice to see you, John.” 

John frowned. This was getting weird. 

"Um, you too, Aunt Joanna,” he said, trying to not let his dislike for her show. “Uh, I hate to be rude, but…why are you here?” 

Joanna laughed with an irregular tone. “Oh, Joseph sent out invitations over Facebook back in October,” she said, smiling stiffly. “And I wanted to take the time to introduce you to my new husband.” 

John was instantly speechless, but Karkat spoke up. “What?!” he exclaimed, feeling both insulted and enraged down to the very core of his being. “Kankri, how did you even meet her?! And I thought you were celibate!” 

"Well, it's rather a long story,” said Kankri with a simpering—albeit utterly disturbing—grin as he flashed the golden band around his finger. 

At that exact moment, John’s uncle and Joanna’s ex-husband Daniel walked past the door. He looked from Joanna to Kankri to the rings on their fingers before sighing a lengthy sigh and rolling his eyes. 

Sam, who had been chatting in great depth with Rose and Kanaya, followed his father. “Mom?” he asked, excited despite the years of suppression by a bigoted mother. “Where have you been? Alexis and Ryan and I have all been trying to call you, but—“ 

As Kankri began to discuss the exact details of their marriage, John decided to tune out. However, once Vegas was mentioned, he immediately had to hear everything.  


* * *

**-Mid-December, Las Vegas, Nevada-**

_Joanna was beyond furious._

_Due to her new found depressive state (stupid Daniel, stupid divorce, stupid, stupid, STUPID) she had decided to go on a little trip to Las Vegas with several of her dear prayer group and PTA friends. Of course, when they got there, Nancy of all people_ insisted _on going to an especially not safe for work casino derived for 'feminine pleasure'._ "Utterly disgusting," _Joanna muttered while sipping a margarita. She was seated at a bar stool in a relatively tame—at least, for the city of sin—establishment, and despite her love of pure morality, she had already downed three Exxxtreme Cherry Margarita Bonitas. She was almost done with her fourth when a tall, somewhat chubby man sat next to her and promptly ordered the exact same thing._

_For some odd reason, however, he seemed to be exceedingly familiar in appearance. Pale, grayish colored skin, thick, curly black hair, and the slight beginnings of an unshaven beard..._

_Joanna gasped in drunken realization._ "Jesus Christ?" 

_The man turned to face her, obviously surprised._ "Actually, my name is Kankri Vantas, thank you very much. I honestly cannot appreciate such sentimental outbursts, and ma'am (unless your preferred pronouns deviate from your chromosomal gender), I believe you may be severely intoxicated and--what are you doing?" 

_Joanna had engulfed Kankri in a hug, barely registering his nubby candy corn horns or his bright yellow sceleras. Alcohol makes everyone beautiful._ "Jesus!" _she sobbed, holding his pale hand, tears streaming down her face._ "Please, forgive me Lord, for I have sinned!" 

"Do not consider yourself to be worthless, because I find that to be a triggering and difficult subject to broach," _whispered Kankri, taking a long gulp of his Exxxtreme Cherry Margarita Bonita. He had recently registered as an American citizen because the Alternian Empire was proving to be very, very difficult with culling policies towards mutants. He didn't necessarily regret it—after all, he was saving his own life with immigration—but he missed his friends deeply, even Meenah (they had been pale flirting for nearly a sweep when he left). This human woman, however, seemed very intent on believing that he was an incarnate of a widespread planetary religious phenomena, and secretly, he couldn't help but feel a little bit pleased._

_Joanna, on the other hand, was absolutely racked with guilt. How did Jesus feel about her divorce? What if he_ didn't _give her an automatic ticket to heaven? She decided, with logic only possessed by the seriously inebriated, to do the one thing that could secure her a place beyond the pearly gates._ "Jesus, I love you." 

_There was absolutely no correct way to respond. Kankri's mental capacities shut down, rendering his knowledge of all things politically correct useless. Instead of going into a diatribe, he smiled and squeezed Joanna's hand._ "I love you, too." 

_Overcome with an extremely narcissistic bout of excitement, Joanna kissed Kankri openly on the mouth. His cheeks flushed bright red before sinking into his chair. No one had ever kissed him, let alone hugged him! This was absolutely bizarre and horrible and yet...he liked it._

_Meanwhile, Joanna had calculated the ultimate way to get to her final destination. It was stupid, sure, and probably far-fetched, but who has ever been lucky enough to meet Jesus in Las Vegas? She grabbed Kankri's hand and began pulling him to a very prominent venue that she had heard of only from those awful tabloid magazine in the dentist office—_ The Chapel of Love.  


* * *

The environment had basically become incredibly awkward ever since the unlikely newlyweds arrived. Joanna seemed rather detached from her children, Daniel had completely disappeared, and Peggy and Bob were still having trouble comprehending everything they had just heard. Rose was still sitting in the overstuffed chair, her mother a few feet away on the love seat, both of them knitting tiny hats. Roxy was obviously struggling with the yarn, and Rose sighed as she began to unravel yet another row of clumsily made stitches. 

Suddenly, Roxy turned to her. 

_“Ma minette, pourquoi est la tante de John ici?”_

Rose sighed deeply. _“Je ne sais pas,_ Mom. _Simplement l’ignorez.”_

Roxy nodded before turning pale. “Ugh.” 

"Mom?” asked Rose, almost dropping her near-perfect French accent before quietly deciding to switch back to English. “You don’t look so good…” 

It’s nothing,” said Roxy breathily, lowering a hand to her stomach. “Just having trouble with morning sickness, that’s all.” 

Meanwhile, Kanaya was talking to Sam, who kept looking nervously in the direction of his mother. “Well, truthfully, musical theatre has been one of the best parts of Earth I’ve been exposed to so far,” she smiled, her near-British accent almost musical. “When I was in New York City with Rose, we often went to see off-Broadway productions, and—please forgive me—the majority of the casts in those productions were even more talented than their peers on the main stage.” 

Sam grinned at this. “Yeah! One of my… _friends_ is looking into auditioning there. He…he goes to NYU for opera, and he’s probably the best singer I’ve ever had the pleasure of listening to.” 

Kanaya nodded. “It was the same when I first heard Rose play the violin,” she said almost dreamily, remembering being the troll equivalent of sixteen and seeing her through Troll Skype for the first time. Surprisingly, her now-wife didn’t seem completely surprised by her appearance and only asked if she was cosplaying or experimenting with makeup during their third video chat. That had been an interesting conversation. “When you meet someone and they are extraordinarily talented, it’s hard to think of that medium without thinking of the...” 

"Yeah,” said Sam a bit uncomfortably, shifting his weight and taking another sip of his drink. “When…when did you know?” 

"Know what?” 

"Um…you know. That you liked girls.” His voice was barely a whisper, giving a signal to Kanaya that set off both her maternal instincts and her gaydar. 

"You just do,” she said with a wink. “It’s never been too much trouble for me, but given your mother…” 

They simultaneously glanced at Joanna, who was devouring some cookies. “Yeah,” whispered Sam, sighing. “Thanks.” 

"Any time,” said Kanaya, and he smiled.  


* * *

Vriska sighed and tried to pretend she wasn’t sitting next to the most judgmental and unintelligent human being she had ever encountered. She didn’t exactly hate Joanna, but was more annoyed and in awe at the fact that someone could be so stubborn and firmly rooted in their bigoted beliefs. However, just as she checked her phone for any text messages from Terezi, Casey came up to her and tugged at her cocktail dress. 

Mommy,” she said, her eyes sparkling, “question!” 

"Oh?” asked Vriska, bemused. Recently Casey had started talking much more and, after consulting several childcare books and online resources, Vriska had concluded her intellect was far above other children her age. She was rather proud and excited at the thought of her child being considered gifted. “What is it, Peanut?” 

Casey attempted to climb onto her mother’s lap and eventually received some assistance. “Aunt Kana, Aunt Wose gulls,” she began, “and baby. Where daddy?” 

The last part of the question just so happened to be asked in a moment of silence in between conversations, causing everyone to stare. Vriska opened her mouth but quickly closed it, trying to form an answer simple and innocent enough for a two year old to understand. 

Her thoughts, however, were interrupted by Joanna. 

"Well, Casey, there’s only one mommy and one daddy,” the older woman said in a sickening condescending tone. Across the room, a very pale Roxy excused herself and went to go to the bathroom. “Anything else isn’t natural.” 

"Contradiction,” Rose said with a bit of a hand raise, her cheeks tinged with a bit of pink. Vriska had by now recognized this as an early warning sign of the beginning of a vicious argument. 

"Actually, in nature, same-sex pairings are necessary for the survival of several species,” continued Rose, a hand tugging down her shirt that was a bit too small. “Homosexual penguin couples often adopt abandoned eggs and are actually more attentive and endearing to adopted chicks than heterosexual couples.” 

Joanna stiffened, beginning to get red in the face. “But they can’t naturally reproduce,” she said matter-of-factly. “It’s an abomination.” 

Rose shrugged and smiled, having already thought of a comeback. “That’s very interesting,” she said with a smirk. “Are you, by any chance, wearing any type of blended fabric? Have you recently eaten shellfish or gotten a haircut? And if my ears fail to deceive me, is it true that you wed your _second husband_ in the so-called ‘Chapel’ of Love?” 

It took nearly all of Vriska’s strength to hold herself back from laughing; however, Joanna looked as if she had already formulated the perfect response. “Well, at least I didn’t try to kill my children.” 

Rose froze. “Exactly what are you talking about?” she asked, her eyes narrowing. 

"Well, I have a… _credible_ source that told me you wanted to abort,” Joanna smiled smugly. “That’s understandable, if you’re in a relationship that won’t last.” 

Rose laughed, but it was more of a choke. Everyone was silent. “How can you know anything about my marriage?” she slowly asked, a hand uncomfortably cradling her stomach. A familiar wince told Vriska that the twins were kicking. “After all, aren’t you divorced?” 

Joanna smiled. “Liking girls is only a phase, my dear,” she said, “and one day, you’ll grow out of it. It’s almost unfortunate you didn’t abort. How will that baby know anything about a normal, stable life?” 

Rose was trembling, her eyes ready to burst with tears. “I…” she began, desperately struggling for a rebuttal. She coughed, swallowing back tears, but eventually couldn’t take it anymore, and began crying silently. 

At that particular moment, Kanaya appeared in the doorway. “Rose?” she asked with concern, running over to her wife’s side. “Oh, my god, are you alright?” 

She bent down next to the chair Rose was sitting in and put a hand on her wife. “Is something wrong? Did your water break? Is it the babies?” 

Joanna laughed and the room became silent again. “Well, of course _they_ aren’t alright,” she grinned. “In-vitro fertilization? That’s unnatural.” 

Kanaya stood up very slowly. At nearly six feet tall, she was intimidating enough, but the fact that she was wearing heels and had winged her eyeliner so sharply it could stab a man made her even more menacing. “What did you say?” 

Joanna swallowed, but had gotten too far in the argument to give up. “What are you going to, get angry at me because I’m right?” 

"That’s hardly the case,” said Kanaya with a smirk. 

Strangely enough, Vriska wasn’t worried about Joanna so much as Casey seeing what could potentially be a fistfight or a bloodbath. “Come on, Peanut, let’s go potty,”she calmly said, picking up the toddler. 

As she walked up the stairs, she heard Sam exclaim something very loudly and was about to walk into the upstairs bathroom when she realized the door was locked. As this was the bathroom Casey’s potty chair was in, she didn’t really have a choice, and knocked. No answer. “Hello?” she asked softly, knocking again. “Um, Casey needs to use the bathroom, which is up here—“ 

Me use big kid potty,” said Casey, slightly insulted. Vriska held a finger to her mouth to shush her. 

She swallowed. Something wasn’t right. “Hello?” she asked again. “Are you—“ 

A soft groan came from the other side of the door followed by the sound of vomiting. Vriska winced. She wasn’t cleaning that up. “Are you okay?” 

A female voice cried out weakly, and Vriska immediately realized who was in there. She wasn’t sure what she’d find, so she calmly set Casey down and told her to go play with Katrina. The toddler rolled her eyes and began to carefully make her way down the stairs. 

Bracing herself, Vriska tested the door to find a weak spot before slamming her shoulder into the door. 

The arguing downstairs ceased when Vriska cried out for help. Joseph looked around for John—he wasn’t there, probably outside to calm himself down—so he politely smiled at everyone before dashing up the stairs, nearly knocking down Casey as he went up. “Wait,” he said, stopping, “Casey…?” 

If Casey was there, what was wrong? He jumped up the stairs and noticed Vriska crouched down in the bathroom, totally in shock. “Vriska?” he asked. “Is everything okay? What happened? Are—“ 

A further peek inside the bathroom made his blood run cold. 

Roxy was sprawled out on the tacky pink tiles, her underwear around her ankles. There was blood surrounding her, all over her thighs and pooling around her butt, and she was breathing shallowly. 

Back downstairs, John had just come back inside when he hears footsteps pounding down the stairs followed by a collective gasp. “Oh my god, Mom,” Rose screamed, “what—“ 

"We need to get to the hospital,” Mr. Egbert said in an unusually detached voice. “Where’s John?” 

"I’m right—“ He stopped speaking and stared at his father, who was cradling Roxy in a bundle of what used to be the nice towels. “Oh.” 

John grabbed his keys and dashed outside to start the car. Rose waddled not too far behind him, keeping close watch on her mother. Joseph carefully set his wife down in the back seat, letting her lean up against him, while Rose got in the passenger seat. “How close is the hospital?” he asked John. 

"Urgent care is closer, but—“ Rose looked up at the sky, where snow was beginning to fall rather heavily. “Oh my god, John, just drive!” 

John sped out of his driveway, nearly rear-ending another car, and shot down the street at a very illegal speed. The snow continued to fall, and Roxy began to cry, but he continued to drive to the hospital where Casey was born. It was only when he pulled up beside the emergency room entrance that his mind registered the fact that there were two police cars trailing him. 

Since John was the one driving, Rose escorted her mother and stepfather inside and calmly told the front desk that her forty-five year old mother was ten weeks pregnant and was heavily bleeding. Roxy, who was bearing all her weight against Joseph, cried out as a fresh stream of blood ran down her legs and nearly caused her to collapse. Two nurses immediately sat her down in a wheelchair and began to rush her to obstetrics and maternity, and for the first time since seeing his wife bleeding on the floor, Joseph sobbed. 

"Mr. Egbert,” said Rose quietly, “I…um.” 

John burst through the door, shaking. “I told the police what is happening and they let me off without a ticket,” he gasped. “Dad, it’s going to be okay!” 

Joseph stopped crying and stopped, his eyes bloodshot, blood stains dotting his signature shirt. “Oh god,” he breathed, realizing Roxy wasn’t there, “where did they take her?!” 

"Probably maternity,” John told his dad, putting a hand on his shoulder. “At least, that’s where they took Vriska when she…” 

He stopped himself, but his dad was very unhappy at the implication. “What floor?” he mumbled, wiping his eyes. 

"Fourth.” Rose took up the hand of her stepfather and began rubbing it soothingly. “Joseph, it’s going to be okay.” 

Joseph went into the elevator with Rose and John behind him in total silence. The ride up was silent as well, but when the door opened Rose wanted to scream. Right in front of the elevator doors was a nursery, newborn babies swaddled in blue and pink blankets sleeping or staring up at the ceiling, and for a moment the three stared at the babies, reminiscing over a potentially lost future. 

Her eyes welling, Rose went to the front desk. “Um, my mom,” she said, trying not to cry, “blonde, she just got in, a lot of blood, um…” 

"Room 412,” said the secretary. “She just got in. For now, though, I think it would be best if just your father came in with her.” 

Joseph swallowed, not even bothering to correct the secretary, and grimly walked down the hallway, leaving Rose and John together. They had nothing to do but stare at the pastel-colored walls and listen to the cries of new human life. 


	13. Doctors and Shockers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of rape/non-con [not _graphic_ , per say, but if you are triggered by ANYTHING remotely related to sexual assault, yeah, save yourself the angst].

**-John & Vriska’s house / 11:32 pm-**

Vriska sighed and poured yet another layer of bleach onto the pink bathroom tiles.  It had been a long evening, and right now she was debating whether not she should uncork the bottle of wine in the kitchen.

Several hours had passed since what she was now referring to as the “complete and utter fucking fiasco”, and John still hadn’t answered any of her texts.  Kanaya had stayed behind after everyone left, and was currently helping Vriska furiously scrub the floor with as much elbow grease as she could given the circumstances.  Similarly, Vriska didn’t even want to _think_ about what had happened—too similar to one of her previous experiences.  She kept thinking about Larissa, her tiny body covered in blue blood, cradled in her arms…

“Vriska,” said Kanaya, bringing her back into reality.  She threw the grout sponge into the tub and looked up at Vriska, completely exhausted as she stood up.  “I think…”

Vriska nodded—Kanaya didn’t even have to finish her sentence for her to understand.  She inhaled the chemical-filled air before coughing.  “I’m going to check on Casey.”

“Just…just let Karkat and Terezi watch her,” sighed Kanaya, taking off her latex gloves and throwing them into the trashcan.  “I don’t think it’s going to get any cleaner than this.”

Even though there wasn’t any blood left, the bathroom just didn’t feel…right.  Vriska had no idea if she was going to even bathe Casey in there without thinking of what had happened.  “Can you make coffee?” she asked, her eyes burning with exhaustion and bleach fumes. “Just use the French press this time; it’s quicker.  It’s in the cabinet with the cups.”

Kanaya nodded and went downstairs while Vriska quietly turned off the lights and shut the bathroom door, then walked into Casey’s room.  Her daughter was curled up under a huge fluffy blanket, her lips parted slightly as she drooled on her tiny mattress.  For a minute, Vriska just watched her breathing, smiling at the thought of Casey growing up and becoming some ultra-successful…well, _anything_.  She didn’t care if she was a CEO or worked at McDonald’s: she would always be her Peanut.  Taking a deep breath, she leaned down and kissed her cheek before picking her up.  “Oof, little lady,” she whispered, supporting her head on her shoulder.  “You’re getting so _big_.”

Carefully, she walked down the stairs, more alert once she reached the bottom of the steps.  It had stopped snowing outside, but it was still freezing.  ”Casey,” she murmured, nudging the toddler.  “Peanut, wake up, I have to put your coat on.”

Casey let out a small yawn and blinked her bright blue eyes, a string of drool connecting her mouth to Vriska’s dress.  “Mommy?” she quietly asked, cocking her head slightly.  “Where we going?”

“You are going to have a sleepover with Katrina, Little Miss,” Vriska said.  Any sort of get-together always made Casey excited.  “Aunt Kanaya and I are going to check on Grandpa and…um…Miss Roxy.”

Casey pouted.  “I wanna see Gwampa.”

Vriska sighed.  “Grandpa’s a little busy right now, Peanut.”

Casey grunted and started to stick her arms through her tiny parka.  “ _Gammy_ make him busy,” she grumbled, and Vriska blinked in confusion.

“Who’s Gammy?”

“ _Gammy_ ,” Casey repeated in an exasperated tone.  She put one little hand on her hip and held out the other, which Vriska came to realize as her pretending to hold a martini.

“You mean Miss Roxy?”

Casey reached to be picked up and held on tightly to Vriska once she was in her arms.  “Gammy okay?”

Vriska had no idea how to answer, but luckily, Kanaya walked into the hallway, holding up four cell phones.  “Look what I found,” she said with the slightest bit of a smile.  “The water’s boiling, by the way.”

Casey giggled sleepily and snuggled into Vriska’s chest.  “I’ll be back in a minute,” she said, opening the door and immediately being hit with a blast of frigid wind.  “Wow, Casey, it’s so cold!”

Casey mumbled something inaudible and Vriska quickly looked both ways before trudging through the snow and up the Vantas’ driveway.  She knocked twice before the door opened.  Terezi was staring at her without her glasses, and Vriska had forgotten how bright her red eyes were.  “Hey, Terezi…”

“What do you want?” Terezi hissed, and Vriska realized that her cheeks were streaked with dried teal.  “ _Please_ try to be quiet; Karkat’s on the couch, Augeth and Obrina are asleep, and I’m trying to get Katrina to sleep.”

“Terezi, have you been crying?” whispered Vriska, walking inside.  “Why weren’t you at the party?”

Terezi didn’t answer and shut the door a little too hard.  “Nothing serious,” she responded, taking Casey.  “I’m assuming you want me to watch her?”

“Yeah,” Vriska said uncomfortably.  “With everything that happened—”

“Wait, what?” Terezi whispered.  “Is everything okay?”

Vriska tried to contain herself, wondering if she even should tell Terezi at all.  “Um…no.  Roxy _may_ have had a miscarriage, but we’re hoping that she didn’t, because, um—“

Terezi blinked and held Casey a bit closer.  “Oh my god, is Mr. Egbert okay?”

“Eh,” mumbled Vriska, trying to think of a response.  “Well, to be honest, I’m not sure.  So…that’s why Kanaya and I are driving up to the hospital.”

“God, that’s terrible,” Terezi said, her face a bit pale.  “I…I don’t know what to say.”

Vriska didn’t either, but the curiosity—particularly why Karkat was on the couch—was eating her alive.  However, she checked her phone and saw a text from Kanaya.  “I’ve got to go,” she said hastily, zipping up her coat.  “Thanks so much for watching her, Terezi.”

“No problem,” Terezi replied.  “Just…my condolences.”

* * *

 

**-Maple Valley Regional Hospital / 11:58 pm-**

Roxy was hooked up to several machines and monitors, sound asleep underneath the thin hospital blanket.  Joseph was still waiting for the doctor to tell him the inevitable, and was holding Roxy’s perfectly manicured clammy hand, still shocked by the fact that he almost lost her.  He sighed and stroked her hair, and she mumbled something in her dream state (her veins _were_ being pumped with pain medication, after all).  He didn’t know what they did with her dress—he didn’t want it back, ever.

There was a knock at the door and a tall, thin African-American woman wearing professional attire and a steaming cup of coffee in her hand entered.  “Mr…Egbert?” she asked, checking her clipboard.  “Hi, I’m Emma, the social worker in charge of this floor.  Are you feeling okay?  We have free coffee for the nurses on the night shift, and if you’d like, I can get some food from the kitchen for you.”

“I’m…breathing,” said Joseph, exhausted.  “I’d actually love some coffee right now…”

Emma smiled and sent a text to someone (who he assumed was in the nurses’ station a few doors down).  “Okay,” she said, sitting down next to him and pulling a set of papers out of her folder, “now, there’s good news _and_ bad news about your wife’s condition.  What do you want to hear first?”

Joseph rubbed his eyes and sighed.  “Uh…bad news,” he said, preparing himself for the worst.  “Sorry, I’m just…”

“It’s okay, Mr. Egbert,” responded Emma politely.  “I’ve read through your file, and this must be very traumatic.”

He nodded.  She felt oddly trustworthy despite looking like she was fresh out of high school.

“Alright,” she continued, making direct eye contact.  “Okay, bad news.  Your wife _did_ suffer a miscarriage.  The lab analyzed the fetus, and it was carrying what would have formed into fetal leukemia.  I’m very sorry.”

Joseph swallowed his tears.  “And the good news?”

Emma smiled.  “Mrs. Egbert is still pregnant,” she said, and it took a moment for him to process what she was saying.  “You’re still going to have a baby.”

“…How?” he asked, dumbfounded.  “I thought—“

“She was carrying twins,” said Emma, still smiling.  “It’s nothing short of a miracle, really.  She’ll need to be put on bed rest immediately and will need lots of medical attention throughout the rest of the pregnancy, but the other fetus is completely healthy.  The twin that miscarried—well, typically, miscarried twins are absorbed back into the mother or the remaining one, but this one…it’s almost as if it _knew_ that it would cause her to lost both itself and the other, as well as give _her_ some form of cancer.  Now, I can’t guarantee the baby won’t have any disabilities, but the ultrasound technician double-checked and everything is growing beautifully.  Congratulations.”

Joseph began crying and squeezed his wife’s hand.  Her eyelids fluttered open and she smiled weakly.  “Joseph, what’s going on?”

“Roxanne!  Welcome back!” Emma exclaimed, standing up.  “I’ll go get a nurse to check your vitals.  Do you want anything to eat?”

“Avocados…” muttered Roxy, squinching her face.  “Joseph…am I in the hospital?”

“Yes, darling,” he told her, kissing her on the forehead.  “How are you feeling?”

“I’m—“  Her voice faded off and her eyes widened.  She put a hand to her stomach.  “I’m having _cramps_.  Oh, god…”

“Roxy, please listen to me,” Joseph said with urgency, still trying to comprehend what he had been told.  “Vriska found you in the bathroom at the party.  You were unconscious, and—“  He tried to think of a way to tell her what had happened without shattering her heart.  “—you were bleeding.”

“Oh, no,” said Roxy, her face crumpling.  “Oh, no, no, no…”  She started crying as her husband reached for her hand.  “Joseph, I’m so sorry—“

“Shh,” Mr. Egbert hushed her, breathing in calmly.  “Roxy, you were pregnant with twins.  One of them was…cancerous, so it miscarried on its own.  The other one is still alive.”

Roxy blinked, tears now streaming down her face.  “So…?”

“Roxy, we’re _still_ going to have a baby,” Joseph said, his voice breaking.  “It’s going to be all right.”

Roxy sobbed, a mix between sorrow and relief, and Joseph did too.

All was well.

* * *

 

**-Tuesday, January 1, 12:20 am-**

Rose was barely keeping her eyes open, Kanaya’s arms around her, when her stepfather-in-law appeared.  His eyes were red and he looked terrible, but he was smiling nonetheless.

John sat up, holding Vriska’s hand.  “Dad?”

Mr. Egbert nodded, hugging him.  “She’s okay.  _They’re_ okay.”

“Thank god,” Kanaya sighed, holding Rose tight.  “Oh, thank god.”

Rose blinked.  One of the babies had decided to sit directly on top of her bladder, and the other was kneeing her in the ribs, but she could barely concentrate on them as she took in the news.  “Why was there so much blood?” she slowly asked, hoping for some sort of reasonable explanation.  “Did something rupture, or—“

“It’s…complicated,” said Joseph, sighing.  He looked completely exhausted.  “She woke up a few minutes ago and has been asking to see you, actually.”

Rose tried to emotionally prepare herself and quietly began to walk—at this point, it was more of a waddle than anything else—and found room 412.  There were little paper ducks on the door, and she stared at them a moment before entering the room and laying eyes on her mother, who was devouring an avocado (God knows why an avocado by itself tasted good).  “Hi, Mom.”

Roxy looked up in surprise.  “Rosie!  Are you okay?!”

“ _You’re_ the one in the hospital, Mom,” said Rose with an uncomfortable laugh as she sat down.  “I…I was really scared for a minute there.”

Roxy wiped some avocado bits off of her mouth and gave a sigh.  “Sweetie…I need to talk to you about something.”

Rose inhaled deeply, preparing to hear some bad news, and smoothed her shirt over her expanded stomach.  “Go on,” she said, hoping for something she could easily manage.

“It’s about…everything, really,” said Roxy, her hand moving down to rest on her own stomach.  “I wanted to apologize for…for not being a very good mother.”

“M-Mom,” Rose stuttered, completely shocked.  “You—you were _great_.  I was a complete brat, and—“

“No, you were thirteen,” Roxy said with a smile, closing her eyes as she remembered.  “Dear God, I’m going to have to do _that_ again…but really, Rosie.  I just wanted the best for you, and I’m so sorry that you had to see me drunk on so many occasions.”

“Mom, it’s okay,” Rose responded, shifting her weight.  “You had a problem.  I’m just glad you weren’t some absolutely terrible, violent alcoholic who tried to kill me or sell me into the sex trade or something.”

Roxy laughed and took up her daughter’s hand.  “Rosie.”

Rose grinned, her eyes welling up.  “ _And_ look at how I’ve turned out so far,” she said, feeling a complete lack of annoyance towards her mother.  “I was going to tell you earlier, but…yeah.  So, um…I kind of was promoted.”

Roxy gasped.  “Rosie, that’s wonderful!  What are you doing now?”

“I have five more clients on my caseload, and I can now run therapy groups,” explained Rose, her cheeks flushed.  She had known for several days now but hadn’t told anyone yet.  “You’re kind of the first to know.”

Roxy looked overjoyed for exactly five seconds before turning green.  “Shit.  I think I’m going to—“

Rose threw her a bucket at light speed, and she vomited, holding her stomach with one hand.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” Rose sighed, gagging at the smell.  “Do you want me to call a nurse?”

“They’re checking on me every ten minutes.”  Roxy stretched and curled back underneath the blanket.  “Rosie, I have to sleep.  I feel _exhausted_ beyond belief.”

“Okay,” Rose said uneasily, standing up and kissing her mother on the forehead.  “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

* * *

 

**-Thursday, January 3, 11:00 am / Rose & Kanaya’s condo-**

The alarm began to screech on the bedside table and Kanaya groaned before slapping the snooze button.  She had been coming down with her very first cold and sneezed before looking to her right.  Rose wasn’t underneath the covers.  In fact, her wife was nowhere to be found, and even her ridiculously luxurious “Scarlett O’Hara _Gone with the Wind_ ”-style bathrobe was still hanging up in the closet.  “Huh,” murmured Kanaya before blowing her nose and massaging her pressured sinuses.  She slowly got out of bed, joints aching as she wrapped her black robe around her shoulders.  “Rose?”

“In the nursery!” called her wife, and she smiled faintly before walking down the hallway to one of the two other bedrooms.  “Can you help me with this?”

She was surrounded by instructions and slats of wood, sitting on the floor and drinking from a tall mug filled with hot cocoa.  Kanaya blinked.  “What are you doing?”

“Funny story, actually,” said Rose with a teasing smile.  “You were completely passed out, and I was _really_ energetic…so I kind of went to Meijer last night and bought these cribs.”

“You bought cribs,” repeated Kanaya.  “Wait, when did you go to Meijer?!”

Rose shrugged, yawning.  “I don’t know, about…one?”

“In the morning?!” Kanaya exploded, sitting down next to her.  “Rose, I’m sorry, but that’s _terrible_!  You should be getting all the rest you possibly can!”

Rose patted her belly and cringed.  “I know, but Oliver has essentially been destroying my insides.

“Oliver?” asked Kanaya unenthusiastically.

“I mean, we still don’t know what the other one is, but I like the name Oliver,” said Rose.  “We could call him Ollie and make him the most fashionable boy the world has ever seen.”

“Oliver Lalonde,” Kanaya tried, actually liking the rolling syllables.  “Oliver Lalonde…-Maryam?”

“We can think about what we’re going to do with the last name later,” said Rose, trying to stand up.  She yawned.  “Help me up, please.”

* * *

 

**-11:32 am / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

Terezi groaned and tried to think of a legitimate excuse to not get up.  However, Katrina was pulling at the bedspread and talking endlessly.  “Mama! Duwwbell!”

“What, Katrina?” asked Terezi, a sharp pain running through her side as she tried to sit up.  “Oh—where’s Augeth and Obrina?”

“Miss Augeff and Miss Obwina at store!” chirped Katrina, jumping up and down.  “Daddy out too!”

_Dammit, Karkles,_ thought Terezi before attempting to stand up without experiencing any pain.  “Okay.  Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

“Donut!  Box!” Katrina giggled, and Terezi then realized that her daughter’s face was smeared with chocolate and sprinkles.  “Daddy got you jelly!”

“That’s…nice of him,” said Terezi through gritted teeth.  It was Saturday morning, and she _knew_ that Karkat was almost never scheduled to work weekend shifts.  A horrible thought came to her mind, but she immediately shook it off.  _He’d never do that_.  “Let’s go answer the door, okay?”

Katrina reached her arms upward.  “Up!”

“Um…not right now, baby,” Terezi told her.  She felt absolutely awful and slowly descended the stairs, gripping the railing as she went down.  Through the window she made out two familiar figures, and smiled slightly before reaching to open the door.  “Latula!  You made—“

She went completely silent.  Latula was wearing an extremely baggy sweater that said “R4D” on the chest, but it still didn’t hide the obvious bump underneath.  Usually, her dancestor was relatively laid back, but something seemed off.  “—it.”

Mituna, however, immediately wrapped Terezi in a huge hug.  “Yo, TZ!” he shouted at a piercing volume.  He wasn’t wearing his helmet and Terezi was shocked at how curly his hair was, but she couldn’t really concentrate on anything as the hug _hurt_.  “What is up, sugar?!”

“Uh…” Terezi mumbled, not really knowing what to say.  Katrina ran up to Mituna and giggled as he picked her up and lifted her above his head.  “Be careful.”

“Aiwpwane!” squealed Katrina, grabbing onto Mituna’s inner set of horns.  “Higher!”

“Naw, lil’ bean, let’s go get some nutrition stuffs!” Mituna exclaimed, flashing a peace sign at the Pyropes.  “I’m gonna raid your kitchen, TZ!”

“Yep…”  Terezi sat down on the couch across from Latula, trying her best to avoid looking at her.  “So…”

“What’s up, sis?” asked Latula, nervously flashing a row of sharp teeth.  “Hey, you’re looking really curvy.  You doing anything different?”

“I guess,” said Terezi, who didn’t remember the last time she had stopped herself from overeating.  “Um, so…you look…different…”

“I know, right?” Latula laughed, looking uncomfortable.  “Yeah, last drone session, me and ‘Tuna were excluded on account of his, ahem, differences.  Like, yeah, man, Her Imperious Condescension is _not_ interested in any more high-level psiionics running around, and…actually, we’ve kind of been on the run.”

“What?”  Terezi blinked.  “Is Mituna being subjected to her genocidal tendencies?”

“Um, a little worse, actually.”  Terezi realized she was crying.  “So, um.  You know the original Psiionic, am I right?  Pretty famous guy right there.  Well…he’s dead.”

“What?!  I thought his life was extended, and his consciousness was—“

“—Intertwined with the imperial fleet, yeah,” finished Latula. “Um.  But mustard-bloods burn out eventually because of the whole mental health thing.  He…well, it’s all just rumors right now, but he crashed the ship containing his brain.  Sort of suicide, I guess.”

“Holy shit,” Terezi breathed, trying to comprehend the fact that someone who had actually _known_ the Signless was dead.  “But what does that have to do with Mituna?”

Latula laughed bitterly.  “He’s one of the last known descendants.  The other Captor is in prison right now for protesting against the Empire.”

“Sollux is in prison?!”  Terezi had never gotten as close to Sollux as Karkat had, but they did have some interesting conversations about blindness after he lost his vision.  “Oh my god.”

“It’s a political shitstorm back home, really,” said Latula, sighing deeply. “Damara disappeared, Meenah is in solitary confinement for associating with a guerilla army, and don’t even get me started on Porrim and Aranea. Like, holy fuck, TZ, that is the single worst case of quadrant vacillation that I’ve ever seen, and I know Rufioh.”

“Is…something wrong with the Mother Grub?” asked Terezi. Maybe that would explain her obviously pregnant dancestor.

Latula closed her eyes. “We don’t know, but there hasn’t been a new matriorb in sweeps, and people are freaking out. A lot of discrimination, not enough grubs to even help the population grow, let alone provide for the food industry—“

“Stop,” said Terezi, squeezing her eyes shut. “People shouldn’t eat grubs, ever.”

“Oh,” said Latula, blinking. “Right.”

The tension was killing her. “Latula. How far along are you?”

Latula looked confused. “What do you mean?”

Terezi swallowed. _Oh, god._  “You know,” she said, making a gesture to her belly. “How…how long has it—“

Latula shrugged, squeezing a pillow against her front. “Yeah, I know, I’ve been basically stress eating, all the time,” she said quickly, pushing her rectangular glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Like, yeah, I’m fat now. Weird, right?”

“Latula,” said Terezi gently, “I think that’s not fat.”

Her dancestor still looked confused. “Do I have, like, a tumor or something?”

 “No!” exclaimed Terezi, trying to figure out how to explain natural reproduction to a troll who had grown up without ever seeing pregnancy. “Okay. So you know about the Mother Grub, et cetera, right?”

 “…Yes?” asked Latula, frowning. “What does that have to do with me?”

 “Okay, this is going to sound weird,” said Terezi, “but did you, um…pail with Mituna without using…a bucket?”

Latula looked offended, but sighed. “Yeah, but I don’t see how that relates to anything!”

 “That’s how Karkat and I got Katrina,” said Terezi slowly. Latula squeaked in realization. “I think you’re going to have a grub.”

* * *

 

**-12:03 pm-**

Mituna had absolutely no idea what he was doing with his life.

Katrina had arranged several pillows around a footstool and was pouring imaginary tea into a plastic teacup. “Would you have cookies?” she asked, giggling. “We have wed.”

 “Sure, kiddo,” said Mituna, pretending to sip from the cup. “Holy fuck, this is de-fucking-licious!”

Katrina burst out laughing, but quickly got back into character. “Oops! We have bwue now, too.”

 “I want both, kiddo,” said Mituna, bringing his knees closer to his chest. “Oh man, those nutrition packets look amazing.”

 “Hee! Fank you,” exclaimed Katrina, blowing him a kiss. “They cookies.”

“Very good,” said Mituna, and suddenly Latula was looking at him from the doorway. “Babe, want some tea?”

 “Mituna, we’re leaving,” she said rather tearfully. “Come on.”

 “No thanks,” said Mituna, sticking out his split tongue. Katrina giggled. “Me and kiddo here are having bona fide good ass meals right now.”

“’Tuna, please,” she said, hiccupping. “I feel horrible.”

 “Back to Alternia, I guess,” sighed Mituna, frowning and giving Katrina a little wave. “Hey, niece, next time, I’m eating at _least_ six donuts. Jelly, please.”

 “You’re not going back to Alternia,” said Terezi firmly from behind Latula. “It’s too dangerous, Latula! You could get culled, or worse!”

 “What are we supposed to do otherwise?” sobbed Latula, completely losing it. “I can’t have a grub, not now, not ever—“

Mituna perked up. “You’re having a grub?”

Terezi shushed him and put her hands on Latula’s shoulders. “Look. I…just stay here until you have the egg, okay? I’ll take care of it, no strings attached.”

She couldn’t believe herself.  _Did I really just say that?_ she thought in horror.  How would Latula react? How would _Karkat_ react?!

Latula wiped away her tears, though, trembling slightly. “Really?”

 “Yeah,” said Terezi, internally freaking out. “Look, I can help you and Mituna find an apartment, and it’ll be okay. I promise.”

Latula smiled enormously, her eyes pouring teal tears, and hugged Terezi tightly. “Thank you,” she whispered, and Terezi realized that not only had she saved her dancestor and her matesprit, but was going to have another kid. “Thank you so much.”

“My pleasure,” said Terezi, lower lip quivering.

* * *

 

**-Monday, January 7, 8:13 am / Rose & Kanaya’s condo-**

**Rose: 21 weeks**

**Roxy: 11 weeks**

Kanaya straightened her collar before checking her reflection in the mirror. “Rose,” she called over her shoulder, “are you ready?”

There was a grumble from the bathroom, and Kanaya smiled slightly as she got her cell phone out of her purse.  Today they would hopefully find out the sex of the other baby, and she couldn’t fully hide her excitement.  She didn’t _exactly_ have a preference, but part of her—maternal instincts—hoped for a daughter.  Of course, all the thoughts of a tiny girl looking like the perfect combination of her and her wife disappeared when she looked at her phone.  “Shit,” she mumbled, standing up.  “Rose.  I can’t make it.”

“What?”  Rose opened the bathroom door and adjusted her dress.  At this point, she had come to the grim realization that pants would probably not fit until after the birth, and at the rate she was growing she had to buy ridiculously large maternity clothes in order to have any kind of comfort.  “Kanaya, I can _barely_ drive with these little fuckers!”

“Don’t call them that!” Kanaya hissed before kissing her on the cheek.  “Look, I’m really sorry, but I completely forgot about an…arrangement.”

“Arrangement?” asked Rose, raising an eyebrow.  “What are you planning?”

Kanaya exhaled loudly.  “Okay, I wasn’t going to tell you until it was confirmed, but I _may_ have acquired a new job.”

“What?” Rose exclaimed, her hands enveloping her wife’s waist in a hug.  “That’s wonderful!”

Kanaya smiled nervously.  “Yes.  There’s a new avant-garde fashion design company, and…well, I figured I might as well attempt to get a job at least interning with them.”

“You’ll get the job,” Rose said as she kissed Kanaya’s cheek.

Kanaya was shocked—Rose had barely shown any affection over the last two months, a major contrast from the sultry seductress that had stolen her breath at their first meeting.  “Rose,” whispered Kanaya, “I—“

Rose remembered her current predicament and snapped out of it.  “Shit.  Who’s going to drive me?”

“ _Shit_.”

* * *

 

**-8:30 am / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

Terezi groaned and got into the loosest possible pair of jeans before trying not to poke her eyes out with some mascara.  Right after she finished, her phone began to ring.  “Crap,” she mumbled, answering without even checking who it was. “Hello?”

“Hello, Terezi,” said Kanaya.  “Um, are you busy?”

“Um…I have a doctor’s appointment, but other than that, my schedule is pretty much free,” she said, trying to keep her plans as vague as possible.  Obrina had agreed to watch Katrina while Karkat went to work and Augeth looked for a job, and she was really nervous about what the doctor might find.  “Why?”

“Ha, okay,” laughed Kanaya. “So…if you’re going to the doctor’s…could you _maybe_ take Rose to her ultrasound? Just wondering. You totally don’t have to do it, but I have an interview, and she is having some difficulty driving, so—“

“It’s fine,” said Terezi a bit lethargically. She didn’t really want to interact with Rose due to the fact that she was massively pregnant and basically was a beached whale with an attitude problem, but Kanaya was still one of her best friends and only people who could tolerate her moods. “When’s her appointment?”

“Nine forty-five,” said Kanaya. “I appreciate this so much, Terezi! Thank you!”

Terezi hung up and moaned. Her appointment was at ten, at the same place, and she _hoped_ she could trust Lalonde with keeping whatever happened completely confidential. “God.”

* * *

 

**-8:46 am / Terezi’s car-**

Terezi drummed her fingers against the steering wheel. “C’mon, Rose…” she muttered as the doors to the opulent condominium building opened. “Oh my god.”

She hadn’t seen Rose for a few weeks, and the blonde looked painfully enormous. _Was_ I _that big with Isaac_? she wondered, the memory piercing her thinkpan. Out of habit, she pressed down on the horn, causing Rose to look up from her phone with a startled expression, and then did her best to walk over to the car before opening the door. “Hey, Lalonde.”

“Terezi,” said Rose curtly as she sat down in the passenger seat. “Thank you so much for doing this.”

“It’s fine,” Terezi replied, and her phone suddenly buzzed on the console. “Fuck, let me get this…hello?”

“Hey, TZ!” shouted an all-too-familiar voice. “What’s hangin’, brosis?”

“Mituna, I can’t talk right now,” Terezi told him through gritted teeth. “I’m taking a friend to the doctor, and you—“

“Yo, I just wanted to tell you that me and Latula found an apartment,” he said, and she could practically hear his toothy grin through the phone. “Subsidized, and we’re gonna have to clean shit to live there…you still in on the grub?”

“Of course,” she smiled. She still hadn’t gotten around to telling Karkat, but she had started to do research on mustard-bloods (just in case the grub happened to have psiionics). “Tell Latula to rest.”

“Aight, cool kid!” shouted Mituna before abruptly hanging up. Terezi sighed and shoved her phone into her shoulder bag.

“Who was that?” asked Rose quietly, taking out some knitting. “He was very…loud.”

“Please tell me you didn’t hear what he said,” groaned Terezi. Rose looked uncomfortable. “Okay, confession time. My, um…biological sister is in town, and I’m adopting her grub. Karkat doesn’t know yet.”

“That’s wonderful,” Rose said with a genuine smile. “I mean, you should probably tell Karkat soon, but since adoption was the plan before—yeah. 

Terezi swallowed. “Are you still freaked out about having two?”

“Incredibly,” Rose said, looking out the window. “It’s just…I don’t know, kind of funny how the whole thing happened. I always _wanted_ to have kids, but…it just kind of freaks me out.”

“Pregnancy in general usually does that to people,” Terezi said reassuringly, wondering why people who wanted no part in carrying a child were the best at conception. “Do you think you’ll ever want more?”

Rose coughed. “Honestly? I don’t think I’ll ever do it again, unless…I don’t know? Maybe in the future, but probably not. My work schedule is already a mess with so many clients, and I barely have enough time to spend with Kanaya.”

“Which one of you is going to stay at home?”

“Um…” Rose’s face went pale at the thought of having to stay at home with two babies all day. “I have absolutely no idea.”

“I wish I could with Katrina,” sighed Terezi, “but school is ridiculous, and we’ll need more money soon, so…”

“If you’re interested, I could maybe write you a recommendation,” offered Rose. “The clinic I work through needs legal representatives for a lot of the clients, and starting pay for legal assistants starts off at about $17.50 an hour, so—“

“$17.50?” asked Terezi, amazed that anyone could start off with that much. “God, that could _actually_ help pay the bills…are you serious?”

“Completely!” said Rose, eyes brightening. “Look. Work is basically the only thing I look forward to most mornings. It’s incredibly effective in combating any negativity, because you’re constantly on a routine, and really, Terezi, if you’re going to adopt, you’ll need a lot of funds...”

Maybe she was going a little overboard on the sentimentality train, but Terezi nodded eagerly. “Yeah! Thank you, Rose!”

“Anytime,” said Rose, sighing as they found a parking space. “It’s go time"

* * *

 

**-9:45 am / Maple Valley Regional Hospital Clinic-**

“Ms. Lalonde?” called a nurse, smiling when she saw her.  “Are you ready?”

“Sort of,” Rose answered, struggling to get out of the seat.  Terezi was sitting next to her, filling out paperwork as she absentmindedly hummed to herself.  “No blood samples today, right?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” the nurse told her, leading her down the hallway.  “I’ll just have to take some measurements, ask the basic questions…it’s all routine at this point, right?”

“Yeah, I guess,” laughed Rose.  “Just wondering, when should I take maternity leave?”

The nurse frowned.  “Honestly, because it’s twins, I’d suggest at the latest thirty-four weeks,” she said, checking the paperwork, “but because you’re young, they’ll probably come early.”

“That’s fantastic,” said Rose sarcastically.  “How early?”

“Oh, anywhere from thirty-five weeks onward,” said the nurse.  “Usually twins are born around thirty-eight weeks of gestation, but you’re petite.  Just be glad you won’t have to go the full nine months!”

Rose didn’t say anything, and merely lifted her dress and groaned at the sight of stretch marks.  “Will _these_ be permanent?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” said the nurse, pulling out measuring tape and stretching it across the expanse of Rose’s belly.  “30 centimeters…a bit larger than normal, but since it’s twins it’s not really a concern.”

Rose groaned, then winced when the nurse squirted the sonogram gel onto her stomach.  “Ooh—oh.”

The screen showed the same set of twins, but they were larger and almost curled up next to each other.  “Okay,” said the nurse, squinting at the screen.  “There’s your little boy—ooh, he’s going to be cute—and…”

She shifted the wand underneath Rose’s navel and grinned.  “I’m assuming you would like to know the other’s gender?”

“That’s kind of why I’m here…”

“It’s a girl,” said the nurse, pointing out three tiny lines on the screen.  She frowned and looked at the twins’ heads.  “Hmm.”

“What?” asked Rose, smiling nervously.  “Is something wrong?”

“No, Rose,” said the nurse calmly, making direct eye contact.  “Your twins are perfectly healthy, actually!  Their proportions are measuring up, no abnormalities, nothing pointing to any potential physical disabilities…are you alright?”

Rose wiped her eyes. “Sorry,” she said, staring at the ceiling. “I know, hormones, but...I’m really glad it’s a girl. Terrible, being partial, and she might not even identify as that later in life, but...I really want to have the whole mother-daughter experience.”

The nurse smiled and turned off the sonogram machine, wiping the gel off of her patient’s stomach. “It’s perfectly natural to have some kind of preconceived notion of how you believe raising a child will be, but really, it depends on the baby. Each one is completely unique—sure, they follow the basic set of rules, but there are always little quirks that’ll make your child yours.”

“Sort of...a perfect genetic cocktail?” asked Rose uneasily, sliding her dress back over her stomach. “I mean, relatively speaking.”

“Exactly!” exclaimed the nurse, smiling politely. “Just wondering, but were you or your wife going to take off time after the babies are born?”

“Don’t we…have to?” Rose choked. “Um, we actually haven’t thought that far ahead…”

“There are some nannies’ numbers on the bulletin board in the waiting room,” the nurse told her. “They’re usually college students looking for a part-time job, but when my sister-in-law had my nephew she hired this _great_ nanny who’s still with them three years later. Just be prepared to pay out of pocket for a lot of expenses!”

“Yeah,” said Rose, struggling to sit up.

The nurse assisted her and helped her put her feet to the floor “Alright, Rose,” she told her, leading her out into the lobby. “Two weeks.”

Rose nodded and scanned the lobby for Terezi. She wasn’t anywhere to be found, and even her purse was gone. _Maybe she’s in the bathroom._ She sat down and waited for her ride to return, hoping the waiting time would be only minimal.

* * *

 

“So I’m assuming you’ve never had a hysteroscopy before?” Dr. Browne asked, double-checking her clipboard. “Wait, that was a stupid question, it’s written right here.”

Terezi laughed nervously and squeezed her legs together.

“So anyway, it should take somewhere between ten and thirty minutes, depending on what we find,” the doctor continued to explain. “First I’ll numb everything with a general anesthesia, which shouldn’t affect your ability to drive or walk or anything else. Then I’ll put a speculum in your vagina so the hysteroscope can slide in easier, and once that’s in I’ll slowly slide it through the cervix into your uterus, okay?”

Terezi nodded, trying to equate the human reproductive terms to her troll parts.

“Since you’ll be awake throughout the procedure I’ll just tell you about the other things when we get to them, okay? There’s not much else other than viewing the uterine lining.” Dr. Browne opened a drawer and pulled out a disposable hospital gown. “I’ll need you to put this on and put your clothes in this bag, and in a few minutes a nurse will come in and take you to the room where we’ll to the procedure, alright?”

“Alright.” Terezi smiled nervously and took the hospital gown and plastic bag from Dr. Browne. She was thankful the doctor was willing to perform the procedure on her despite her “differences”, but was nervous and terrified at what she might find. After putting on the flimsy gown and stuffing her clothes into the labelled bag, she waited for a nurse to retrieve her.

“Mrs. Vantas?” A nurse peeked her head into the exam room. “Are you ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Terezi grabbed her purse and the clothes bag and followed the nurse. “What do I do with these?”

“There’ll be a place in the room where you can put them. Do you need to use the bathroom? We can’t move forward with the procedure unless your bladder is empty.”

“No, I’m okay.”

The nurse led her into a room with a table in it. As mentioned, there were several hooks on which to hang her bags, which she promptly did and sat down on the table. “Dr. Browne will be with you shortly.”

Terezi was absolutely terrified. Though this was a human procedure meant to diagnose human conditions, since troll reproductive and female human reproductive parts were relatively the same she was afraid that the conditions and diseases would be relatively the same as well. And since she had had the problems with the last eggs and had difficulty conceiving Katrina, she was worried.

Someone knocked on the door and Dr. Browne entered. “Are you ready?” she asked Terezi, wheeling in a cart with some instruments on it.

Terezi vaguely nodded and nervously uncrossed her legs.  “Okay, could you put your legs in the stirrups here?”

Terezi did as she was told as Dr. Browne washed her hands and put on some gloves.  “Are you ready?” she asked Terezi, waiting for a nod before applying the general anesthesia. 

The speculum was inserted before the hysteroscope and, although Terezi’s nether regions were basically numb, she still winced as it passed through her troll equivalent of a cervix.  Dr. Browne did something and an image appeared on the monitor to which the scope was attached to.

“So…this is your uterus…”  Dr. Browne moved the scope around to get a better look at her junk, then paused.  “Huh…”

“What is it?”  Terezi tried to sit up, but realized that probably wasn’t a good idea and laid back down.  “Is something wrong?”

“Well…”  Dr. Browne sighed and squinted at the monitor.  “It looks like there’s some… _abnormalities_.”

“What do you mean?” asked Terezi nervously.

Dr. Browne sighed again.  “It looks like you have some major uterine scarring and abnormal healing.  This all points to something called Asherman’s syndrome, where the walls of your uterus experienced some abrasions and healed stuck together.”

Terezi gulped, immediately thinking back to Isaac and the several crushed eggs.

“Didn’t you say you’ve had a miscarriage before?”

“Two miscarriages and a stillbirth,” choked Terezi, realizing what this condition might imply.

“And you’re so young…”  The doctor realized how inappropriate this comment was and immediately apologized.  “Oh, my god, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that…!”

“I just want to hear it.”  Terezi was trying to hold back tears and prepared herself for the inevitable.

“Well…Asherman’s syndrome generally means infertility.”  Dr. Browne sounded sad as she said this.  “But—the good news is, it can be treated.”

“How?”

“It _does_ require surgery,” she told Terezi, “but it’s relatively simple.  The general procedure involves cutting the fused tissue with scissors, then inserting a balloon-type thing to prevent the tissue from re-fusing while it’s healing.  It’s a quite simple procedure, but since it’s a surgery it can be costly.”

Terezi sighed and shuddered when the hysteroscope was pulled out of her.  “Money is tight right now, so I don’t think I can do surgery any time soon,” she said sadly.  “I’ll…talk to my husband about it, though, and see what he thinks.”

“Great.”  Dr. Browne wiped off the materials and set them back on the cart to be sterilized before taking off her gloves and throwing them away.  “I’d like to have a follow-up appointment in a few weeks to look at it a bit more and discuss surgery.  You can just make an appointment when you check out.”

“Thank you.”  As soon as the doctor left Terezi quickly got dressed and gathered her things.  She wanted to get home as soon as possible and didn’t want to think about her diagnosis at all.

After checking out and making her next appointment, Terezi exited the hallway and went back to the waiting room.  “Oh, hey Rose,” she said nervously. “Sorry. I...kind of had an appointment here.”

“It’s okay,” said Rose, unsure as to how the doctors were not freaking out about the obvious case of alien anatomy. “Are...you okay?”

Terezi shrugged and they took the elevator downstairs before stopping in front of a vending machine. “Do you want anything?” asked the teal-blood, fumbling in her purse for some cash. “I’m pretty much dying for anything red right now, sorry.”

“I’m fine,” said Rose, watching as Terezi quickly felt the braille numbers and bought several packets of Starbursts. “Is—did they find anything?”

Terezi sighed and retrieved the candy, leading Rose to the parking lot. “I don’t really want to talk about it,” she said simply, and Rose nodded. “Is it okay if I blare some music? You know. It’s supposed to be helpful with...thoughts."

Rose swallowed and buckled her seat belt.

* * *

 

**-2:36 pm / Joseph & Roxy’s house-**

“Nervous” didn’t completely cover how Joseph was feeling when he unlocked the front door of his house and crept in. “Roxy?” he called out, wondering if she was still asleep. Ever since she had been put on bedrest, she had essentially done nothing but skim through old astrophysics textbooks and watch Netflix while zoning out on the bed, not moving in fear of creating some kind of disturbance in her womb. He put down the bag of groceries that she had requested (all varieties of fruit and vegetables) and quietly ascended the stairs. Frigglish mewed and hissed as he opened the bedroom door. “Roxy, what are you doing?”

His wife was staring at the ceiling, eyes half open, and biting her lower lip. “Joseph.”

“Are you alright?” he asked tentatively, sitting down on the bed next to her. “You look…”

“Awful,” she murmured, her eyes wide open. “I know. I’ve barely looked in the mirror, and eyeliner won’t apply itself.”

“I was going to say beautiful, but if that’s what you believe, so be it,” said Joseph, holding her hand. “I bought some chocolate.”

She made a face. “Joseph, I can’t eat chocolate without throwing up,” she said in defeat. “This baby doesn’t want anything that tastes good. Just...Brussel sprouts.”

“I could sauté them?” he offered, squeezing her hand in support. “Maybe a salad with grilled chicken and dried cherries with raspberry vinaigrette?”

“Nothing sweet,” she groaned, burying her face into the pillow. “I want a cupcake so bad right now, Joseph. Just...a huge buttercream frosting thing, but the baby literally has no interest in actually letting me digest anything relatively edible.”

“Hmm,” said Joseph with a tiny frown, kissing her slightly curved belly. “Do you...never mind.”

“What?” asked Roxy nervously, sitting up. “Has something been bothering you?”

“Yes,” he admitted, not sure how to broach a delicate subject. “It’s about...the twin.”

Roxy’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t know how to feel about it.”

“I,” said Joseph, swallowing and trying to gather his thoughts. “I just wonder.”

“Me too,” sighed Roxy, closing her eyes. “Because of the entirety of the identical situation...do you think…”

She couldn’t continue. Thinking about a _potentially_ tragic future was too much, and she had been told to keep her stress levels as regulated as possible if she wanted to carry the baby to term. “Just, what if they both lived?” she asked a bit tearfully. “What if the cancer manifested later? But what if it _didn’t_ and we had two babies and they were both healthy and—“

“Don’t think like that, Roxy,” muttered Joseph, but the same thoughts had been plaguing him as well. “It happened, and we’ll have to deal with it, but we’ll still have a baby. That’s all that really matters, right?”

Roxy still looked uncomfortable. “I...what if it was payback?” she asked, misty eyed.

Joseph was confused. “For...what?”

Roxy turned red. “Nothing.”

“Tell me,” he said, stroking her cheek. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”

Roxy sighed, trying to push the memories out of her head. “I never told anyone,” she whispered, looking ashamed. “It…”

Joseph frowned. His wife’s entire body language had changed—instead of her normal, fluidly expressive self, he was looking at someone small and drawn in, someone who was hiding. “Roxy?”

“Please don’t think any less of me,” she said quickly, hands trembling. “I was really young, I didn’t know what I was doing—“

“Roxy, I really have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Joseph, but he was starting to feel concerned. Roxy had never looked so _scared_ before, never so frightened of potential judgement. “Did something happen?”

She took a deep breath and began.

* * *

 

- **July 1989, London, England-**

_Roxanne Lalonde (not yet Roxy) took a deep breath before grasping her boyfriend’s hand. “This is it,” she murmured, all sixteen years of her done up in the most cultured clothing she could find at her favorite punk counterculture boutique in Paris, bright pink and black eye makeup slightly smeared across her pallid features. William grinned at her—he was incredibly handsome, with heavily lidded brown eyes and short cut blond hair—and kissed her violently on the neck. She squealed and pushed him off, laughing hysterically. “Not_ now _, Will,” she whispered. “We’re barely out of the hotel, how do you expect us to not get caught?”_

_She had met William on one of her father’s many inescapable business trips._ His _father was one of_ her _father’s business associates located in London, and after several awkward company meetings, they became friends and then began to date. With both of their father’s schedules intertwining over the last year and a half, they became nearly inseparable, and Roxanne wondered if maybe, just_ maybe _, he would be the one to make her complete. It was completely fantasy, of course, but when she looked at him she felt so much burning teenage desire that it was hard to not_ totally _swoon. “Whatever, Rox,” said Will, grinning as he pulled her down the street. “There’s this club that we can go to, I swear, Jacques said that there’s this new DJ and it’s_ amazing _.”_

_“Then take me there, silly!” chided Roxanne, laughing as they ran down the street. She stopped briefly and loosened her spiked choker that she had snuck on in the bathroom. “Do you think I look okay?”_

_“Rox, you look dazzling,” said Will, shooting her one of his ridiculously bright smiles. His canine teeth were a little bit too sharp, but Roxanne liked to pretend that it was a sign of his obviously romantic heritage. “C’mon, we’re almost there!”_

_She rolled her eyes and paused as they stopped in front of a large, graffiti covered building. “Are you sure this is safe?” she asked, biting her lower lip. “It looks…”_

_“It’s_ fine _, Rox,” said Will in a slightly irritated voice, and she swallowed. As much as she adored him, she was terrified by any implication of anger. He led her into the alley and knocked five times on a red door before a skeevy looking girl with huge circles under her eyes answered. “Hey, we’re here for_ Noir _.”_

_“Sure,” shrugged the girl, and Roxanne realized that there was a gap where her front teeth should be. “Who’s this?”_

_“This is Roxanne,” said Will, nodding. “Like the Police song.”_

_“Of course,” snorted the girl, letting them in. “Welcome to_ Noir _, bitches.”_

_Roxanne blinked and tried to let her eyes adjust, but lights were flashing and the stairs were steep. “Will,” she whispered, “I don’t like this.”_

_“Just enjoy it,” he said, and they reached the bottom of a dark sub-basement that had been renovated to look vaguely like a club. A man wearing a wolf mask was drinking something fizzy through a straw, and pounding music was playing from the speakers. Another man with a cue ball on his head and a white suit was using an advanced set of turntables to create the awful din, and Roxanne inhaled, coughing on the smoke. “Hey, look, it’s Jacques! Hey, Jacques!”_

_Will disappeared into the crowd, and Roxanne felt incredibly uneasy. The girl with the missing teeth shoved a drink in her direction. “Try this,” she smiled, and she quickly took a huge gulp before realizing that it was not a diet Coke. “Why the sad face, love?”_

_“Is this...alcohol?” squeaked Roxanne, head starting to spin. “I’m_ sixteen _!”_

_“Big deal, bitch,” shrugged the girl. “Nobody cares about your age here.”_

_Roxanne blinked rapidly, trying to register what was happening. Her head was starting to hurt, and she felt dizzy. “Will?” she called, pushing through the crowd. “Will, where are you?”_

_Her boyfriend looked up from his own drink and grinned. His teeth didn’t seem so romantic anymore. “You look a little tipsy,” he laughed, putting his arm around her waist and grabbing her butt. She was too shocked to protest. “This here is Jacques and Fred and Mason. Wanna go for a ride with them?”_

_Roxanne nodded. Her head was pounding. “Take me home,” she whispered, and they left the building. To her surprise, it was already dark out, and she held on to Will, trying to breathe. “Where are we going?” she asked as they got into a dilapidated Model T. “Will, Papa will completely freak out—“_

_“_ Roxanne _,” sang the boy named Fred sarcastically. “I bet you’re just like the girl in the song, right?”_

_“Um, no?” asked Roxanne, feeling sick. They were speeding out of London now, in an area she didn’t recognize at all. “Where…”_

_“You put on a red light, Roxanne?” teased Jacques, and she realized that his hand was reaching up her thigh. She tried pushing it away, but her arms felt useless. “C’mon, Roxanne.”_

_“Please stop,” she hissed, trying to reach for Will. “William,_ please _—“_

_He slapped her across the face, and she found herself speechless as they stopped in a field. “She a virgin, Will?” called Mason, helping to drag her out._

_“Probably,” said Will, and Roxanne started to cry in realization. “What? Don’t act like you_ don’t _want it.”_

_They held down her hands and took turns. The first time hurt the most, and Jacques held a rag in her mouth as she screamed. Fred took her from behind. Mason put it in her mouth. And Will...he just laughed, his elongated canines shining in the moonlight as he dashed all hopes of ever being romantic._

_When it was done, they hopped back into the car, and she stared at the sky, blackish blood dripping from in between legs._ This isn’t happening, _thought Roxanne, pulling at the grass._ I’m dreaming _._

* * *

 

Joseph stared at her, still trying to comprehend what she had told him. “Roxy?”

“I never told anybody,” she whispered, not looking at him. “It just...I ran away for a few weeks after that. Stayed with my friends, I just _couldn’t_ tell my parents, Joseph. And then—my period was late, and, I knew _something_ was wrong, and then…”

She broke into sobs. “I got an abortion,” she cried, still shaking. “And then I went home, and Mama and Papa were so mad, but I still didn’t tell them, and I had to see him all the time, and—”

“Roxy,” whispered Joseph, holding her. “ _Roxy._ Calm down.”

“But I killed it,” she sobbed, her body tense. “What if—what if the baby dying was punishment?”

“Roxy, you did the right thing,” said Joseph, still stunned. “You were a child. You couldn’t have had a baby, not with them—“

Roxy sobbed uncontrollably, turning away from him. “I just feel so _guilty_ ,” she said, pulling the covers over her face. “And...Will...he was practically promoted to CEO of SkaiaTech last year, and in his profile it said that he was _good_ and has three children and tons of grandchildren and _I hate him so much_!”

The last part of her sentence came out in a strangled shriek. Joseph sighed and put his hands on her shoulders. “Roxy, you need to calm down,” he said in his most reassuring authoritative voice. “Remember what the doctors said about the correlation between stress and miscarriage.”

Roxy gulped and quieted, holding onto him. “I’m sorry,” she said, still shaking. “I just...I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Roxy,” he said, brushing her bangs to the side of her face. “It’s horrible that you had to go through that, and I’m _very_ proud of you for telling me. That must be so hard.”

His wife sighed, almost in contentment. “You’re so good to me, Joseph,” she said, her eyes starting to well up with tears. “I...I used to think that I didn’t deserve anyone as good as you, or...I don’t know. I felt so worthless, and sometimes I _still_ feel like that, and—“

“Roxy.”

She swallowed and he kissed her on the forehead. “You will _never_ be hurt like that again,” continued Joseph. “I swear, if he even tries to contact you, I will do something—“

“No violence around baby,” she said, looking relatively normal. “Please.”

“I’ll take it outdoors,” said Joseph grimly. “Like _gentlemen_.”

Roxy giggled, almost like a child. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Roxy.”

* * *

 

**-4:03 pm / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

Karkat had endured one of the worst possible days ever at Starbucks (including the incident when he accidentally put ten shots of espresso in a frappuccino designated for a five year old wiggler [why anyone would give a child that young any kind of caffeinated beverage, he had no idea]. He had never heard the end of that one) and was about to collapse on the couch that he now called his bed when he realized that Terezi was sitting on the edge of the loveseat with a very forlorn expression. “Terezi?” he asked, putting down his backpack and readjusting the collar of his black shirt. “Is...everything alright?”

“I’m fine,” said Terezi in monotone, inhaling deeply and attempting to come up with some kind of excuse for her mood. “Technically, I’m great.”

Something seemed very off to Karkat about the way she spoke the words. “Did...Obrina said you were going to the doctor,” he said quietly, attempting to bring some kind of peace between them. The last week had been rather rough on their relationship, but he still believed in the entirety of their “legally inseparable” state. They hadn’t escaped to Earth for nothing, after all. “Did they find anything?”

“I guess you could say that,” said Terezi blankly, not making eye contact. She had no idea how to tell Karkat what Dr. Browne had revealed on the hysteroscope. It almost made _her_ feel like a failure. “I had a camera shoved up my nook and into my egg sac. It...really hurt.”

Karkat edged closer to her. “Are you still in pain?”

“Karkat,” said Terezi, trying to not let her voice break. “I’m a fuckup.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, trying to not completely freak out. “Oh my God, are you okay?”

“No,” blurted Terezi, feeling her eyes begin to burn with tears. “I...I really don’t know how to say this, but please don’t leave me—“

“Why would I leave you?” asked Karkat, completely baffled by the mere idea. “Terezi, I _love_ you. I don’t want to be with anyone else in any quadrant. You fucking _c_ _omplete_ me.”

Terezi sniffed. “I...I love you too,” she whispered, letting herself be embraced. “But, um…we might not be able to have any more kids.”

Karkat breathed in and stroked her hair. “Why?”

“When...when I had Isaac…” she tried to begin. “The broken eggs must have done something, because I have scar tissue all over my egg sac, and it’s grown together in places. Humans apparently don’t have that different of anatomy, well, at least female humans, except we have the retractable bone bulge and whatever, but...in humans, when there’s scar tissue and not enough space for the baby to grow, it’s hard to conceive or keep pregnancies. I’m really sorry.”

“Terezi, I don’t care if we have any more kids,” said Karkat, holding her tight. “We have Katrina, and she’s perfect—“

“I just want to have a ridiculously large number of wigglers running around,” murmured Terezi. “A human soccer team, but they all look like us.”

“We...we can adopt,” said Karkat. “Look. I have something to tell you. Um…I’m kind of taking classes at the community college.”

“What?” asked Terezi, pulling away and putting her hands on his shoulders. “Karkat, that’s _wonderful_!”

“I...may also qualify for a scholarship?” he asked, trying to not make a big deal out of what was actually a huge matter. “Like, free bachelor’s and partial payment for my master’s degree if I continue to have A’s. So, um...we _may_ have a little more money, because...I kind of picked a dumb degree.”

“What do you mean?” asked Terezi. “You’re getting an education!”

Karkat shrugged and bit his lower lip. “Yeah, I just...I was thinking. I like kids. Hell, I’m pretty damn great with kids. And...I really like educational programs. And, so...I’m trying to be a teacher?”

“Karkat, you’ll be a great teacher,” said Terezi, squeezing him. “But. Uh…”

“What?” he asked, a bit nervously. “Is...I mean, other than the scar thing—"

“So you know Latula, right?” asked Terezi quickly. “Don’t freak out, Karkles, but I kind of may have made a super important deal with her.”

Karkat nodded. He really had no idea where this was going. “She and Mituna are on Earth now, right?”

“Heh, yeah,” said Terezi, flashing her teeth in a purely anxious fashion. “I really don’t know how to say this, _but_...we might be adopting a grub?”

Karkat was silent as he processed the information. “Wait. What?”

“So Latula’s pregnant,” said Terezi. “Like, _really_ pregnant. And she honestly can’t raise a baby right now—I mean, she and Mituna are working as fucking _janitors_ in a subsidized housing complex. They’re not allowed to have any kids while they’re on the premises, because it’s mainly for people trying to revive their educations and get out of poverty, but if we’re going to be honest, what human will adopt a grub? Ha. None. So, yeah.”

Karkat blinked. “A grub.”

“Really,” said Terezi with a nervous smile. “She’s due around March. I don’t know. That’s just a guess, but it’s one egg and it _may_ have vision twofold and potentially a genius intelligence quota, and—“

She broke off as Karkat squeezed her in an enormous hug. “We’re having a _grub_!” he screamed, shaking in excitement. It was only after a moment that Terezi realized that her husband was crying happy tears. “Oh, my god, Terezi! This is actually really fucking _great_!”

“Daddy?” called Katrina, peeking her head through the doorway. “You sad?”

“No sweetheart, Daddy is happy,” said Karkat, swinging her above his head before holding her in between himself and Terezi. “Daddy is _so_ happy—Terezi, should we tell her?”

“I mean, we would have to at some point,” grinned Terezi. She hadn’t really expected him to react so...joyfully. “Katrina, remember you brother?”

“I-zuck,” said Katrina a little sadly, pulling at her pigtail. “Miss him!”

“I know, me too,” said Terezi, kissing her daughter, then Karkat. “Well, we are getting another baby. You’re going to be a big sister.”

Katrina’s eyes widened; she squealed excitedly and wrapped her arms around Terezi’s waist. “Baby in vere?”

“No, the baby isn’t in there,” said Karkat quickly. “You know your Auntie Latula?”

“Mituna!” shouted Katrina, rolling around on the couch and laughing. “He like tea!”

“Well, they’re giving us a baby,” said Karkat, trying to put the situation in age appropriate terms. “As a very special present that we can keep forever.”

“Girl baby or boy baby?” asked Katrina, who was now dancing vigorously. Terezi burst out laughing—her day had been awful, but this...was perfect.

“We don’t know yet!” said Karkat, sweeping the tiny girl up in his arms and laughing. They spun around the living room, laughing and talking, and Terezi couldn’t help but join in.

* * *

 

**-4:54 pm / Rose & Kanaya’s condo-**

Rose stretched in her chair as the elevator opened and Kanaya rushed in, beaming. “Well?” asked the blonde, smiling. “I’m taking it that you succeeded?”

“Better than mere success, my love,” sang Kanaya, putting her hands on her wife’s hips. “Guess who is going to be a designer of an _entire_ clothing line?”

Rose’s eyes widened and she gasped. “What—I thought—“

“I showed the interviewers my designs, and they took them to the _CEO_ , and she literally hired me on the spot!” screamed Kanaya, dancing around the room in an overtly enthusiastic manner. “I have funding for two years and get up to 70% on commission for everything that I design! Rose, we’re going to be _rich_!”

“Aristocrats of a sinful nature!” shouted Rose, laughing and throwing one of the goose down pillows at the hysterical jade blood. It was impaled by her horns and immediately exploded, feathers flying all over. Kanaya stopped momentarily, then threw the pillow’s twin at Rose, who burst out laughing. “Kanaya, this is wonderful! God, we should celebrate!”

“Speaking of celebration,” said Kanaya, narrowing her eyebrows dramatically and giggling. “Have we discovered the sex of the twin?”

Rose went silent and leaned in. “Prepare yourself, Maryam.”

Kanaya nodded eagerly. _Please be a girl,_ she thought, _please at least identify as a girl—_

“Lock your doors,” continued Rose, breaking her train of thought. “Attempt to paint one of the bedrooms pink. Buy lots of princess bullshit.”

Kanaya broke into a huge smile. “Really?”

“Be ready to beat up potential suitors,” said Rose, smiling as well. “Get ready, Kanaya, because our daughter will be the most fashionable, eloquent, well-versed child that has ever walked on—“

She stopped as Kanaya leaned in and kissed her. Her hands stopped moving, and she let herself disappear in the kiss, feeling her wife’s hands travel down her sides and around her shoulder blades. “Thank you,” whispered Kanaya, and they proceeded to wreck the penthouse in its entirety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey pals. lady_of_space here (a.k.a, the one who is in charge of creating major, horrible events that will happen throughout this series and crushing the will of every strilonde in the AU. woot). soooooooo we kind of have a blog running now (hella) and! it has illustrations and spoilers for future installments! how can you not have that incorporated into your life???
> 
> a link:
> 
> http://newplanetnewlife.tumblr.com
> 
> did i mention that it's rad? because it is. 
> 
> love you, bros. 


	14. Hatching a Revolution (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #dramatic overture

**-January 10th, 9:00am / Joseph & Roxy's house-**

Roxy opened her eyes and attempted to configure an elaborate plan for what she was going to do as the day rolled by. Mandy, the nurse assigned to do home check-ups, already had performed her weekly visit yesterday and had deemed the baby healthy. Still, the blonde couldn’t help but be plagued with worry. 

After she had told Joseph about the abuse, he had been even _more_ empathetic. He installed a mini fridge next to the bed so she’d only have to get up for the restroom, purchased several fantasy book series for her to read over the next six months, and begun creating an entire savory menu just for her peculiar cravings. They had been nearly inseparable, but today he finally had to go back to the bakery to begin wrapping up construction and installation. To say that she was lonely was a bit of an understatement, and Frigglish had barely any interest in sitting on her lap all day. 

Sighing, she looked through her phone contacts. Rose had texted her earlier with a long list of interesting sites that she could visit on her computer and a warning to not text her until after one. Kanaya as well had sent her several different pictures of fabrics for curtains for the nursery, and even _Terezi_ had sent some encouraging messages. She had yet to tell her parents about what happened--in fact, she hadn’t been in contact with them since shortly after her wedding. _Do they even know about the baby?_ she wondered as her phone began to ring. “Hello?” she said, slightly irritated. “Egbert residence, Roxy speaking.” 

“Hey, Roxy!” said Vriska a little too brightly. “I was wondering if you’d like me to come over and clean, because I’m right around your house, and Casey wants to see you.” 

“Oh! Um...sure,” said Roxy carefully. “I’d actually really like that.” 

“And do you want Starbucks or anything?” asked Vriska. “If caffeine is okay. I mean, I could totally get you a smoothie or something.” 

“Um, my doctor said no coffee or tea, but I’m pretty sure a fruit smoothie would be okay?” said Roxy, hesitantly checking the list of ‘do not eats’. “Yes! Vriska, thank you so much.” 

“See you soon!” said Vriska, and they both hung up. Roxy sighed and placed her palm over her stomach. It had recently become slightly convex, and she was pleased with the results. 

“Hey, baby,” she murmured, opening up the laptop and powering it up. “Let’s check out this ‘Tumblr’ thing…” 

Twenty minutes later, Roxy had not only created her own blog, but had realized that she _really_ enjoyed reading the personal stories under the ‘sexual abuse’ tag. She had basically pushed her trauma into the recesses of her brain and was only starting to think about it a few days before she had the miscarriage. Will had tried to contact her once when Rose was barely in kindergarten, asked her how she was doing in a sickeningly polite manner, and then laughed when she told him to never call her again. She had put down the phone, shaking, and picked up a bottle of fizzy champagne, drinking into blackness. That entire year was actually a blur between trying to look nice for conferences with Rose’s teacher and embracing porcelain. She didn’t really remember anything—a few affairs at some point, but she never got their names. That would’ve made the entire experience _real._

Sighing deeply, Roxy leaned back and exited Tumblr, trying to blink off another bout of hunger. “God damn it,” she whispered, reaching into the mini fridge and retrieving several tiny spinach and cheese quiches. “Stupid, stupid…” 

There was the creaky sound of the door opening downstairs, and she could hear Casey running up the stairs. “Not so fast, Peanut,” called Vriska in a warning tone, and the door to the bedroom swung open, the toddler’s cheeks bright pink as she grinned at the occupant on the bed. 

“Gammy,” said Casey, climbing on the bed (after kicking off her boots). “I’m gonna be doctor.” 

“Really?” inquired Roxy with a faint smile. She stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes. “Ooooh, Doctor Casey, I’m so sick…” 

Vriska entered and laughed as Casey made a serious expression and poked Roxy’s cheek. “You need cookies,” said Casey, sternly wagging her finger back and forth. “Lots.” 

“Casey, you can’t use reverse psychology on Miss Roxy,” said Vriska, handing her step-mother-in-law a bright pink strawberry smoothie. “Sorry, I got her the whipped cream shake thing and she’s still hyper…” 

Roxy smiled weakly and set her computer down next to the bed. “Thank you for coming over, Vriska,” she said quietly, curling her fingers in Casey’s long dark brown hair. “I honestly haven’t been able to remove myself to do anything relatively productive, and—” 

“Roxy, it’s okay,” said Vriska, flashing her bright white fangs. “I’ll get the litter box and anything else you need. Just call me if you need anything, okay?” 

She went downstairs, and Casey turned her focus to Roxy, big blue eyes flashing. “Gammy,” she said slowly, smiling. “Cookies.” 

Roxy sighed and reached into her ‘super secret sweet stash’ which she _still_ could not eat due to persistent nausea. “Here you go, sweetie,” she said, yawning and stretching. “Do you maybe want me to read you a story?” 

“Yes!” exclaimed Casey, stuffing the entirety of the cookie into her mouth. “Gammy.” 

“Yes?” asked Roxy, still trying to comprehend being called ‘Gammy’ on any level. “Is something wrong?” 

“Party?” asked Casey uncomfortably, and Roxy blinked. “Sick?” 

“A little bit, sweetie,” said Roxy with a sigh. “I’m...just a bit under the weather?” 

Casey frowned and made a tiny face. “Baby?” 

_Oh, god,_ thought Roxy, blinking rapidly. “What...about it?” 

“Baby okay?” 

Roxy inhaled. “I hope so, Casey.” 

Casey looked confused at how to carry on before resting her head on Roxy’s lap and kissing her stomach. “Cute,” she said, yawning. “Story?” _“Of course,” said Roxy, glad to have some kind of change of subject. She reached at random for book and found herself holding _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone_. “Does this look good? There aren’t any pictures, but it’s really interesting.” _

“Yes,” said Casey, her eyes closed. “Start.” 

Roxy swallowed and opened the book. “Okay. Um...” 

* * *

**-9:15 am (standard galactic time) / Brooding Caverns on Alternia-**

The transportalizer was primed for action, glowing slightly in the darkness of the massive chamber of the brooding cavern. Porrim was busy inserting the coordinates for destination, but Tavros couldn’t exactly concentrate on the conversation being held in low voices between the other refugees. The egg was constantly shifting positions, and even though he was hardly showing, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit overwhelmed at his bodily functions. His heftsacks were one of the main sources of discomfort: in the last week or so, they had engorged slightly and now rubbed against the inside of his shirt with the same sort of irritation caused typically by his cat allergy. Speaking of which, Nepeta was staring at her feet and lazily sipping a Faygo, washing the face paint of the subjugglators off of her face. 

It was stupid, trying to mask themselves as highbloods, but there really wasn’t another option to get into the brooding caverns. Only jadebloods who were certified as attendants of the last Mother Grub and slavers were allowed onto the site. “Tav, stop looking so fuckin’ pissy in your britches and try to help me out,” said Eridan in a low growl, who was pushing brush out of the way and barricading the transportalizer from any potential assailants. Tavros still wasn’t completely sure why Ampora had even offered to help them escape: after all, as royalty he essentially was set for life on Alternia and the surrounding colonized planets, but Cronus, his progenitor, had left for Earth nearly a sweep ago and hadn’t been heard from ever since, just like.. _.ugh._

Gamzee had completely broken off contact, and Tavros was beyond worried at the implications. Ever since his matesprit had left early in the rainy season, Tavros had been racked with anxieties. Either he had been culled by imperial drones (highly unlikely given his blood status and potential to rise as the next Grand Highblood) or had escaped to Earth, which didn’t make nearly as much sense seeing as he was engaged in a somewhat healthy matespritship and had no alliances on the alien planet—at least, that anyone knew of. The moirallegiance with Karkat had ended around the six sweep mark, and the failed kismesistude with Terezi had essentially pushed both the teal blood and Vriska over the edge. That left Kanaya as the only option, but Tavros wasn’t sure if they had ever had any kind of friendship to begin with. 

“Tavros, your husk is glowing,” said Feferi nervously, and he winced before quickly logging into the Trollian interface. No new messages, of course, but a brief reminder that the system required an update in order to continue running at full efficiency. 

“Fuck it,” he mumbled, taking the chance to begin messaging Gamzee. 

\--adiosToreador [AT] begun trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 9:20--

AT: gAMZEE, wHERE ARE YOU, 

AT: eVERYTHING ON ALTERNIA, wELL, iT'S GONE TO SHIT, aND I'M SCARED, 

AT: i MISS YOU, sO FUCKING MUCH,,, aND ME AND SOME, uM, oTHERS ARE ESCAPING TONIGHT, sO WE CAN HAVE A REUNION,, 

TC: HoLd tHe fUcK Up tAvBrO. 

TC: I'M SoRt oF In a fLuShEd rEdRoM AnD I CaN'T ReAlLy bReAk tHiNgS OfF 

TC: PlUs iDk iT JuSt wAsN'T WoRkInG OuT BeTwEeN Us pAl 

TC: SoRrY 

AT: aRE YOU KIDDING ME, 

AT: gAMZEE, i LOVE YOU, 

TC: Um yEaH AbOuT ThAt 

AT: wHAT, 

AT: i, i REALLY NEED TO TELL YOU, sOMETHING KINDA IMPORTANT 

TC: SaMe aCtUaLlY 

TC: CaUsE I FoUnD A MoThErFuCkIn sUpEr rAd nInJeTtE 

TC: AlSo sHe's kInD Of hUmAn 

AT: yOU'RE, wITH A HUMAN, 

TC: YeAh 

TC: Uh 

TC: We'rE HaViNg a wIgGlEr 

AT: pLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING,, 

TC: Ha nO 

TC: It's a fUcKiN' mIrAcLe iF YoU GeT WhAt i'm sAyInG 

AT: lET ME GET THIS, uH, sTRAIGHT 

AT: yOU PAILED WITH A HUMAN 

AT: aND NOW SHE'S WRIGGLED UP 

TC: YeAh iT'S AcTuAlLy pReTtY GrEaT 

TC: It's gOnNa bE A BoY 

TC: TaVbRo i'm gOnNa bE A DaDdY :O) 

TC: LiKe wE'Re gOnNa dO StErEoTyPiCaL HuMaN ShIt lIkE ThRoWiNg sOfTbAlLs aNd wHaTeVeR AnD It's gOiNg tO Be gReAt 

AT: gAMZEE, 

AT: i NEVER THOUGHT, tHAT I'D ACTUALLY HAVE TO ASK THIS, 

AT: bUT ARE YOU FUCKED IN THE THINKPAN 

TC: HeY MaN YoU NeVeR GoT On mE AbOuT SoPoR WhEn i wAs bUlGe dEeP In yOuR NoOk :O) 

TC: Yo iF YoU'Re gOiNg tO TrAnSpOrTaLiZe hErE CoUlD YoU BrInG SoMe cAuSe mY SuPpLy iS LoW 

TC: DoN'T WaNnA Be sOmE RaGiNg bUtTfUcK AgAiN 

AT: oKAY, 

AT: i'LL BRING SOPOR, 

AT: bUT YOU HAVE TO KNOW SOMETHING,, 

TC: ShOoT ThE ShIt pUpA PaN 

AT: i'M WRIGGLED UP, 

TC: CoNgRaTs mAn wHo fIlLeD YoUr qUaDs 

AT: aRE, 

AT: aRE, yOU FUCKING KIDDING,,, 

AT: gAMZEE, yOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I'VE EVER PAILED WITH 

TC: So lIkE ImMaCuLaTe cOnCePtIoN Or sOmE ShIt 

AT: oH MY GOD 

AT: yOU ARE RETARDED 

TC: FuCkIn jEgUs mAn wHaT Is iRrItAtInG YoUr sHaMe gLoBeS :O( 

AT: yOU KNOW WHAT, fUCK THIS 

AT: i DON'T WANT YOU TO COME BY ME, 

AT: eVER THE FUCK AGAIN, 

TC: Is tHiS A PiTcH ThInG 

TC: BeCaUsE I'M ToTaLlY OpEn tO ThAt 

TC: MiGhT NoT Be gOoD FoR YoUr gRuB BuT WhAtEvEr 

TC: I AiNt tAkIn nO BuLgE 

AT: fUCK YOU 

AT: fUCK YOUR MATESPRIT 

AT: aND FUCK YOUR STUPID HYBRID WIGGLER 

TC: ThAt's fUcKiNg hArSh 

AT: aLSO FUCK YOUR BULGE 

AT: bECAUSE, i FAKED IT EVERY TIME, 

TC: FuCk tHiS MaN 

TC: SoRrY ThAt yOu'rE A HoRmOnAl mEsS 

TC: BuT I Am aBoVe yOu, MuDbLoOd 

TC: AnD OuR EnTiRe rEdRoM WaS OuT Of pItY 

TC: YoU PaThEtIc lItTlE ShIt 

AT: fINE, i'M NOT BRINGING SOPOR FOR YOU, yOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF NOOK SLIME, 

AT: i HOPE YOU RAGE, aND CULL YOUR MATESPRIT, 

AT: aND I HOPE, tHAT YOU DIE IN THE MOST, pAINFUL FUCKING WAY POSSIBLE, 

AT: i HOPE YOU HAVE, rETARDED KIDS, wHO HAVE SHIT FOR BRAINS AND CAN'T EVEN FUNCTION 

AT: bUT DO I REALLY HAVE TO HOPE FOR GENETICS TO PLAY THEIR PART, 

AT: yOU INEVITABLY ARE THE DUMBEST, mOST JADED PIECE OF SHIT, 

TC: FuCk tHiS I DoN'T NeEd sOmE SaLtY StAiN On sOcIeTy tRyInG To bUrN Me wItH PrEdIcTaBlE FiReS 

TC: HaVe fUn cOmInG To eArTh, BeCaUsE I WiLl fInD YoU AnD FuCk yOu uP BiTcH 

AT: eAT LANCE, 

AT: aND HAVE FUN, wITH THAT DISGUSTING HUMAN NOOK, 

AT: i CAN SMELL THE FISH FROM HERE 

AT: } : ) 

\--terminallyCapricious [TC] blocked adiosToreador [AT] at 9:33--

“Tavros? You’re shaking,” said Nepeta, reaching out for his hand. “Are you okay?” 

“I think I’m going to throw up,” said Tavros, tears streaming. “Oh, sweet Jegus, I’m gonna—” 

He bent over and emptied the contents of his stomach onto the igneous ground, trying not to sob. “Ugh, Tav, that smells terrible!” coughed Eridan, trying not gag. “What have you been eating, man?” 

“Fuck you, Ampurra,” hissed Nepeta, rubbing Tavros’s back in small circles. “He’s obviously purretty upset!” 

Suddenly, the transportalizer began to flash. “Okay,” said Porrim, licking her lower lips and grabbing the remaining rations they had packed before placing them onto the transport pad. “If this works correctly, we’ll end up somewhere in North America.” 

“ _Somewhere_ ,” said Aranea quietly, who had been writing down every aspect of the trip up until that point. “Okay. Equius, do we have enough funds?” 

Equius nodded—he had been working on transferring _slightly_ illegal money from the main banks of Alternia and Beforus to an Earth vault, complete with converting boondollars into actual money. “The papers are ready as well,” he said stiffly, glancing at Damara, who was grimly typing out the last of the falsified documents. “Dam, I’m assuming that you’re finished?” 

Damara glared at him, pursing her lips. “Fuck you,” she said quietly before going back to her husktop. 

“Okay,” said Aranea, blinking. “God, what are we going to do about Meenah and Feferi?” 

Tavros finished vomiting and looked up. “Doesn’t matter,” he coughed. “They still have access to the transport in the Royal Palace. And besides, Meenah would rather continue her stupid blackrom with the Batterwitch.” 

“True,” murmured Aranea, shifting uncomfortably. “Porrim, are we ready?” 

“Completely,” said Porrim, yawning and stepping onto the transportalizer. “Everybody get on.” 

The party rushed onto the transport pad and prepared for the various struggles of intergalactic travel. “There won’t be any turning back,” said Nepeta, blinking back tears. “Equihiss, I’m kind of scared.” 

“We’ll be okay, right?” asked Eridan, a hint of anxiety touching his voice. “There’s a lot of water there, right?” 

“Tons,” said Porrim, getting ready. “Okay. On three: one, two--” 

There was a jolt and Tavros felt like his head was spinning on the axis of reality. _Shit_ , he thought for three seconds approximately before he fell flat on his face in a cornfield. Everyone else was in the same predicament, and it took a moment for them to realize that they were no longer subjected to bullshit brigade of Her Imperious Condescension. 

* * *

**-10:22 am / Mituna & Latula’s apartment-**

Terezi used the buzzer to be let in and waited two minutes before Mituna opened the door of the apartment complex. “Hey, TZ!” he said excitedly, shaking her hand. “Latula’s upstairs. We’re off today so, yeah. Wait. Did you bring donuts?” 

“Of course,” said Terezi, handing him the box filled with pączkis. “They’re super fattening, though, just as a warning.” 

“It’s cool,” said Mituna, leading her up the suspiciously dirty stairs. “Yeah, humans are so weird. Like, elevators are fuckin’ mandatory technology on Alternia, so, I dunno, it’s kinda ridiculous for ‘Tula to have to get up the stairs. Man, she got _bigger._ Is that normal?” 

“It’s been like, three days,” said Terezi, who was having some difficulty with the stairs herself. “I remember when I had Katrina the egg tilted a little in the last week, but I don’t think she’d be ready for labor yet.” 

Mituna shrugged and opened the door at the top of the third floor. “Yo, Latula, your dancestor is here!” 

Latula was curled on the couch underneath a blanket, smiling. “Hey, Terezi,” she said, yawning and adjusting her glasses. “Welcome to paradise.” 

“Yeah,” said Terezi, not sure how to respond. It was incredibly cold in the apartment, which consisted of one room and a bathroom off to the side. “Where...um...is the kitchen?” 

“We share a group cafeteria downstairs,” yawned Latula lazily, letting her blanket fall down her sides. She was wearing the same ragtag sweater from a few days before, but it did look in fact more strained. “I think the wiggler is getting in position, though.” 

“Um,” said Terezi, worriment confirmed. “Have you been having any contractions at all?” 

“A few cramps, but nothing that’s sent me into _absolute_ pain,” said Latula casually. She made a face. “Ugh. They’re pretty sporadic, too...hey, do you have any of the paperwork ready?” 

“Paperwork?” asked Terezi. “What?” 

“Like, for the adoption,” said Latula. “I used that Google thing and apparently there’s a bunch of legal forms that we have to go through if we want to make this official.” 

“Latula,” said Terezi, “we’re illegal _aliens_.” 

“That didn’t stop you from going to the doctor’s, sis,” grinned Latula. “C’mon, though, how did you guys get documents in the first place?” 

“Well,” said Terezi, “we _kind_ of falsified paperwork. Vriska and I are apparently the children of refugees from Russia, Karkat has dual citizenship in Canada and the US and is a recognized member of several different organizations for First People, and Kanaya...I don’t know, I think Rose actually wrote an entire line of false correspondence between a fake couple in Great Britain and a real orphanage in Kabul? So really, Kanaya has the most secure membership out of all of us, but Katrina is a naturalized US citizen.” 

“What do you think our best bet is?” asked Latula, biting her lower lip. “Like, nationality wise.” 

“I mean, I could probably forge some documents saying that you’re Vriska and I’s older sibling, but I’m not sure about Mituna,” said Terezi nervously. “Like, maybe he’s from Mongolia or something? We only picked first world countries for Karkat and Kanaya because they were kind of, I don’t know, more adjusted to human culture. Stupid, I know, but Rose could probably say that you’re both recent releases from an institution. She’s good at that.” 

“Okay,” said Latula, wincing. “Oof. It’s being a jerk.” 

Terezi’s eyes widened slightly. “How...how far apart are contractions?” 

Latula’s shoulders slumped. “Like, every twenty minutes?” she said unsurely. “I’ve just been feeling really gross all day, honestly, and I had a little bit of discharge earlier and something fell out, but whatever.” 

“Oh my God,” said Terezi, realizing what was happening. “Latula, you’re coming to my house. _Now_.” 

“...Why?” 

“You’re in labor, idiot!” shrieked Terezi, helping her up. “Oh my God, how did you not know?” 

Latula shrugged, her cheeks flushing teal. “For real?” she asked, a little dazed. “I mean...you’re sure?” 

“Definitely,” said Terezi, looking at Mituna. “Hey! Can you stop eating donuts and help me?” 

Mituna looked up from the box of pączki and licked the raspberry jelly off of his teeth. “Chill your tits, Pyrope,” he said, pushing his sunglasses up his nose. Red and blue sparks were starting to fly. “Why can’t she have the thing here?” 

“Because it’s unsanitary and I don’t have any supplies!” shouted Terezi, practically dragging her dancestor to the door. “Oh, my God, I didn’t expect it to be so early, fuck, I’ll call Karkat—” 

Latula groaned and hugged herself. “Will it hurt?” she asked nervously. “I really have a low pain tolerance, bro, and—” 

She stopped and they both struggled to get down the stairs, Mituna following with the donuts. “How long will it take?” 

“I don’t know,” spat Terezi, shoving open the door and running to the car. “You can sit in the front seat. Mituna, don’t break Katrina’s car seat.” 

Mituna grumbled and tried to fit in the back row of seats while Latula gasped. “ _Fuck_ , it just dropped a little.” 

Terezi bit her lip and began to dial Karkat’s number, putting it on speaker phone. “Shit, shit, shit,” she hissed, speeding out of the parking lot. “Karkat!” 

“Terezi, I’m at work!” he shouted. “Why are you—” 

“Latula is having the grub, _right now._ ” 

There was a brief silence. “Seriously?” 

“Yes, _seriously,_ why would I even lie about something like _this_?” demanded Terezi, stomping on the gas. “Call Obrina and tell her to take Katrina across the street. I don’t want her to have to see anything.” 

“I...guess I’ll tell my boss,” said Karkat. “Wow. Tell Latula good luck!” 

He hung up and Terezi concentrated fully on the road. _God, I had no idea that it’d be this soon_ , she thought, excitement overriding her nerves. _Oh my god! We’re going to have a_ grub! 

Latula moaned next to her. “Terezi, why does it hurt?” 

“Because, dear, you’re going to be pushing a fucking egg out of your nook,” said Terezi calmly. “You’re going to start experiencing really severe contractions, and you’ll probably pass out or something, I don’t know. But...Mituna, what are you doing?” 

He looked up from the donuts. “Sorry,” he said. “They’re really fuckin’ good.” 

“Mituna,” said Terezi sternly, “I’m going to need you to support Latula _fully_ throughout this entire fiasco. That means holding her hand and saying encouraging stuff, okay?” 

“Yo, babe, your shame globes make me emit pheromones of a sexual nature,” said Mituna in an impossibly seductive voice. “Is that good?” 

“I...guess,” said Terezi, cursing in Alternian. “Shit, shit, _shit._ ” 

* * *

**-11:04 am / Gamzee & Heather’s trailer-**

Mornings in the trailer park were typically uneventful, with the exception of the few times that Gamzee had suffered from sopor withdrawals. Those brief occurrences were always controlled, though, because of the large supply of slime that he kept in Tupperware containers underneath his bed. Lately, there had been less and less to control any potential outbursts, and he was completely consumed in the practice of keeping himself completely okay. Self medication with stupid, _disgusting_ human marijuana wasn’t actually proving to be effective, and he was hesitant to sample any of the opiates consumed by Heather. Like, sure, using sopor was bad, but if he didn’t, people would be dead. Heroin just made Heather a bubbly mess. 

Today, though, he felt like grubsauce, all because of that _stupid insolent piece of shit_ Tavros. Fuck him. Fuck his salty attempts at insultation, and fuck his stupid blood status. 

Gamzee stumbled out of bed, yawning enormously and rubbing the base of his horns with mindless abandon. He had been on a slight edge ever since the week before, when Heather had formally introduced him to her biological parents. They approved of his face paint and his massive Faygo consumption, but they didn’t really like the fact that he was pushing seven feet tall and was an alien. “Fuckin’ asshats,” he mumbled, wiping the drool off of his fangs and checking his husktop. There weren’t any new notifications on Trollian, but the pesterChum icon was absolutely _lit_. “Motherfucker.” 

Instead of answering or even checking the messages like a slightly civilized bipedal lifeform, Gamzee groaned, ignored it completely, and swallowed a few gulps of sopor slime. His brain crackled upon reception, but whatever—he didn’t feel the throes of rage domineering his every move. “Heather?” he called out, licking the sopor off of his teeth. “Where the fuck are you?” 

She didn’t answer, and Gamzee blinked slowly before remembering that she was off on another grocery run. _Huh_ , he thought briefly, stretching and yawning before ducking to get into the bathroom. A pot of face paint awaited him, and he prepared for another shitty day. 

* * *

**-11:33 am / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

Mituna Captor had done a lot of stupid stuff in his lifetime (i.e., caused many a good Alternian citizen to be permanently damaged by his ridiculously overpowered vision twofold, and after the excursion that caused his disability...well. Everything was kind of a blur after that). Still, even with every horribly dumb act that he had ever participated in, getting Latula pregnant topped everything. 

Terezi and Karkat were yelling at him incoherently, and he was starting to mildly freak out. His matesprit was barely conscious--why was there so much teal???--and in the brief moments of coherency, she was screaming. “Latula,” he said, letting her grip his hands. “Please!” 

The other mustard blood—Augeth—was checking in between Latula’s legs, biting her lower lip in frustration. “Okay, the egg is engaged,” she said, retracting her hand. To Mituna’s alarm, it was covered in blood. “Latula, I’m going to need you to push on your next contraction, okay?” 

_“Fuck,_ ” gasped Latula, sobbing as she held onto Mituna. “Just get it out!” 

Mituna started shaking. He couldn’t help it--the situation was just too high pressure for his liking, and he wanted to help but had no means of doing so. “Fuck,” he said, wrapping his arms around his matesprit’s shoulder. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—” 

Latula screamed and suddenly relaxed, crying as Augeth pulled the egg out of her nook. “You did great,” she said with a smile, wiping teal matter off of the large, oval shaped object. “Terezi—” 

She immediately reached for the egg, tears flowing. “Thank you,” she said, voice breaking as she held it close to her chest. “Thank you so much—” 

“What is it?” asked Latula quietly, Mituna brushing her hair out of her face. A small smile—that of relief, perhaps—had graced her features, and she looked completely alright in contrast to moments before. "I mean, blood?" 

“Mustard,” said Karkat, smiling hugely. “Terezi, I’m assuming you can smell—” 

“It’s a girl,” said Terezi, grinning as she wrapped the egg in a huge towel. “Oh, Jegus, Latula, thank you so much.” 

“What are you gonna name her?” asked Mituna, eyes widening as he held onto Latula, who sighed in relief before nuzzling his chest. “Is that appropriate to ask? Do humans usually name their wigglers, because I mean, they don’t exactly have lusii or anything.” 

Terezi cleared her throat. “Actually, Mituna, we were going to give that honor to you guys.” 

“Rad,” murmured Latula, completely exhausted. “‘Tuna, you do it.” 

“Uh, fuck,” stuttered Mituna, trying to think of a worthy name for his adopted niece/biological daughter. “Shit. Okay. Fuck.” 

“You can take your time, man,” said Karkat, but suddenly, the perfect idea exploded into Mituna’s thinkpan. 

“Fuck! I got it,” he said, nodding confidently and grinning. “Okay, so we’ve been watching your shitty human television broadcasts, right, and there is this lady who is _beyond_ amazing in my book. She probably leads a revolution or some shit, Sufferer style.” 

“Okay,” said Terezi a bit nervously, starting to regret giving Mituna the privilege of giving her daughter a name. “Please don’t tell me that this is anything from Cartoon Network.” 

“Fuck no, TZ,” said Mituna, now excited. “We only watch _superior_ daytime discussion pieces.” 

“If you think naming her Oprah is a good idea, I’m going to fucking do something drastic,” sighed Karkat, preparing himself for the worst. 

“Get this, Karbro. _Ellen Degenerate_.” 

There was a brief moment of silence. “Um,” said Terezi, clearing her throat. “Her last name is Degeneres, actually—” 

“Ellen Vantas has a nice ring to it, right?” asked Mituna hopefully. “And like, if she inherits my bitch-ass psiionics, I don’t fucking know, have fun with mood swings. Also, you should probably invest in some kind of, fuck if I know, grub holding device.” 

It took a moment for Karkat to realize what he was talking about. “Fuck no,” he said, wanting to growl or do something remotely feral. “We are _not_ putting our daughter in a cat carrier.” 

_Our daughter,_ thought Terezi, still reeling from the mere idea that she now had _another_ child. “Ellen is a good name,” she said, holding up the egg in the light. “Karkat, what does she look like? There’s too many colors for me to identify anything, really.” 

“Um,” said Karkat, squinting. “She has a lot of hair? Like, more than Katrina had. And I can’t really tell what kind of horns she has, probably due to the afro this kid is going to have, but…” 

“What’s an afro?” murmured Latula, ready to sleep. “It sounds _nice._ ” 

“Yeah,” offered Augeth, removing her gloves and blinking. “Because there is a dermospectrum among humans, they have different traits related to the color of their skin. Like...really curly hair is common in humans that have ancestral backing from Africa.” 

“I guess,” said Karkat, not really sure if he should correct Augeth’s worldview at such a pivotal time. “She’ll probably look more like Mituna, though. Katrina looks just like me but with Terezi’s smile, so maybe there’s some kind of recessive genetic bullshit going on?” 

“Hypothetically speaking, yeah,” said Terezi, frowning. “None of the eggs were ever teal, so maybe there’s some actual backbone to that particular theory, but whatever. Augeth, can you call Obrina and tell her to bring Katrina back?” 

Augeth nodded and left as Latula winced before sitting up slightly. “What a trip,” she murmured, looking dazed. “I’m gonna sleep now.” 

Her revelation was completely thrown off by the buzzing charm of Mituna’s cellular device. “Shit,” he said, blinking. “Uh. I have to answer this.” 

\--geneticAmbrosiac [GA] begun trolling twiceAnnihilated [TA] at 11:45--

GA: Mituna Capto+r! Yo+u inso+lent fuckwad! 

TA: H0LD Y0UR H0R535 M4M4 834R 

TA: WH47 7H3 M3RC1FUL FUCK D0 Y0U W4N7 817CH 7175 

GA: I swear to+ Go+d, Mituna, if yo+u as much as dare as refer to+ me as ‘bitch tits’ ever again, I will find yo+u, and I will cull yo+ur pathetic ass befo+re yo+u can say fuckass. 

TA: FUCKCKCKCKCKCKKCCK Y0U 

TA: WH47 D0 Y0U 3V3N W4NT P0RR1M 1M K1ND 0F 4CTU4LLY 8U5Y 

GA: Go+ddamnit, Mituna. 

GA: Co+llectively, we need yo+ur help. 

TA: D3F1N3 W3 

GA: Because o+f yo+ur general stupid genetics, HIC has asso+ciated everyo+ne who+’s ever dabbled with befriending yo+u as a criminal o+f the Alternian Empire, which is very bad, seeing as no+ o+ne wants to+ be turned into ho+o+fbeast bait. 

TA: UHHHHHH 

GA: Anyway, we used the last kno+wn transpo+rtalizer to+ escape po+tential executio+n. I ho+pe yo+u’re happy. 

TA: 4R3 Y0U 0N 34R7H????? 0H MY G0D!!!! 

GA: We had to+! 

GA: O+nly a few o+f us actually go+t o+ut tho+ugh...Rufio+h stayed behind to+ help start revo+lutio+nizing everything, and Ho+russ is busy wo+rking o+n ano+ther set o+f transpo+rts. I’m no+t co+mpletely sure abo+ut Kurlo+z and Meulin--we haven’t seen them for perigrees. 

TA: 15 M33N4H 571LL 1N C0NF1N3M3N7?? 5H3 H45N’7 M3554G3D M3 1N L1K3 F0R3V3R 

GA: Mituna...no+bo+dy kno+ws where Meenah is. 

GA: Acco+rding to+ so+mewhat questio+nable so+urces, the heir apparent is busy building an army o+f so+rts. Altho+ugh no+t co+mpletely sure of her whereabo+uts, it’s sure that she’s is bo+rderline successful with recruitment. 

TA: UH 0K4Y 

TA: 8UT WH3R3 4R3 Y0U GUY5??? L1K3 M4YB3 1 C0ULD P1CK Y0 UP IN V14 M070R1Z3D F0UR WH33L D3V1CE???? 

GA: I’m no+t exactly sure? We’re so+mewhere in Washingto+n, I think, but I’m no+t co+mpletely certain as o+f where. 

GA: The geo+graphic standpo+int was never my stro+ngsuit. 

TA: 5H17 TH3N 

TA: 1’LL 7RY 70 G37 Y0U L473R. L47UL4 JU57 3XP3LL3D 4 GRU8 

TA: L1K3 17 W45 1N73N53 Y0 

GA: O+kay. Go+o+dluck with that. 

GA: Try to+ message me ASAP, tho+ugh. It’s co+ld in this field. 

\--geneticAmbrosia [GA]ceased trolling twiceAnnhiliated [TA] at 11:58--

“Who was that?” asked Terezi, still stroking the surface of the egg. “You were sticking your tongue out the entire time. 

“Uh, Porrim,” said Mituna with a shrug. “Yeah. A bunch of trolls transportalized over here, so—” 

“Wait, what?” asked Karkat, looking terrified. “As in, other members of our species are here on Earth?” 

“Yep!” said Mituna, rubbing his forehead. A psiionic headache was starting to make its way through his thinkpan. “Knowing them, they probably already have papers and whatever, but—” 

“Shit,” said Latula, blinking out of her slumber. “Where are they gonna live?” 

* * *

**-12:17 pm / Kanaya & Rose’s penthouse-**

_Ring!_

Kanaya groaned and answered her cellphone. “Hello?” she asked. “Kanaya speaking.” 

“Hello, Kanaya,” said a ridiculously familiar voice. “How are you?” 

“Porrim?” demanded Kanaya, sitting down on the couch next to Rose, who was busy knitting yet another baby hat. “Um. I didn’t know that Sprint took intergalactic calls.” 

“They don’t, darling,” said Porrim salaciously. “We’re on an organic hoofbeast farm. In Portland. I totally messed up on the coordinates for the transportalizer, and I’m calling you off of a paid communication device.” 

Kanaya blinked, and Rose looked at her inquisitively. “Uh. Wow.” 

“Yeah, pretty much,” said Porrim. “Anyway. We need immediate transport to Maple Valley, so if you don’t mind pointing us in the direction of some kind of mass transport system—” 

“Quick question,” said Kanaya, still trying to analyze what she had just been told. “Erm, why are you not on Alternia?” 

“Rebellion,” said Porrim simply. “Subjugglators are conducting massacres in most of the cities, and because of our affiliation with the Captor bloodline, we’re being subjected to...dilemmas. So, escaping was kind of our only option.” 

“Who’s with you?” asked Kanaya, Rose looking completely alarmed at this point. “We could probably host a few people, but no more than three.” 

“Um, there’s me, Aranea, Damara, Nepeta, Eridan, Equius, and Tavros,” said Porrim simply. “Sollux is being forced to be the next Helmsman, and Feferi is locked in the Imperial Palace.” 

“Holy shit,” said Kanaya, swallowing. “Look, you and Tavros can stay with us, but really, we can’t hold any more than that.” 

“About that,” said Porrim, swallowing. “Aranea and I have decided on being red.” 

“You’re redromming a Serket,” said Kanaya blindly. “Look, Porrim, I couldn’t even have Vriska in a _pale_ quadrant. Please don’t do anything stupid.” 

“Whatever,” sighed Porrim. Kanaya could almost feel the histronic shrug through the phone. “Look, Damara managed to get ahold of a motorized four wheel device company, so we’re going to start heading in your direction.” 

“Porrim, _wait_ —” 

There was a click as her dancestor ended the conversation, and Kanaya blinked. “Fuck.” 

“Porrim is staying with us,” said Rose blankly. “And there’s a massive rebellion occurring on Alternia.” 

“How did they even get access to a payphone?” asked Kanaya dumbly, trying to understand whatever was about to go down. “I’m pretty sure that they don’t have any American money.” 

“You’re ignoring the fact that you just invited three murderous aliens to stay with us,” said Rose coldly. “They have absolutely no experience with humanity, and if Aranea Serket is as ruthless as Vriska when she first arrived, we’ll have to force her to undergo a huge lesson in human customs.” 

“I’m sorry,” said Kanaya, slipping into her coat, “but Porrim is my—well, of my genetic strain. I can’t ignore that.” 

“So are _these_ ,” said Rose, staring pointedly at her distended belly, “but it’s not like they’re going to come out with fangs and a classist mentality.” 

“Rose, the hemospectrum only demonstrates violent attitudes in highbloods,” said Kanaya sternly, trying to analyze the mere idea of having to face members of her own species that weren’t completely assimilated into human culture. “And besides, culling fangs are developed until well after the first molt.” 

Rose blinked and Kanaya took her cue to abscond as quickly as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, folks. lady here--i wrote all of this in one setting and totally published it in secret (miya, ily, but it needed to be done).
> 
> this entire chapter is roughly 7,000 words (i'm guessing, because it's been a while since i checked the word count at 6,500) and is part one of three, because 21,000 word long chapters are too professional for my level of bullshit. and yes, instead of your typical family shenanigans, there will be a lot of discussion of class warfare, hemocivility rights, and general angst interrupting the general broadcast. fear not! we'll still have the good ol' drama that hooked you in, but this stuff is important for future volumes (that's right m8 there's going to be so much material wOWza)
> 
> ily guys!
> 
> here's the link to the tumblr ==> http://newplanetnewlife.tumblr.com (be warned. there's spoilers and i rant a lot)


	15. Hatching a Revolution (Part 2)

**-January 15th / 10:30 am / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community-**

The trailer park—or mobile hive structure, as Equius insisted—was made up of three major sections, which divided into subgroups depending on the terrain.Because of their large amount of near bottomless funds, the party was able to acquire three trailers scattered throughout a cul-de-sac near one of the reclaimed quarry lakes. Tavros thought it was _okay_ —after all, his eyes were still adjusting to the intensity of the Earth’s sun, and the humidity was completely different (he could barely comprehend the snow, let alone the freezing temperature)—but once he entered the trailer he was going to share with Equius and Nepeta, he fell in love with his bedroom, which overlooked the expanse of the ‘community garden’ that was grown in an initiative to keep GMOs out of carrots. Of course, the ground was completely frozen, but the realtor had promised a lovely view of tomatoes in the spring. 

“Tavros!” called Nepeta from the kitchen. “I made sandwiches!” 

Tavros groaned and attempted to prop himself up from his hammock. He had tried to message Vriska earlier—even though she did cause him grievous bodily harm on multiple occasions, he still considered her to be his friend, and according to Nepeta, the cerulean blood has matured greatly—but of course, she kept coming up as ‘idle’ on Trollian. In fact, none of his relocated friends had attempted to answer any of his trolling endeavors. It was nothing short of frustrating: after all, they actually knew how to integrate into human culture, whereas he barely could deal with the basic terminology for day-to-day activities. 

The kitchen had faded orange and red linoleum floors and fake wood panelling walls. Tavros padded in uncomfortably, his metal feet clicking against the tiles and causing a tinny echo to resonate in the small room. Nepeta was sitting down at the circular table they had purchased from a “garage sale” (Tavros wasn’t sure he’d ever understand the exact purpose of a garage) and licking banana residue off of a butter knife. “Peanut butter and banana,” she said, flashing her sharp, feline teeth. “We don’t have any jelly, but whatever! It still tastes pretty okay.” 

Tavros nodded and sat down across from her, wincing slightly as the egg shifted toward his metallic thighs. “Cool,” he said, peanut butter sticking to his teeth. “This is...okay.” 

Nepeta’s shoulders slumped slightly. “Yeah,” she said, looking vaguely uncomfortable. “I really want steak or something, but Equius said that we should conserve our funds. Boring.” 

“I mean, uh, you could go hunting or something?” suggested Tavros, not really sure if there was any game to kill. “I don’t know...hey, where’s Equius?” 

“He’s doing some stupid ‘assimilating into society’ bullshit,” said Nepeta, trying to lick at the peanut butter stuck in between her fangs. “Fuck! What _is_ this stuff?” 

“I think we should throw it out,” mumbled Tavros, trying to make himself comfortable. His shirts were getting too tight, now around his chest, and he really didn’t want to have to deal with heftsacks. It was already embarrassing enough having more ‘feminine’ features, and he was small in stature, almost petite, but the added discrepancy of having engorged breasts was a little too much for his liking. “It keeps getting stuck in my teeth…” 

Nepeta raised her eyebrows. “Tav? You’re flushed.” 

“Sorry, the wiggler is being a little shit,” he said, arching his back ever so slightly and attempting to release some of the tension in his shameglobes. “Are you—” 

He was interrupted by a sudden knock on the door. Nepeta immediately stood up and slunk over to the door, unlocking the huge mechanism set up by Equius with a little bit of difficulty. “Vriskers!” she purred, and Tavros began to sweat. “Wow, it’s been _furever!_ ” 

“Yes, it has,” said Vriska, grinning as she stepped inside. “Hey, Tinkerdork!” 

“Um, hey, Vriska,” said Tavros, blinking as her tiny, human counterpart ran up to his legs. “Uh, this is Casey, right?” 

“Yeah!” Said Vriska happily, setting several grocery bags on the table. “Okay, check it out. I bought you _basic_ human delicacies, alright? Check it out: Twinkies. These things are terrible, but they kind of have the same consistency as grubsauce. Weird, right?” 

Tavros nodded and tried to hide his distended stomach underneath the table. Casey quickly realized that his legs were made of inorganic substances and began tapping on his electric joints. “Robot?” she inquired, blinking at the brown blood with large, expressive blue eyes. 

“Kind of?” said Tavros, trying to comprehend the fact that she wasn’t a human fetus anymore. “How...how is John-human?” 

“Oh, John’s pretty great, actually,” said Vriska, taking three boxes of Cosmic Brownies out of shopping bag. “I’m sorry that I didn’t answer your message earlier, pesterChum keeps going down…” 

“What’s pesterChum?” Inquired Nepeta, who had gotten down on the floor and was attempting to engage Casey in a game of Peek-A-Boo. “Isn’t that like human trollian?” 

“Basically,” said Vriska, cocking her head at Tavros. “Tav, why are you pushed in all the way? That can’t be comfortable.” 

“No, it is!” exclaimed Tavros, shivering slightly and pushing his gut further into the table. “Totally comfortable. Maxed out relaxation.” 

“I...really don’t believe that,” said Vriska, frowning and she stood behind him and began to inch the chair away from the table. “C’mon, Tavvy!” 

“I said _no,_ Vriska!” 

“Dude, please just— _holy shit!_ ” 

She had successfully pulled him away from his hiding spot, and now his spherical belly was completely visible. “Haha,” said Tavros, blinking back tears. “Okay. Yeah. I’m gravid.” 

“You...are,” said Vriska, trying to take in the sight of her (ex-boyfriend? Ex-flush crush? Former ashen playmate?) friend’s new appearance. He essentially hadn’t really changed since he was six sweeps, barely growing in height, his hips widening slightly, but he had taken on the outward look of a very pregnant woman. It was disturbing, to say the least, and Vriska wasn’t even sure if it was _possible_ until this point. “How...how far along are you?” 

“A few perigrees,” chirped Nepeta, looking up. Casey was giggling and grabbing onto her horns, but the olive blood didn’t seem to mind. “He started getting _really_ sick after Gamzee left.” 

“Gamzee…” said Vriska thoughtfully. “He tried to harass Terezi a few months ago, but I had no idea that he...um...had actually knocked you up?” 

Tavros’s eyes were burning. “Yeah,” he said, examining his nails. “I...I don’t know. It’s stupid.” 

“No, it’s not,” said Vriska, rubbing his hand. “You’ll be a great...parent.” 

“Yeah, but Gamzee is just stupid,” said Tavros, trying hard to not cry. “Jegus, I’m sorry, my tear ducts are fucking ridiculous—” 

“It’s okay to cry, Tav!” said Vriska, almost aggressively. “Gamzee is a total asshole, but whatever! Fuck him!” 

“Fuck?” asked Casey from underneath the table. Vriska blushed bright blue and chided her; meanwhile, Tavros tried to analyze what she had just said. He knew that Gamzee was a total asshole, but the fact that someone else was saying so made him contemplative as to why he hadn’t realized that his ex-matesprit’s terribleness wasn’t centered on himself alone. It was definitely a new perspective, but he didn’t know how he was going to digest it. 

Vriska got back up from the floor, cheeks still cobalt, and smiled as she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Okay,” she said, sitting down across from him, Casey wiggling in her arms. “So. I’m just going to guess that you need some assistance, and because I’m a great mom, I’m going to school you, okay?” 

* * *

**-January 20th / 8:15 pm / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

Karkat Vantas was nearly done with his essay when his cellphone began to ring. “Fuck,” he said, answering it. “Hello?” 

“Karkat!” shouted Mituna on the other end. “Fuck! Dude, I really need your help!” 

“What is it, Mituna?” groaned Karkat, saving his essay and standing up to stretch his arms. “I’m kind of busy.” 

“Latula’s gone!” 

“Okay, is she at the store?” asked Karkat, not thinking much of it. 

“No, man, she’s been gone for _three fucking days_!” screeched Mituna, and Karkat heard the telltale sound of static. “I thought she was going to buy some motherfucking donuts, but she’s gone!” 

“Um, okay,” said Karkat, checking on Ellen’s egg. Unlike the previous stillbirths, she was still completely intact, with a very strong shell and barely any twitching. “Calm down, Mituna. Are you absolutely sure she hasn’t been flash stepping or something?” 

“Fucking _nookslime_ , Karbro! She would tell me if she was doing that shit!” 

“Calm the fuck down, Mituna!” shouted Karkat, stepping into the hallway. “Look, I’ll come over, okay?” 

“You fucking better!” 

“Fuck you,” murmured Karkat as he hung up and shimmied into his large wool coat. “What the fuck is with that guy…” 

Terezi was sitting on the couch downstairs, reading to Katrina from a collection of fairy tales. “Karkat?” she asked, looking slightly concerned. “I heard you yelling, is something wrong?” 

“Other than Mituna screaming at me, I’m great,” he said, pulling on his boots. “Apparently Latula is missing or something.” 

Terezi narrowed her eyebrows. “Missing?” 

“Yeah, I don’t know,” said Karkat, pulling his keys down from the hook. “Look, I might be gone for a while.” 

“Daddy?” called Katrina, looking as concerned as a two year old could get. “You kiss me night?” 

“Of course,” said Karkat, kissing his daughter on the forehead. “I love you, Princess.” 

“Try not to stay out for too long,” said Terezi in a slight warning tone. “I’m serious.” 

“I wasn’t planning on it,” said Karkat, kissing her on the cheek. “See you in an hour.” 

Thankfully, the snowfall wasn’t completely terrible as Karkat drove onto the highway to get to the apartment. He fiddled with the radio a grand total of once before classical music blasted through the airwaves. It was probably stupid, how much Shostakovich and Bach sent him into a relaxed state, but he found that Baroque compositions often helped him concentrate on his multitude of overtly complex assignments. Then again, so did copious amounts of coffee, but that was merely an observation on his part. 

After about fifteen minutes of driving, Karkat pulled into the icy parking lot and sighed before walking into the complex. He barely was at the door when Mituna burst through, looking incredibly panicked, his vision two fold flashing sporadically as he grabbed Karkat by the shoulders. “Fuck!” he shouted, placing his hands against the sides of his head in realization before running back up the stairs. “I can’t find her anywhere!” 

“Mituna, calm the fuck down,” said Karkat, yawning as he walked up the sticky steps. “Aren’t you the janitor? Why is everything so...dirty?” 

“Latula did a lot of the detail shit,” said Mituna, closing his eyes and opening his apartment door. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ , Karbro, she won’t answer any of my calls, and she was acting really weird—” 

“How was she acting weird?” asked Karkat, sitting down on the beat up couch. “Like, hormonal weird, or just done with your shit weird?” 

“ _I don’t fucking know_!” exploded Mituna, a burst of psiionics shooting from his pupils and zapping the lampshade. “Sorry, _sorry_ , I feel like shit, and I _miss_ her!” 

“Mituna, please calm down,” said Karkat, slightly freaked out by his outburst. At least Sollux had some control over what he did—his dancestor, on the other hand, was a trembling mess with an electric stare. “Look, should I call the police, or—” 

“No,” said Mituna, rubbing his eyes. “We haven’t finalized the paperwork yet, and I really don’t want to deal with...any authorities.” 

“Okay,” said Karkat, reaching for the laptop. “Do you know her trollian password?” 

Mituna winced, crumpling his brow. “Uh...it’s embarrassing.” 

“Come on, man.” 

Mituna hung his head. “Bumblebutt, lower case.” 

\--territorialCommander [TC] began trolling gamergrlCoolkid [GC] at 10:22--

TC: HELLO, LATULA.

TC: YOU ARE REQUIRED TO RETURN TO ALTERNIA IMMEDIATELY. 

GC: oh com3 on kurloz!!! th4t’s so l4m3!!!

GC: 4nd b3s1d3s, you would so tot4lly lov3 34rth, m4n. L1k3, th3r3’s no cr4zy cond3sc3nd1ng bullsh1t or const4nt ch4nc3 of pot3nt14lly dy1ng 4 t3rr1bl3 4nd p41nful d34th...

TC: AS AMUSING AS THAT MOTHERFUCKING SOUNDS, I’M AFRAID THAT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN LIVING ON A DECREPIT SHITTY PLANET WITH WORTHLESS FUCKING FLESH MONKEYS.

GC: >:[ don’t you th1nk th4t’s 4 b1t h4rsh? 

GC: 1 m34n sur3 th3y h4v3 no 1d34 how to prop3rly comm1t m4ss g3noc1d3, but 1t’s not l1k3 th3y’r3 4ny wors3 b3c4us3 of th4t. 1f 4nyth1ng th3y 4r3 pr3tty n1c3!

TC: YOUR NAIVETY FUCKING DISGUSTS ME, SCUMBLOOD. 

TC: IF YOU DON’T ARRIVE BY TOMORROW, I WILL SEND A DRONE. 

GC: kurloz c’mon m4n! th4t’s not 3v3n funny!

TC: IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE, BITCHTITS. 

TC: IF YOU DO NOT OBEY, I WILL MAKE SURE THAT CAPTOR IS CULLED. 

GC: ok4y l1st3n up dork4ss. 

GC: just b3c4us3 3v3ry t1m3 you tr13d to h4t3fuck m3 1 r3fus3d do3sn’t g1v3 you 4NY r1ght to pr4ct1c3 subjuggul4t1on on my M4T3SPR1T. 

GC: h3’s your MO1R41L. 

GC: holy sh1t, dud3, k1ll1ng your qu4dr4nts 1s r3t4rd3d. 

TC: I WILL DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY FOR MY CASTE TO CONTINUE EXISTING, AND IF I HAVE TO CULL MITUNA, I WILL DO SO WITHOUT HESITATION. 

GC: ...fuck. 

GC: you’r3 4ctu4lly s3r1ous, 4r3n’t you? 

TC: DOES IT SOUND LIKE I’M MOTHERFUCKING JOKING? 

GC: 1 

1 gu3ss 1’ll h34d out ton1ght th3n 

\--territorialCommander [TC] ceased trolling gamergrlCoolkid [GC] at 10:30--

“Holy shit,” said Karkat, blinking. He hadn’t expected this at all. 

“What’s wrong?” asked Mituna, rocking slightly. “Is she okay?” 

“Just let me check the rest of her messages, okay?” asked Karkat, clicking onto another log. 

\--gamegrlCoolkid [GC] began trolling chromosonalCorruption [CC] at 10:35--

GC: m33n4h! 1 r34lly n33d your h3lp, l1k3, r1ght now! 

CC: what is it 

CC: because im sorta incapacitated right now 

GC: no duh, f1shf4c3! 

GC: fuck1ng m4k4r4 1s d3m4nd1ng m3 to g3t th3 fuck b4ck to 4lt3rn14, 4nd 1dk, 1 r34lly h4v3 no 1d34 how 1’m suppos3d to l34v3 tun4 on h1s own. 

CC: so 

CC: what the fuck am i supposed to do aboat it 

CC: cry me a fuckin river pyrope im literally stuck in a fuckin tower doin shell knows what 

CC: youre not the one gettin your nook wrecked every night by your progenitor 

CC: so its best advised that you S)(UT TH-E S)(-ELL UP B-EACH 

GC: d4mn 1t, m33n4h! 

GC: 1 fuck1ng push3d 4n 3gg out of my s33d fl4p 4nd 1 h4v3 no 1d34 how 1’m suppos3d to l34v3 w1thout m1tun4 fr34k1ng th3 fuck out! 

CC: just leave beach 

CC: dont have any traces 

CC: idk theyll forget aboat you eventually 

CC: and while youre at it you shorely could rescue my sorry ass 

GC: f1n3! wh4t3v3r! 

GC: m1ght 4s fuck1ng w3ll! 

\--gamegrlCoolkid [GC] ceased trolling chromosonalCoruption [CC] at 10:42--

Karkat blinked at the pesterlog and attempted to configure an appropriate sentence that would inform Mituna of his matesprit’s whereabouts without completely crushing him. “Okay,” he said, smoothing his hand through his hair while trying to think of a worthy approximation. “Mituna. I think Latula’s on Alternia.” 

Mituna stared at him, his vision twofold making his eyes flash red and blue with no warning. _Please don’t have a psiionic flare up, please_ , thought Karkat, praying that he wouldn’t go berserk. “She left?” 

“It appears so,” said Karkat, blinking as the psiionic appeared to vibrate from his position. “Okay. I should probably leave.” 

“Yeah,” said Mituna, almost choked. “Sure.” 

Karkat rushed through the door and was at the bottom of the steps when he heard it—the telltale static burst and a howling scream that echoed throughout the building. “Fuck,” he said, unsure of how he could even _assist_ the mustard-blood without potentially getting killed. After a few seconds of contemplation, he ran outside and looked up at the apartment, analyzing the dim light from Mituna’s room. There wasn’t any sign of an explosive meltdown, not even the telltale red and blue bolts of lightning, just loud, broken sobs that he could hear even from the base of the building. 

* * *

**-9:32 pm / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

Terezi groaned and tucked her legs underneath the couch, quickly going through her text messages before sighing and trying not to yawn. Her day had consisted of several gratingly long classes, attempting to make tuna casserole (spoiler: it burned), and finally putting her feet up and reading Katrina several stories out of her current favorite book: _Tales of Princesses!_ which, in Terezi’s opinion, was the single worst piece of literature that human culture had ever created. In the moment, however, she desperately wanted the luxury of eight hours of sleep, maybe even nine, and Karkat’s ridiculously warm embrace. 

She blinked, scratching behind her ears and frowning slightly as the door opened. It wasn’t particularly late, by any means, but she was exhausted, and everything still was a trigger for an irate mood. “Karkat?” she called, sniffing in hopes of finding some social cue for the meeting. All she could smell, however, was something slightly electric, smoky and burnt. “What happened?” 

He stepped into the room, pulling off his boots and shoving his weight against the couch. “It’s stupid,” he said, blinking. “Just...unfortunate and stupid.” 

“What happened?” asked Terezi softly, running her fingers through his thick hair. “Did you find Latula?” 

“Not exactly,” admitted Karkat, sighing enormously and letting his arm fall around his wife’s shoulders. “We logged into Trollian, and...she sort of is on Alternia.” 

“What?” asked Terezi, suddenly alert. “What do you _mean_ , she’s on Alternia?” 

“I don’t fucking know,” said Karkat, his chest swelling underneath Terezi’s hand as he released another huge sigh. “Gamzee’s creepy progenitor threatened her, I don’t know, Carlos or whatever? But she left, and Mituna freaked out, understandably.” 

“Oh my God,” said Terezi, trying to wrap her head around the mere _idea_ of her dancestor running around on a war-torn planet without any reliable allies. “That’s so… _stupid_.” 

“Pretty much, yeah,” said Karkat, yawning immensely and nuzzling the nape of her neck. “Hey…” 

“Mmm?” 

“Do you want to do the stupid, um, big spoon little spoon thing?” 

Terezi froze, trying hard not to make any stupid sudden movements. “I mean…” 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” said Karkat quickly, retracting his arm. “Like, we could just cuddle or something—” 

“I...I’m okay with that…” stuttered Terezi, shivering involuntarily. “I’m sorry, I don’t know—” 

“Terezi, it’s okay!” said Karkat, careful not to get too close. “Look, I really don’t know what’s wrong, but it’s okay. You can tell me.” 

“I...I really don’t want to divulge any stupid details,” whispered Terezi, bringing her knees to her chest. “I don’t know. Can we just talk about it tomorrow?” 

“Of course,” said Karkat, kissing her forehead. “Look, I’m going to take a shower. Love you.” 

“I love you, too,” said Terezi quietly, closing her eyes. _Fuck._

* * *

**-January 25th / 7:20 am / Rose & Kanaya’s penthouse-**

“Rose?” called Kanaya, ruffling the area between her horns with her fluffy pink towel. “Are you still asleep?” 

“Hardly,” groaned Rose, arching her back and looking down in disdain at her overtly swollen form. “I haven’t been able to see my feet for _weeks_ , Kanaya.” 

“It’s a small price to pay—” 

“A small price to pay?” demanded Rose, trying her best to walk in an elegant and dramatic manner (she failed. At this point in her pregnancy, she was incapable of any movement except for waddling like a distraught duck). “Kanaya, that’s horseshit, and you know it.” 

“But we’ll have _babies_ ,” said Kanaya in a sing-song voice, wrapping her bathrobe tie around her figure nearly twice. Rose’s eyes watered at the thought of being even _slightly_ lithe again—the entirety of her overtly gravid state was painful and difficult and sometimes she wanted to punch Kanaya in the face for doing this to her. “And they’ll look like me and like you and they’ll be adorable.” 

“You’re not _carrying_ them,” reminded Rose, leaving the bathroom and walking into the kitchen, placing her palms flat against the kitchen island and inhaling deeply out of frustration. As a certified psychotherapist, she was completely aware of her emotional regulation (or lack thereof), and it was irritating beyond belief. The majority of her childhood had been spent trying to keep herself completely composed, and she had become excellent at it by the time she entered her twenties. The entire ‘getting knocked up by Kanaya’s alien dick’, however, seriously changed her perspective on everything. Nothing was in her immediate control, not even the aspect of her bodily functions, and she felt incredibly useless, if not anything else. 

Suddenly, she felt Kanaya’s slim hands running down her sides, and she jolted upwards in realization. “Quit it, Maryam,” she scolded, self conscious as all hell. “Just put on some clothes or something!” 

“Or something,” said Kanaya sweetly, kissing the nape of her wife’s neck. “C’mon, Rose, you’re so tense—” 

“Probably because I have two womb monkeys battering my insides, no thanks to you,” said Rose, slumping down in a chair. “God, I _hate_ being pregnant.” 

Kanaya sighed and stepped behind her, beginning to rub her shoulders. “I’m sorry…” 

“You should be,” said Rose grimly, rolling her eyes back as Kanaya’s thumbs hit a particularly nasty knot. “Fuck.” 

“Was that too hard?” asked Kanaya softly, releasing the tension. Rose let out a soft moan, and she could only take it as a sign to continue. “If it’s any help, you still look wonderful.” 

Rose snorted and looked down, swaying slightly with the force attuned to her back. “If you’re interested in a bloated whale, sure.” 

Kanaya ruffled her hair and kissed her behind the ear. “You’re hardly a whale, Rose.” 

“Sure,” she said, wincing as one of the twins pressed against her ribs. “God.” 

“Are you alright?” 

“It’s getting a bit crowded,” she admitted, hiccupping and rubbing the area near her navel. “Stupid ligament pain…” 

“Is there anything I could do to help?” asked Kanaya, gently rolling Rose’s shoulder blades until they popped. “Assuming you would like any assistance.” 

“Just keep rubbing my back,” murmured Rose, yawning and hiccupping again in quick succession. She was so _close_ to fully enjoying herself when she remembered that she still needed to call her mother. _“Fuck_.” 

“What is it?” 

“I totally forgot about Mom,” she said, wincing as she sat up in full, groaning loudly. “She wanted me to come over yesterday, and I’ve been just so wrapped up with work—” 

“We should probably discuss that matter at some point,” said Kanaya quickly, helping her wife out of her seat. “I’ve been looking for nannies, and honestly, they all seem highly underqualified. I’m...not really comfortable with having a complete stranger raise our children.” 

“They wouldn’t necessarily be a _complete_ stranger,” reminded Rose, frowning as she checked her phone for notifications. “I was actually planning on starting interviews next week.” 

“Next week?” said Kanaya rather incredulously. “Rose, they’re not even _born/i > yet, and don’t you want to have at least a month off for family leave?” _

“I’d love to in theory, but honestly, it’s not applicable with my work schedule,” said Rose quickly, readjusting her dress and debating whether or not actually applying makeup would alleviate some of her perceived appearance. “I mean, half of my clients are already dealing with some form of subjective separation anxiety, and I would like to help counter that.” 

“But you’ll cause separation anxiety with our _children_ ,” stressed Kanaya, rubbing her temples. “God, Rose, I’m _new_ at this! What if I irrevocably screw up or accidentally teach them Alternian norms or—” 

“What makes you think that?” asked Rose hurriedly, sliding into her thick wool coat, frowning when it wouldn’t button across her bulging stomach. “Damn.” 

“Because I’m _literally_ a completely different species,” said Kanaya a little harshly. “We didn’t even have the _concept_ of motherhood, let alone parenting in general! What if, I don’t know, I create some illusive bullshit about my past and they learn the truth?” 

“I highly doubt they’ll care,” said Rose stiffly, still struggling to button her coat. “And besides, if they _do_ find out that you’re a chainsaw wielding alien, whatever. They’ll be half of that.” 

“I know,” said Kanaya, and Rose realized that her wife was near tears. “I don’t want them to have to deal with potential persecution.” 

“Kan, babe, that won’t happen,” said Rose, turning to face her. “Look...it’s _because_ of the fact that you’re a freaky alien that I love you. You’re the most wonderfully sincere person that I’ve ever met, Kanaya. I wouldn’t married you any other way.” 

Kanaya wiped her eyes, still looking distinctly disappointed with herself as she sat back down. “Okay,” she said a little shakily, inhaling deeply. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

* * *

**-Thursday, January 24, 12:19 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community-**

Nepeta wasn't completely sure what was so terrible to humans about living in a mobile hive park. Sure, it was crowded and there were really tacky flamingos decorations as far as the eye could see, but she wasn't directly adverse to any of it.

She and Tavros were taking a walk and attempting to understand their new surroundings, bundled in thick coats and scarves that Vriska had brought from (generic thrift store). Tavros was still a little unsteady on his feet and kept complaining about how the cold was killing him, but Nepeta brushed it off as him being an anxiety-ridden progenitor-to-be. After all, he still hadn't seen Gamzee, and the highblood had made no effort of trying to contact him.

"He's so dumb," groaned Tavros, fidgeting uncomfortably and trying not to shiver. "Like, first he thought I was insinuating some bullshit, and then he blocked me. It's fifty shades of pathetic romance, and I'm so _angry_." 

"Maybe he's just scared?" suggested Nepeta, squinting slightly at the trailer they were passing. She had realized that there was definitely a divide in the maintenance of properties, and this particular hive looked beat up and just gross. "Like, Purrim was purretty afraid of Aranea, or maybe just confessing her feelings, but they're great together now!"

"Yeah, but Porrim and Aranea actually have a grip on their lives," said Tavros, reaching into his pocket and retracting some caramels that he bought at the dollar store. "Aranea already has a job! It's just so unfair."

"It'll be okay!" said Nepeta, trying to stay as eager as possible given their situation. Kanaya and Karkat had already faked several documents for them, but she was nervous about actually going out and applying for a job. The entirety of their situation had dawned on her, and she would curl next to Equius at night and try to sleep soundly to no avail. "Gamzee will remember how great you are!"

"He has a new matesprit," said Tavros bitterly. "It's a pointless endeavor, and—”

He blinked, and Nepeta realized that in the garbage of that particular trailer, there was an abundance of Alternian candy and Faygo.

"Tav," said Nepeta, reaching for his hand. "It's probably just a coincidence."

"Nepeta, we used the last viable transportalizer," he hissed, swallowing. "This is so fucking _stupid_."

Nepeta bit her lip but didn't say anything as he strode to the door, his metal feet clanking against the pavement. "Fuck," she mumbled as he knocked on the door three times in rapid succession. 

Meanwhile, Tavros was in the depths of rage-fueled throes when he realized the sheer stupidity of actually knocking on the door. If Gamzee was there, which he probably was (given his laziness and abhorrent attitude towards responsibility), he could very well tear the egg from his gestation chamber.

He started sweating and was about to turn when the door swung open and he saw a human with horrifically applied eyeliner and natty, disgusting hair glaring at him. "Who the fuck are you?" she snarled, crossing her arms against her chest. "Are you another one of Gam's alien buddies, because I have no interest in sharing this house with another lazy piece of shit."

Her words registered, and Tavros laughed. "Seriously?" he asked, chortling despite his initial response. "If you think he's so terrible, then why are you red for him?"

She blinked. "What?" 

"You're the one who pailed with him," said Tavros, grinning. "Like, spoiler alert, but his bulge has been in a _lot_ of things with a working bloodpusher, so it might help to get tested." 

Heather—because it couldn't be anyone else—looked at him like he was slime. "And you know this because?" she asked, still glaring at him. 

Tavros inhaled and narrowed his eyebrows. "I'm wriggled up, you bitch."

It happened too fast for Nepeta to comprehend. One second, Tavros was applying his salty sass everywhere within reach of Gamzee's new matesprit, and then they were slapping each other across the face and she was grabbing him by the horns. "Oh, Gog," she groaned before trying to break it up. "Tav, dude, please. We've been on earth for less than (time) and you can't get arrested!"

Tavros spit out some fudge colored blood, and Nepeta realized that he had a broken nose. "Screw this," he said, attempting to lunge at Heather. Nepeta grabbed his arms and pulled him against her—after all, she was slightly taller and definitely more muscular—and began to drag him away from the scene. "I'll fucking _wreck you_!" he screamed over his shoulder, and Nepeta had absolutely no idea how she was going to explain this to Equius.

Nepeta groaned and attempted to placate Tavros. It didn't exactly work—he was shaking and bleeding and angry. "That fucking asshole," he swore as she took him inside of their trailer. "How is that better than me?" 

"Tavros, I honestly don't really see the appeal of humans myself, but you can't try to start an altercation!" chided Nepeta. "What if Gamzee tries to hurt you next?" 

"I don't care!" exploded Tavros, and Nepeta realized that he was crying. "He can go fuck himself, for all I care!" 

Nepeta tried to inhale and think of a worthy solution to her current predicament when suddenly she heard someone pounding on the door. "Shit," she muttered, glaring at Tavros. "Stay here." 

She glided over to the door and braced herself for whoever was there. It didn't matter—as soon as she opened it, she was face to face with Gamzee, who looked beyond angry. 

"Hey, kittytits," he said, scleras an off shade of yellow. He placed a hand behind where Nepeta was standing and licked his lips, sniffing the air and blinking. "I bet you wouldn't know where that lil' gutterblood is, right?" 

"Nowhere within your jurisdiction," smiled Nepeta nervously, trying to ignore the rampant smell of pheromones and sweat. "Purrhaps he's out at the store?" 

Gamzee’s face turned, and he bared his teeth. "Lying isn't a good habit, motherfucker," he said, running his fingers through her short black hair. "C'mon, where the fuck is he." 

Nepeta simply grinned and leaned in close, barely an inch away from his face. "Not telling." 

Gamzee roared in rage, and he shoved her to the floor before entering the trailer. She heard a crashing noise and attempted to stand, but something was wrong and she bit down on her lower lip to suppress a scream as she realized that at one of her ribs were broken. "Equius!" she cried out, trying to drag herself into the main room. "Oh, fuck." 

Tavros was curled into a ball, almost protectively, and Gamzee was crouched above him, hissing and spitting like a feral animal. "You think it's fucking alright to mess with my matesprit like that?" he shouted, fingernails scraping into Tavros's back. "You think you have any authority in this motherfucker?" 

Tavros was screaming and Nepeta tried to launch herself at Gamzee to no avail when suddenly something ran into the room and punched the highblood, sending him to the floor. "The fuck do you think you're doing?" growled Gamzee, glaring at the muscular figure standing above him. "You're nothing, Zahhak, and you'll be even less—" 

"I'm afraid that the caste system is irrelevant here, Makara," said Equius simply, leering down at Gamzee. "And you have hurt my moirail, so get out, now." 

His last sentence escalated in volume and Gamzee stood up defiantly before dashing through a window. Equius wiped the sweat from his brow before leaning down to help Nepeta to her feet. "You need to go to the hospital," he said, sighing deeply and trying to take everything into consideration. "I'm afraid you might need a cast—" 

He was interrupted by a low groan, and Nepeta gasped when she saw Tavros. "Oh, shit!" she cursed, struggling to get to him. "Equius, there's too much blood—”

Tavros was curled on the floor, heaving and shivering. One of the circuits of his left leg had come undone and was jerking around violently, and fudge colored blood had begun to drip across his shorts. "Oh," said Equius, blinking. "I believe he has begun the laying process." 

"No fucking duh, Equihiss!" shrieked Nepeta, gagging at the intense fumes and struggling to stand up. "Oh my God, get help!” 

Equius nodded and disappeared, and Nepeta reached for Tavros's hand and squeezed. "Hey," she said, trying not to go into overdrive. "Dude. Please stop freaking out." "Fuck you," groaned Tavros, an arc of vomit splattering across his shirt. "Oh, fuck..." 

* * *

Vriska sighed and tried to configure a slightly reasonable method for assembling Casey’s new bed frame when her cell phone began to ring. She frowned and squinted at the unfamiliar number before answering, praying that it wasn’t a solicitor. “Hello?” she asked, examining her nails.

”Vriskers!” exclaimed Nepeta, her voice slightly muffled. “You need to come over here, _now_!”

”What’s up?” asked Vriska, still slightly bemused at the fact that the other troll had found her phone number. “Did you discover the greatness that is children’s cartoons, or is something actually wrong?”

”Gamzee was here, and he fucked up everything!”

Vriska paused, closing her eyes and sighing deeply. “What?”

”Yeah, it’s really bad,” Nepeta continued quickly, and there was a brief static break before Vriska could hear what else she had to say. “I think he broke one of my ribs, but Tavros is worse off.”

”What the fuck did he do to Tavros?”

”I don’t know, but he’s bleeding and we think he’s going to lay the egg.”

Vriska froze, attempting to not freak out. “Like, now?”

”Yes!”

”Okay, um, fuck,” she said, standing up and walking down the stairs. Casey was still at Joseph and Roxy’s house, and she figured she could send over a quick text before things got too intense. “I’ll try to get there as soon as possible.”

Vriska sent the text to Roxy and began to put on her shoes. _Shit,_ she thought, stopping mid-process. _I don’t know how to deliver an egg; the doctor did all that for me!_ An idea popped into her head and she whipped out her phone again.

”Hello?” asked a groggy voice that could only belong to Terezi.

”Hey, Tez,” Vriska said with a nervous laugh. “Is your doctor friend around? ‘Cause we kind of have an emergency here.”

* * *

After trying her best to convince Terezi everything was okay, followed by nearly forcing Augeth into her car, Vriska was finally on her way. She turned on the radio and absentmindedly began bobbing along to some Top 40 hit as she drove down the highway to the trailer park. At the next intersection, she glanced down at her phone and saw that the same phone number that Nepeta had called from had sent her several pictures along with a text reading _GET OVER HERE NOW VRISKERS!!!_. Groaning, Vriska sped up, trying to avoid the lunch hour rush. 

“Get ahold of yourself, Serket,” she muttered, changing lanes only to be met with a long honk. As much as her past was studded with not particularly savory experiences (most of them regarding luring lowbloods to her lusus, along with the brutal few in which she hurt her actual friends), she felt as though it were necessary to have some kind of redemption arc, especially where Tavros was concerned. She shivered at the thought of her past self, who she could only think of as a terrible person with intense emotional irregularity and too much cynicism for her own good: six-sweep-old Vriska was horrible and misguided at best, her manipulative tendencies outweighing her affection for her friends. 

”...You okay?” asked Augeth cautiously, who had very quickly noticed the other’s reflective stare. 

”Just...yeah. We’ll be there soon.” 

However, she still didn’t get to the trailer park for another fifteen minutes, and when she got to the actual trailer she was immediately greeted by her dancestor. 

”Vriska, darling, it’s wonderful to see you after all these sweeps!” chimed Aranea, her blue lips parting slightly and revealing a perfectly sharp set of teeth. “You look stunning!” 

”Thanks, Aranea, but where’s Tavros?” asked Vriska, looking over her ecto-sibling/progenitor/twin’s shoulder impatiently and trying to take in the scenery. There was definitely some fudge- and olive-colored blood smeared into the carpet, but the trailer was otherwise on par with its appearance from her last visit. “And...everyone, really?” 

”They’re in the back bedroom,” replied Aranea, leading her inside and removing a kettle from one of the burners. “However, if you’re interested in reconciliation after all this time—” 

Vriska ignored her, motioned for Augeth to follow her, and rushed down the tiny hallway before barging into the dimly-lit room. Tavros was curled up on his side in the center of the twin bed, trembling, and Porrim, along with Equius and a woozy Nepeta, were attending to him. Nepeta looked up from a very archaic-looking smartphone and narrowed her eyebrows. “About time,” she growled. “Where were you, even?” 

”Traffic,” Vriska told them, setting down her bags and sitting next to Tavros. “Pupa, you gotta breathe.” 

”It’s no use trying to console him, dear,” Porrim said, a hint of irritation in her voice. “He hasn’t been responsive to any audible stimuli for over an hour.” 

”Have you checked to see how dilated he is?” Vriska glanced at Tavros’ pants, which were stained with dark blood and crumpled into a ball next to a bed. “It could work as an estimate for when the thing is actually going to come out.” 

Porrim’s blank expression was enough for Vriska to groan and lift up the blankets around Tavros, wrinkling her nose at the barely-engaged egg. Augeth scooted next to Vriska and squinted, resisting the urge to physically interact with anything. “He’s got a few hours,” Vriska announced, and Augeth nodded in agreement. “Do you guys even have painkillers?” 

”No,” responded Equius, swallowing and letting Nepeta nuzzle against him. “Unfortunately, we did not take the actual ‘pain’ segment of the laying process into consideration.” 

Vriska blinked. “Are you...actually serious?” 

”You’re forgetting that natural birth is considered illegal and deeply unsanitary on Alternia and the surrounding colonized planets,” said Porrim lazily, brushing her heavy bangs out of her eyes and licking her lips. “Please remember that we’d have had more than a hefty chance of being prosecuted and culled by legislacerators and the court if we had stayed, along with perhaps being executed by the Batterwitch herself.” 

”Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Vriska rolled her eyes and stood up. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Tav, don’t pass out or die. Augeth, stay here and watch him while I run to the drugstore.” 

Tavros remained unresponsive, and Vriska sighed before walking back into the kitchen and sitting down at the table. Aranea was sipping tea and smiled coyly at her before glancing at one of the cupboards. “Would you care for anything to eat? These lemon poppyseed muffins are absolutely delightful.” 

”Aranea, I just got an eyeful of my ex-boyfriend’s nook, complete with the beautiful display of an egg inside of it. I don’t think I can handle anything edible for the rest of the day.” 

Aranea nodded, seemingly reconsidering the muffin on her tiny plate before pushing it away. “That’s...lovely,” she said, making direct eye contact with her dancestor. Vriska thought it was a bit creepy to look at her directly, especially with the combined psychic manipulative energy burning with their vision eightfold. There was also the irrefutable fact that Aranea was essentially her older, more sophisticated double, complete with pearl earrings and cat eye glasses. “I heard that you have your own offspring?” 

”Ha, yeah,” said Vriska, smiling at the thought of her daughter. “Cassia Jane Egbert, future world leader. Or something. She’s only two, so it’s kind of hard to tell what she’s predisposed to be.” 

”I can only imagine,” Aranea said, wincing as she drained another cup. “She is a hybrid, correct?” 

”Technically?” Vriska had no idea where Aranea was going with this. “I mean, she looks completely human, just cuter. Her dad’s a human.” 

”I wonder what her lifespan will be,” said Aranea thoughtfully. “I mean, considering that humans live to be eighty as an average compared to our own caste’s prolonged lives, it’s fascinating.” 

”Sure,” Vriska agreed, trying to digest what she had said. “Wait, how long does our hemotype live?” 

Aranea frowned. “Darling, didn’t you learn this in _Tentabulges and You_? I only assumed that the textbook was mandatory.” 

“I didn’t actually finish that. You know, I was kind of busy feeding my massive bitchy lusus from hell.” 

Aranea clicked her tongue. “Spidermom was lovely.” 

”She made me kill other trolls and feed them to her.” 

Well, yes, but the same went for me, and she was never _too_ brutal!” 

” _Homicide_ isn’t brutal?” 

Aranea sighed and pushed her glasses up to the bridge of her nose. “Anyway, if you were really so interested in the longevity of the cerulean hemotype, it would best convert to roughly eight hundred Earth years, give or take a few decades.” 

Vriska blinked. “What?” 

”How do you think our glorious ancestor afflicted her methodology onto Alternian history?” asked Aranea smugly. “If she was working with a human lifespan, she would’ve barely gotten anything done. And she was barely past the prime of her life when she was culled, so really, I’m quite surprised that you didn’t know any of this.” 

”Um.” Vriska cringed at the idea of being twenty-something for an eon. “Wait. What about the other castes?” 

”Generally, rust-bloods and those with the amber to mustard hemotype will live shorter than the average human,” Aranea told her, twirling a strand of her hair. “According to the text published before the mass genocide of lime-bloods, it was stated that the extinct caste would live well into the one hundreds—that is, Earthbound year conversions—before dying. The same goes for olive-bloods, but jades with usually live for up to five hundred years. Teal hovers around 650—sorry, my arithmetic may be slightly off—and after our particular caste, the respective potential age bracket swells into one thousand, multiplying until we have the near-indestructible tyrian caste.” 

”Shit. And...I’m just going to assume that there isn’t recorded knowledge on the state of mutants?” 

”Nothing,” said Aranea unhappily. “Mind you, there are several other mutations that do not affect the blood. Consider the Ampora bloodline, for example. Due to a loss of pigmentation somewhere along the genetic code—” 

”Okay, Aranea, I’d love to learn more, but I have to run to the drugstore and pick up some pain meds for Tinkerdork in there. I’ll be right back.” 

* * *

**-2:08 pm-**

“Ow,” gasped Nepeta, wincing in pain as Augeth gently touched her side. 

”Does that hurt?” Nepeta nodded and Augeth moved her hands to another spot. “Yeah, I’d say that at least one of your ribs is definitely broken. Really, the only thing I can immediately do for it is ice, and pain medication once Vriska gets back.” 

Nepeta put her shirt back on and slowly stood up. “Is Tavros any better?” she asked, looking over towards the other bedroom in which Tavros was writhing in pain. 

”I can’t exactly be sure at this point,” Augeth confessed. “He’s still unresponsive, and I honestly can’t do anything until Vriska gets back. But if he’s anything like Terezi, he might black out—” Her face turned opaquely mustard and she covered her mouth. “—nevermind.” 

”What?” 

”I’m not supposed to talk about that. Forget I even said anything.” 

Nepeta frowned. “I’m curious.” 

”Ask Terezi, but she might not even tell you.” Augeth sighed and began pacing the bedroom. “I wish Vriska would get back already…” 

The front door open and Vriska ran inside. “Tylenol, gauze, rubbing alcohol, numbing cream, needle and thread,” she announced, out of breath. “The cashier at Walgreen’s probably thinks I have herpes…” 

”What’s herpes?” asked Aranea, looking up from a magazine. 

Vriska gave her a look and ignored the question. “Augeth, can you…?” 

Augeth followed Vriska into Tavros’ bedroom, where he was in the exact same position as before. “Tavros,” the yellow-blood quietly whispered in a sing-song voice, trying to get his attention. He did nothing and continued to lay there, breathing heavily and moaning. 

”Pupa, I brought you some stuff for the pain,” Vriska gently said, attempting to show him the bottle of Tylenol. Tavros didn’t even respond to _that_ , and she sighed. 

Augeth put a hand on Vriska’s shoulder. “I think all we can do for now is wait.” 

* * *

**-3:37 pm / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

”... _’This bed is too soft!’ exclaimed Goldilocks_ ,” Karkat read, mimicking Goldilocks’ voice as best he could. “ _Goldilocks moved to the next bed. She laid down on top of it and smiled. ‘This bed is just right!’ she said_.” 

Katrina giggled. “Baby Bear!” 

”Yes, that was Baby Bear’s bed,” Karkat told her with a smile. “Okay. _Goldilocks fell asleep. While Goldilocks was asleep, the three bears came home. ‘Someone’s been eating my porridge,’ growled Papa Bear. ‘Someone’s been eating my porridge,’ said Mama Bear. ‘Someone ate my porridge and it’s all’_ —” 

The doorbell rang and both Vantases looked up from the book. “Stay here,” Karkat told his daughter. “Daddy will be _right_ back.” 

Karkat set down the book and got up to answer the door. He opened it and came face-to-face with an extremely distraught-looking Mituna. 

”How did you get here?” he simply asked, seemingly ignoring the mustard-blood’s state of wellbeing. 

”Taxi,” said Mituna, trying his hardest not to choke on his tears. “Karbro, I’ve gotta have her.” 

”What?” Karkat stared at him as he shoved his way inside. “Mituna, what are you talking about?” 

Mituna sniffed and began walking around the Vantas’ house. “Ellen, Kar. Look, I know we agreed on you guys keeping her, but—” 

”Mituna, what are you doing?!” Karkat ran up to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Ellen is _Terezi and I’s_ adopted daughter.” 

Mituna sniffed again. “You don’t have any paperwork and she hasn’t hatched yet.” 

”You can’t just take her back,” said Karkat gently, taking his hands away. “Terezi’s been a totally different person since Ellen came. And isn’t your apartment complex a children-free one?” 

Mituna’s eyes flashed red and blue, making Karkat jump back. “She’s the last bit of Latula I have!” he cried, causing his psiionics to blow out the lightbulbs of the nearest light fixture. “Fuck, Karkat, I thought you would understand!” 

”Woah, woah, woah.” Karkat was a bit afraid of his psiionics, but he _needed_ to get this sorted out. “Look, Mituna, Terezi gets off at five, we can work this out then—” 

Mituna had already run upstairs, and had retrieved Ellen’s egg from her crib by the time Karkat had run up there. “What the _fuck_ are you doing?!” Karkat screamed, lunging at the egg. “Mituna, I’m serious, calm down!” 

Nuzzling the egg, Mituna broke out into sobs. “She’s gonna fuckin’ look like me,” he cried, looking at Ellen’s egg before returning to sobbing. “And she’s gonna look like Latula, and—oh my god!” 

Karkat honestly didn’t know what to do. Ever since finding out Latula had gone back to Alternia, Mituna had been pretty distraught, and at this point it did seem like Ellen was the only way he’d ever feel better given the circumstances. But at the same time, Ellen was the answer to Terezi’s problem as well. 

The question was, which choice was the right choice? 

* * *

**4:25 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community**

”Vriska? Can you come here?” called Augeth from the back room. Vriska sighed and got up from the couch before rushing into Tavros’ bedroom. 

He seized up as another contraction hit, and Vriska quickly sat down next to him, grabbing his shoulders and trying to say as many relaxing words as possible It was definitely weird, playing labor coach for her sort of ex-boyfriend, but she’d seen worse. “Shh, Pupa, you’re gonna get through this,” she said, gently rubbing in between his shoulder blades. “Just try to relax and it’ll be _way_ easier.” 

Tavros sobbed and Augeth checked in between his legs. “Okay, you’re almost there,” she said, adjusting her rubber gloves and squinting. “You only have a little bit longer.” 

”Yeah, Tav, and then you get to see your egg!” exclaimed Vriska, trying to stay as cheerful as possible. Tavros looked up at her and blinked, almost looking delicate, and she continued rubbing his shoulders. “You’re going to be a great...dad!” 

”What if I’m terrible?” he wheezed, tears streaming down his face as another contraction rocked through his body. “I don’t even know how to have decent relationships! How am I supposed to be a good lusus?” 

”Trust me, you’ll be great,” assured Vriska, continually massaging him. “I mean, I was really horrible _before_ I had Casey, and now I’m pretty okay, I guess, but you’ve _always_ been super nice. Your kid is gonna be _so_ lucky to have you!” 

”You really think so?” murmured Tavros, gasping and groaning before squeezing Vriska’s hand tightly. “Oh, fuck…” 

”Keep pushing, Tavros,” said Augeth, completely calm as she reached for some scissors. “You’re going to have to push as hard as you can—” 

”Yeah, Pupa!” Vriska cheered, grinning and kissing Tavros on the forehead. “C’mon, dude, you got this!” 

Tavros moaned and bit down on his lower lip before crying out in relief as the egg fell into Augeth’s hands. “It’s here!” exclaimed the mustard-blood, wiping off the remaining genetic material and holding it up in the light. To Vriska’s surprise, it was larger than both Katrina’s and Isaac’s eggs—much larger, and more circular in shape. “It’s definitely bronze!” 

”Wow,” said Tavros, sitting up to the best of his ability and reaching out. “Can I, like...hold it?” 

”Well, duh! It’s your kid!” Vriska laughed and gently supported Tavros’ arms as Augeth rested the egg against his chest. “It’s really pretty, Tav.” 

”You think so, Spiderbitch?” asked Tavros, grinning slyly. 

”Fucking gorgeous,” Vriska winked. “Augeth, is there anything else we need to do?” 

”His nook is torn a bit, but I can stitch it up now,” Augeth said, already getting to work. “Congrats, Tavros.” 

”This is so weird,” he admitted, kissing the egg. “Are you sure there’s a grub in here and I didn’t, like...push a tumor out or something?” 

”Yes, dummy! You can totally see it in the light,” said Vriska, pretty amazed herself. “Dude, you’re going to have such a cute kid. God, I’ll come over tomorrow and bring Casey’s old crib and stuff. Gotta get you ready!” 

”Do grubs wear clothes?” Tavros asked, still examining the egg. “Oh my Gog, do you think Kanaya can make it little rompers or something?” 

”Um, probably?” Vriska replied. “Like, she’s pretty busy with The Great White Whale right now, but I’ll ask her about it.” 

Tavros laughed nervously and kissed the egg again. “So what do I need to do?” 

”Until it hatches? Savor your alone time,” smiled Vriska. She gently ruffled his mohawk and laughed. “Congrats, man. I’m proud of you.”


	16. Tyrian Ambiance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "shit gets real"--ev
> 
>  
> 
> \--just as fair warning, there's some unsavory subject material ahead

**-January 24th, 8:03 pm / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

Karkat Vantas groaned and readied himself for what he had begun to perceive as the single worst encounter he would have ever with Terezi in the entirety of his lifespan. 

He didn’t even know why he was readying himself for the conversation—Mituna was clearly unstable, didn’t exactly have a steady job, and probably would step on the kid for all he knew. Sure, the yet to be hatched grub was genetically his offspring, and Karkat definitely knew how important that was, but they had already come upon an agreement, and he did not want to give Mituna that kind of leeway in their relationship—what if he thought it would be perfectly reasonable to just come over whenever he wanted next? What if he tried to _live_ with them? The house was completely overflowing with Obrina and Augeth’s random stuff everywhere, and just last week he had to take away medical supplies from Katrina, who had decided that a syringe (God only knows _how_ Augeth even acquired it!) would make a great addition to her dollhouse. 

And then, there was the entire clusterfuck with Terezi: how the hell was he supposed to even broach the subject of her voluntarily giving away a child? With all of the miscarriages and the stillbirths and Isaac, he wasn’t even sure how she’d react, let alone look at him in the eyes ever again. It felt like some enormous prankster’s gambit that had been set out by the universe itself, all with the very specific task of undermining everything that had worked until this point. Karkat didn’t even know how he felt about it—the emotions of the other two parties seemed to be completely overwhelming his own thought processes, and even though he absolutely was sure that he wanted to raise Ellen with Terezi and as far as humanly possible from Mituna, he felt weirdly and inexplicably guilty even thinking about both potential outcomes. 

He had convinced Mituna to put Ellen’s egg back in the crib, where they had both tucked her in—a procedure he had to explain to Mituna in full, because the Captor seemed to draw a complete blank as to why a developing grub needed to be kept warm—and then ascended the stairs before sitting down on the couches and glaring at each other. To be honest, “glaring” didn’t fully cover the flashing psionic stare that was coming from Mituna, which Karkat found incredibly intimidating despite the fact that he knew that the yellow-blood hadn’t been able to so much as severely injure anyone ever since the near fatal accident back on Alternia. Still, the hypnotic red-to-blue dynamic was very unnerving, and Karkat glanced at his phone before swallowing and standing up. “Okay,” he said, careful to keep his voice calm and steady, “Terezi won’t be home for another ten minutes. I’m going to make some coffee, because honestly, this is going to be incredibly shitty, and I don’t exactly know how I’m even going to _tolerate_ the levels of bullshit that are going to spew out of your ugly mouth. Do you want anything?” 

Mituna released a muffled sob, burying his face into his hands, and Karkat rolled his eyes before quickly absconding to the kitchen, where he was quick to realize that all they had was the shitty stir in coffee that Obrina had bought by mistake. “Fucking stupid asshats,” he growled under his breath, feeling almost feral as his anger mounted and began to swell, just under the surface of his seemingly calm demeanor. “Bullshit. Fuck. Ass. Goddammit.” 

He swore loudly as he realized that he had incoming call on his cell phone. “Jesus Christ,” he said, checking the caller ID and groaning before answering reluctantly. “Kanaya, what do you want? I’m sort of busy right now.” 

“I doubt that you are overwhelmed at this hour,” drawled Kanaya, sounding completely aloof to any of his issues. He took note of this—usually, when they were still kids who would sometimes sneak away to each other’s hives without their lusii’s permission, she had sometimes gotten almost condescending in a way that he didn’t really understand until he found out about her massive flush-crush on her ex-moirail. They seemed to be on good terms, though, at least now, so he didn’t really understand why she was pulling the snobbish bullshit façade. “After all, given your lengthy schedule that you have documented and sent to me on multiple occasions, I hardly can believe that you are not at home, slightly tired after a long day with your daughter, waiting for Terezi while watching Gordon Ramsey on _Master Chef Junior_.” 

“It’s a really good show, okay?” he sighed, not wanting to piss her off into abandonment. After all, it wasn’t her fault that Mituna was being an asshat and that his wife was going to most definitely have an emotional breakdown. “Seriously, what do you need?” 

“Actually, what I desire is a certain cultural extrusion of sorts,” she said after a brief pause. “If I was not mistaken, we are currently engaged in a moirallegiance, and it is custom to support all members of one’s quadrants at most given times.” 

Karkat blinked, the kettle on the stove beginning to boil. “What?” he said rather dumbly, trying to remember exactly when he had declared Kanaya to be his moirail. After all, he had been incredibly busy with school and parenting and trying to find a job that wasn’t as demeaning as Starbucks, all while juggling Terezi’s newfound emotional distance that she said was purely for the betterment of her mental state. “Wait, when—” 

“Christmas Eve,” said Kanaya automatically, as if she had the exact date and time written down for reference. “You had reached a slightly inebriated state. We sang karaoke together. You have a _very_ nice singing voice, Karkat. Given the quality, it’s a wonder you weren’t swept up by the talent endorsement on Alternia.” 

“I…don’t remember any of that,” admitted Karkat, who couldn’t really remember any of holiday season, aside from waking up with a nasty hangover on Christmas morning and Katrina squealing at the sight of presents. “What did we sing?” 

He immediately regretted asking, as Kanaya drew in her breath, as if waiting for some kind of horrific memory to slap him in the face and make him empty the contents of his stomach in pure disgust. “‘Holding Out For a Hero’,” she finally said, savoring in whatever weird kind of guilt Karkat was feeling. “You kept insisting that a ‘Fairy Godmother’ sang it far better than Bonnie Tyler, and I have yet to search that particular artist. However, you did hit quite a few trills. It was impressive.” 

“You’re…serious,” said Karkat, trying to digest the fact that Katrina’s love of _Shrek 2_ had somehow manifested at a party that he didn’t even remember going to. “Oh, fuck, is that why John has been consistently sending me gifs of Donkey? _Ugh_.” 

Kanaya laughed, and Karkat put her on speakerphone briefly while stirring boiling water with the shitty instant coffee. “Okay,” he said, putting her back on regular volume, “what kind of horrible piece of human culture do you want me to witness?” 

“Rose and I secured these tickets in advance,” said Kanaya. “However, due to her persistent nausea and general disdain for musical theatre in her current state of being, I have asked, with her permission, to take you instead.” 

“Musical theatre?” asked Karkat, wrinkling his nose. “What show?” 

“See, this is the catch,” she said. “It’s not exactly what you would refer to as Broadway worthy, however, I have donated lots of time and hard work to the costuming department, and we would sit in the good part of the auditorium—” 

“Auditorium? Wait, it’s not at a theatre?” 

Kanaya sighed. “It’s…well, amateurs of the secondary school variety are putting on the production. _The Wiz_ , to be exact. However, there are refreshments and a reception afterwards, and I know you love free food, Karkat.” 

“I guess I’ll go,” sighed Karkat, sipping his coffee and wincing. “Call me tomorrow, okay? Terezi’s going to be home any minute.” 

They exchanged goodbyes and he hung up before walking back into the living room. “Okay, Captor,” he said, back to his default grouch self. “I swear, this is not going to work out in your favor, so if you could kindly promise me to not short circuit the entire house, I would _really_ appreciate it.” 

“Whatever,” sniffed Mituna, wiping tears from his freaky eyes. “I just really miss Latula, okay?” 

Karkat sighed at this. The mere idea of losing a matesprit was completely foreign to him, and he didn’t really want to try to comprehend how fucked up it must feel to have someone you love just disappear without a trace. “You…have my sympathies,” he said finally, slumping his shoulders as he sat down on the couch. “But seriously, do you honestly think that you can raise a wiggler right now?” 

Mituna wiped his nose with his sleeve, looking vaguely desolate. “I mean, if you can do it, why can’t I?” 

_Because I am a halfway competent adult!_ Karkat wanted to scream. Instead, he tried to think like a calm, respected individual in the community he had learned to call home, and quietly took a stance that he thought would register in Mituna’s half fried thinkpan as so. “Captor,” he said, because in pretty much every inspirational drama that he had seen on Lifetime, when there was a moment of tension before the actual climax—especially with male characters—an older, paternal figure would usually start addressing the said issue by initially calling out the individual with the appropriate surname before going into a well digested diatribe about life itself. “You’ve only been on this planet for like, a month. You don’t even have a stable job that could actually act as some kind of income, which is pretty important when you’re raising a grub. If you don’t have money, how will you feed her?” 

“I dunno, scraps?” asked Mituna, but Karkat realized that he had actually caught his attention. 

“Well, that’s okay for the first month or so, but then they need to have real food,” said Karkat gently. “Like, there’s a pretty big variety of nutrients that a grub will need in order to have a successful pupation. And then, when it’s a wiggler, you’ll have to go through even _more_ money to just make sure that it’s comfortable. And you’ll need someone to watch her, all the time, until she’s like five, and then you’ll enroll her in school, and then you have to be a good parent who goes to meetings or whatever, and it’s just really hard, okay?” 

Mituna seemed to be actually considering what he had to say when Karkat heard the all too familiar sound of the front door unlocking. “I’m home!” called Terezi, kicking off her work shoes and hanging her bright red coat on the rack. “Karkat, you dingus, I smell the coffee!” 

“Yeah,” said Karkat, breaching back into full on panic mode. “Um, Terezi, hey, Mituna’s here, and he sort of needs to discuss something with you—” 

Terezi yawned audibly and cackled before practically body slamming against the couch, unbuttoning the top of her slacks and sighing in relief. “Being an intern sucks,” she said, turning her head towards Karkat. “We have to make Rose a cake or something, though. It’s honestly been one of the more… _delightful_ jobs, actually!” 

“Who the fuck is Rose?” asked Mituna, rubbing his eyes and trying to brush his hair out of his face. “Is she one of those dorky humans you trolled on Trollian?” 

“Duh, Captor,” said Terezi, laughing again. “Karkat, do you remember how _stupid_ John was? I mean, he still is _pretty_ stupid, but at least he doesn’t majorly freak out if I talk about my personal opinions relating to a certain Nic Cage.” 

“Terezi, you basically harassed the shit out of everybody,” said Karkat, remembering being six sweeps old with the kind of fondness that only a troll could muster. “If you did that on Earth, you would’ve been put in juvenile detention and have been labeled as a social deviant for the rest of your life.” 

“Big deal, Karkles,” said Terezi, nuzzling him gently. “We should probably set up a Pesterchum for Katrina at some point. I mean, pissing people off taught me how to read.” 

“She isn’t even two yet, you weirdo,” said Karkat. He had almost forgotten that Mituna was there until the thin, not exactly hygienic troll coughed very loudly. “Okay, Mituna. Spit it out.” 

“I want Ellen,” he said, looking bristled with some kind of unidentifiable emotion. 

Terezi blinked and cocked her head, seemingly considering what he had said with deep thought. “How about…no,” she said, lips curling into a sneer. 

“I fucking want my grub,” said Mituna, glaring at Terezi. “Latula isn’t here, and is probably dead or something, and she’s _all_ I have left.” 

“Yeah, well, too bad,” said Terezi, propping up her legs on the coffee table. Karkat was mildly surprised to how she was reacting. “Latula and I made an agreement, and my family will raise Ellen. You’re _totally_ incompetent, Mituna.” 

“I’m not fucking incompetent!” he said, sparks flying. “And you don’t even have papers or anything official to prove any of that stuff!” 

“Mituna,” said Karkat in a warning tone, but Terezi had already begun to go into some kind of legal banter. 

“If we _were_ humans,” said Terezi clearly, “there would be documents, there would be written statements, there would be a metric fuckton of effort going into this, but because we are _literally_ illegal aliens—more so you than any of us—we are not allowed those kinds of luxuries. Instead, we will replicate those ideologies to the best of our ability, and because you essentially are a deadbeat dad who doesn’t even have a job or your own place to stay, I’m pretty damn sure that in a court of law, the judge would place Ellen in care of her best interests.” 

“I don’t even know what that fucking means,” said Mituna angrily, looking ready to break something out of anger. “And it’s not like you know for sure that she’d be happy with you!” 

“I know that she would be fed, and bathed, and not neglected,” said Terezi, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “I know that you, in your current state, could not achieve even one of those things. Honestly, Mituna, if you really loved her, you wouldn’t try to take her from us.” 

Karkat held his breath, waiting for some kind of psionic explosion or for his wife to completely go off the deep end. Instead, Mituna stood up, folding his arms against his chest, and exhaled deeply. “Whatever,” he said, his tone that of defeat. He almost felt sorry for him as he left, almost tearing out of the house, completely silent. 

Terezi sighed and placed her palms against her cheeks. They didn’t say anything for a few minutes, just trying to digest exactly what had happened, when suddenly, Terezi’s phone began to buzz in her front pocket. “I’ve got to get this,” she said flatly, answering the call with what Karkat had decidedly defined as her “bullshit business” voice. “Hello? Vriska? It happened? _Seriously_? And you’re sure that there aren’t any complications…wow, okay! I’ll come over tomorrow. Tell him congratulations.” 

“What happened?” asked Karkat, shifting his weight on the couch. “Did John get a promotion or something?” 

“No, Karkat, Tavros had an egg.” 

“Wait. Seriously?” 

“Why would I fucking joke about this?” asked Terezi, yawning and stretching her legs again. “Yeah, that purple asshole wriggled him up. They want me to do the honors in sniffing out the gender.” 

“How…” said Karkat, still trying to understand the concept of a male troll—or at least male by their very ambiguous secondary sexual traits—had actually gotten pregnant and had an egg without major complications. “It isn’t like, fucked up or anything, right?” 

“Well, I’m _assuming_ it’s okay,” said Terezi, curling up next to him. “Like, Vriska sounded really excited, and she’s going to bring Augeth back over sometime tonight, so we’ll probably hear every single detail pertaining to Nitram’s nook—” 

“Ew, Terezi,” said Karkat, trying to push the image of Tavros’s genitalia from his mind forevermore. “I’m just curious as to how he actually got knocked up.” 

“Well, Karkat,” said Terezi, licking her lips and gaining the authoritative pose that she obtained whenever teaching Katrina about the horrors of the outside world, “when two trolls love _or_ hate each other very much—” 

“Yeah, I knew that much!” hissed Karkat, covering his ears and trying to drone out her high pitched laughter. “I just…kind of figured that even trolls would kind of replicate the male-female dichotomy of reproduction.” 

“Dude, Kanaya got Rose pregnant.” 

“Yes, but Kanaya…” Karkat didn’t really know how to go on without making a complete fool of himself, but Terezi raised her eyebrows expectantly. “I don’t know, she has that whole maternal thing set down pretty hardcore, and isn’t jade genetic material used to precondition the slurry for gestation?” 

“Are you implying that Kanaya is some kind of fertility god?” giggled Terezi, poking his side. When he didn’t answer, cheeks flushed red, she exploded into peals of laughter. “Oh my God, you _do_! Karkat, that’s so _weird_! I’m sorry, but of all of the naïve horseshit you’ve come up with, that takes the fucking spot!” 

“Oh, shut up,” said Karkat, hunching his shoulders and trying to not provoke any more ridicule. “You thought that Sollux had two bulges for the longest time—” 

“Yeah, but I never disproved that factoid,” said Terezi, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling. “Do you think that Ellen might—” 

“She’s an egg, Terezi!” hissed Karkat, groaning at the idea of wigglers going through adolescence. “Oh my god, Terezi, they don’t even have that kind of…stuff…until they go through the second molt!” 

“Don’t remind me,” said Terezi, lowering her voice and pausing. “Do you think that Katrina will be okay?” 

“What do you mean? 

“Like…at human school. With humans.” 

“I guess, yeah,” said Karkat. “Like, she’s lived on Earth for her entire life. She’s probably the poster child of cultural assimilation.” 

“Yeah, yeah, but I just can’t help but wonder,” said Terezi. “Like, when she molts and whatever, we’re going to have to keep her inside for a week! What will we tell her friends?” 

“I don’t know, that she has the flu?” said Karkat uneasily. “It won’t be a big deal.” 

“Yeah, except that she’ll come out of her cocoon and essentially be freakishly mature,” snorted Terezi, scratching the back of her neck. “Huh. Karkles, when did you molt?” 

Karkat turned deep red and looked away. “I don’t know, a little after I turned six? Why are we talking about this?” 

“Duh, because I want to figure out when our kid is going to go through troll puberty, dipshit,” said Terezi, leaning against him. “God, I hope Ellen doesn’t have psiionics.” 

“Aren’t psiionics just a yellow blood trait?” 

“Well, actually, they’re supposedly a _common_ trait, per se, probably dominant in the gene pool because most of them pailed together and basically continued their incestuous strain for thousands of sweeps without stopping,” said Terezi, closing her eyes. “But Latula is from a completely different bloodline, and when I was still living in my hive I _did_ get a chance to look at the genetic documentation. It was pretty interesting, actually! Our ancestor filled a pail every season from the time she was ten to shortly before her hanging, and as a rule she never had quadrants with other teal bloods. She was so _cool_.” 

“Lucky you,” grumbled Karkat, remembering his shitty hive and shitty lusus and shitty neighbors. “I just had a bunch of creepy Dolorosa wannabes come visit every so often and try to convince me to donate genetic material so the Signless could live on throughout the generations.” 

“ _Ew_.” 

* * *

**-February 1st, 10:15 am / Bread, Ganache, and Beyond-**

**Roxy: 3 months 4 days**

**Rose: 5 months 10 days**

**Katrina: 1 year 8 months 23 days**

**Casey: 2 years 4 months 13 days**

The television videographers and newspaper photographers were setting up the equipment in front of the store, and Mr. Egbert was absolutely frantic. Cookies still needed to be iced, cupcakes still needed to be placed on the tower, and his own child hadn’t even shown up yet. Any attempts made to contact John or Vriska resulted in a voicemail. 

“Joseph, can I help in any way?” Roxy quietly asked from a corner of the bakery. Though she was _technically_ supposed to be on bedrest, she had gotten an okay from the doctor to be wheelchair-bound in special cases, such as today. Being out of the house was great, sure—Roxy was beginning to go stir-crazy—but being in a wheelchair wasn’t much better. 

“You can help by staying there,” Joseph snapped before realizing his tone and sighing. “Roxy, I’m sorry, I’m just really stressed—“ 

Roxy nodded, still looking disappointed. “I understand; it’s okay.” 

“Roxy, it’s not okay,” sighed Joseph, carefully placing a few cupcakes on the tower. “I’m just really worried about you. I don’t want anything to happen to you, or to the baby.” 

“Me, too, Joseph, but really, it’s fine! I understand you’re frustrated today. I haven’t heard from John or Vriska, either.” 

“I just wish he would actually _try_ to contact me before he doesn’t show up on time,” said Joseph, trying to keep his composure under check. He had been feeling slightly more than overwhelmed over the last few months; in fact, he almost felt on edge all the time. “Even when he was in high school he was relatively punctual, but now he’s just--” 

“Joseph, listen to yourself,” said Roxy, pushing her bangs to the side and examining herself in a tiny hand mirror while frowning. “He has a daughter, graduated college, and is about as successful as you _can_ be when you’re twenty-three. If he’s late, he probably has something extremely important to do.” 

“I guess,” said Joseph dryly, breaking into a smile as he realized that the cupcake tower was complete. “I think we’ll be able to start by 10:30.” ****

* * *

**\--10:17 am / John’s car-**

“Goddammit, Vriska, pick up your phone!” John muttered under his breath as he tried to drive into the downtown area of Maple Valley without getting stuck in traffic. Casey was in her carseat, talking nonstop about _something_ Sesame Street related, but of course Vriska had to run a “tiny errand!” before they left. That had been around eight, and she still hadn’t answered any of his calls. Needless to say, John was slightly irritated. 

“Gottamit?” asked Casey from the backseat, interrupting his train of thought. “Gottamit asshole?” v“Casey! Don’t say that!” chided John, keeping his eyes on the road. “That’s not nice!” 

“Daddy asshole!” giggled Casey, and John silently promised himself that he would totally prank Vriska in a horrible, ethically dubious way if she didn’t have at least a semi decent excuse for saying ‘asshole’ around their kid. “Daddy ass—” 

“ _Casey, you cannot say that_ ,” said John, hastily pulling into an available parking space a few blocks away from the bakery. There was, of all things, a _limousine_ taking up five spots, and John rolled his eyes at the utter excess of glitter and jewels. It was almost embarrassing to just stand next to it. “People who say bad words don’t get hugs!” 

Casey looked up at him, confused as he put her into the stroller. “But...Uncle Kat?” 

“Casey, that’s totally irrelevant. Uncle Karkat isn’t a baby.” 

The toddler frowned and crossed her arms over her chest and continued pouting for two whole city blocks before they caught up with who John could only assumed had came in the limo. To be blunt, it was more of an entourage than anything, complete with a bubbly person of indeterminate gender dressed in a leopard print bodysuit, two massive bodyguards wearing all black, a bored looking teenager who couldn’t be out of high school who wouldn’t take her eyes away from her cell phone, an aging man who looked almost translucent, and finally, in the center of it all, a woman who had high heels that were reminiscent of a strip club. They were waiting for the light to change at the crosswalk, and when John pushed the stroller containing Casey next to them, one of the guards turned to the apparent leader and whispered something in her ear. The girl looked up from her phone and narrowed her pierced eyebrows. “What the _fuck_ is with these goddamn _midgets_ ,” she growled, and John blinked in shock. 

“Midgets?” asked Casey, and the lady in charge flashed her a toothy smile before striding across the street. “Daddy, who that?” 

“I’m...not sure,” said John, making sure to keep his distance. Something seemed rather suspicious about the group, and it made him uncomfortable. However, he didn’t have long to ruminate as his phone began to ring. “Hello? Vriska! You’ll be here soon? Okay, see you then.” 

* * *

**-10:45 am / Main Street-**

“This is so _stupid _,” groaned Meenah, peering at the bakery opening across the street. “Why are we even here? I thought you fucking hated humans.”__

“Shut your crusty windflap, bitch,” said the Condesce, sipping her lemonade through a straw. They were “eating” at the cafe across the street from the Egbert bakery, but no one had actually ordered anything but drinks, and no one was actually talking. “Alternia law don’t apply here, and I could _crush_ you.” 

“Whatever, _Mom_ ,” said Meenah, grinning at the silent fury she had caused only for a moment before sighing again and poking the old man sitting next to her in the ribs. “Yo, Orionn, stop looking like a pissy ass cluckbeast ready for the slaughter and make some jokes or somefin.” 

The Grand Highblood sighed and scratched at his disguise. “All of your attempts at red romance.” 

“Fuck _you_!” hissed Meenah, but her mother glared at her. “Hey, at least I fucked _royalty_ , buttslut. Your quads have been empty for sweeps.” 

“Actually, it’s custom for the empress to engage in a kismesitude with the heiress,” pitched in Zenith, teasing her violently yellow wig. “Before you, there was Efeely. What a _babe _.”__

“Yeah, that lil’ shit was pretty cool,” said the Condesce a bit dreamily, still concentrating on the scene unfolding across the street. “Other than the fact that she tried to, y’know, _stab me with my own trident in my sleep_.” 

“Chill your tits, Batterwitch,” snorted Meenah, licking the rim of her coffee cup. “You literally _locked me in a cage and then proceeded to fuck me until I was wriggled up_.” 

The Condesce seemed to consider this for a long moment. “You’re my clone. It’s okay.” 

“How does that justify anyfin?” growled Meenah. “I was _six_.” 

“Yeah, but you’re almost sixteen now,” said the Grand Highblood lazily. “You’re just another whore, Meenah. Deal with it.” 

“Y’all fucking _suck_ ,” said Meenah as people started to enter the bakery. “Aw, fuck yeah. Can we go in?” 

“Not yet,” said the Condesce, examining her nails. “We have to _wait_.” 

Meenah wanted to explode. “What the shell does that mean? We’ve been here for like, two hours already. I want some fucking baked goods.” 

“Meenah, we’ve been on this shitty planet for three hours,” said the Condesce. “Stop bitching.” 

“You’re not even doing our _thing_ ,” said Meenah in an exasperated tone. “Where the fuck are your fish puns?” 

“I’m _holding it in_ , you dumb piece of nookslime,” whispered the Condesce, taking a fat tube of fuchsia lipstick from her purse. “What the fuck do you think I’m going to do, walk in there and be like, ‘Hey! Jane-spawn! I’m sorry I never said hi, but how are you?’ Fuck that shit, Meenah! I’d terrify the _shit_ out of that fucker if I did that!” 

The table was silent after that. 

* * *

**-11:22 am / Bread, Ganache, and Beyond-**

“Katrina, hold still,” Terezi said as she attempted to subdue the toddler from wiggling off of her lap. “Daddy will buy you a cookie if you stay still.” 

“I wanna _pway_ ,” said Katrina in a small, irritated voice. “Case is—” 

“Casey needs to stay up front,” said Terezi, tapping her foot nervously. The amount of stimuli was hard for her to completely register, and the smell of sugar masked pretty much everything that could be potentially dangerous. There were a few things that stood out—the bright candy red pulsing through Katrina and Karkat’s veins, Vriska’s perfume wafting near the counter, and the permanent smell of rainwater associated with Kanaya. There was also something only vaguely familiar to Terezi, but she couldn’t properly investigate with a hyperactive toddler on her lap. “She has to be in pictures.” 

“Me too?” 

“No, sweetie.” 

Karkat sat down next to them at the tiny bistro table with a bag of sweets. “Hey, Princess,” he said, taking Katrina from Terezi. “Look, kiddo, I got you a cookie!” 

Katrina squealed and began to take tiny bites while swinging her legs back and forth and humming. Karkat squeezed her shoulders before turning to face his wife. “Did you get any text messages from Augeth?” 

“Nothing important,” said Terezi, taking a donut with intricate icing. “Ellen’s still in her egg, Mituna hasn’t tried to come over, and Obrina attempted to make a ‘classic Alternian dish’ again.” 

Karkat groaned. “Have they found an apartment yet?” 

“I think they’ve been talking to a realtor, but I’m not sure,” frowned Terezi, checking her phone. She had started to get nervous about the entire adoption situation, mainly because the biological father was completely unpredictable in every way. Latula hadn’t tried to contact any of them, but Mituna almost “visited” daily, bringing random gifts and showing off his new uniform that he got when he became a cashier at an organic grocery store. He seemed to be stabilizing financially, but Karkat had visited his new apartment and had reported that it was still a complete mess, just with a better view. 

“Hey, guys!” said John, grinning and bringing over a box overflowing with treats. “Dad accidentally stress-baked too many pastries, so he told me to give you guys a box!” 

“Hell yes,” said Karkat, taking the box. “Lemon meringue? Oh my god.” 

Terezi cackled and took a tiny cookie from the box. “Karkles, stop acting like you’re having a religious epiphany, you huge dork!” 

“Hey, in his defense, you’re the _hugest_ dork,” said John, still smiling. “Remember when you used to obsess over Dave?” 

“The key phrase in that statement is ‘used to’,” giggled Terezi. “Unfortunately, the same can not be said for _your_ obsession with shitty movies, Mr. Egbert.” 

“I’ll inform _you_ , Mrs. Vantas, that you really can’t judge the quality of movies because you are literally _blind_ to their quality,” said John smugly before looking embarrassed. “Oh my God! I’m sorry!” 

“Dude, it’s okay,” said Terezi, relishing in his shame. “You’re just _so_ ableist. Oh, well. I guess I’ll have to sue you for stating the blatantly obvious fact that I am blind.” 

John pressed his palm against his face while Karkat tried not to laugh. “Hey, I think you’re being...um...is there a word for hating a different species?” 

“I think ‘xenophobic’ would qualify,” said Karkat, ruffling Katrina’s hair. “Then again, you _are_ married to a literal troll.” 

“Hey, how do you guys...do it?” asked Terezi. She sensed that John went pink and laughed. “Well, you don’t exactly have...a prehensile...yeah! How is that even fun?” 

“Vriska said something about ‘once you go gray, you’re here to stay’,” mumbled John, and Karkat spit out his drink. “What? How do you even...never mind.” 

Terezi was about to say something else of varying degrees of insult when her phone started to buzz in her pocket. “Hello?” she asked, wondering if it was her new boss. “Who—” 

“Terezi?” asked Obrina, sounding slightly out of breath. “Can you come back to the house?” 

“Why?” asked Terezi, already standing up. “Is she hatching?” 

There was a pause. “Um...yeah, actually,” said Obrina, the line crackling with static. “Like, there isn’t a break in the shell yet, but she’s been rolling around.” 

“Oh my god,” said Terezi, grabbing her purse and trying to _not_ remember that things could go terribly wrong. “Obrina, you have to put blankets in the crib, or towels or something. Don’t let her slip out!” 

“Er, Mituna kind of already did that.” 

“What?” asked Terezi, essentially running out of the bakery, leaving a very confused Karkat and Katrina. “Why is he there?” 

“He came over right before it started!” exclaimed Obrina, and Terezi heard another electric spark in the background. “Look, Terezi, he’s been really helpful! Augeth is still at school, and I have no idea how to handle grubs!” 

“ _Neither does he, dispshit_!” shrieked Terezi, causing a few people on the sidewalk to glare at her as she started sprinting towards her parking spot. “Why did you even let him in?” 

“Te—” 

Terezi hung up and realized that Karkat was running towards the car, holding a very confused Katrina. He was saying something but she rolled down the window and screamed something incoherent in Old Alternian. He immediately understood and buckled Katrina into her carseat, and then, they were off. 

* * *

**-11:30 / Bread, Ganache, and Beyond-**

“Kanaya, please refrain from compulsively purchasing baked goods,” said Rose in a practiced drawl. She was exhausted and didn’t have the energy to deal with her wife buying yet _another_ box of Egbert’s Specialty Cake Mix that would never be made. She wasn’t even sure if Kanaya could bake a cake without burning it. “We have enough as it is.” 

“Darling, we need at _least_ five more boxes,” said Kanaya, as if the knowledge was a common known fact. “After all, commemorating this occasion is something I would always like to remember, even in my old age.” 

“...I highly doubt cake mix will last several hundred years,” said Rose finally, groaning as the twins performed another round of "beating up her insides with no mercy". “I think that one will leave bruises…” 

Kanaya kissed her on the cheek and went back to the counter to order more confectionary delights. Rose sighed and suddenly realized that she hadn’t actually seen her mother since the opening ceremony. Mr. Egbert was behind the counter, laughing and selling as many goods as he could while his assistant placed another row of cookies in the oven, but Roxy wasn’t even in the picture. _Okay_ , she thought, trying to shift past people to the best of her ability, trying to smile when customers parted immediately as soon as they saw the expanse of her belly. _Maybe she’s in the back_? 

There was a small office area, an employee’s only restroom, and a little waiting area all shoved into the back of the building. Roxy was clutching a box of tissues in one hand and gripping the arm of her wheelchair with the other, looking incredibly strained. “Mom?” asked Rose, standing in the doorway nervously. “Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine,” said her mother flatly, closing her eyes. “Why aren’t you...enjoying the festivities?” 

“I was wondering where you were,” said Rose, realizing that her mom was dealing with one of her prime default emotions again. The last time she had been even slightly depressed was around her seventeenth birthday, and even then, she had become more histrionic than anything. Rose could deal with bouts of disillusion and “happy drunk” Mom, but Roxy, as it was, hadn’t consumed alcohol for months and knowing as she was a distinguished lady who enjoyed a relatively enormous glass of champagne with every meal, Rose wasn’t sure how she was coping, if she was at all. “Why aren’t _you_ enjoying the festivities?” 

Roxy sighed and covered her face with her hands. “Please don’t spew psycho-babble bullshit right now, Rosie.” 

“I didn’t graduate early for nothing,” reminded Rose, sitting down on one of the plastic chairs in the tiny lounge. “Mom, seriously, what are you doing?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Mom.” 

“Rose.” 

They stared at each other for a long, drawn out moment, not breaking eye contact until Roxy groaned and closed her eyes, attempting to wheel herself away. Rose stood up and grabbed the handles of the chair and hit the brakes. “You’re not getting out of this without telling me what’s up.” 

“Rose, I’m crippled,” said Roxy, still messing with the wheels. “If I wasn’t...well, in this stupid fucking chair, I could _end_ you.” 

“Mom, your room had _stuffed animals_ in it when you were _thirty,_ ” said Rose, bringing her back to the couch area. “You built a mausoleum for our cat and hired a string quartet to play at his funeral. Do you even remember that one time when I gave you a card that said ‘I hate you’ on Mother’s day when I was six?” 

“Not really,” admitted Roxy, rolling her eyes. “What did I do?” 

“You took one look at it and started bawling before you ran to the bar.” 

“Well.” 

“Mother, you are literally of hurting another human being unless they’ve proven themselves to be evil. And sure, you’re a bit...blunt, per se, but whatever!” exasperated Rose, sitting in front of her. “I’m just trying to say that I know you, and hiding in a corner at a party is a warning sign. Just tell me what’s wrong.” 

Roxy looked slightly miffed to have been called out, but she eventually coughed before speaking. “I think I might be depressed.” 

“Okay,” said Rose, reaching for her hand. “Depression is treatable, Mom.” 

“I know, it’s just the...idea of it, I guess.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Rosie, it’s sort of complicated and I’m not sure if you need any more stress right now.” 

“ _Mom_.” 

“Fine,” said Roxy, staring at the ceiling. “Joseph has been trying to get me to see a therapist. The insurance covers it, but I’m not actually sure I want to talk about...things.” 

“Such as?” asked Rose, expecting to hear another flaky list about her mother’s exuberantly wealthy parents. 

Roxy looked at her with an almost guilty expression. “Before you were thought of, I wasn’t exactly...savory, in the character department. We were rich, Rose, you have to understand. Money wasn’t a problem. It was _the_ problem.” 

“Okay?” Rose knew that her mom had joined Tumblr, but the whole "economy is bullshit" speech wasn’t something she was prepared for this soon. 

“There were a bunch of SkaiaNet kids,” continued Roxy, “like, the engineers would marry each other and then have these super smart, super bratty children who would just run around the main campus and mess around with the interns. My parents fell into the same boat, and I wasn’t...good.” 

Rose nodded, not really sure where any of this was going, but her mother hardly talked about anything of actual substance as it was. This was bound to get interesting. 

“The company would have international conventions, and I met one of the head tech’s kids. He was very polite to my parents and I, and when we’d see each other he’d give me random stuff. Watches, flowers, chocolates, the like.” 

“So he was like your first boyfriend?” 

Roxy cringed. “I thought so.” 

“Did he cheat on you or something?” asked Rose, still confused. “He sounded sort of decent.” 

“Rosie, he gang raped me with his friends.” 

Rose blinked, trying to understand. “What.” 

“I’ve just been thinking about it a lot,” said Roxy dryly, picking at the skin on her hands. The nails were still perfectly manicured, as always, but the skin on her knuckles was red and blotchy. “I never really dealt with it, and Joseph was the first person I actually told. I don’t know.” 

Rose struggled to find words that would actually sound coherent. “Mom,” she finally settled with, “thank you for telling me.” 

“It’s—” 

“No,” she said, standing up and wrapping her arms around her. “You’re brave.” 

Roxy didn’t respond, just hugged her back. 

**-11:42 am / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

Karkat Vantas was overwhelmed with emotions, most of them from self restraint for not strangling Mituna Captor. The yellowblood was slightly more than enthusiastic in his mannerisms, gesticulating wildly to Terezi as she shoved past him and darted up the stairs to the nursery, leaving Karkat and Katrina on the ground floor. “It’s gonna happen _really_ soon!” shouted Mituna, and Katrina looked startled and began to whimper. “Dude, I’m so excited!” 

“Mituna, shut the fuck up,” said Karkat, holding Katrina tight against his chest and striding up the stairs. “Hey, Princess, don’t cry. You’re going to be a big sister.” 

Katrina blinked and stared up at him in awe. “Real?” 

“Really.” 

Obrina was placing the egg onto Terezi’s lap, who immediately steadied it before flashing a grin at Karkat. “Come on, Katrina! Do you want to feel the egg before Ellen hatches?” 

Karkat sat down on the floor next to Terezi while Katrina tentatively stuck out a tiny hand and touched the egg. She squealed and pulled back, cuddling against Karkat, who laughed and tried to comprehend the fact that they were _actually_ doing this. The egg rocked violently underneath his wife’s hands before quivering as the shell began to crack. Everyone—even Mituna—was silent as a tiny leg burst through the shell and waved almost frantically. 

Katrina nuzzled closer against Karkat, still staring at the hatching process. “C’mon, baby,” said Terezi, bringing the egg closer to her and rubbing tiny circles on the surface with her thumbs. “You’re almost there, Ellen.” 

There was a muffled squeak from inside and then the casing collapsed as a grub with a honey-colored body sat up on its hind legs, sniffed the air, and clumsily toddled towards Terezi before curling against her leg and chirping contentedly. It took a while for anyone to speak, but Katrina finally broke the silence. “Bug?” 

“Baby,” said Karkat, watching Terezi scoop up Ellen and hold her against her chest, cooing some kind of lullaby. “She’s _perfect.”_

“Look at her little curly hair,” murmured Terezi, stroking grub’s tiny cheek. “Oh my God. She’s so _cute._ ” 

“Bug,” said Katrina indignantly, looking slightly disturbed. “Squish.” 

“Katrina, we don’t squish your little sister,” said Karkat, brushing Ellen’s hair back to see her horns. “Captor, she has your horn mutation.” 

“Hell yeah, she does,” said Mituna tearfully, looking at her with little sparks at the corners of his eyes. “Does she have psionics?” 

Terezi checked underneath the fluffy mass of hair. Two enormous yellow eyes blinked back at her. “No, Latula’s genetics trumped that gene.” 

“Daddy,” whispered Katrina, still looking at Ellen with confusion, “why Mommy holding bug?” 

“That’s your little sister,” said Terezi quietly while Ellen yawned and showed off a very sharp row of Pyrope teeth. “Hey, sweetie. I’m your mommy, and that guy is Daddy, and Katrina is your big sister.” 

“I’m your uncle!” said Mituna loudly, wiping his eyes. “Um, I’m just gonna go downstairs and eat your food.” 

“There’s a box of cookies in the car that you can have,” whispered Karkat, still admiring the tiny grub. “Hey, Ellen.” She tried to prop herself in Terezi’s arms, squeaking excitedly while extending her forearms towards him. 

“She wants you,” said Terezi, supporting the back of her head and helping to place her into Karkat’s arms. “Was Katrina this vocal when she first hatched?” 

“Not really,” said Karkat while Ellen decided that his jacket was delicious. “Hey! That’s not food!” 

Ellen looked up at him and whistled before continuing to chew on his front pocket, making little squeaking noises as she went. “I think someone has already proven that they’re not a picky eater, thank God,” said Terezi, holding Katrina. “Look, baby, she’s not a bug. It’s okay.” 

Katrina shook her head and yawned, resting her head against her mother’s chest. “Nap,” she commanded, and Terezi whispered that she would be back before standing up with the tiny wiggler, leaving Karkat alone with the newborn. He still couldn’t believe that he wasn’t dreaming or delusional, but when Ellen bit on to his thumb, everything was clear. 

“Biting isn’t nice, sweetie,” he said as a bright red drop ran down his hand. “You’re going to have a good life, I promise.” 

Ellen squeaked again and blinked. “Really,” said Karkat. “You’ll love it here, and even if you don’t, there isn’t a refund.” 

That seemed to placate any worry, and the grub gurgled before falling asleep in his hands. 

**-12:00 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community-**

“Babe, what the fuck are you doing?” asked Heather, who was currently practicing prenatal yoga in front of the television. She had gone to her _first_ doctor’s appointment and decided that being a pothead who only consumed deep fried chicken byproducts and Mountain Dew was a terrible practice to continue throughout her pregnancy, so she had decided to go on a mission to only eat organic vegetables and read to the baby every night. Gamzee, on the other hand, was down to his last two bottles of condensed sopor and was starting to feel the itch for some form of excitement. “Gamzee?” 

“Chill your tits, I’m in the ablution chamber,” he shouted, violently scrubbing shampoo into his hair. He had started to think about Karkat again, and it wasn’t exactly easy given the circumstances of the end of their moirallegiance. Actually, it was the absolute worst. 

Stupid memories. 

His cellular communication device vibrated on the floor next to the tub, and he groaned as he realized that someone was pestering the fuck out of him on Trollian. “Fuck.” 

\--)(er Imperious Condescension [)(IC] started trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 12:02--

)(IC: mackerel where the fuck yo purple ass at 

TC: WhO ThE FuCk iS ThIs? 

TC: I’M TaKiNg a fUcKiNg bAtH RiGhT NoW AnD I ReAlLy dOn’t wAnT To tAlK To aNoThEr tRoLl lAdY WhO WaNtS To rIdE My bOnE BuLgE. sOmEtHiNg aBoUt sIgNiNg uP FoR ThAt sItE WaS A MiStAkE, mAn, AnD If i hAvE To cOnFrOnT AnOtHeR ThIrStY AsS LoWbLoOd wHo nEeDs a mAtE FoR DrOnE SeAsOn, I’M GoInG To fUcKiNg fLiP My sHiT. 

)(IC: are you fuckin kiddin me right now 

)(IC: im not on here because of yo stupid datin profile ya sick lil beach 

)(IC: did yo even read yo notification system 

)(IC: it literally says who i am 

TC: Oh. 

TC: WhAt’s uP, bArOnEsS? 

)(IC: yo progenitor aboat to kick the bucket 

TC: ThAt’s rEaLlY FuCkInG VuLgAr. 

)(IC: shut up pipsqueak its an --EXPR--ESSION yo land dwellin pleb 

TC: Oh, RiGhT. 

TC: SoRrY I’M HiGh aS FuCk rIgHt nOw. 

)(IC: im not even wit yo and that is clearly a problem 

)(IC: anyway yo stupid invertebro is a lil bitch and we can’t have that in the palace 

TC: KuRlOz iS A MoThErFuCkInG WeIrDo aNd yOu cAn’t rEaLlY DeNy tHaT. 

TC: He cHeWeD OfF HiS FuCkInG ToNgUe, BrO. tHaT ShIt wAsN’T CoOl. 

)(IC: --EXACTLY 

)(IC: how the fuck did he think he was gonna release the vast fuckin honk 

)(IC: that’s a fuckin shame that he went crabshit crazy 

TC: SuRe mAn, WhAtEvEr fLoAtS YoUr bOaT. 

)(IC: did ya 

)(IC: did ya really just 

TC: WhAt? DiD I FuCkInG OfFeNd yOu? 

)(IC: lets not breech the subject shell we 

)(IC: anyway do yo wanna be the next ghb 

TC: WaIt a fUcKiNg sEcOnD. 

TC: ArE YoU TeLlInG Me tHaT YoU’Re jUsT OfFeRiNg mE A PoSiTiOn iN A RoYaL CoUrT As tHe bEsT FuCkInG BrUtAlIzEr tHeRe iS? aNd tHeRe iSn’t a cAtCh? 

)(IC: goddamn kid im blushin 

)(IC: but reely yo ass is welcome in the court after orionn dies 

)(IC: i think he gotta sweep at the most 

TC: WeLl tHeN. 

TC: SiGn mE ThE FuCk uP. 

)(IC: 38D 

)(er Imperious Condescension logged the fuck out

* * *

**-6:30 pm / Bread, Ganache, and Beyond-**

Joseph sighed and sat down behind the counter. He had done it—finally, after years of planning, he had opened a bakery, and the first day was a complete success. 

There was the squeak of the wheelchair, and Roxy pulled up beside him, kissing him on the cheek. “You did an excellent job.” 

“You, too,” Joseph said, kissing her on the lips. “We’re _technically_ done for the day. If you want, we could go out to eat…” 

“I swear to God, I would cut off my legs if I could just go to Olive Garden,” said Roxy, placing her hands on her stomach and sighing dreamily. “Could we go—” 

The entrance of the bakery opened and a tall, thin woman whom Joseph had never seen in his entire life smiled at him. “Hello,” she said, examining the menu. “You wouldn’t happen to be closing already, would you?” 

“Well, it is our first day,” said Joseph proudly, putting his arm around Roxy’s shoulders. “And at some point we’d like to get home and celebrate—” 

“With perhaps a bottle of champagne?” said the woman, raising an eyebrow. “If you’re interested, I know a perfectly _lovely_ restaurant a few blocks away. I think it’s Italian..?” 

“I’ve been there, actually!” piped Roxy, who was still salivating at the thought of garlic bread. “The service is absolutely amazing, though I’m sure having any alcoholic substances wouldn’t be of best interest right now.” 

The woman looked confused, then smiled brightly. “A bakery _and_ a new baby? I guess the two of you will have plenty of ‘bun in the oven’ jokes.” 

Roxy laughed and Joseph smiled sheepishly. “Well, yes,” he said, wondering why she seemed so familiar. “Do you bake, Miss…?” 

“Recreationally,” said the woman, pouting. “I’d love to do it more often, seeing as it was my first accomplishment, but I’ve found that running a company can be difficult work.” 

“You own a company?” asked Roxy, looking genuinely interested. “Which one?” 

“Oh, you might have heard of it,” smiled the woman, and suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light. 

Joseph reached for Roxy in his confusion, dropping his pipe on the floor and praying that something hadn’t exploded. Her hands grasped his, and then, as oddly as it came, the lights were back to normal, and the bakery almost seemed as quaint as a postcard picture. Well, excluding the troll wearing a one piece outfit and copious amounts of jewelry standing in the place of the nice lady they had talked to seconds before. 

For a moment, the Egberts stared at her without any words. She was taller than the trolls they knew, but seemed to be incredibly young and vibrant. Her horns nearly scraped against the ceiling, and instead of slightly pointed ears, she had long, delicate fins that quivered in the nighttime air as well as gills running down the length of her neck. Unlike the others, her nose wasn’t very defined at all, almost childish in appearance, and her lips were full and a deep shade of fuchsia. But her strangest feature had to be the sheer volume of her hair, which was thick and black and almost moved on its own. 

Joseph felt like he couldn’t speak, but apparently, Roxy could. “Who...are you?” she asked timidly. 

“Whale, some people call me ‘Empress’ or ‘Her Imperious Condescension’, but those are _reely_ fuckin’ formal, don’t ya think?” she said, her shark teeth forming a smile. She then looked directly at Joseph, her grin widening. “But _you_ , buoy, can call me Grandma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, fam, ev here. 
> 
> i'm sorry if any of this comes of as incoherent or just plain difficult to absorb, but alas, miya and i have been super busy with the school year ending (her) and health issues (me). luckily for us, school will actually be ending soon and my shitty immune system is getting better, so yeah! more content [hopefully].
> 
> so yeah i wrote the bulk of this...chapter in two days (it's 2 am where i am currently and i have no idea how i wrote the last 3k without dying), so if you have any problems/questions/concerns, please direct all of your rage towards me. (miya was watching me live edit and convinced me to not write graphic body horror concerning condy's transformation, but eeeeeey, this is rated teen.
> 
> anyway, i'm sorry for not updating sooner, but remember that i love you guys. u3u


	17. Familial Anachronism

**-February 1st, 6:35 pm / Bread, Ganache and Beyond-**

_What?!_

Joseph blinked and tried to comprehend how A) the potential customer who claimed to be a business woman transformed into a troll, B) why said troll was now grinning hugely at his wife in a slightly intimidating fashion, and finally, C) _how_ the _troll_ , who didn’t seem to be much older than his son, could be delusional enough to believe that she was his grandmother. Logic, something that had always comforted him even in the face of adversity, was failing him at the time he needed it the most. 

“Um, I don’t mean to be rude, but you look like you’re not even thirty,” said Roxy in a very small voice. “How could you possible be his grandmother?” 

The Condesce looked at her like she was asking if dogs and cats are different animals before directing her gaze back to Joseph. “I’m incapable of dying naturally,” she said with a shrug. “So it goes with the best hemotype on Alternia. But yeah, your mom was my kid.” 

“...I really don’t know what to say,” said Mr. Egbert finally. “Mother never said anything about you.” 

“Whale, she was pretty damn defiant,” said the Condesce, sitting down at one of the table. She looked absolutely out of place, almost a little sad. “Janey was a good gull, but she kept fuckin’ up with the stupidest cullshit. I tried to keep in contact, _reely_ , but she didn’t want no part in me after her brother ran off.” 

“I have an uncle?!” 

“Uh, not anymore. He died a few years ago,” said the Condesce, wiping at her eyes. “Dumbass got in a hunting accident.” 

Joseph swallowed and quickly glanced at Roxy, who looked just as freaked out as he felt. “Anyway,” said the Condesce, yawning hugely, “I dunno why I even came over here. Probably just that good ol’ fashion ‘fuck everyfin’ mentality kickin’ up again. But yeah, you had a cousin, too, ‘til she rammed into a semi with her momma and hubby. Was brain damaged until Jakey pulled the plug. Others were dead...you do have a second cousin, though.” 

“Uh,” said Joseph, the words digesting in his head as his apparent grandmother stood up and cracked her knuckles. “What...what’s her name?” 

“Jade Harley,” sighed the Condesce, striding out of the bakery. Before she left, she smiled a bit grimly at the Egberts, shaking her head. “Yo, Lalonde, don’t drink around _this_ one.” 

There was almost a distortion in reality, and she was gone, leaving Joseph and Roxy completely stunned. 

* * *

**-9:45 pm / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

“Did that really happen?” asked Terezi, flopping down onto the queen sized bed. “Like, was that some stupid group hallucination? Did we seriously just have another kid?” 

“We had another kid,” said Karkat, staring at the ceiling without blinking. He hadn’t been able to stop smiling for hours, even when Ellen bit his thumb hard enough to draw blood. “We...actually have two kids.” 

“Yeah,” said Terezi, inhaling deeply and looking at Karkat. “Karkles, no offense, but I think you’re in your heat cycle.” 

“What?” asked Karkat, rearing up. “Wait, I thought that only happened like, once a sweep!” 

“Yeah, well it’s _been_ a sweep,” said Terezi, grinning. “What are you gonna do, get a pail?” 

“Terezi, that is so fucking _weird_ ,” said Karkat, trying to ignore her to the best of his ability. “Do you think I can just...I don’t know…” 

“Oh my _god_ , Karkat, you are not flooding the toilet with your genetic material,” groaned Terezi, covering her eyes and gagging. “That would be so _gross_.” 

“Yeah, but then we could at least get _rid_ of it,” said Karkat, collapsing on the bed like a ragdoll. “What’s your brilliant suggestion?” 

“I mean, we could _totally_ engage in the most spontaneous and disgusting intercourse ever—” 

“Terezi, that is a _horrible_ idea.” 

Terezi looked offended. “Karkat, i am your _wife_. You legally can’t tell me that you don’t want to have sex.” 

“Wouldn’t that be like, spousal abuse?” asked Karkat, narrowing his eyebrows. “You’re in human law school, didn’t you learn anything?” 

“Maybe I did but maybe I’m just bullshitting,” shrugged Terezi, climbing on top of him. “C’mon, Vant- _ass_.” 

“Did you seriously just—” 

She kissed him just long enough for him to shut up. “We’re doing it,” she said finally, her teeth shining in the darkness. 

“Okay.” 

* * *

**-March 1st, 11:04 am / Starbucks-**

**Roxy: 4 months 4 days**

**Rose: 6 months 10 days**

**Katrina: 1 year 9 months 23 days**

**Casey: 2 years 5 months 13 days**

Karkat took off his hat and his apron and neatly folded the two before placing them in his bag—he wouldn’t be caught dead wadding them up. Another uneventful day gone by at Starbucks, other than the regular “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A(N) *insert ‘secret menu’ item here*”-type customers. At least by this point he had figured out how to deal with them—and either way, it resulted in a paycheck. 

”Hey, Karkat?” asked his boss from across the small hallway in the back. “Can I speak with you?” 

”Sure?” Karkat put his bag on his shoulder and readjusted his collar before going to meet with the woman in her office "Can you…sit down?" asked Karkat's boss, gesturing to the chair in front of her desk. Karkat furrowed his brow in confusion, but followed her orders anyway. 

"Is everything alright?" asked Karkat as he put his bag down and sat down in the black chair. Something was up—his boss rarely ever talked to him, as she was almost never at the location while Karkat was working. 

The woman sighed, her eyes reflecting genuine sadness. "Our location…hasn't been doing as well as corporate hoped," she admitted, avoiding eye contact with him, "and unfortunately, we're having to make some cuts in order to continue to perform to corporate's standards." 

"Oh." 

"Karkat…" His boss sighed again and looked up at him. "…I'm going to have to let you go." 

”What?” Karkat could barely get the words out. He was speechless. This couldn’t be happening. Although it wasn’t anything special, working at Starbucks made enough money to at _least_ put food on the table and gas in the car, and there was the bonus of free coffee every week—what was he going to do now? What were _they_ going to do now? 

”I’m...truly sorry,” said his boss, standing up at her desk and reaching for Karkat’s hand. “It’s been a pleasure knowing you, and I’d like to thank you _so much_ for all the work you’ve done these past two years.” 

Karkat forced a smile. “It’s...been a pleasure.” 

The woman faintly smiled once more before gesturing to his hat and apron. “If you...wouldn’t mind,” she whispered, waiting for Karkat to hand over his uniform. He reluctantly did so, and she put them on top of a filing cabinet before returning to their conversation. “Your last paycheck should come in the mail next week. I’m sorry we have to let you go, but thanks for being so great.” 

* * *

**-11:20 am / Maple Valley Regional Hospital OB-GYN-**

Terezi groaned as she sat down in one of the alarmingly sticky chairs in the obstetrician's waiting room. As protocol, she had to go in for a follow up appointment, but she wasn’t feeling the strict apathy that she had a few weeks before. Ellen had decided to prove herself as the most destructive grub she had ever met within the first month of her hatching. Katrina seemed to be debating whether or not she liked the new addition or was completely terrified of her, and Terezi couldn’t help but worry. Before she had left for the doctor, Ellen had managed to get on top of the refrigerator and release her “battle cry” before pouncing on a _very_ irritated Obrina. “Terezi, grubs aren’t supposed to be this territorial if they’re this low on the hemospectrum,” she complained, trying to remove the hissing yellow blood from her hair without getting bit. “Maybe a cerulean grub would do this, but she shouldn’t be _attacking_ people.” 

“It’s how she shows _affection_ ,” said Karkat, scooping her up and kissing the grub, now completely docile, on the head. “Look, she’s a big sweetie!” 

“Karkat, half of your hand is covered in My Little Pony bandaids,” said Augeth, trying to juggle between a huge cup of coffee and several papers for school. “I think the kid might be aggressive.” 

“Whatever,” shrugged Karkat, kissing Terezi on the cheek before he headed out of the door. “See you guys tonight!” 

Terezi had sighed then and kissed Katrina, who had become _equally_ territorial since Ellen arrived (she had built a “fortress” in her bedroom and was armed with a wooden spoon at all times). “Bye, Princess.” 

Now that she had some time to herself, however, she was starting to wonder if any of this was a good idea. She didn’t exactly know _everything_ about grubs—after all, lusii never took two at the same time, and the dynamics were never really explained to her as a child—but something instinctual was telling her that there would be some kind of fighting between her kids if she didn’t intervene constantly. 

Unfortunately, her thoughts were interrupted as the door to the office swung open and none other than Joanna and Kankri waltzed in, still making freakishly gushy faces at each other. “Oh my god,” murmured Terezi, trying to disappear behind a very outdated magazine on financial management. She couldn’t sense that they were even looking at anyone, however—Kankri was mainly rambling in his slightly bitchy, argumentative way, while Joanna filled out paperwork and occasionally pointed out a flaw in his theory. To her horror, she realized that she found their bickering almost endearing—until she realized that Joanna was pregnant. “ _What_?” 

”Mrs. Vantas?” 

Terezi collected her bag and practically ran to meet the nurse at the entrance to the exam room area. “Hello,” the nurse continued with a smile. “How are you today?” 

”I’m okay,” the troll said with a sigh, pushing her glasses further up her nose. “Just ready to get the blood work over with.” 

The nurse laughed nervously before leading Terezi into a small room at the end of the hallway. “Just sit down in that chair, and someone will be with you shortly,” she instructed, then left the room as quickly as they had arrived. 

Terezi fumbled with the volume buttons on her phone before sighing loudly and shoving it back into her bag. She was still trying to deal with the horror of seeing John’s stupid aunt in the waiting room with Karkat’s very confused ecto-sibling as they fawned over pregnancy magazines. _It’s not fair_ , she thought, scratching at her wrists. _Isn’t she like fifty? Gross!_

Within a few minutes, Terezi heard a knock on the door and sat up as someone came in. To her relief, it was actually Dr. Browne, and she managed to smile a bit before the woman came over to her. 

”Good morning,” said Dr. Browne with a smile, setting down a caddy full of bloodwork supplies. “How are you today?” 

”I’m...okay,” Terezi told her, nervously eyeing/sniffing the tubes. “You… _will_ be the one doing the bloodwork, right?” 

Dr. Browne laughed. “Of course. Since you’re a… _special_ case, I’m really the only one within this practice who’ll do anything with you directly. Doctor-patient confidentiality, too.” 

”Oh, thank god.” The troll let out a loud sigh of relief. “What kind of tests are you running, exactly…?” 

Dr. Browne glanced at her clipboard. “Just the standard pre-surgery tests,” she began, scanning the list. “Complete blood count, metabolic panel, liver enzymes, blood clotting ability...oh, and, due to the nature of the surgery, we’ll have to do a pregnancy test, too. Not like it’ll be positive or anything, because that’s why we’re doing the surgery in the first place…” 

Terezi laughed uncomfortably as Dr. Browne put the clipboard away. “Okay,” she told the troll, putting on some vinyl gloves, “this shouldn’t hurt too much, but if you start feeling lightheaded _please_ tell me, okay?” 

Terezi nodded, watching as the doctor tied the rubber band around her forearm. Her arm was swabbed with alcohol and Dr. Browne felt around in the crook of her arm before inserting the needle. _Ouch._

A few minutes went by before the doctor finally took out the needle and placed an ugly, “flesh”-colored bandage on Terezi’s arm. “Okay, some of the test results should be ready in a few minutes, but others will take a week or so to come in. Just sit tight and I’ll come back when some of the results are in.” 

”Okay.” Terezi watched the woman leave, then ripped the ugly bandage off as quickly as it had been applied. The prick hadn’t scabbed over yet, and a small teal dot was present on the crook of her arm. 

_Stupid tests...stupid surgery..stupid ‘Asshole syndrome’ or whatever it is…_ Terezi thought as she mindlessly tore the bandage into smaller pieces. _Insurance covers a great deal of it but we still have to pay out of pocket. This is so fucking stupid._

Several more minutes of internal ranting later, the door opened again and Dr. Browne entered. “Well, some of the results came back,” she announced, looking at her clipboard and smiling. “Complete blood count is normal, clotting ability is great… _however_ , it looks like we’ll have to delay the surgery.” 

Terezi was confused. “Is...something wrong?” 

Dr. Browne smiled and shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong, Mrs. Vantas. In fact, everything’s better than I thought it was.” 

”Then...why do we need to delay the surgery?” 

The doctor laughed. “Mrs. Vantas, you’re pregnant. Congratulations.” 

* * *

**-12:40 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community / Tavros’s room-**

“ _Anata wa tawagoto no, anata ga byouki sakuhin nanda ittai o yatte imasu ka?_ ” 

“Damara, can you please shut the fuck up for _five minutes_?” asked Tavros, continuing to swaddle his egg. She had been consistently trying to get a rise out of him for the last few days to no avail, but now, after nearly a week of what he could only assume were increasingly repulsive insults, he was becoming unnerved. “Like, what do you even _want_?” 

Damara shrugged her shoulders and pulled her lighter from her bra. “ _Watashi ga shitte ireba fakku, shioaji ushi no shounen_ ,” she said in a rather sultry tone, pursing her lips and retrieving a joint. “ _Anata ga okotte iru toki ni airashīda, shouben akachan_.” 

Tavros groaned and picked up the egg before shuffling past the burgundy-blood, who stuck her tongue out at him before taking a drag from her joint. Nepeta was sitting at the kitchen table and was drinking from an enormous mug that proudly advertised her as a “Pawesome Cat Mom”. She looked up when Tavros sat down at the table next to her, curling one of his arms around the egg and using the other to take a banana off of the oddly placed centerpiece that Vriska had insisted on purchasing for them. “Hey, weirdo. Is the anime-incarnate still trying to pitch-flirt with you?” 

“Nepeta, I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t hate me like that,” said Tavros with a groan, biting through the skin of the banana. He had no idea why humans thought that they tasted decent. “She just hates everyone, is all.” 

“Yeah, but I think Eridan is pale for her,” said Nepeta, waggling her eyebrows. “I think they’re terrible enough for each other.” 

“Dude, Eridan should never be pale for _anyone_ ,” grumbled Tavros, trying to think of an appropriate analogy. “Remember when he accused Feferi of ‘pale-zoning’ him?” 

“Yeah, but Fe _furry_ is guilty of doing that to _everyone_ ,” said Nepeta. “Even when we were wigglers!” 

“So? There are definitive borders between pale and flushed romance. Shouldn’t you know this?” 

Nepeta blushed olive and tried to pull her hat closer to her scalp. From what Tavros had observed, it had been growing increasingly tighter, and he had never actually seen her without the thing. “Shut _up_.” 

“Whatever,” he said, not able to shake the thought of her hair. “Hey, do you ever take that thing off?” 

“What?” 

“Like...your hat?” 

“No? Why would I?” 

“Because...no one has seen you without it?” 

“Tavros, that’s stupid. Tons of people have seen me without the hat.” 

“I require photographic evidence.” 

“Um...no.” 

“Come _on_ , Nepeta, I’m pretty sure you’ve never taken that hat off, ever.” 

“Tavros, it’s a hat. Big deal,” said Nepeta, who seemed to be slightly uncomfortable with the subject at hand. “I just like it a lot, okay?” 

“Sure, fine,” said Tavros, still wondering if she had some horrific scars or something. “So...how’s Equius?” 

Nepeta snorted, making a face. “We live together. In the same mobile hive. There’s barely any space, and you still don’t know how he’s doing?” 

“Well...you share a room?” 

“Yeah, but he’s always at work,” groaned Nepeta, fumbling with the edge of her shirt. “Like, we don’t even do any pale stuff together anymore, and when he _is_ here, he’s giving Damara bedroom eyes.” 

“That’s...concerning,” said Tavros, remembering why Equius would find her even remotely attractive. “Hey, um, do you like...miss Aradia?” 

The question fell flat, and Nepeta looked at him like he was stupid. “Well, yeah?” she said, frowning. “She was my friend.” 

“I know,” said Tavros, tracing his fingernails over the surface of his egg. “Do you think she’s like, in the afterlife or something?” 

“There isn’t an afterlife, and besides, Aradia didn’t believe in that stuff,” said Nepeta. “She’s probably still floating around the ruins and tricking young adventurers to their deaths.” 

“Typical Megido.” 

Nepeta shrugged, and there was a brief silence before Damara burst through the hallway and slammed her hands against the kitchen sink. “ _Orokana uma no kokku! Kuso gomi!_ ” 

Equius timidly followed, apologizing profusely. “I am completely sorry, Damara! I didn’t mean to offend you like that!” 

“ _Watashi no oppai o suu, anata daraku tawagoto hanshu!_ ” screamed Damara, coughing on smoke from her joint before shoving it onto Equius’ profusely sweaty forearm. “ _Anata wa nidoto watashi no jinsei o bujoku shita baai, watashi wa jibun no ha de anata no awarena kettou o shuuryou shimasu!_ ” 

She kicked him in the shin and stormed out of the trailer, leaving the observers blinking and confused. “What did you do?” asked Nepeta, mouth agape. 

“She was showing me some human art that was completely unsavory for a man of refined tastes such as I, and I told her that I did not appreciate such vulgar images, so she slapped me in the face and started yelling. It was rather...unpleasant,” said Equius, sighing as he sat down, causing the chair to squeak under his strength. “I regret not having a proper translator, however. That would make my communicative efforts more reliable.” 

“To be fair, she understands Alternian and English pretty well,” said Tavros, frowning. “She’s just choosing to communicate solely in Japanese.” 

“But _why?”_ asked Nepeta, running her fingers through Equius’s hair. “There isn’t any correlation between the linguistics of Beforan Lost Weeaboos and Earth otaku culture, at least, none that I can deci _fur._ And nobody from Beforus actually understood anything she said!” 

“Actually, my dancestor’s matesprit had a very clear understanding of her speech patterns,” said Equius, relaxing as Nepeta’s fingers scratched at his scalp. “I never really spoke to Rufioh about those particular matters, but he always would say something along the lines of ‘vengeful and petty’ whenever she was brought up into conversation.” 

“Rufioh was cool,” sighed Tavros. “He used to fly me into the forest and one time he took me to the opening ceremony of a moonlit yaoi festival. I couldn’t stay for the whole thing, but he brought me back souvenirs.” 

“That sounds...okay,” said Nepeta, who had begun to braid Equius’s hair. “My dancestor was really nice, but she started a redrom with a _Makara._ ” 

“That’s tough,” said Tavros, frowning as he tried to push memories of Rufioh out of his head. His dancestor had always been incredibly cool around him, even after he was paralyzed and couldn’t get around without his old wheelchair. Then, shortly after Equius had given him his robot legs...he stopped showing up to any of their planned ectobro dates, not even writing excuses through Trollian. He hadn’t even tried to get in touch with Tavros when he said that he was leaving the planet for good. “...hey, do you guys know any good traditional bronze-caste names?” 

Equius raised an eyebrow, and Nepeta continued to braid his hair. “Well...no?” she said, biting her lower lip. “Aren’t traditional naming schemas kind of associated with highbloods?” 

“Like, technically, yeah, but highbloods are also flying mammalian lusus excrement bonkers,” said Tavros, rolling his eyes. “Why do they get gross lineage stuff?” 

“Because the more inbred they are, the more violent they tend to be,” said Equius, sighing as Nepeta pulled at his hair. “The Makara bloodline, as duly documented throughout the history of their inception, has been very strict in their regards to processing the slurry. The Grand Highblood himself only has taken on the duty of filling the red and black pails once in his life, and he’s nearly as old as Her Imperious Condescension.” 

“Gross,” said Tavros, shivering at the thought of the massive troll who wigglers would hear about from their lusii in lieu of threat. _He’ll crunch your bones with his fists and then his teeth._ “So...what happened?” 

“The blackrom produced a long lineage of brutal candidates for next Highblood, but most of them were culled before they reached ten sweeps,” said Equius, closing his eyes. “Most of them died during training.” 

“And the redrom?” asked Nepeta, always an optimist. 

“Never documented,” said Equius quietly. “No one even knows who the lucky matesprit was, or when, or what their caste was.” 

“Wow,” said Tavros, trying to think of the crazy lineage that his unhatched kid would have. “So...back to the name-thing. Any suggestions?” 

“Not really,” admitted Nepeta. “If we’re going to stay on Earth, though, you should probably give them something short!” 

“Short?” 

“Like, not a ‘regular’ troll name,” said Nepeta. “Like...Katrina and Cassia aren’t necessarily related to any Alternian progenitors, and I don’t know, it just seems to me that humans don’t really associate clicking noises with naming their children.” 

“So...maybe something that still follows the six letter format?” asked Tavros, taking out his phone and searching up names. “Wow. Humans have...really stupid names.” 

“They’re not _that _stupid, Tavros,” argued Nepeta, waggling her eyebrows. “I really like ‘Alex’. Maybe, if I ever have a grub…”__

Equius coughed loudly. “Nepeta, that’s a _horrible_ idea.” 

“Yeah, but ‘Adolph’ sounds really bad,” frowned Tavros. “People name their kids Dallas? After the city?” 

“To be fair, I’ve had several co workers tell me about their children being named after political figures throughout this country’s history,” said Equius curtly, closing his eyes. “For example, ‘Madison’ is common enough.” 

“I don’t want to name my kid ‘Psychotic Fish’ or anything, though,” said Tavros, scrolling through a long list. “Murphy, maybe?” 

“That sounds like a shoe,” said Nepeta. 

“Um...okay. Walter?” 

“Better,” said Equius. “However, try to pick a name for a boy and a name for a girl. Just in case.” 

“Fine, whatever,” grumbled Tavros. “Uh...Regina?” 

“Isn’t that the Evil Queen in _Once Upon A Time?”_ asked Nepeta. “Who’s _actually_ evil? And bad?” 

“True, but she has pretty cool powers!” protested Tavros. “And besides, it’s _my_ kid.” 

“Can you please stop fighting with each other?” groaned Equius. “I swear to Gog, you’re almost as bad as...there isn’t a reputable comparison, actually.” 

* * *

**-3:00 pm / Karkat & Terezi’s house-**

Karkat closed his eyes and tried to think of a slightly not-completely-horrible way to tell Terezi that he had just been fired and that their income was about to shrink by a little less than half (she was, after all, the main breadwinner at this point). He groaned and took a deep breath before opening the front door and preparing himself for what could be a verbal battle. 

Augeth was sitting on the couch, trying to placate a very unnerved Ellen. “Karkat, thank _Gog_ you’re back,” she said, holding the hissing grub away from her body. “I only got back a few hours ago, and Obrina said that Katrina was freaking out, and now she won’t leave her fort!” 

“Oh,” was all Karkat could manage as he took Ellen, who hissed at Augeth before cuddling against his chest. “Where’s Terezi?” 

“She’s with Obrina, trying to convince Katrina to...not attack anyone,” said Augeth in a very exasperated voice. “Look, I wish I could’ve told you sooner, but...we sort of are moving out next weekend.” 

“What? I thought the housing market was still shitty,” said Karkat, realizing that without Augeth to help pay for utilities, money would be even _tighter_ than he had originally thought. “Do you guys need help?” 

“No, we’ve already secured the apartment,” said Augeth, picking up her bag and texting Obrina to come out. “I would’ve gone into Katrina’s room, but she already bit my ankle.” 

_“What?”_ asked Karkat, heading for the stairs. “Where are you going?” 

“Deli,” called Augeth as she exited the house. “I’ll be in the car.” 

Karkat grumbled and Ellen squeaked excitedly, waving her arms at him. “Look, we’ll play as soon as your big sister isn’t trying to kill your mom,” he said gently, carrying her up the stairs. Obrina nearly bumped into him, looking exhausted. “Have a good night!” 

“I’ll...try my best,” she said, blinking. “Good luck.” 

He didn’t ask her what she meant, just continued up the stairs until he got to Katrina’s bedroom. “Terezi?” he called, trying to see past the fort. “Where--?” 

_“Shhh,”_ whispered Terezi, her glasses slightly crooked upon her nose. “We’re trying to come to an agreement.” 

Katrina was in the middle of the room, surrounded by scalemates and looking suspicious. “Daddy,” she said, looking at the grub in his arms. “You have bug.” 

“I have Ellen,” said Karkat, putting some stress on her name. Katrina narrowed her eyes, stuck out her tongue, and stood up. “Princess, what are you doing?” 

“Core,” she said simply, glancing at Terezi. “Mama. _Jud._ ” 

Terezi sighed and stood up, turning to Karkat. “We’re in court,” she mumbled, not making eye contact. “I have no idea where she’s getting this, so just play along, okay?” 

“Terezi, this is really weird,” said Karkat with a frown. Ellen squealed and attempted to raise herself, blinking up at him with an expression of feigned innocence. “Can’t we just tell her to stop?” 

“I already _tried_ that,” said Terezi with a distressed smile. “Obrina said that she’s been acting _extremely_ territorial today.” 

“I don’t get it,” said Karkat, looking at his daughter. “What do you think could be causing this?” 

Terezi had a blank face before she lit up. “Maybe it’s something to do with lusii interactions?” 

“What?” 

“Well, grubs had to fight to the death to get their lusii on occasion. Maybe we…” 

Katrina yelped, headbutting into Karkat’s leg with all of her might. _“Bug!”_ she screamed, clawing at his pant leg and bearing her fangs. “Daddy, _no!”_

“Katrina, _stop!”_ shouted Terezi, trying to pick her daughter up. The toddler screamed and kicked and escaped her mother’s arms before dashing back into the fort, only to come back out with a wooden spoon. “Put that down _right now!”_

The toddler glared at her and screamed. _“NO!”_

“Katrina Teresa Vantas, if you yell at your mother one more time, you will be _grounded,_ ” said Karkat, trying to not freak out. Ellen was squeaking and burying her face into his chest while his daughter gave him a rage-filled stare. “I _mean_ it, young lady.” 

She seemed to consider this before smiling sweetly. “Mama?” she asked, blinking. _“FUCK!”_

The word was a scream, and then she looked at Karkat with a cheeky smile. The Vantases stared at her in shock for a full thirty seconds before Karkat sighed. “Katrina, I didn’t want to do this, but you can’t watch TV for one week.” 

Katrina gasped, looking offended. “What?” 

“And you won’t get dessert, either,” said Terezi, rubbing her temples. 

“No!” 

“Go sit in time out,” said Karkat, and Katrina looked at him with tears in her eyes. “I mean it.” 

The toddler groaned and went to the corner that Terezi had proclaimed ‘the time out place that will probably never be used’. The couple sighed and sat down in the doorframe, Ellen hyperventilating and crawling onto Terezi’s lap, shaking. “Shh, calm down,” said Terezi, ruffling the tiny troll’s hair. “You’re okay...Karkat. We need to talk.” 

“Definitely,” said Karkat, closing his eyes. “How was your day?” 

“Interesting,” sighed Terezi, trying hard not to yawn. “Was work as horrible as always?” 

_Shit._ “About that.” 

“What? Did you get promoted?” 

“Um,” said Karkat, blinking. “Not quite.” 

Terezi narrowed her eyebrows. “So...what?” 

“I sort of...got fired,” said Karkat, and the air became heavy. “Yeah.” 

“That...really sucks,” said Terezi finally, sighing. “What are we going to do?” 

“I already put in a few applications at different fast food places,” said Karkat, feeling like a loser. “I’m going to have to stop going to class, but look, even though Augeth and Obrina are moving out, we can manage. There will just be a lot of Ramen noodles for the next couple of months, and we might have to start shopping at the thrift store again.” 

“Yeah,” said Terezi, swallowing. “I guess I could try to get more hours at the firm…” 

“Look, I did some math, and with only four people, we can probably make it,” said Karkat, expecting Terezi to at least look happy at the sentiment. “Like, it’s going to be really rough, but we’ll still have the house.” 

“True,” said Terezi, looking uncomfortable. “Um...fuck.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I...had that doctor’s appointment, remember?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Heh, well, they tested my blood for any hormonal bullshit, right?” asked Terezi, trying to smile. “And they had to do all these tests just to make sure everything was okay to do surgery and ...I’m pregnant.” 

Karkat blinked, trying to think of something positive to say. “Oh.” 

Terezi nodded, inhaling deeply. “I’m only a month along, and the shell hasn’t even formed yet, so I could see it on the screen, because they wanted to make sure everything was okay, and...I don’t know. I’ll probably lose it anyway, so there...really isn’t any…” 

Karkat held her, and as she started to shake, Ellen tapping her on the head with one of her arms. _“Ma?”_ she squeaked, looking concerned. _“Ma?”_

“What the fuck are we going to do?” whispered Karkat, his fingers curling in his wife’s hair. “What if you...don’t miscarry?” 

“I don’t _want_ to,” mumbled Terezi, not feeling anything. “It just...I don’t know? We can’t have more than two right now.” 

“Maybe Katrina wouldn’t try to attack a mutant grub?” wondered Karkat, Ellen puffing her cheeks up at him, looking insulted. “Or...something, I don’t know.” 

_“Ma!”_ said Ellen with some insistence, her lower lip quivering. Karkat only then realized that she was actually trying to communicate vocally and was actually succeeding. 

“Holy shit,” he said, kissing her on the forehead. “Terezi, do you hear this?” 

“Yeah,” said Terezi, not showing her face. “She’s talking. Great.” 

“Well, yeah! Maybe she’ll be some weird baby genius.” 

“Mhm.” 

“We could be parents of a genius.” 

“No.” 

“What?” 

“We’re not her parents,” said Terezi in defeat, looking at him. “Karkat, she likes us, but we’re not _hers.”_

“What...are you trying to say?” asked Karkat in disbelief, holding Ellen against his chest as she growled happily, sucking on his pinkie finger. “Terezi, she’s _ours.”_

“She lives with us,” said Terezi, standing up and sighing. “She doesn’t look like us. She probably hates us.” 

“Terezi, that’s completely irrational,” said Karkat, following her into their bedroom. “She just called you ‘Ma’! Come on, she _loves_ you.” 

“Just leave me alone,” murmured Terezi, curling up in their bed. “Good night.” 

“It’s _three_ in the _afternoon_ —” 

“Good _night_.” 

Karkat stared at his wife and left the room, still holding the now whining grub. 

* * *

**-March 3rd, 5:15 pm / John & Vriska’s house-**

**Roxy: 4 months 6 days**

**Rose: 6 months 12 days**

**Katrina: 1 year 9 months 25 days**

**Casey: 2 years 5 months 15 days**

“Joooooooohn, dinner’s ready!” called Vriska in a sing-song voice, taking a tray of steaming macaroni out of the oven and placing it on a cooling rack. Casey was already in her high chair, eating blueberries and kicking her legs back and forth. “It’s your _favorite._ ” 

“Vriska, I really need to finish this report,” shouted John from his study, trying to frantically fill in the last of the graphs that he had constructed especially for his research on theoretical ectobiological systems. “Five minutes!” 

“John. We have to _bond!”_

“Vriska!” 

“John!” 

John groaned and saved the massive folder holding his current buildup of work, closing the laptop and walking down the stairs. “Okay, I’m coming,” he said, standing in the kitchen doorway. “Look. I’m here.” 

“Great!” smiled Vriska, flashing her fangs at him and handing him a plate filled with macaroni and various frozen vegetables. “Are you ready for tonight?” 

John blinked, setting his plate down on the table. “Tonight?” 

“Yeah, Egderp,” said Vriska, putting a tiny portion in front of Casey before grabbing her own. “You know… _tonight._ ” 

“Vriska, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” sighed John, chewing on a green bean. “Did we plan something?” 

“Uh, no?” frowned Vriska, raising an eyebrow. “Your dad called earlier and said that the two of you were going to engage in some super fatherly-testosterone bonding. You planned it a few months ago?” 

_“Shit,_ ” said John, remembering. “Oh my God! I totally forgot!” 

“Yeah, no duh,” said Vriska, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, Casey and I are going to hang out with Roxy while you two do...whatever, so eat _fast._ ” 

“Okay,” said John, trying to eat as quickly as possible. He wasn’t really sure that he had actually planned anything with his dad ever, but now that it was happening, he felt at least _kind_ of obliged to follow through with it. “What are you going to do with Roxy?” 

Vriska shrugged, sighing as she essentially devoured her food in a few quick bites. “We might watch a movie, I don’t know. She’s just super lonely right now.” 

“I figured that much,” sighed John, deciding on saving the rest of his dinner for later. “Should we just go right now?” 

“Probably,” said Vriska, glancing at her phone. _“Shit.”_

“What?” 

“Terezi’s apparently been super depressed, and Karkat is kind of freaking out,” she said glumly, standing up and lifting Casey from her high chair. “C’mon, kid, we’re going to visit Gammy.” 

Casey looked incredulous. “Gammy?” 

“Yes,” said Vriska, smiling faintly and realizing that John looked confused. “What? She started calling her that in January.” 

“Wow, okay,” said John, pulling a sweatshirt over his frame. “Um...do you want me to start the car or something?” 

Vriska raised a single eyebrow and he rolled his eyes before grabbing his keys and walking out to his sedan. He was still a little concerned with the fact that he hadn’t remembered scheduling anything with his dad...maybe the stress was finally getting to him? Whatever. 

As soon as he put the key in the ignition, the radio began to blare trashy top forty radio. “What the hell?” he mumbled, reaching to turn it off as a voice broke onto the airlines. 

_“Hey, ladies and gentlefolk, your host Cronus here, cutting through the airlines like the best fuckin’ thing you’ve ever seen. Shit, son, you wouldn’t believe how_ hot _this body is, and to think I had to spend flush-crush day alone...ha-ha, just kidding! But really, if you wanna hear something, please gimme a call if you’re single and ready to mingle, got it? Next up we have the totally fuckin’ magnificent masterpiece,_ ‘Lovegame’, _by Human Lady Gaga.”_

Vriska opened the door and hear the last bit of dialogue as she buckled Casey into her carseat. “What the hell?” she asked, sitting next to her husband and turning down the volume. “Did the DJ seriously just—” 

“Yeah,” said John, pulling out of the driveway and beginning to drive towards his childhood home. “His name is ‘Cronus’, apparently, so I guess he’s some kind of weird hippie or—” 

“Holy _shit!”_ exploded Vriska, laughing hysterically. John almost stopped the car entirely, but she waved her hand, still laughing. “No, I’m okay. Oh my God, this is _rich!”_

“What is it?” asked John, glancing at a very sleepy Casey. “What’s so funny?” 

“No, it’s just...oh my God, Cronus is my ex-kismesis’ dancestor,” laughed Vriska, wiping tears from her eyes. “I haven’t thought of that joke forever…” 

“Kismesis?” asked John, narrowing his eyebrows and driving slightly faster. “Okay, so I’m your matesprit, and Terezi is...your moirail, right? So...what the hell is a kismesis?” 

“Just blackrom,” said Vriska, still giggling. “Like, you hate someone so much that...well...yeah.” 

John inhaled deeply. “Please don’t tell me you had sex with some guy you hate…” 

“No, dude, _gross!”_ spat Vriska, looking absolutely disgusted. “We ended it when I was thirteen. Anyway, it felt weird.” 

“Yep,” said John, unblinking as he drove down the street. Casey yawned in the backseat, wiping some drool from her mouth before tapping the window and laughing. “You having fun back there, Peanut?” 

“Yes, Daddy!” 

John sighed as they got closer to his dad’s house. He had talked to him a few times since the bakery opened, but they hadn’t sat down and had an in depth discussion in ages. He didn’t know why, but he felt almost uncomfortable talking to his father about anything that was seriously concerning him in the moment. However, any anxiety was dashed as soon as he pulled into the driveway of his childhood home. Vriska quickly unbuckled Casey from her car seat and began to walk towards the front door, but John hung back with some reluctance before ringing the doorbell. His dad swung open the door and gave them a rather frazzled smile before welcoming them inside. 

Roxy was sitting on the couch, surrounded by failed attempts at knitting and a random assortment of fried appetizers. Casey wriggled out of Vriska’s arms and ran over to her (grandmother? Middle aged mom friend? Established scientist who read her Harry Potter in a variety of funny voices?), climbing onto the footstool and accepting a small cookie in return for a forehead smooch. “Hi, John!” called his stepmother, who had _finally_ begun to look somewhat back to normal, sans vodka. “Vriska, c’mon, sit down over here, I’ve been reading this _hilarious_ memoir—” 

“We’ll just be leaving now,” coughed Mr. Egbert, almost dragging John out of the house, and as they left, he looked at John with a completely unfamiliar expression. They silently walked to his car, John nervously taking passenger seat as Joseph revved the engine and pulled out of the driveway at an incredibly dangerous speed. 

“Dad, why—” 

His dad responded by turning on the radio and grimacing before turning it back off. “John, we need to talk,” he said, sighing as they drove through the winding suburbia that made up Maple Valley. “However, before we divulge too deeply in my personal matters...how are you?” 

“Um, okay, I guess,” said John, trying to detect any possible cause for his father not acting completely...well, fatherly. “We signed Casey up for preschool next fall, and I am _almost_ done with my contribution for the research project, which is pretty cool. We’re actually getting published!” 

“That’s quite the accomplishment,” said Joseph, sounding vaguely reminiscent of the man who had raised John. “I can’t believe you’re already…” 

His words faded and he sighed, pulling into the designated parking space behind the bakery. “Sorry, I’ve been a little distracted lately.” 

“Yeah, I can imagine,” said John, trying to take the edge off of his voice. _Aaaaaaaah don’t sound like a dick!_ “Did you hire any new staff yet?” 

“Not quite,” said Joseph, closing his eyes and taking his hat off of his head. “There’s just been a lot of issues pertaining to some of our relatives.” 

“Oh, is Joanna being a bitch again?” asked John, making a face. “Dad, you don’t—” 

“John! Don’t call her a bitch!” said Joseph, looking slightly offended (even though, in all honesty, she was the biggest bitch he had ever met). “She’s your _aunt…”_

“Still,” said John with a shrug. “Just because I share some of the same weird DNA with her doesn’t mean that we have to associate.” 

Joseph sighed at the thought of weird DNA. “About that,” he said, his gray eyes looking into John’s blue ones. “I met your...great grandmother.” 

It took a moment for John to process what he heard, and then he groaned. _“Daaaaaaaad,_ did she bother you, too? I’m so sorry!” 

“Wait, you _knew?”_

“Well, yeah! She tried to kidnap Katrina!” 

“Oh,” said Joseph in a disturbed voice. “That’s a bit...much, don’t you think?” 

“Yeah, but she’s the alien equivalent of...I wouldn’t say Hitler, because she’s worse, apparently, but still. Ugh! I didn’t want you to know!” 

“It does explain some things, though,” said Joseph, stepping out of the vehicle as his son did the same. “Why Mother never talked about her parents, for instance. She _could_ have told me about her brother, though!” 

“Woah, Nanna had a brother? Is he still alive?” 

“No, but his granddaughter is,” said Joseph, sighing once again. “I did a little bit of research and I’ve narrowed down a few sources as to who she actually might be, but I can’t be sure.” 

“It’s cool, Dad,” said John, following his dad into the bakery. “Wow, it still looks...actually clean in here!” 

“Health codes demand it,” said Joseph, placing his jacket on the coat rack next to his office. He looked a bit confused and turned to John with a hesitant gaze. “Do you think...do you think Maggie would have liked it?” 

John swallowed. “Um,” he said, trying to remember his mom’s face. He was having a hard time with even _that_ lately. “Yeah! She really liked cake, and I mean...that’s like what you’re doing. Making cake.” 

Joseph closed his eyes and looked a little more distraught than his usual brand of sadness. “Is it bad that I miss her?” 

“No?” John wasn’t ready for this. 

“I just...I don’t know. I _love_ Roxy, John, I _do,_ but...I still think about your mother, even more so as of late, and it’s just…” 

“Dad, it’s okay,” said John, blinking. “Like, I think so? Why don’t you talk to Rose or something? She’s an actual therapist, and haha, I’m...not.” 

“John, I can’t exactly talk to the daughter of my _wife_ about my feelings for my _first wife_ ,” said Joseph in a somewhat condescending tone. This was unfamiliar territory, and John blinked in discomfort. “That would be breaking already delicate boundaries.” 

“Okay…” said John slowly, still trying to understand. “I’m still a little confused though, Dad. Like, why are you thinking about Mom? I totally get that you miss her and stuff, but you remarried and...I guess Roxy loves you?” 

Joseph sighed and pressed his hands against the counter. “I know she loves me, John, and I _definitely_ love her, but I can’t stop thinking about Maggie.” 

John coughed and tried to think of some kind of reassuring sentiment that he could pass on to his father. However, words failed him and he was completely stumped as of how to comfort him, so he simply hugged his dad and waited for some kind of relief. 

* * *

**-9:25 pm / Joseph & Roxy’s house-**

The house was finally quiet, and Frigglish was curled into a ball and sitting on Roxy’s lap as she read through another hard boiled detective novella. Her morning sickness had curbed slightly within the last week, and her doctor had said that she might actually be able to go off bedrest at the five month mark, but she was still exhausted as all hell. Sighing, she took a sip from her water bottle and tried to think of some kind of interesting way to vary her routine from the usual watching telenovelas and binge eating salad. Joseph had to manage the bakery, and she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about being alone again. 

The bedroom door creaked open, and the aforementioned husband walked in. “Hey,” she mumbled, waving at him as she tried to prop herself up. “How goes it?” 

“It goes,” said Joseph, stretching as he unbuttoned his shirt. Roxy internally smiled—as much as she loved him for his various intellectual quirks, the fact that he was forty nine years old and still maintained a super sexy six pack was definitely a perk—and tried to pull the sheets closer to her body. She still wasn’t entirely used to the climate change from upstate New York to Washington, which although expected, was still slightly irritating, and she never knew when to completely sink into her down comforter or try to make do with a thin bedsheet. “How were Vriska and Casey?” 

“Casey was incredibly sweet as always,” smiled Roxy as Joseph quickly wrapped a robe around his muscular torso and sat down on the bed next to her. “Though I have to admit it feels like her love for me is strictly based on cookies and books.” 

“Well, she _is_ two,” laughed Joseph, stretching his arm around her shoulders. He kissed her on the cheek, and Roxy blushed unapologetically. “You look radiant tonight.” 

“I blame the hormones,” said Roxy breathily, her fingernails lightly tracing against the back of his neck. She quietly stroked the sandpapery texture of his hairline, savoring in the sensory appeal before realizing that she had to stop. “Not tonight, though.” 

Joseph nodded, but she caught the slightest trace of disappointment in his features. “What?” she asked, feeling a sudden rush of annoyance. “Until I’m six months along, it isn’t _safe,_ Joseph.” 

“I know, I know,” he sighed, his fingers grazing against her left cheekbone. “Roxy…” 

“Yes?” she asked, swallowing as he leaned in to kiss her. She closed her eyes and readied herself, but it never came. Instead, when her eyelids fluttered open, her husband wasn’t facing her, his long legs cascading over his side of the bed, a hand rubbing his forehead. “Joseph? Are you alright?” 

He shrugged, still not looking at her. “I’ve just been thinking about things lately,” he said flatly, and Roxy’s heart sank. She didn’t know why—it wasn’t like he would _leave_ her or anything—but the sheer volume of the wording had sent her back into panic mode. “I don’t know.” 

“Could I...maybe help you?” Roxy asked gingerly, pulling her knees closer to her body. “I know I’m not a counselor by any means, but we _are_ married…” 

“Roxy, look,” said Joseph, finally facing her. His eyes were slightly red, and with a bit of horror, she realized that he looked like he was _actually_ suffering. “I don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to discuss things with you in your condition. I don’t want to inadvertently hurt you or the baby, and...I just don’t know anymore.” 

“Joe, please,” said Roxy, placing her hands on his strong shoulders. She began to slowly rub tiny circles against his skin, bringing him closer. “Honey, you’re so _tense_...is something wrong at the bakery? Did John say something when you were out? Please, just tell me.” 

Mr. Egbert inhaled and as his shoulders slacked slightly, Roxy felt the slightest throes of alarm. “I keep thinking about Maggie,” he said quietly, and her already low heart began to drown. “I know, it’s stupid and unfair of me, but I can’t stop thinking about her. What if...everything worked out? What if she didn’t die? What if Matthew made it?” 

Roxy blinked back tears and tried to absorb what he was saying. “Who...who is Matthew?” she asked, voice trembling slightly as her grip on her husband loosened. 

In a moment of horrified regret, Joseph Egbert realized that he had _never_ discussed the full circumstances of his first wife’s death with his current wife, who now looked slightly desperate for some kind of emotional retribution. “He was my son,” he said, and Roxy’s hand covered her mouth as she looked away. “Maggie had to deliver him at five months because of the way the cancer was spreading. I...I thought you knew.” 

“How was I supposed to know something like that?” whispered Roxy, curling in on herself, staring at the mirror across the room. It wasn’t exactly catching her reflection; instead, it reflected the back window, and she couldn’t stop staring at Joseph’s shadow as he tried to move closer to her. “I...oh my god.” 

“Roxy, it’s...over now. It’s been years. He isn’t—” 

“You lost _two_ people,” said Roxy tearfully, attempting to look at him without making a complete idiot of herself. “How could you _not_ tell me?” 

“I don’t know,” said Mr. Egbert, his voice raised. “How could you _not_ tell me about being assaulted and getting an abor—” 

He stopped, realizing that he had crossed the line. Roxy glared at him icily before shakily getting out of bed and walking into the bathroom directly connected to their bedroom before slamming the door with a resounding thud. 

It took a full minute for Joseph to register the fact that he had not only told his very emotionally vulnerable wife that he missed his first wife, but that he had told her about his dead son _and_ accused her of withholding the truth all within five minutes. Immediately as he recognized the gravity of his actions, he stood up and knocked on the bathroom door. “Roxy, please open the door.” 

He heard the toilet flush and a muffled “fuck you”, but nothing to really raise concern. “Please, Roxy,” he said, sighing and wiping at his eyes. “Look, I messed up, and I’m so sorry for bringing any of that stuff up. I know it hurts you and—” 

“Then why did you say it?” said a small voice on the other side of the door. “Joseph, I didn’t _want_ any of that. I...I feel so _stupid._ ” 

“You’re not stupid,” said Joseph sitting down and leaning against the wall. He could hear her breathing, angrily pumping soap and trying to wash her hands for a prolonged period of time out of pure frustration. “‘I’m just so worried about you. Roxy, I know you don’t want to be stuck here all day and have nothing to do and I know that’s partially my fault and I am so sorry.” 

There was a sniff and the faucet stopped running. He waited, wondering if he had sorely destroyed whatever sense of harmony that had brought them together, when Roxy spoke again. “This isn’t your fault,” she said, opening the door just enough so they could make eye contact. “This...Joseph, do you know how fucking badly I’ve wanted a baby?” 

“I just thought that...I’m not actually sure what I thought,” he said, reaching for her hand. “I never really assumed anything about you.” 

“I would’ve done this earlier, but I was a mess,” she said softly, parting the door even more. Tiny rivets of mascara smeared at the corners of her eyes, and she sighed as she pushed her hair off of her forehead. “I didn’t what I was doing the first time, and Rose was always so...she just never really reciprocated anything.” 

Joseph nodded, thinking about the thirteen year old version of his son. “John was like that, too, Roxy,” he said, gently squeezing her hand. “I remember he used to actually barricade his bedroom on his birthday because he didn’t want any cake.” 

“Rose was difficult for other reasons,” said Roxy, the corners of her lips curving upwards. “When she was ten, she read through the entirety of our library, and she decided to reenact crime scenes for about a month.” 

“Reenact how?” 

She sighed at the memory and smiled. “She found out how to make fake blood and she always found all sorts of weird stuff in the basement from my parents, and she had these mannequins that she would absolutely butcher,” laughed Roxy, remembering being horrified as she entered her daughter’s bedroom. “She thought it would be _funny_ to dress a child sized model in her clothing and then falsify stab wounds before hiding in a treehouse for a few hours. I remember when I actually found the real Rose, curled up under a blanket and reading some horrible book about summoning demonic entities...but before that, I called the police because I was still a bit tipsy from the night before and finding that body sort of ruined me for a week.” 

“I...can only imagine,” said Joseph after a long while, trying to connect the terrifying younger Rose with the young woman who was married and graduated from college early. “But...didn’t you have anyone besides your daughter?” 

“Not really,” admitted Roxy woefully, playing with the gold band on her finger. “I always tried to date someone from SkaiaNet, but nothing ever worked out. I just didn’t know how to...actually interact with them outside of the work environment, I guess. It was just...stupid.” 

Joseph was quiet, just trying to understand what she was saying in full, but it felt like something was missing from the majority of her story. Finally, after several drawn out moments, he helped Roxy back into bed, where they curled against each other and ignored whatever tension had built up between them. 

* * *

**-March 4th, 2:56 am / Toxic Nightclub-**

“Porrim, it’s _far_ too late for us to be aimlessly wandering around this culturally inept cesspool!” groaned Aranea as her matesprit downed another Exxxtreme Cherry Margarita Bonita. “You’ve already had _seven_ already!” 

“Aranea, you say that like it’s a _bad_ thing,” grinned Porrim, her fangs glistening in the strobelights. “And besides, I thought eight was your favorite number…” 

“I’m not saying that it _isn’t,_ but Porrim, it has to be at least three in the morning, and I’m incredibly exhausted,” said Aranea, stirring her Not-So Extreme Non-Alcoholic Shirley Temple with a bright pink straw. “Why are we even here? This hardly constitutes of a romantic venture.” 

“Because, darling, I am very interested in seeing if the disk jockey is the person I believe him to be,” smiled Porrim, leaning in for a kiss. “Come on, now, love.” 

Aranea rolled her eyes as Porrim’s hands slowly traveled down her waist, her mouth caressing the side of her neck. _“Do not bite me,”_ she hissed, and Porrim laughed, brushing her teeth across her throat. “I have _work.”_

“Well, a turtleneck always covered Kankri pretty well…” 

“You _drank_ from Kankri? Kankri _Vantas?”_

Porrim burst out laughing and sunk her fangs into Aranea’s shoulder. She gasped and felt her knees go slightly weak as the rainbow drinker savored in her cerulean blood. “Oh…” 

“Shh,” murmured Porrim, retrieving a bandage from her purse. “Look, I come _prepared._ ” 

“How enviable,” said Aranea as her girlfriend took another gulp from her Exxxtreme Cherry Margarita Bonita and applied the band aid with care. “What does it even taste like?” 

Porrim blinked, her eyes glowing slightly. “I...it’s the best one, of course, but...I don’t think there’s exactly a _flavor,_ per say. I would—” 

Just as she was about to profess some deep rainbow drinker secret, the dancefloor was overtaken by a crowd of screaming women as another DJ took the stage. “Hey, _ladies,_ ” he said, tipping his hat slightly, and Aranea’s jaw dropped. 

“Is that—” 

“Yep,” said Porrim, rolling her eyes and taking a long drink. “We found Ampora.”


	18. Intermission of Some Sorts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoO BOY HERE WE GO
> 
> let’s put this in a simple sentence: school is a bitch. i’ve only been in school a month and a half and i only have one A lmao
> 
> plus colleges and stuff. like i have to start applying soon and getting my future in order and wow idk what to do honestly
> 
> bUT I DECIDED TO UPD8 TODAY because it is casey’s birthday! yes, miss cassia jane egbert was born today, the 19th of september, 2016. like if npnl were real she would have actually been born today. as in this particular installment takes place in 2018 woah what is this
> 
> lol i hope you like it :P

**-Wednesday, March 6, 8:27 am / John & Vriska’s House-**

“Bye, Vriska!  Love you!”

“Love you too, John!  Have a great day at work!”

John closed the front door behind him as he left.  Vriska habitually watched as he climbed into his car and backed out of the driveway, eventually disappearing down the road.

As soon as he was gone, Vriska turned around.  "Okay, Peanut," she said to Casey, "you and Mommy are going to have a really fun day today, alright?"

"Yeah!" exclaimed Casey from the living room as she threw a small stuffed pig in excitement.  "Do what?"

Vriska smiled and joined her daughter on the rug.  "We are going to visit Un—”  She stopped herself before smiling.  “— _ Aunt _ Tavros and his kid, okay?”

Casey laughed.  “Tavvo!” she squealed.  “Yay!”

“Okay, well, Peanut,” Vriska told the toddler with a smile, “Mommy’s going to get ready, okay?  Stay right here and I’ll be right back.”

“Okay Mommy!’

Vriska flashed Casey a smile once again before getting off the rug and making her way upstairs, making sure to close the childproof gate behind her. 

_ I hope Tavros is doing okay, _ Vriska thought to herself as she began to put on her makeup for the day.  Ever since the egg had been born/laid/whatever, the two had barely spoken.  She was sure he could have been wrapped up with trying to find a job, or trying to get along with the near-irreconcilable trolls he was living with—not to mention the whole parenting thing.

She finished doing her eye makeup and was debating on whether or not to do her hair, but ultimately decided on just throwing it into a quick ponytail before getting dressed.

After throwing on her most presentable yet comfortable clothes, Vriska headed downstairs to gather Casey and her things before heading over to the trailer park.  "Okay, Peanut," she announced, closing the gate behind her, "are you ready to go—"

Casey had disappeared from her spot on the rug and was nowhere to be found in the living room.  "Um," Vriska simply said to herself, heart pounding faster.  "Peanut?  Where are you?"

Vriska checked every nook and cranny in the living room before moving on to the kitchen.  "Casey?" she called over and over, opening every cabinet and door for a sign of her daughter.

Casey was not in the bathroom or the office, either, and by this point Vriska was beginning to get worried.   _ I should have taken her upstairs with me _ , she thought, beginning to criticize herself as she moved into the laundry room.

  
Fearing the worst, she opened the washer and dryer, only to be greeted by sopping wet clothes and nothing, respectfully.  “Goddammit, Casey,” Vriska mumbled, “where  _ are _ you?”

“Find me!” a tiny voice exclaimed from the corner, and Vriska went over to the hamper and snatched a few towels out of it only to see her daughter’s smiling face.  “You win!”

“Cassia Jane Egbert!”  Vriska sighed, lifting Casey out of the basket.  “You scared me!”

Casey laughed.  “Very fun!”

“Scaring Mommy isn’t fun, Casey,” Vriska strictly told her daughter.  “Come on.  We’re leaving.”

“We play there?”

“Only if you don’t play hide-and-seek without telling me.”

* * *

 

**-10:03 am / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community-**

Vriska turned her car onto the dusty dirt road and continued down the drive until she came upon the trolls’ trailer.  “When we get out, hold Mommy’s hand, okay?”

“Okay!” Casey exclaimed from the back seat.   
Vriska parked the car in the closest thing she could call a driveway and quickly got Casey out of the back seat before locking the door.  Really, the only reason why she was uncomfortable in the trailer park was because she knew Gamzee lived there.  Gripping Casey’s hand as gently as she could without losing firmness, Vriska led Casey up to the front door of their destination and knocked on the door.

The door opened and the two were greeted by Tavros, who was cradling a long, baby-sized egg in his arms.  “Hi Vriska,” he said softly, smiling as he stepped out of the way to let the two Egberts in.  “Nice to see you.”

“Is...everything okay?” asked Vriska cautiously.  Though he had always been soft-spoken, Tavros was speaking abnormally quietly, especially for the fact that he was currently sharing a  _ trailer _ with  _ six _ other trolls and an egg.  “You seem...quiet.”

“I talked to Terezi, and she said the egg should be hatching soon,” he told her in a near-whisper, glancing down at the egg.  “I don’t exactly know when; it could be any moment.”

“O...kay.”  Vriska closed the door behind her and led Casey to the couch.  “Did she ever come over?”

“No, she never called back and then I told her not to.  I decided I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Vriska scoffed.  “That’s no fun.”

A door squeaked open from somewhere in the trailer and Nepeta entered the condensed living room.  “Hi!” she exclaimed, immediately going towards Casey and picking her up.

Casey giggled.  “Nepa!”

Nepeta smiled and sat down on the couch, placing Casey in her lap.  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

“We just wanted to come over.  Nothing to do.”  Vriska sighed.  “Yeah, Terezi has been really busy or something, I don’t know.  She hasn’t been answering my calls and I never see her.”

Tavros frowned.  “That’s weird.  She seemed really excited about the egg, and then she just never called back about it.”

“Huh.”  Vriska stared at the floor and pulled her phone out of her purse/Casey’s diaper bag.  “Um, I’m going to use the bathroom.  Watch Casey for me.”

She immediately went into the tiny bathroom and locked the door behind her.  Stepping into the shower and closing the curtain behind her for safe measures (even though the door was locked), Vriska unlocked her phone and began furiously texting at Terezi.

_ We need to talk, _ she wrote.

Less than a minute later there was a reply.   _ About what??? :? _

Vriska sighed.   _ Um.  How do I put this. _

_ Yes? _

_ You’ve...8een acting weird, I guess???????? _

She could practically hear Terezi scoff from her side of the line.   _ Acting weird.  Okay. _

_ Just meet me for lunch sometime this week, ok8y???????? _

If she had had a flip phone, she would have slammed it shut, but she made do with her iPhone and just stuffed it into her pocket.  “Um, Vriska?” a voice shakily called from the living room.

“What?!” growled Vriska, irritated with the overall situation as she left the bathroom.  “What is it?”

Tavros held up the egg, which was visibly shaking in his arms.  “Uh...I think it’s hatching.”

All emotions were temporarily pushed aside as Vriska rushed to her ex-boyfriend?’s side.  “Um,” she stuttered, trying to find the right words as she scrambled for a blanket.  “Tav, uh, I don’t mean to freak you out, but I have no idea what’s going to happen.”

“What do you mean?  Were you not there when Casey hatched?”

At the mention of her name, Casey threw her arms up into the air.  “Me!”

Vriska ignored her daughter’s outburst and continued.  “Tavros, humans don’t come from eggs.  The moment Casey came out of me she was alive and breathing.”

Tavros stared at her.  “Oh, fuck.”

The egg continued to shake in his arms as he laid it down on a blanket Vriska had dug out from underneath the couch.  “What do I do?!” Tavros squeaked, trying his best to hold the egg still.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing!”

Vriska and Tavros watched the egg intently as it continued to shake on the blanket, eventually beginning to roll around.  Nepeta would have been watching as well, if Casey weren’t wiggling in her arms and trying to play.

A small crack appeared in the velvety shell and slowly began to grow as the two adult trolls watched attentively.  A small leg poked its way through the crack and wiggled around, followed by another and another as more cracks began to form.

Tavros’ eyes widened in awe as the grub’s butt wiggled out of the egg, trying its best to push aside what was left of the shell.  Eventually it tumbled out of the egg’s remains and flopped down on the floor.

“Tav,” Vriska gasped, “it’s gorgeous.”

“It’s a girl,” he said with a smile, slowly reaching down to pick up the grub.  “Regina.”

The grub’s face was entirely Gamzee’s, and was honestly a little off-putting to Vriska.  The fact that anyone as terrible as Gamzee could have a near-identical clone—even one that was a girl and a totally different blood color—scared her a bit.  However, she had small, delicate versions of Tavros’ horns, and already seemed to have his overall pleasant demeanor.

“Look at her!” Nepeta squealed.  “She’s so tiny!”

Casey, however, was not as impressed.  She furrowed her brow and scrunched her face up.  “Ew,” she commented.  “Bug.”

“ _ Regina _ is not a bug, Casey,” Vriska reminded the toddler, glancing at Tavros to make sure she got her name correct.  “She’s a baby, like you were.  Katrina used to look like that.”

“Katrina  _ pretty _ .”

Vriska rolled her eyes and looked back at the grub.  “Don’t listen to Casey, Tav,” she laughed.  “Regina’s  _ adorable _ .”

Tavros beamed, proud of his offspring despite the circumstances in which she was produced.  “Thank you, Vriska.  I think so, too.”


	19. shit let's be parents/revolutionaries/really dysfunctional vacillating romantic partners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ev here. i'm dead inside and have zero motivation to do anything, let alone write fanfic, but here's something i pulled out of my ass when i was busy on the self loathing train last night/early this morning. 
> 
> i long for the sweet release of financial stability.

**Tuesday, March 12, 9:34 am**

\--twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]\--

TA: KK ii know you’re probably takiing 2hiity hiigh re2olutiion photo2 of you and TZ’2 crotch 2pawn but ii need you two hiit me up at 2ome poiint twoniight

TA: liike iit doe2n’t really matter when per2ay but ii want to talk two you before 2hiit really hiit2 the metaphoriical rotatiing metal blade fixture

CG: HOLY FUCK, SOLLUX, THIS IS WHAT, THE FIRST TIME YOU’VE ACTUALLY CONTACTED ME IN A YEAR?

TA: what the FUCK ii2 a year

TA: vanta2 have you gone completely 2oft iin the thiinkpan or what… 

TA: nevermiind 2tupiid que2tiion 

TA: anyway feferii and ii ju2t broke out of the fii2h prii2on 

CG: WHAT. 

CG: WEREN’T YOU ON COMPLETE LOCKDOWN? 

CG: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN HAVE ACCESS TO TROLLIAN? AREN’T YOU LIKE. 

CG: WAIT. WHAT? 

TA: wow the reward for mo2t ab2olutely fuckiing den2e motherfucker iin the room goe2 to karkat vanta2 

TA: there’2 goiing to be an entiire ceremony whiile you accept your giilded 2hiit trophy 

TA: ii wiill be clappiing and 2triider wiill 2ob liike a liittle biitch 

TA: iin the background 2omeone wiill chant ‘one of u2’ 

CG: STRIDER AND I DON’T EVEN FUCKING TALK, CAPTOR. 

CG: AND STOP BEING SUCH A LITTLE SHIT. I SERIOUSLY HAD NO IDEA. 

TA: wow all aboard the 2ympathy traiin! 

TA: whiile you have been preoccupiied nurturiing a fal2e 2en2e of 2ecuriity, 2ome of u2 have been actiively tryiing to not be u2ed a2 fuckiing batteriie2 for a war2hiip that could ea2iily bla2t through any chance of hope for you or your 2nivelliing off2priing 

CG: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WERE YOU ALWAYS THIS PISSY? 

TA: who i2 je2u2 and why ii2 iit fuckiing chrii2t 

CG: HUMAN HALF DEITY WHO APPARENTLY BROUGHT SHITTY HUMANS TOGETHER. 

CG: I DON’T KNOW, IT SEEMS LIKE HE WAS SOME ALTERNATE HUMAN SIGNLESS BUT WITH A MORE CIVILIZED FOLLOWING GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES. 

TA: weiird 

TA: how do human2 even recollect thii2 2hiit 

TA: don’t they all have liike a pretty 2tandard and 2hort liife2pan 

TA: 2orry ii am kiind of fucked riight now 

CG: BUT...ARE YOU SERIOUS? IS THE CONDESCE ACTUALLY TRYING TO ORGANIZE AN ARMY? 

TA: dude 2he’2 way pa2t that partiicular 2tage of development KK 

TA: 2he’2 ju2t been...collectiing 

CG: COLLECTING? 

TA: ii couldn’t 2ave the other2, karkat 

CG: WHAT? DUDE YOU’RE LOSING ME. 

TA: there 

TA: there were a bunch of grub2 and wriiggler2 and they all had vii2iion twofold 

TA: ii don’t know but ii thiink ii mu2t have been one of the olde2t ones there 

TA: liike half of them hadn’t even hiit 2econd pupatiion 

CG: WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS SHE 

CG: OH 

TA: they were 2tiill really liittle riight 

TA: and they couldn’t control the bla2ts and 

TA: there wa2 2o much gold 

TA: they were practiically 2wiimiing iin iit 

CG: I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY? 

TA: 2hiit 

TA: fuck ii gotta go 

TA: feferii i2 2tiill adju2tiing to beiing free and 2he’2 2tumbliing around liike 2ome pathetiic iinfant twiigy leg lu2u2 

TA: iit’2 actually pretty hiilariou2 but iit won’t be okay iif 2he get2 u2 kiilled 

TA: bye KK 

\--twinArmageddons  [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

**12:23 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community**

Cronus groaned and immediately was aware of the heavy weight coiled around his body. He swallowed and realized that Porrim was sleeping on his chest, her hands cupped around his shoulder and her lips near his grubscars, violet and cobalt blood dried on her face. She was extremely warm and soft and he gulped as he started to feel just so slightly aroused. However, there was a loud ‘ahem’ at the foot of the bed and he realized that Serket was glaring at him over a cup of tea. 

“Good morning, bulgewarmer,” she said, a sneer on her plump face. “How are you?” 

“To be polite, Aranea, I believe your matesprit is acting as the bulgewarmer,” he said with a grin. “Assuming you’re still working in that quadrant.” 

“To be _polite_ , Ampora, she just likes the way you _taste_ ,” growled Aranea, her fangs bared for a second before she paled and blinked. She stood up slowly, her bathrobe tied tightly around her waist, and continued giving Cronus the stink eye before leaving the premises. 

The sea troll rolled his eyes and let his left hand twinge around Porrim’s hairline. “Maryam, wake up. Spiderbitch wants to kill me.” 

“She always wants to kill you,” mumbled Porrim, eyes still shut. She groaned and kissed Cronus lightly, almost in a pale sort of way, before adjusting herself and sitting up. “That was good,” she sighed, her gray tongue licking the blood off of her lips, her yellow sclera glowing slightly in the early morning light. “Same time tonight?” 

“Of course,” said Cronus, rubbing the base of her horn. She purred and stood up, stalking out of the bedroom. 

He didn’t exactly live with them, or really any of the other trolls who were residing in the gross human mobilehive park, but he definitely was there enough to piss of Aranea. His...descendant? Dancestor? He and Eridan were too close in age for those labels to apply, but the other seadweller seemed to chase after him with admiration, always asking him about what it was like to almost be an orphaner and even moreso about what it was like to have experience with writing semi-decent fanfiction. The kid even adopted his old Trollian-Archive username as his trollHandle, which was equal parts gratifying and creepy. Despite the constant wave of praise, however, Cronus couldn’t really associate with Eridan or even try to see him as an acquaintance. It was too close to home. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a yelp from across the trailer. There was the creaking of floorboards and then a hushed shriek followed by some inaudible mumbling, and finally “Cronus, can you come here for a moment?” from Porrim. He sighed and wandered back to kitchen. Porrim’s eyes were wide and she looked shocked, hands gripping on the back of a chair. “Okay,” she said, biting her lower lip and sighing. “I need you to get me some towels and maybe some whiskey.” 

“Whiskey?” 

“Yeah, um,” said the jadeblood, rubbing her temples absentmindedly, “Aranea’s having a bit of an issue.” 

“What, does she have a clinical case of being a fat bitch?” asked Cronus, only half joking. “Did she break a chair or something with her blubber alone?” 

“No, you fuck,” said Porrim, glaring at him. “I don’t know, she’s bleeding.” 

“Bleeding.” 

“I don’t know why!” hissed Porrim, her voice breaking as a very clear inclination that she definitely knew what the fuck was going on. “Just get me some whiskey and some towels!” Cronus blinked and ollied the fuck out. 

**12:46 pm / Mituna's Apartment**

Ellen was not a happy wiggler. 

She had been permanently relinquished to Mituna’s care about a month before and after sniffing his hand, she hissed and ran into the closet. Karkat had chased after her, but by the time he found her, she was already winding silk into a tight cocoon, glaring at him as she prepared to pupate. “She’s _pissed_ ,” said Mituna in awe, and he had left a space heater in front of the closet to make sure she would have a comfortable pupation. Karkat had left shortly after, a pained smile creasing his features, but what was done was done. 

That had been a month ago. 

It was time to hatch. 

Mituna had called a few days off from work and was currently sitting in front of the closet entrance, watching the cocoon tremble slightly every few minutes. He was still relatively freaked out about the entirety of becoming an actual father in more than a biological sense, and he was a bit more than anxious about the grub’s actual instincts when it came to recognizing him as a friendly adult and not a predator. Sniffing, he took a long swallow from his mug of coffee and leaned forward as the cocoon began to violently twitch. 

“Shit,” he said, retrieving his cell phone to take pictures. His coworkers constantly showed off photos of their drooling hornless children, and he felt like it would be cool to have a picture of his daughter as his lock screen. That was a thing normal human dads did, right? 

As he set up the camera to record, he placed it on the floor at an angle and inhaled deeply as the cocoon wiggled back and forth. “Come on, Captor Junior!” he said, static fluffing his hair. “You can do it, you little shit!” 

At the sound of ‘little shit’, the cocoon ripped down the middle and Ellen tumbled out, falling onto the pile of pillows and blankets set up earlier. Mituna held his breath as she looked up, still covered with silky down as she sneezed. Her horns were more prominent, and she had more defined features that reminded her father of Latula--a heart shaped face and a sharp nose, but the toothy fangs that were undeniably a Captor trait. She rubbed some of the excess fluff out of her eyes and blinked, gray pupils widening as she registered Mituna. 

They stared at each other for a solid minute before Ellen sat up and growled. “Krrrk?” she asked, her vocal cords rusty. She coughed violently and shivered. “W...weh?” 

“Um,” said Mituna, not really sure what his kid was trying to say. _Don’t freak out, she probably can’t talk for another month or two. Just feed her something or give her a bath FUCK HOW DO I BE A DAD I DON’T EVEN EAT MY OWN VEGETABLES FUCK FUCK FUCK _. “Do you...want some food?”__

“Krrrruhk,” said Ellen with some insistence, arching her shoulders and glaring at Mituna. She spit out something intelligible and suddenly scampered further into the closet with a tiny shriek. 

Mituna blinked and bit his lower lip. “...fuck.” 

Parenting was not going to be easy. 

Parenting was not going to be easy _at all_.


End file.
